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Metal chafed his skin. The exosuit wasn’t built for comfort. But it would suffice for the fight ahead.
They fought. He alongside his brothers. Iron and slag stank in the air. Fire broke out somewhere. He couldn’t focus on it right now. He faced Shredder.
Blood pounded in his head. His eyes narrowed. The ugly pink face before him bared needle teeth and hoisted a heavy blade.
He dodged. An ion cannon formed over his hand and spat dents into the Shredder’s armor.
Shredder staggered. Donnie unsheathed a blade of his own and lunged forward.
His blade pierced plastron, flesh, shell, and metal.
In that order.
He was the Shredder. He killed the prodigal turtle. Now for the rest of them.
The one missing an arm lost the other, then its head. The red one tried to rush at him. He swatted it out of the air and it left a bloodied crack where it landed. Its shell caved under his foot.
One left. He took it by the throat. Its pulse thudded under his fingers, fast at first, then slowing, then stopped.
Why couldn’t he say anything? He thought for sure he was screaming. He heard his voice.
He heard their voices.
“You left.” “You left.” “Your fault.” “You killed us and abandoned us the moment we were gone.” “Our world is empty.” “Everyone is dead.”
His screaming got louder. It echoed around him, somewhere outside.
A rational thought finally struck him.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up!
Donnie wakes silently. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t scream. He barely breathes. If he makes too much noise the nightmare might find him. Sweat slicks his body and dampens the tangled sheets.
The fabric is cinched around him. Binding him. Shackling him. He breaks free, kicking it off and hastily sitting up.
He hugs his knees to his chest to keep his heart behind his ribs. Ringing static presses against his ears.
His head sinks into his shell as far as it will go.
It’s just a panic attack, he tells himself. It was just a nightmare. None of that was real. You’re fine. You’re fine!
He turns his focus to his breathing. His diaphragm is clenched. He forces it to relax and finally takes a deep breath.
He wanted to take a quiet, stable breath. What came out of him was a hiccuped sob. He bites it down. His ribs burn as he fights back the cacophony of anguish within.
It was just a stupid dream. That world wasn’t his anyway. It technically didn’t even happen, right? And April was left. She’d know how to repair her world. Even though all of her friends were gone. Even though Donnie had abandoned all of them, leaving April alone to bury his brothers.
He rubs a hand over his unmasked face. He should… he should check on them. Check on his brothers. Make sure they’re okay.
He exhales slowly and stands. His steps remain silent as he exits his room and walks down the hall.
Raph’s room is closest. Donnie lets himself in and listens to the low, rhythmic snoring. He stays for about five minutes before moving on. Raph is fine.
Next is Mikey. He’s curled up on his side, a teddy bear tucked under his chin. He twitches every now and then, dreaming.
Donnie can’t see his left arm. Mikey was missing his left arm.
He needed to check. Donnie flips a corner of the bedsheet and tips Mikey up. Both his arms flop to his sides, the bear dropping to the floor.
Mikey is fine. Donnie tucks the bear next to his brother and leaves.
Last is Leo. Ever-disciplined Leo, sleeping on his back and still as a stone.
Donnie stares down at him. He uncovers Leo’s wrist and lightly lays his fingers over his skin. A slow, steady pulse beat under his fingers. He lifted the back of his other hand over Leo’s face. Warm breath tickled his skin.
Leo is fine.
His brothers are fine. They’re all alive. He made sure.
Leo stirs from Donnie’s touch and shifts to his side. Donnie takes it as a sign to leave. He veers over to the bathroom and turns on the sink.
Cold water pools into his palms which he splashes onto his face. He repeats the action several times, trying to scrub the images out of his head. He paws for a towel to dry off.
“What are you doing, Don?”
Donnie restrains himself from reflexively throwing the towel at Leo. His brother had managed to seemingly apparate in the doorway.
Donnie sets the towel back on its hook. “Washing my face,” he mumbles.
“I mean why are you up at 2 am?” Leo asks, “You’re not one for early training.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Hm.”
Donnie gives him a side glance. Leo’s brow lowers. “What’s wrong, Donnie? You look like you’re gonna be sick.”
Metal fingers closing tight, crushing out the breath until the heart stops.
“I’m… fi-fine. It’s nothing.”
“Being compelled to check my vitals at 2am isn’t nothing.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Is it about what happened with Drako?”
Donnie snaps a shocked glare at his brother. Leo sighs gently and steps closer. “We all know you’re the only one who hasn’t said where you went that day. And you’ve looked… haunted ever since.”
Metal cleaving bone. Screams cut short with splatters of blood.
“Donnie. I love you, but you can’t keep this inside forever.”
Donnie looks away. “I-... I don’t think I can tell you right now.”
“Alright, then.” Leo lays his hands on Donnie’s shoulder and gently pushes him to sit down. Leo takes a seat beside him. “How about this. I’ll start hypothesizing, and you can correct me.”
Donnie gives him a skeptical look.
“Oh come on. You love correcting people.”
Donnie scoffs, but doesn’t give any gesture to decline Leo’s suggestion. Leo tents his fingers together and peers at his brother.
“From what I gather, it’s obvious wherever you went wasn’t a good place. It’s been giving you nightmares. Also you’ve been giving us these weird looks, like we’re about to disappear.
“I’d rather not assume the worst, but whatever happened to you, whatever you saw, something happened to us. I want to guess we were robots, hence why you check for breathing and a pulse, to make sure we’re not metal. But looking at how you’ve been affected, I think the worst is the accurate assumption.”
Leo keeps his voice soft. “Where you went. We died. And you were the only one who survived.”
Donnie’s bottom lip trembles. Tears well up in his eyes and his throat chokes up.
“Oh, Donnie.” Leo hugs his brother, who grabs at his shell, clinging tight as if trying to keep sand together.
“It was horrible!” Donnie sobs. “We weren’t brothers anymore because I was gone! Shredder took over everything. F-father was gone, so was Casey. I-I-I couldn’t even recognize you guys. You were so… s-sad.” He scrubs at his eyes with one hand while keeping the other firmly clutched around Leo.
“I killed Shredder and h-he killed you. All of you! And then I was gone! I left April alone and I don’t even know if I made things better! I could have made everything worse because none of us were left to defend the city!
“We f-fell apart, all because I wasn’t there. Y-you all died because I wasn't there!”
Leo finally interjects. “Hey, hey, listen to me, brother.” He pulls away so he can make eye contact. “We’re right here, alright? We’re all here, together, and we aren’t leaving each other. Even when separated, we’re still family. We’re still brothers , and as long as that’s true, there’s still hope. Hope for us. For our world.”
Donnie sniffles and keeps scrubbing at his face.
“You not being there wasn’t your fault, Don,” Leo continues, “And look! We found each other again! We’re back together and we aren’t leaving anytime soon.”
Through fading hiccups, Donnie nods and manages a watery smile. Leo invites him back in for a hug, which he accepts, Donnie burying his face into Leo’s shoulder.
Two pairs of footsteps sheepishly round the corner.
“What’s goin’ on?” asks Raph.
Mikey clutches his stuffed bear. “Is Donnie okay?”
“We’re fine,” Leo assures. “It’s just… been a long night.”
“Group hug?” Mikey asks.
Donnie’s arm silently waves him over. The young turtle squeaks with delight and drags Raph forward to join in, bear included.
A quiet laugh comes from Donnie. “Thanks, guys. You’re the best.”