Archive of Our Own ^beta

His posture slumped more by the day until he was nearly folded double on himself during lectures, gauntleted forearms serving as poor pillows. A red imprint of where the metal sank into his cheek remained on his face as he stumbled to the dining hall.

He wasn’t getting enough sleep at night. His classmates said so often enough, but he just waved it off with a painfully playacted smile. Even Dedue, his oversized shadow, couldn't get him to rest.

Edelgard knew that Claude saw it, too, based on the calculated look in his eye threaded with genuine concern. More than once she witnessed him approaching the prince with excessive familiarity to offer him comfort and the same advice everyone else had. Perhaps Claude thought the same thing as her: that the mock battle will be made all the easier if their opponent is half-asleep.

Edelgard kept a tighter grip on the effects of her own insomnia, taking pains to religiously drink caffeinated tea in the morning and the tinctures Hubert prepared at night. Sometimes she could go days or even weeks without a nightmare, though the sufferings of her brothers, sisters, and self often made their way into daydreams nonetheless. One moment she would be mid-conversation with Dorothea or rebuffing a challenge from Ferdinand, the next pain flowed heavy and hot through her scars as if the wounds were remade afresh.

Though those who slither in the dark had not harmed Dimitri in exactly the same way, she can guess that he, too, suffers with the memories of what they had done to him.

When she found him asleep in an empty classroom, she didn’t want to disturb him. She’d been searching for somewhere quiet to study, a book of tactics in one hand and a cup of bergamot tea in the other. The sight of Dimitri resting with his upper body sprawled across a desk gave her pause, but then she reasoned it was no different than the occasions she stumbled across Linhardt sleeping in the library.

Up close, she could see he was more gaunt than she realized, cheeks and eyes sunken. His flaxen hair hung lank around his face. His features weren't marred but certainly shadowed by the evident self-neglect.

Edelgard settled in a chair at the far side of the room. Dimitri's occasional wordless murmurs and huffing snores served as little more than background noise as she fell into study. That is until he started to talk in his sleep. It was garbled at the start, but distinctly an attempt at speech. Edelgard glanced at him. Dimitri twitched, the corner of his mouth spasming and fingers curling. At first it was almost endearing, like a dog dreaming of hunting in its sleep. But there was a distinct point when it shifted.

“No… no!"

Edelgard straightened, alarmed, but checked herself before she made the mistake of getting up and approaching him. Dimitri stood with an agonized shout. He slammed one fist down, cleaving the desk in two as surely as if a wyvern had been dropped on top of it. The pieces crashed to the ground thunderously. Dimitri stood over the destruction, panting, eyes wide.

“It’s all right,” Edelgard called out, aware that her voice and manner didn't lend themselves to soothing but trying her best nonetheless.

Dimitri turned his head to stare at her, dazed. “Edelgard? What—?”

"I didn't want to disturb you, but perhaps I should have," she mused.

He frowned, evidently wondering how much she had seen, then glanced down at the desk he had destroyed. "What a mess."

"Are you all right?"

It was a foolish question, one she had heard a thousand times, but it tumbled out nonetheless. How many times has that been asked of her, when she's overcome with sudden fits of sickness, her body struggling to contain the power within? Hubert ceased to ask because he already knew the answer, but her other classmates didn't know just how often she was not all right.

"I try to be," Dimitri said, then seemed to catch himself and plastered on a broad smile. “No harm done. Mostly.”

Edelgard attempted to forget the incident after she excused herself from the prince's presence. She failed. Each day she found herself more and more cognizant of the dark circles around his eyes, the slight slur to his speech, the delayed reaction time he displayed in training. It would be one thing if his clumsiness only harmed his performance, but he almost injured his classmates on several occasions. After he almost impaled Petra in what was meant to be a friendly spar, Edelgard decided enough was enough.

After the incident, she walked straight to his room where she rightfully expected he retreated to. She invited herself in after he opened the door and sat prim on the edge of his bed, legs crossed.

“Do come in,” Dimitri said dryly, closing the door.

“You are going to kill someone or perhaps yourself if you continue on like this. I don’t need to tell you that, but it bears saying aloud.”

His shame was palpable. He said nothing.

“What is it you need to sleep soundly?” She wanted a practical solution, a way to end the issue once and for all.

Still nothing. Dimitri hovered in the center of his own room like he didn't belong there. She was cognizant, suddenly, of where she had chosen to perch, and how the bedclothes lacked any wrinkles or Dimitri's scent, any true signs of usage. His desk seemed a more likely candidate for where he fitfully slept.

“You must have some idea. What helped you as a child?” Never mind that in many ways they were still children made to be adults. “There are the usual things; tea, lullabies, stories. Or perhaps you would rather have something medicinal?"

That was what she did, after all.

Dimitri paled. “No, I would rather not.”

"Why not?" Edelgard asked, crossing her arms to match her legs.

“I’m… afraid."

She cocked her head. “Of?”

“Not waking up.”

“Very well." It's a warranted fear, she supposed, though not one that she shared. “But there must be something.”

Dimitri hesitated a long time.

“When I was small, I often fell asleep while holding stuffed toys or pillows, but that has ceased to help. Besides, half the time when I wake up I’ve torn what I'm holding apart. They simply can’t compare to when—" His eyes fell shut. “—when I was the one being held.”

Edelgard, sensing there was something more, stayed quiet.

"My father, he—he often kept long hours, as you can well imagine. I would stay awake long after I should have because I wanted him to rock me to sleep. He would lift me up and hold me close and by that point I would be so tired I'd doze off at once in his arms. It was a terrible habit, one he indulged far too long. But I always loved it." Dimitri's breath caught and he raised a fist to his mouth.

Edelgard turned it over in her mind. A hot blush rose in her cheeks at the idea that occurred to her.

"If it will assist in getting to sleep, I could—" She hesitated, then leaned closer to whisper the sentiment as if anyone could possibly be close enough to them to hear.

His head snapped up.

“Th-that hardly seems proper," he stammered. "Besides, the disparity in our, erm, stature hardly makes it practical, either. There's also the matter of safety. I could crush you. Or worse.”

Edelgard scoffed and lifted her chin. "You overestimate your ability to harm me."

"On the contrary, I think you underestimate. I am not myself when I have nightmares." He looked as though he wanted to continue, but refrained.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

Dimitri sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I suppose it's too much to ask you to just leave me be?"

"I won't sit idly by and watch you destroy yourself and potentially our classmates, no." Edelgard can all but feel him giving in to her, broad shoulders slumping beneath the authority she exerted.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said with uncharacteristic softness.

Edelgard fought to keep her own voice steady. "Let us hope that your unconscious self agrees with that sentiment."

She succeeded in persuading him to let her into his room that night. Dimitri was bullheaded, but so was she. After their whispered confrontation at his doorstep drew the attention of passerby, he let her inside.

"You understand, of course, that if this..." Dimitri hesitated, then settled on, "'Help' of yours is discovered it will cause a scandal, don't you?"

"More for myself than for you, I'd imagine," she said dryly. "Tell me, do you imagine that your skirt-chasing friend takes the brunt of the blame for his trysts?"

Dimitri sighed. "Not nearly as much as he ought to, no."

"Exactly. So it is I who am being put at risk. Rest assured I can be quite discreet." Especially considering her undertakings as the Flame Emperor have not been discovered.

From there, he relented in having her join him to sleep. He insisted that if she simply laid beside him that would be more than enough.

"Having another presence will be comforting," he reasoned, an obviously fake smile on his face.

Edelgard hummed in equally fake agreement. The arrangement lasted for all of fifteen minutes. During that time they laid side by side, rigid and very much awake. But with Dimitri's long-term sleeplessness working against him, he had little choice but to succumb eventually. Mere moments after he fell asleep, he began to murmur to himself.

Wary of waking him up, Edelgard rolled from her back to her side to face Dimitri. She didn't have much time to take a closer look at him in the dark before he reached out for her. A sharp "oh!" left her lips as he crushed her against his chest. Even with their modest academy-assigned sleepwear, there was little left to the imagination. As he said he would, Dimitri squeezed her tightly enough that it would surely destroy whatever he held after a time. But Edelgard was no mere pillow or stuffed toy.

She squeezed him back and said what she wished had been said to her in the depths of her own nightmares: "It's okay. You're all right."

Dimitri's breath caught. He muttered more nonsense, pleading with her, sounding on the brink of tears. Edelgard shushed him, continued to say reassurances, and stroked his back with one hand. The other was curled precariously between them, ready to shove him away if he actually did harm her. She needn't have worried; his grip grew less tense and more cuddly.

"I understand," she murmured, "more than you know."

The sweaty warmth beneath the bedclothes had her nearly lulled to sleep alongside him. That is until he said some words she actually understood.

“Missed you…” He sighed into her hair, then nuzzled the top of her head.

They had only just met. He must be confusing her with someone else. An unexpected thorn of jealousy sank into her heart as she wondered what mystery maiden he truly wished for. Someone from Faerghus, she supposed, that he had been separated from when he attended the academy.

Well, she had him all to herself for now. Edelgard resolved to let herself enjoy his heat, his firm body, and even the affectionate hold he had feared he would hurt her with. When she slipped off to sleep herself, it was deep and dreamless.

He slept through the night and long after Edelgard woke up. A thin line of drool ran down his left cheek and his typically immaculate hair hung in wayward shags. In many ways seeing him disheveled was more charming than the appearance he affected otherwise. She imagined she looked very much the same, but she couldn't find it in herself to be embarrassed when he slowly came awake, blinking at her.

"Oh! I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to—" He disentangled himself from her, leaping from the bed.

"Do not apologize unnecessarily," she sighed, pushing her hair back.

"Sorry," Dimitri said again, reflexive.

Edelgard waved a hand, dismissing the line of conversation. "How do you feel?"

“In truth, I feel more refreshed than I have in ages.” He stretched with a groan, prompting Edelgard to stare at the pale slice of his abdomen revealed by the motion. "Thank you. You've helped more than you realize."

"As much as I wish it were as simple as giving you a single night's worth of sleep, I must insist that I continue to assist you. For the sake of everyone," she added, trying to enoble her desire to be held by him again.

Dimitri appeared mortified but not displeased by the notion. "You want to... again..?"

"Do you object?"

"Not at all. I'm simply surprised."

He remained in that state of confused pleasure for the next several instances that he held her. Edelgard knew that deigning to be the Faerghan prince's comfort object was a dangerous endeavor that posed a lot of personal risk and very little direct reward. But seeing his eyes clear and all but sparkling thanks to the improved sleep proved enough for her.