Chapter Text
(I don't own any characters etc etc)
Iruka wearily waved hello to Ayame as he stumbled into Ichiraku’s, the smell of his favorite ramen already boosting his mood slightly.
“Your usual, Iruka-sensei?” she called out, and he nodded.
A familiar head of grey hair turned to look at Iruka, and Kakashi gave him an eye smile.
“Rough night?” Kakashi asked, and Iruka nodded and sighed.
“Terrible,” he admitted. “Can I join you?” he asked, glancing at the empty seat to Kakashi’s right.
The jonin nodded and put away whichever Icha Icha he was reading as Iruka flopped onto the stool.
Ayame brought out Kakashi’s food, and the jonin stirred his ramen lightly as he looked at the teacher.
“What’s gotten under your skin tonight? Students acting up? Naruto begging for another ramen dinner night?” Kakashi asked, referencing the blond’s regular weekly ramen night with Iruka.
Iruka laughed but shook his head as he sipped tea. “No, those would be a blessing compared to this.” He sighed, puffing his cheeks out as he cupped his warm drink with both hands, glad to be in there to fight off the cool late fall air. “I was just at speed dating,” he finally admitted.
“Oh?” Kakashi asked with a raised eyebrow, and Iruka nodded bitterly.
“Anko’s idea. She says I need to meet someone, and I ‘especially can’t be alone for the holidays,’ whatever that means,” Iruka said, making air quotes with one hand.
“I’m guessing it didn’t work out,” Kakashi blandly stated, and Iruka laughed.
“What gave that away? It didn’t work out tonight, nor the last three…or has it been four times now?”
Kakashi gave a low whistle just before some food disappeared from his bowl. “No connection in all those times?”
Iruka shook his head and thanked Ayame when she brought his food. “No. Nice enough guys, but no one I’m interested in. Or, you know how speed dating goes, if I’m interested in someone, they’re not.”
“Their loss,” Kakashi posed, and Iruka gave him a smile as he slurped up some noodles.
“Anko has me scheduled for at least three more sessions,” Iruka admitted, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “The next one is actually called “Single and Ready to Jingle!” I don’t know how I’m going to survive! We’re at the start of December and my holiday spirit is already waning.”
Kakashi nodded as more food left his own bowl. “I can commiserate, Asuma and Kurenai have already dragged me on two double dates, and I think they want me to meet a few more people.”
“How’s that been going?” Iruka asked.
“About as well as speed dating has for you, but at least it sounds like you actually liked some of the people there. Anyone they’re trying to get me to meet has just been…” Kakashi paused as he considered it. “Needy? Clingy? Terrified of me, or hero-worshipping so hard that it’s just as bad.”
“Sorry to hear that,” Iruka offered. “I think I prefer speed dating to double dates, it’s probably overall the same amount of time but still less time with the person themselves, at least if it’s not going well.”
“Fair enough,” the jonin agreed. “All this holiday love in the air and mistletoe all around the village isn’t helping things either.”
Iruka nodded and rolled his eyes. “Especially what I call the ‘wandering mistletoe.’ Tsunade put a jutsu on some so that it appears out of nowhere to sneak up on people!”
Kakashi groaned. “Is it too late to ask for a two month long mission away from here?”
“Probably,” Iruka laughed.
They sat in comfortable silence for a moment before Kakashi spoke again.
“I don’t know why they won’t just let us be,” he commented. “If we’re okay with being single, why not let us be single? Why try to set us up over and over?”
“I think they mean well,” Iruka suggested. “Anko’s kind of seeing Gai, and Asuma and Kurenai are Asuma and Kurenai. It’s only natural that people are in happy relationships and want their friends to be the same. Plus it’s the holiday season, people get all kinds of mushy romantic this time of year. Hasn’t Jiraiya written something like that?” he teased.
Kakashi nodded as he presumably finished eating. “He has!” he dreamily sighed. “It was amazing.” Kakashi paused and Iruka kept eating, before the copy nin slammed a fist on the table, startling the teacher. “I’ve got it! I know what we can do!”
“What we can do about what?” Iruka asked around a mouthful of noodles, covering his mouth as he spoke.
“About what we were just talking about. We’ll pretend to date each other!”
Iruka looked at Kakashi in surprise as he swallowed his food. “I think you’ve taken one too many hits to the head, Kakashi,” he posed, for the men had been around each other enough due to Naruto that they’d long ago dropped formalities, unless the situation really called for it. “That’s not a thing people actually do.”
“Sure it is,” Kakashi argued. “And you just said so yourself, Jiraiya wrote all about holiday romance, including the couple who pretend to be a couple to get through the holidays! It’s genius!”
“It’s false and made up fantasy,” Iruka said, shaking his head as he resumed eating. “No one does that.”
“People do it, they just don’t always want to admit it. And lots more people want to do it.”
“It’s a trope, a cliche, a silly idea,” the teacher said.
“Just think about it, Iruka. We tell people we’re dating, and they get off our backs! No more double dates, no more speed dating!”
“Except then there’s definitely double dates because our friends will want to go out with us,” Iruka reminded him. “Asuma and Kurenai, and Gai and Anko, among others, will jump at that. Not to mention, who’d believe us? Suddenly dating, just like that,” he muttered, shaking his head.
They fell back into silence before Kakashi spoke again a few minutes later.
“We tell them that we bonded over people trying to set us up, and realized we had already met someone we liked and were compatible with! We’ve known each other for a while now so that should be more believable. Plus we say it’s new, so we weren’t lying to anyone, but we don’t have to have some crazy long back story either.”
Iruka frowned at him but didn't say anything, and Kakashi could only hope he was thinking it over.
“For the record, I think it’s a ridiculous idea, but I also have no other options save for actually going to speed dating and hating life for the next…too many days,” Iruka sighed. “But if we did this, then what happens after the holidays?”
Kakashi considered it. “If we follow holiday romance plots, we pretend for this month, or at least most of it, have a relaxing holiday season –”
“I doubt that,” Iruka interjected.
“Then break up for whatever reason,” Kakashi concluded, and Iruka rolled his eyes as he sipped his drink.
“We’ll need a good reason, so no one thinks it’s bad blood. Or so no one takes pity on us and we end up in a worse position, like ‘let me help you get over him by meeting this new person’,” Iruka posed.
“Fair enough, but we’ll have time to figure that out. Or we just say we gave it a shot and are better off as friends and coworkers.”
Iruka frowned slightly as they fell back into silence, each clearly mulling it over. Which was a worse fate, they wondered?
“Of course,” Kakashi began, breaking the silence, “you’d have to be careful you don’t fall in love with me, that happens in these types of storylines too.”
Iruka laughed and looked to find the copy nin giving him an eye smile. “I think I’ll be fine,” he replied. “I could say the same for you.”
“It will be tough, but I’ll resist your charms,” the jonin sarcastically drawled, before they sat in silence some more, finishing their food.
Iruka took a deep breath as he pushed his empty bowl away from him.
“We need to tell Naruto about this first, he’ll kill us otherwise. It’ll also be more plausible to the others if he knew before them,” the teacher declared, and Kakashi sat up straight and turned to look at him.
“So you’re agreeing? Yes!” Kakashi cheered, slapping Iruka on the back, making the younger man wince.
“What do we have to lose,” Iruka sighed.
“That’s the spirit, boyfriend!”
“No one refers to their boyfriend like that to their face,” Iruka told him, shaking his head. “And no pet names. Actually, we need some rules, and more backstory fleshed out.”
Kakashi nodded and glanced around, but there were no other customers, and Ayame and Teuchi were in the back.
“Clear,” he told Iruka, who nodded.
“Rules. No pet names, at least not for me.”
Kakashi shrugged. “I’m open, I guess.”
“Uh, okay, I’ll think about it,” Iruka conceded. “PDA, yay or nay?”
“We’ll need something to make it believable,” the copy nin posed. “Handholding, at a minimum.”
“Hugs, sometimes.”
“Kissing?” Kakashi asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Well, fake dating or not, I’m not planning on seeing your face, so if we absolutely have to, it’s through the mask, and that’s not that bad,” Iruka reflected.
“Gee, thanks.”
The chuunin laughed. “You know what I mean. That works out, it’ll be easier for us. Obviously we don’t have to go further than the bare minimum, since neither of us have roommates and don’t have to pretend to be getting up to anything.”
“Unless you want to,” Kakashi said, leaning towards him.
“Let’s not make this more complicated than it will inevitably be,” Iruka said, pushing him back.
“Fine,” Kakashi playfully sighed. “Any other rules?”
“I don’t think so…that leads us to our backstory.”
“Again, we say it’s new, maybe just in the last two weeks?” Kakashi offered.
“Then why were we still doing the speed dating and double dates?”
The copy nin sighed. “Fair. Maybe…we went on dates that we didn’t realize were dates, and the other events got us thinking about it? Or we were going on dates but only decided to be with each other recently? I don’t know,” he groaned, “this is feeling as complicated as real dating all of a sudden!”
“Maybe we can be vague,” Iruka gently offered. “And focus more on the ‘wow, we’re so happy now!’ aspect for our friends?”
“Hopefully. What should we know about each other that people in a relationship would know by now?”
Iruka scrunched up his face as he thought, something Kakashi thought he should commit to memory in case anyone asked.
“We already know a good deal about each other, I think, since Naruto’s been working with you for a while. You like dogs, don’t like sweets. Best friend with Gai, too cocky at times for your own good. Ridiculously late, and…” Iruka paused, before reaching up to lightly touch Kakashi’s hair. “Your hair is softer than it looks,” he added, smiling as he brought his hand back.
Kakashi’s mouth fell open underneath his mask before he shook himself out of it. “Uh, right.” He cleared his throat. “You’re okay enough with dogs, eat too much ramen, probably consume more salt than you should, work too many hours, run your mouth too much sometimes, but have the biggest heart in the village, if not the entirety of Fire Country.”
Iruka blinked at him in surprise, caught off guard by it all. “Th-thank you,” he said in a soft voice. “That was both insultive and surprisingly nice.”
“Probably a good representation of being in a relationship with me,” Kakashi mused. “Speaking of, why are you single?”
Iruka shrugged. “Like you said, part of it is I work a lot. I also haven’t connected with someone in a while. What about you?”
“I also work too much, and just generally don’t really care,” the jonin reflected, scratching his masked chin. “I’m not opposed to it, but I don’t go looking, and no one compatible or interesting enough has crossed my path.”
“If we both work too much, when will we supposedly go on dates?” Iruka wondered.
“We’ll figure it out. At least one public date a week for the next few weeks shouldn’t be too hard, assuming we’re both in the village.”
The teacher nodded. “They don’t have to be crazy, nor too public, but in case we run into people it might be a good cover. Simple dinners, hang out and have tea and read books together or something, that sort of thing.”
Kakashi nodded. “So, is that everything?”
“For now, at least,” Iruka agreed. “When should we tell Naruto, since that really starts this all?”
“The sooner the better. Tomorrow? I can bring him by the academy not long after the students are let out.”
Iruka nodded and they left money on the counter as they said goodbye to Ayame and her father.
Standing outside in the crisp night air, breaths coming out in short white puffs, the two men stood facing each other.
“Well, have a good night, your last night being single for a few weeks,” Iruka laughed.
“Tsk tsk, I haven’t been single for a bit, remember?” Kakashi replied, winking. “But you too, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Iruka nodded and waved, and they set off in opposite directions, thinking of what was to come for the next day…
_____
“We should’ve run through this more, should’ve practiced it,” Iruka muttered to himself as he glanced at his classroom clock for the tenth time in five minutes. “Never should have left it to chance…what were we thinking? What was I thinking, agreeing to this? Everyone’s going to see right through it and we’ll be worse off than before…”
He took a deep breath, trying to center himself before releasing it, and turned his attention to the test he was supposed to be grading.
Iruka had gotten through several short essay questions when there was a knock on the door and he felt his heart sink.
“Come in,” he called out, hand gripping his pen for dear life. “Naruto, Kakashi, hello!” he weakly greeted them.
“Iruka-sensei! I’ve missed you!” Naruto yelled.
“I took you out for ramen three days ago,” Iruka said in a flat tone, cocking his head at him.
“I don’t remember.”
“You ate three bowls,” the teacher reminded him.
“Heh, yeah, it was delicious!” Naruto admitted. “Kakashi-sensei and I were in the area and thought we’d say hello.”
“Where’s your scarf?” Iruka asked the blond, frowning. “It’s getting to be too cold to go around without it, you’ll get sick.”
Kakashi laughed. “Yeah, Naruto, don’t make him mother hen you all winter.”
“You too,” Iruka said to him. “That mask doesn’t do enough to cover your neck above your vest.”
Naruto laughed as Kakashi sighed.
“Yes, dear,” the jonin agreed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Dear?” Naruto repeated. “Eww!”
Iruka glared at Kakashi as the copy nin’s own visible eye widened.
“Actually, that’s one of the reasons I wanted us to come see Iruka,” Kakashi began. “See, the thing is, Naruto, you’re a good kid. Kind of stupid, pretty reckless,” he said, pausing when Iruka cleared his throat. “But a good kid, with a good heart. And being your jonin teacher has been…eventful. Not least of which because it’s led Iruka and I to spend more time together since I took you on.”
“Well, at least after we patched things up after the chuunin exam blowout,” Iruka recalled, and Naruto nodded.
“And recently, though we can’t put a number to it,” the jonin said, carefully choosing his words, “we realized there might be more to us.”
“Like what?” Naruto asked.
“Like more of an interest than working together,” the copy nin commented.
“Oh,” Naruto said, frowning. “You want to work together more? That’s cool, you could totally go on a mission together! Maybe we can do a mission together, the three of us! And maybe Sakura too, so we don’t leave her out? Now that she’s a medic that would be good!”
Iruka tried to resist the urge to facepalm. “Not quite like that. We’re interested in each other on a more personal level.”
“What?” Naruto asked.
“We’re dating,” Kakashi bluntly told him, and Iruka frowned at him for a moment before looking at Naruto.
“You’re dating?” the blond asked, looking between the two men, who both nodded. “You’re dating him?” he asked Iruka. “And you’re dating him?” he asked Kakashi.
“Yes,” they both replied.
“Huh,” Naruto said, face unreadable. “Huh.”
“What does that mean?” Iruka gently asked.
Naruto thought about it before shrugging. “It’s kind of weird, it’s like my two dad figures are dating, but I guess if you both want to, go for it?”
The men exchanged a look of surprise.
“It’s still new, and we don’t know what might come of it,” Iruka told him. “But you’re our priority, so if it doesn’t work out, we’ll make sure we end on good terms and it won’t affect you.”
“Oh, okay,” Naruto said, shrugging. “But you two are pretty cool, so I’m sure it’ll work out.” He paused. “Does this mean you’re going to get married?”
“No!” both men shouted.
“We’re just dating, and only dating, and it’s so new, it’s like we’re not even dating,” Iruka rambled.
“What he means is, we’re still just trying to see if there’s something there, so it’s all pretty easygoing,” Kakashi interrupted him. “And we’re not running around telling everyone, but we wanted you to know first now that we’ve decided to be a bit more serious about it.”
“Wow, really? I’m honored!” Naruto cheered, and Iruka finally smiled.
“Good, I’m glad,” the teacher said. “But don’t tell anyone, okay?”
Naruto nodded several times. “Don’t worry about me!”
“We have to, you tripped on your own sandal twice coming over here,” Kakashi sighed, making the chuunin laugh.
“There was ice, you just didn’t see it,” Naruto huffed, crossing his arms. “Uh, I guess I should leave you two alone now?” he offered, but Iruka looked at Kakashi and shook his head.
“We told you about us so you’d know, not so we could start to ditch you,” Kakashi said, putting his arms on Naruto’s shoulders and steering him out. “Plus, you’re not getting out of the rest of our training that easily, we’ve got a few more hours to go.”
“Iruka-sensei!” Naruto whined as he was walked out of the classroom.
“Training is good for you,” Iruka called out, laughing. “Bye Naruto, Kakashi! And dress warm these days!”
“See you later,” Kakashi called back, closing the door behind them.
Iruka finally let out a deep breath, slumping in his chair at his desk. “That went…about as well as I expected,” he said to himself, shaking his head. “Now the real fun begins, I guess?”