Chapter Text
Annette screamed.
As far as lunch drama went, screaming wasn’t exactly high on the list. Lots of people screamed, or fought, or tossed overcooked lasagna at one another.
But this was Annette, and while she was known for her ability to crash into any unmoving object, she was not known for screaming or jumping up and down on the long lunch tables in the cafeteria.
Which meant Felix and Dimitri both ran to her before she could (inevitably) fall off and onto the white-tiled floor.
“What? Are you all right?” Dimitri asked, holding his hands up to try and steady Annette as she flailed about, her steel-toed boots rattling the table beneath her.
“Oh my goddess. Oh my goddess. Oh. My. Goddess.” Annette repeated over and over and over again, her voice rising in pitch. “Felix, oh my Goddess ! It’s happening!”
Felix stood in front of Annette, arms crossed, just as vexed as the rest of the onlookers.
“Matt Magdred’s going to do a concert. In. Our. Amphitheatre.” Annette shoved her phone at Felix’s face, her own expression turning into one of unparalleled glee. “ Matt Magdred’s coming to do a concert! Matt! Magdred !”
“Oh. Is that the one singer you like?” Dimitri asked, sounding lost.
“Ugh, Dimitri - you are so behind the times. Matt Magdred is the best ! He’s got three number one hits in the past three months and has been on the cover of Teen Heartthrob Trends twice!” She looked to Felix who raised an eyebrow, still silent. “Right Felix?”
Felix pressed his lips together and tried to keep himself in check. “He’s just another pop star. No one worth listening to.”
“ Ugh ! You two are the worst!” Annette stomped her foot and almost, almost, lost her balance. Dimitri caught her and helped her down, because of course he did. Dimitri was a boy scout and prince of the entire high school. “Well I’m getting tickets and I’m going to see him and I’m going to take so many selfies and you two aren’t invited.” She grinned. “Maybe I’ll even get a backstage pass!”
“Is that safe?” Dimitri asked, awkwardly putting his hands into the pockets of his dark blue varsity jacket. “Going to a concert, I mean.”
“Of course it is. And if someone tries to mess with me, I’ll kick them!” Annette waved. “Sorry, I’ve got to go tell Mercie and Ingrid about this. Right now.”
Annette - and a good portion of the other students - all dissipated. Felix didn’t miss that many of the young girls and a few boys quickly went back to their phones and began furiously typing, the screens all suspiciously the same color.
“So you don’t like him?” Dimitri asked, and it took Felix a moment to realize Dimitri was talking to him. “The - pop star, I mean.”
Talking to Dimitri was…
Complicated.
Especially when he was standing there in his jacket and polo and pressed khakis, his golden hair gelled and styled, looking like he belonged with the preps over the malcontents that made up this side of the cafeteria.
“How would you know what I like or don’t?” Felix scoffed, and for a moment felt something sharp and prickly in his lower gut. “Like I said - he’s nothing special. Just like all the other singers that come and go every year - fake and corporatized. Maybe if you weren’t always buried in all these after-school activities, you wouldn’t be asking foolish questions.”
For a moment, Dimitri’s perfectly pleasant smile wavered.
For a moment, Felix really, really wanted Dimitri to protest. To deny it.
“I suppose you’re right.” Dimitri glanced away. “Ah. Excuse me then.”
Felix waited for him to leave, the prickly, painful sensation growing worse as Dimitri left the cafeteria entirely.
Felix looked around. He slunk back to his corner and grabbed onto his backpack.
And then, very carefully, he pulled out his own phone and loaded up Magdred’s Misfits.
Hello dear readers! This is your friendly fashionista fangirl Freida, chasing down the stars that we all want to meet! Last Saturday, I was lucky enough to score an exclusive interview with the mysterious, mystifying Matt Magdred! We asked him about his new record, his new #1 song, and tried to get up close and personal with the secretive star that’s stolen all our hearts.
Freida: Hi Matt! It’s so very good to meet you.
Matt: Hello. I hope the chair is to your liking? I never know what they’re going to use in this studio.
Freida: Oh they’re great. So this is where you record your music?
Matt: Yes. I’ve learned a lot about the process with my second album. We really tried to integrate new layering techniques to give this one a heavier feel.
Freida: The reviews definitely mention this is a very self-reflective album. Some would say Moonlight is a surprising follow-up from your last record, Blue . But they both have gotten great reviews from critics and listening to them, it’s clear you’ve grown as an artist!
Matt: Do you think so? Thank you. More than anything, I’ve tried to express myself in the ways I know how to and hope that it connects with others.
Freida: Listening to Monster was a very unique experience, for sure. You said that’s a personal song but it catches the teenage experience all too well. What was your inspiration?
Matt: Monster is probably my most honest song, and one that was cathartic to write. It’s about all the ugly parts of yourself, all the fear and anger and isolation that you think is you. I know I talk about it a great deal, but for a time I had a lot of struggles with mental illness and depression and how when you’re going through these experiences, it’s very easy to forget that you are more than your struggles. It’s been very heartwarming to see the response and I hope my fans - and everyone - can maybe feel less alone when they hear it.
Freida: Oh, that’s so deep. Your album has a lot of unique material in it but one that struck out to me as well is Solar Flare . Maybe it’s just me, but it seems to have a lot of longing. Was it written for someone? Someone romantic, perhaps?
Matt: Mm. It is unusual for me, isn’t it? I never thought about writing ballads but this one is indeed very personal.
Freida: Ah, so there is a lucky lady!
Matt: I didn’t say that. I try to keep my songs as universal as possible. So many of us are still trying to find ourselves, and just as many are still even figuring out their sexuality and identity. This person - is someone that inspires me, I think, because they have the confidence I’ve never felt.
Freida: Hmm. How interesting. Okay, lightning round. Tell me three of the bands that inspire you.
Matt: GoldenThrone, Excitement Split, and Same As Sam.
Freida: Eclectic, but it does suit you. Blondes or brunettes?
Matt: I am a brunette so, I choose that?
Freida: Sweet or sour?
Matt: Sour.
Freida: Cats or dogs?
Matt: I love them both.
Freida: Spill - what sort of romance are you looking for?
Matt: I know it will sound trite but more than anything, I want someone who accepts me for who I am. That I can be myself with, the ugly parts and the good parts.
Freida: Well, unfortunately, that’s all the time we have. But I did hear you’re going to be doing a concert series starting in the near future?
Matt: We hope so. I always promised myself I’d balance normal life - school, family, friends, so there will be a few shows here and there and we’ll really kick off during the summer. But I look forward to seeing everyone.
And that’s it for my interview! As you can see, even though he’s a beast on the stage, Matt can also be a total prince one-on-one! No wonder he has so many fans, and I’m sure all of us will be waiting with bated breath to purchase tickets to see him in person. If you haven’t picked up Moonlight yet, why not? It’s already been at the top of the charts for three weeks and shows no signs of slowing down. This is Freida, signing out!
No one knew exactly where Matt Magdred got his start. The official story was that Matt performed live in some small town, just him and his guitar, singing about the unfairness of the world and how lost he felt. Others said he was simply a corporate cash grab; some rich son of rich parents that had an entire crew that wrote song after song for him to pump out records. Some even said, jokingly, that Matt Magdred was a robot because no one could possibly be that cool.
Felix knew better. Felix considered himself an excellent judge of character and knew exactly when someone was lying to him.
And Matt Magdred, unlike most of the music scene, was real. When he sang, it wasn’t just his voice - it was his entire being, each and every emotion on display as he performed. And Matt - Matt was everything. Sad, angry, dark, hopeful.
Felix understood Matt, and something about his music understood Felix .
But Felix was Felix - the surly one, the antisocial one, the one that his classmates avoided because of one time he had a fight with the soccer coach and was kicked off the team. The one who’d been abandoned by his best friend and his other friends still handled him like a porcupine.
He couldn’t admit to liking Matt Magdred. That would be admitting he was normal, that he was just like the rest of the crowd, and Felix loathed conformity.
“Sorry brat. College.” Glenn said over the line. “Why not just ask Mom or Dad to take you?”
“You don’t go to a concert with your parents .” Felix hissed into the line.
“Then get your driver’s license? You can’t rely on public transport forever.” Glenn continued, sadistically taking pleasure in his little brother’s suffering. “Although you’d still have to ask the parents for the car. Huh. Why not ask Dimitri? Doesn’t he have his dad’s old car?”
Felix’s chest tightened and his heart went somewhere in his stomach. “I’m not asking Dimitri.”
“Why not? He’d have fun.”
“Because we- “ We aren’t friends . It didn’t sound right or feel right. Dimitri was everyone’s friend. “He’s busy. All the time.”
“Then he needs a break. Take him to the show. Anyway brat, it’s trivia night. You know anything about science fiction books?” Glenn said and in the background, there was a clatter of thick glass and loud, obnoxious voices.
“That they’re usually not scientific.” Felix used to read fantasy all the time but science fiction was always too dry and fixated on lasers for his taste.
“Ah, well, there’s no reason to keep you on the line then. Talk to you later, brat.” Glenn cooed.
And hung up.
Felix glowered at his phone for a total of three minutes. He didn’t even know why he tried
He’d figure out how to get to the concert himself. According to the Matt’s Misfits superfan forum, ticket sales would open up at exactly midnight. He was a superfan - had been ever since Matt’s first single, and he had first opportunity for the Platinum Package.
He could meet Matt Magdred. In the flesh. It wasn’t like he expected Matt to care, but for a moment, maybe he could thank him for what he did. Maybe he could be seen as more than the surly menace of Moralta High School.
He looked around again, just in case.
He turned Moonlight on, the sound crisp and clear through his newly updated speakers. Matt Magdred’s soothing tenor carried all the emotions Felix felt, all the confusion and frustration of teenage life.
At least one person understood him, even if that person had no idea Felix existed.
Felix sat behind Dimitri in class.
It wasn’t intentional, just that Dimitri’s broad back provided a way for Felix to hide himself from the teacher. He could scribble down poetry or sketch without drawing attention to himself during the most boring of lectures.
Sitting behind Dimitri, of course, still had its challenges. Most days, Dimitri was upright and focused, raising his hand to answer any question the teacher had, scribbling down notes even if he already knew the material, and generally being the most cheerful teacher’s pets known to man. His foot always tapped a steady rhythm that Felix felt the vibrations of through the metal leg of Dimitri’s desk.
Today was an off day. Dimitri’s shoulders were slumped; his arms incredibly still. His head was slouched and Felix could almost see the drool forming at the corner of his lip.
Felix pushed his foot against the leg of Dimitri’s desk. Once. Twice. He sighed and leaned forward, shoving the front of his boot against Dimitri’s ankle.
Dimitri almost jumped in his seat. He blinked, stiffened his back, and turned to stare muzzily at Felix.
Sorry , Dimitri mouthed, as though Felix cared. Didn’t sleep .
As if that was an excuse. Felix stayed up until 2:00 AM to secure his super-platinum backstage tickets and he was fine.
Felix rolled his eyes and reached for a pen instead. You can handle it for two more hours.
Dimitri offered a thin, worn smile. It looked completely fake.
Felix didn’t know when Dimitri turned fake. After his father died, maybe, He’d been out of school for a whole month due to ‘legal issues’ and Dimitri moved to a big, ridiculous mansion on the other side of town. He’d come back wrong, Felix thought. He started playing more sports, started spending more and more time being secretive and pretending he was fine when he had shadows under his eyes that could rival someone working at Blazing Subject . He wore blue polos and plain khakis and said the right thing all the time.
Felix didn’t know why he bothered. It wasn’t like they weren’t going to graduate and leave this place behind anyway.
Thank you . Dimitri mouthed and turned back to the professor as she droned on about chemical reactions.
Felix felt something hot in his gut and he glared downwards. As if he wanted to be thanked for keeping Dimitri from embarrassing situations.
“It looks like a lot of us are exhausted.” Dimitri noted offhandedly as he and Felix went through the line at the cafeteria. Today’s special was some sort of ham sandwich and fries and Felix grimaced as he saw the rows of brownies that each and every student was grabbing.
And indeed, a lot of students all clustered together barely seemed awake. Annette, especially, had forfeited her regular complex hair loops for a ponytail bun.
“This is why school should start later.” Felix muttered as he took his usual place at an empty table.
Dimitri followed him over and settled in two seats from Felix’s right.
Felix raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“I’m sorry?” Dimitri asked as he bit back a yawn. “Ah. It’s just quiet over here.”
“It’s Thursday.” Felix reminded him. On Thursdays, Dimitri sat with the jocks and let Raphael whack his shoulders and shout annoyingly about everything the rugby team was doing.
“Yes?” Dimitri furrowed his brows together.
“You - ugh. Nevermind.” Felix tore the edge off his sandwich and chewed in distaste. There was no point in trying to make sense of Dimitri’s actions.
He was spared by further conversation when Annette came over, armed with what seemed to be stacks of magazines.
She dumped them all in front of Dimitri and Felix stiffened as he saw Matt Magdred’s face staring back at him.
Lots of Matt Magdreds.
“You.” Annette pointed her finger at Dimitri, her face lighting up in determination. “Are going to learn about the coolest person ever today!”
“I am?” Dimitri blinked and twisted his expression up in -
Felix wasn’t sure. It wasn’t confusion. It wasn’t fear.
It was…
Skittishness?
Embarrassed?
“Yes. You are going to read every interview with the Matt Magdred. You are going to look at him, how he dresses, and see fashion in its purest form. The eyepatch might be excessive, but it does add to his mystique.” Annette slid into the chair across from them and grabbed the first magazine. It had a light blue cover with Matt Magdred sitting on a stool holding onto a guitar, wearing his trademark dark collar and faded black t-shirt.
He had muscles, Felix thought to himself. Matt worked out, not to the point of absurdity, but he could bench press Felix without breaking a sweat. And a waist that was unfairly tiny, that somehow his black, torn jeans always seemed to hug just right. It didn’t help that Matt wore all sorts of belts, with all sorts of silver buckles wrapped around the leather straps.
And the collar on his throat, always just this side of tight, that made Felix feel things, like Matt was just as tethered to something he couldn’t escape as Felix…
“He dresses like you.” Dimitri remarked offhandedly as he looked at Felix.
Felix blinked. He forced his attention away from the little spot of skin on Matt’s stomach where his shirt was riding up. “What?”
“You like to wear this, don’t you?” Dimitri tapped the picture, right above Matt’s shins. “The same boots.”
Felix felt hot. “So?”
Dimitri’s expression, as ever, remained a mystery. Felix wasn’t sure if he was being mocked or complimented and absolutely no way did someone who only owned brown slacks could understand fashion.
“His clothes don’t matter!” Annette saved him as she swung the pages open to the main article. “Matt talks about real issues. Like depression and support networks and the despair of being young and clumsy. And dogs. Matt really loves dogs.”
Dimitri reddened, darting his eyes downwards to share somewhere at his hands. “Is he that impressive to you?”
“He’s not that special.” Felix rolled his eyes. The dog part was, at least, a reason to not lose his mind over Matt Magdred’s thighs or waist or soft, velvety voice. “Does Dimitri look like he’s going to stay awake long enough to read anything?”
“It’s homework. And Dimitri always does homework, right Dimitri?”
Dimitri turned even more cherry red. “I suppose I can fit it in. Did you - did you get your tickets?”
“Tenth row!” Annette cheered. “Mercie and Ingrid are going too, and so’s Ashe! And we’re going to that really cool restaurant beforehand, you know the one with the giant Yeti in front?”
“Oh. That sounds like fun.” Dimitri coughed and somehow, the color faded as he seemed to settle himself. It was bothersome, how much of an act it all was.
“You can come too if you want. You’ll have to get nosebleed seats, but you might have fun!”
The tickets sold out three hours ago. Quite a number of Magdred’s Misfits were angrily putting together petitions about it.
“I - sorry. I have plans that night.” Dimitri slowly reached for the magazines and moved them into a neat pile. “I promise I will read these for you.”
“Good.” Annette bobbed her head.
And yawned.
“Ugh, sorry. Maybe share them with Felix too, once you finish, because if he’s going to copy Matt’s looks he can at least learn about him.” She winked and Felix scoffed, biting back that he had every single one of those magazines sorted in a binder in his room.
Absolutely no one needed to know about that binder. Or touch it.
Dimitri, for the briefest of moments, made a sound that was suspiciously like a choked-back snort.
And then another one.
Like he was laughing.
“I hate both of you.” Felix said and shoved two fries into his mouth.
“So what are you doing that day?” Felix asked later as the last bell rang. He and Dimitri used to walk home together every afternoon, usually herded by a very enthusiastic Glenn or Felix’s very smothering mother. Now, they only shared one block as Felix still walked the four blocks back to his home and Dimitri waited at the stop sign for one of his uncle’s drivers to pick him up.
“That day?” Dimitri paused, tilting his head to hide his yawn. “Which day?”
Had he forgotten already? Felix rolled his eyes. “Next Friday. Annette invited you to the concert.”
Maybe he could convince Dimitri to come along. Secretly, just so Felix could use the excuse of making sure Dimitri didn’t do anything dangerous or embarrassing like meet some girl and sign up for a date or get recruited to some college football prep team.
“Next Friday.” Dimitri blinked, just a moment, and then his eyes widened and he offered an all-too plastic smile. “I’m helping my uncle organize some of his accounts.”
The heat that always lay dormant in Felix’s stomach started to flare up again.
How could he do it so easily?
How could Dimitri -
Lie?
To Felix ?
“Does it feel good?” Felix asked, feeling reckless and angry and thinking of Matt’s sharp, biting lyrics in the back of his brain.
“Does what?” Dimitri hesitated, reached unsteadily for the strap of his duffel bag.
“To always wear that perfect mask of yours.”
That did it.
Dimitri’s smile cracked. He looked -
Troubled?
Alarmed?
Ashamed?
“Whatever.” Felix didn’t want to press. If Dimitri didn’t trust Felix with the truth, he wasn’t worth bothering with. Didn’t understand Felix nearly as well as Felix once thought. “Have fun.”
“Felix I - “ Dimitri started lamely, timidly. “It’s just - “
Felix kept walking.
This is Jared with Teens Speak Up, and today’s guest is none other than the dark prince of hearts himself Matt Magdred! He’s stopping by for a quick interview to promote his new album Moonlight and to speak about his tour. Matt, how are you feeling today?
Matt: I’m good. Although - people are really calling me the dark prince of hearts now?
Jared: It has quite a ring, doesn’t it?
Matt: Hm, I suppose. I never thought about being a prince of anything.
(Editor’s note: This is part of Matt’s unending charm. He’s truly as modest as you can imagine!)
Jared: So - Moonlight . Obviously, the first single is an absolute smashing hit. I’m personally more interested in the track titled Lone Wolf . Can you tell me anything about it?
Matt: That one was difficult to pen. It’s all about how we present ourselves to others so we can avoid getting hurt. Sometimes, it’s much easier to lie than let people in and we build walls around one another.
Jared: Wow, that’s deep.
Matt: You think so? It’s something my therapist and I talk about often.
(Editor’s note: As many of you already know, Matt has spoken out before about his struggles with depression. If you ever feel you need to speak to someone, we recommend the National HELP Hotline. It’s anonymous and free. 1-800-555-HELP.)
Jared: Still, it is a deep subject to dive into.
Matt: It’s something I think about a lot. Which me is the real me, and whether or not I can be completely honest with my loved ones. What if they don’t like what - and who - I am? What if I’m putting distance between us just because I can’t be completely honest? And that’s something that I believe many of us find a daily struggle.
Jared: Indeed! My girlfriend lies to me all the time. She knows my cooking’s terrible but she’ll tell me I’ve gotten a little better whenever I do my famous barbecue and macaroni and cheese.
Matt: (laughs) Well, practice makes perfect?
Jared: Eventually! But thanks for stopping by - so again, if you haven’t already picked up Moonlight , it’s still hitting shelves! And Matt Magred’s tour is coming up but well, tickets are becoming harder and harder to get. Snatch them up while you can!
Matt: Thank you.