Work Text:
Sam and Dean were in the library while Castiel was someplace else in the bunker. Both brothers were frustrated with and for their friend at the moment. He was hurting, and neither of them knew how to help him.
“Sammy, we gotta do something. Cas is a basket case.” Dean paced behind his brother as he spoke.
“I know, Dean. I'm working on it.”
“Well work faster. It's like living with a freaking toddler. I have to keep reminding him to take a shower. And wash his hands. Do you know how disturbing it is to ask a grown ass man if he's washed his hands after he's peed?”
“Yes, Dean, I do know. Because I have to keep reminding him too.”
The brothers fell silent. Dean finally sat at the table with a book while Sam continued to work at his laptop.
When Castiel had fallen and become human, Sam and Dean had taken him home with them, determined to help their friend. They were worried about him. It had been two weeks, and he was having trouble adjusting. Sam had been spending time at the library and on the internet trying to find a way for their friend to cope. Dean had stood by and watched the whole mess unfold. It was unsettling to see Cas seem so completely helpless. He didn’t seem to know how to take care of himself, and Sam had taken it upon himself to try to help Cas to adjust. Cas was having trouble with basic human functions. He didn’t want to eat, and hated having to use the bathroom. He also suffered from nightmares when he slept. He was physically and emotionally exhausted.
After a couple of hours of internet research, Sam looked up.
“Okay, I think I have something we can try.”
Sam pushed the laptop toward Dean so that he could take a look. After reading for a few seconds, Dean turned to his brother.
“What the hell, Sammy? Are you freaking serious? Age play?”
“Do you have any better ideas?” Sam asked, frustrated. “If you do, I'd love to hear them. Cause otherwise, this is our best option.'
“Really? How exactly is putting Cas in a diaper and giving him a baby bottle our best option?”
Sam rubbed his hand down his face before he answered. “It's not just putting him in a diaper and giving him a bottle, there's more to it. He's never been human. He doesn't know what it's like to develop normally. You said it yourself, it's like living with a toddler. If we give him permission to act like a toddler, we can help him to learn to be human that way. You see what he's like. He can't function like a normal human because he's only been one for a couple of weeks. He has no experience with autonomous body functions. He needs to learn somehow.”
Dean got up and began pacing again. He gestured at the computer while he spoke.
“Yeah, but this? It's weird. And kinda creepy. A grown-ass man wearing a freaking onesie.”
Sam sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't see any other way at the moment to help Cas adapt to being human.
“Okay, fine, then don't help. You think it's weird, then whatever. He needs our help. I'll do it on my own. I’ll take care of him myself, but do not make him feel uncomfortable about it.”
“Damn it, Sammy, I want to help him too. I just don’t know if this is a good idea. I don't know about getting him to act like a little kid. I know from what you've shown me, a lot of people are into it, but this is Cas. He was an angel of the Lord. We owe him a lot. Is making him play with toys and treating him like a little boy really going to help him? He's hurting so bad right now, I'm afraid he's going to break.”
“I know, Dean, but I can't come up with anything else that might help him heal. He needs to know that he's loved and wanted as a human. You're right: we do owe him. That's why I think we should do this for him.”
“Then I'll help you take care of him. He's family, and family comes first. He's saved us so many times, it's only right that we take care of him when he needs us the most.”
“Thanks, Dean.” Sam gave his brother a sad smile. “I'm glad you're on board with this. I think that knowing that both of us want to do this for him will help him. Like you said, he needs us. I'm glad you'll be there for him too.”
“What if he doesn’t want to do it?”
“Do what?”
Sam and Dean turned to the doorway and saw Castiel standing there. He had obviously heard the end of the conversation. Sam smiled and motioned for Cas to join them at the table.
“Why don't you come sit down, Cas. Dean and I need to talk to you.”
Cas sat at the table across from Sam, and Dean took a seat beside his brother. Cas looked at the men warily.
“What is it you wish to speak to me about? Have I done something wrong?”
“No, Cas, you haven't done anything wrong,” Sam began nervously. “It's just that, well, we're worried about you.”
“See, Cas,” Dean began, looking to his brother for support. He continued when he received a nod. “The thing is, you're just not doing very good with the whole being human thing.”
Castiel sighed and looked down at the table. “I'm finding it difficult. There is so much that I have to get used to.”
Sam picked up the brothers' end. “We know, Cas. You're overwhelmed. And we want to help you.”
“How can you help me? I was an angel of the Lord. Now I'm nothing.”
“You're not nothing,” Dean said indignantly. “You're family. And family helps each other.”
“Dean's right,” Sam continued. “So just hear us out, and see if you want to try. But remember that no matter what, we're here for you.”
Sam turned his laptop around to face Cas so that he could read what was displayed. He hesitated a bit before continuing, “I’ve been doing some research. You’re new to this whole being human thing. You’ve never experienced being a child and being taken care of. I think that might be a good way for you learn to be human, if someone took care of you the way they would a child.”
Sam took a breath and explained age play to his friend. He did his best to answer Castiel’s questions. Dean sat quietly, letting his brother take the lead.
“You think that this will help me?” Castiel finally asked when the concept of non-sexual age play had been fully explained to him.
“It might,” Sam answered honestly. “We can try it, if you want. See if it does help. We can try whatever you want. It's up to you. But I think it will help you learn about being a human, from the ground up, sorta. You're kinda actually just like a toddler. You need to learn everything from scratch. This way, you can learn and we can teach you what you need to know.”
“If I do agree to try this, how will you and Dean participate?”
Sam looked at Dean before continuing. “Well, one of us would be the daddy, because young children need to have a parent.”
“Which one of you would take on the role of daddy?”
Sam hesitated. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Well, I could be your daddy. If that's okay with you?”
Cas looked at him for a few seconds. “Yes, that would be acceptable. But what about Dean?”
Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He looked at Sam, who remained silent and motioned to him to make some sort of response to Castiel's question.
“Well,” he began nervously. He shifted again and cleared his throat. “See, Cas, I don't think I'm exactly daddy material. But I'll be the cool uncle that lets you eat cake for supper and buys you toys. How does that sound?”
“Dean,” Sam admonished. “You can't let him eat cake for supper.”
“See, Cas, Sammy's already getting into the whole daddy head-space.” He winked at his friend.
“I need to think about this. I will let you know what I decide.”
Castiel left the brothers and went off to his room. Dean looked at Sam and let out a breath.
“Well, Sammy, guess we gotta wait til he makes up his mind.”
Sam and Dean spent the rest of the day doing their own things. Castiel remained hidden, for the most part, only coming out for dinner and only eating a little. Sam refrained from trying to coax him to eat, giving him some space to consider the offer that had been made earlier. Castiel barely spoke, and did not broach the subject of age play at all with the brothers. It was clear the he was still uncertain, and needed more time to think about it.
Early in the morning, the brothers were woken up by the sound of a loud crash coming from Cas’ room. As they approached the closed door, they could hear their friend throwing things.
“Cas?” Sam opened the door and turned on the light. He stopped short when he found the other man frantically pulling the sheets off the bed.
Sam and Dean looked at each other when they registered the smell of urine. Cas stood by the bed, looking mortified. Both men saw the distinct wet patch on the front of Castiel’s pajama bottoms. Cas stood fidgeting, his breathing ragged.
Sam spoke to him gently. “Cas, did you have a nightmare?”
Castiel nodded, jaw clenching. Sam approached him warily.
“Did you have an accident?”
Cas nodded again. He was still breathing heavily. This time he did speak, voice filled with rage.
“I am weak. This vessel is weak. This should not happen. I should be able to control my vessel. I was a warrior! Now I'm pathetic.” Castiel swung out and knocked the lamp off the beside table. He spun away and began pounding his fist into the wall.
Sam, who had been edging toward him, increased his pace as the wall became spotted with Castiel's blood. He wrapped his arms around Castiel and held him tightly as Cas continued to rage and castigate himself.
“It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” he crooned. “You are not weak. Having an accident at night is normal for someone who hasn't been toilet trained.”
Cas struggled in Sam's hold.
“I'm useless! I can't help anyone like this. I can't do this. I'm not meant to be human. I'm worthless and should be left to die.”
Sam held him tighter, his arms both supporting and containing, and continued to murmur to him. Gradually, Cas subsided. He turned in Sam's arms and rested his head against the other man's shoulder, shuddering, and began to cry silently. Sam held him and continued to whisper reassurances and comfort to him.
After several minutes, Cas heaved a final shaky sigh and moved away from Sam.
“Thank you, Sam. Would you and Dean please leave me? I-I need to be alone right now.”
“Um, sure, Cas. Whatever you need.”
Sam and Dean left the room and returned to bed. Before Sam went into his room, Dean turned to him.
“You did good in there, Sammy.”
SPN
When Sam got up the next morning, he found Dean in the kitchen making breakfast. Dean set a plate with bacon, scrambled eggs and toast in front of him.
“Where's Cas?” Sam asked.
“Haven't seen him, but I heard him moving around earlier. Must've thrown his stuff in the wash.”
Just then, Castiel entered the kitchen. He looked at Sam shyly before speaking.
“Sam, I think that I would like it if you were my daddy. At least, I am willing to try it. If you are?”
“Of course, Cas. When do you want to start?”
“Would it be acceptable to try to begin easing into it now? I think that I will need some time to adjust.”
“Sure, Cas. Come sit down, and Uncle Dean will give you some breakfast.”
Cas sat at the table near Sam, looking down at his hands in his lap. He took a deep breath. Dean had placed a plate of breakfast in front of him. He did not make any attempt to begin eating.
“M'not hungry,” he muttered, refusing to make eye contact with either man.
“Castiel, you didn’t eat very much last night,” Sam reminded him. “You need to eat something.”
Cas picked at his eggs a little before putting his fork back down. Sam picked up the fork and scooped up some eggs. He held the fork out and waited for Cas to accept the offering. Cas opened his mouth and allowed Sam to feed him.
Sam and Dean both released a breath they hadn’t been aware of holding. Sam continued to feed Cas his eggs.
“Okay. Now be a good boy and finish the breakfast that Uncle Dean cooked for you before the rest gets cold.”
“Yes, Daddy,” Castiel muttered as he reluctantly ate his bacon and some of his toast. Dean finished eating while his brother cared for his new charge.
“I’ve already gotten a few things for you,” Sam explained. “In case you wanted to start right away. I didn’t want you to have to wait too long.”
Dean got up to get coffee for himself and Sam, and brought over a sippy cup of juice for Castiel. Sam continued to watch Cas eat his breakfast, making sure that he chewed carefully before taking his next bite. When Cas finished, he was handed the sippy cup.
“Here you go, little one.” Sam smiled at him when he took it in both hands. “Drink your juice while your uncle and I have our coffee. Take your time, but I want you to drink all of it. You haven’t been drinking enough either. If you don’t drink enough, you’ll get sick.”
“I don't wanna get sick, Daddy.” Cas drank slowly while the brothers drank their coffee. When they were finished, Sam stood up and held out his hand.
“Come on, little one. I want you to wash up and try to go potty for me. I know you don't like having to go to the bathroom, but everyone does it.”
“Everybody poops,” Dean added. “It's the circle of life.”
Sam looked at his brother with what Dean would describe as bitch face. Cas wrinkled his nose.
Castiel hesitantly took the offered hand and meekly followed Sam to the bathroom. Sam used a washcloth to wipe Castiel's face and hands. He got his tooth brush ready and watched him brush his teeth.
“Do you need help?” he asked when Cas had given him back the toothbrush. Cas shook his head. “Okay, I'll be right outside the door if you do need me. And don't forget to wash your hands.”
Sam waited outside the door, leaving it open a crack, in case Castiel decided he needed him after all. After a few minutes, he heard the toilet flush and water running. Cas finally opened the door, and stepped out.
“Did you go?” Sam asked.
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Good boy. Come on, let's go find Dean and I'll show you some of the stuff I bought for you.”
Sam left him in Dean's care in the library and went to retrieve the items. Dean sat Castiel down at the table and sat beside him. Cas looked at Dean with some trepidation, and the other man smiled gently. Sam returned with a box and set it on the table.
“I put away some pajamas for you, but I also got you some crayons and a coloring book, a few story books, a teddy bear and a soft blanket. You know, in case you want something to cuddle.” Sam took out each item and placed it on the table as he spoke. Cas touched each item as it was laid out in front of him. Cas looked at Sam, then took the teddy bear, hugging it tightly. Sam smiled brightly, while Dean tried to hide his smile. Sam crouched down beside Cas' chair and spoke to him gently.
“I have to go out to pick up a few more things for you. Dean is going to take care of you while I'm gone. I promise, I'll be back as soon as I can. Do you think you can be a good boy for Uncle Dean while I'm out?”
Cas nodded, and Sam gave him a hug and kissed him on the forehead. Cas continued to hold onto his new bear. Dean took one of the boxes of crayons and emptied it out on the table.
“Come on, buddy. How about you color a picture for your daddy while he's gone.”
Cas nodded and opened up the coloring book. He looked up at Sam sadly.
“Bye, Daddy.”
“Goodbye, sweetie. Be good for Uncle Dean.”
Sam left and Dean grabbed a book to do some research while Cas colored. Dean would periodically ask Cas if he needed to go to the bathroom. That was one of the issues he had been having since becoming human. The brothers had noticed that not only had Cas not been eating very much, he also hadn't been drinking enough. They knew he hated going to the bathroom, and he avoided drinking as much as he thought he could get away with so that he wouldn't have to go. Not only had he been losing weight, but Sam and Dean were beginning to worry that their friend was becoming dangerously dehydrated.
Cas continued to color pictures while Dean continued to read. They were still at the table when Sam returned to the bunker. Sam put the bags down and hugged Cas.
“Were you a good boy while I was gone?”
Cas nodded. Sam looked at Dean for confirmation.
“He colored quietly while I read. He was a very good boy. Cas, why don't you show him what you did.”
Cas showed Sam his pictures. He had been careful to stay in the lines. He had enjoyed using the brightly colored crayons and beamed with pride when Sam praised his work.
“You did a great job, sweetie. How about I show you what I got at the store?”
Sam showed Cas and Dean his purchases: a couple of onesies for Cas to wear, colorful plastic dishes and utensils, a few more books and some toys. The final purchase, Sam left in the bag. He crouched down beside his little angel to speak to him.
“Cas, I know that you're a big boy, but I got you some pull-ups. That way, if you do have an accident, you won't have to worry about wetting the bed. We'll only use them at nap time and bed time.”
“M'sorry,” Cas muttered, lowering his eyes. He started to cry and hugged his bear tight. Sam sat down on the floor beside Castiel and pulled him into his lap, and Dean picked up the dishes and left the room to give the other two some privacy.
“Hey, it's okay,” Sam said gently, rubbing Castiel's back in slow circles. Cas hid his face in Sam's shoulder. “It's not your fault. You can't help it if you have nightmares. You're still my good little boy.”
Sam continued to rub Castiel's back and reassure him. Gradually, Cas stopped crying.
“I'm going to feed you some lunch now, then it's going to be nap time for you. You haven't been eating very much, and you didn't get much sleep last night, did you?” Cas shook his head against his shoulder. “Then you're probably tired. Let's go find your uncle in the kitchen, and I'll get you some lunch.”
Sam pressed a kiss to Castiel's head and wiped his tears from his cheeks, then slipped out from under him. He held his hand out to help his little boy up. Cas still held onto the bear.
They found Dean in the kitchen, making lunch for the three of them. Sam sat his charge at the table and went to help his brother. He put one of the new plates down in front of Cas. Peanut butter and jam was one of Cas' favorites. A sippy cup of milk was placed beside it. Sam took the stuffed bear out of Cas' arms. The new little boy whined.
“I'm not taking him away. Look, he's going to sit here at the end of the table and watch. If you hold him while you eat, he might get dirty.”
Cas pouted, then reluctantly picked up one of the sandwich triangles. The trio ate in silence, the brothers smiling at each other as they watched Cas eat. It normally took a great deal of coaxing to get adult Castiel to eat anything. Cas ate slowly, but he was making progress with the sandwich. When that was finished he started on the sliced banana that was also on the plate. He only ate about half of it before pushing the plate away.
“Come on, little one,” Sam coaxed. “Finish your lunch and drink your milk, then you and Mr. Bear can take a nap in my bed.”
“I don't wanna sleep.” Cas crossed his arms and pouted. “I don't like sleeping.”
“Castiel, finish your lunch. You need to eat more than you have been. If you don't eat, you'll get sick. People need to eat to keep their bodies strong and healthy, and have energy for playing. That's why it's important that you eat different foods. Your Uncle Dean and I are always telling you to eat because we want you be healthy and happy.”
“I don't wanna get sick, I wanna be strong and play, Daddy.” Cas relented and let Sam feed him the rest of his banana. He then drained his cup of milk.
“Good boy, Cas,” Sam praised as he put the empty cup and plate in the sink. “Come on, time to wash up and go potty. Then we'll get you into one of your brand new outfits.”
Cas was helped up from his chair and led to the bathroom. He was left to do his business on his own while Sam went to get what was needed. When he heard the water shut off, Sam opened the bathroom door and helped Cas change out of his clothes.
“I want you to wear a pull-up. It's just in case you have a nightmare. I really hope you don't have one, though.”
Sam watched Cas to gauge his reaction. Cas closed his eyes briefly and nodded. He didn't fight or fuss when his new daddy pulled it up and adjusted it. Next, Sam dressed him in a red and white striped onesie, leaving his feet bare for the moment.
“I picked up something else for you. If you don't want it, that's okay. But if you do want it, you can have it whenever you need it.”
He pulled a pacifier, still in it's packaging out of his back pocket, and held it up for Castiel to look at.
“It's called a pacifier, or sometimes people call it a soother. Babies and little ones like to have them in their mouth, and sometimes suck on them, especially if they're upset. The idea is it helps to calm them down, and sometimes helps them to fall asleep. It's supposed to be a comfort thing.”
“Can I have it please, Daddy?”
“Of course, little one.” Sam took it out of the packaging and washed it before putting it in Cas' mouth. Castiel began sucking on it. Sam took his hand and led him to the bedroom, Cas walking close. Sam put his little one in his bed, just as he'd promised. Dean had brought in Cas' bear and blanket. Sam tucked him in and gave him his bear. Cas curled up on his side, clutching his bear and reaching out to grab a corner of his blanket. His daddy sat beside him, rubbing his back. Cas sucked on his pacifier, looking up at Sam.
“I'll stay here until you fall asleep, and leave the door open in case you need me. Dean and I will be around. We aren't going to leave the bunker. We would never leave you alone, not when you're little like this. You're safe here.”
Castiel's eyes slowly closed. Sam kept rubbing his back until he was sure the little one was asleep. He slowly got up and went back to the library, leaving the door open like he said he would. He thought that maybe they should get a baby monitor, so he'd be able to hear if Cas needed him.
“Is he asleep?” Dean asked when his brother joined him in the library.
“Yeah, he's curled up with his bear. I gave him a pacifier. He seems to be doing okay with this.”
“That's good. I still think it's weird, but if he's okay with it, and it does actually help him in some way, then I'll help any way I can.”
“Thanks, Dean. That means a lot.”
The brothers worked quietly for a couple of hours. Sam went to check on Castiel. His little boy was just waking up. Sam sat on the bed and brushed the hair off his forehead. Cas blinked up at him, the pacifier still firmly in his mouth.
“Hey, little one, did you sleep okay?”
Cas nodded as he rubbed his eyes. Sam took the ring of the pacifier and tried to pull it out of Cas' mouth. Cas made a disgruntled noise and refused to let go.
“Okay, I'll leave it in until you're more awake.” Sam smiled at his grumpy little boy. “Is your pull-up dry?”
Cas didn't protest when he checked.
“You're still dry. Do you need to pee?”
Cas nodded again. Sam took him to the bathroom, then walked with him into the lounge when he was finished. He sat him on the couch next to Dean, who looked a little nonplussed when Castiel curled into him and rested his head on his shoulder.
“Hey buddy, still waking up?”Dean asked. Cas nodded, and Dean slung an arm around him and began a running commentary on the latest baseball scores in the newspaper he was reading. Sam slipped out of the room when he was sure that there would be no protests from either one, and came back with juice, cheese, and apple slices. He put it on the coffee table within reach.
“Here's a snack for you whenever you're ready to eat. Do you want to stay with Dean for a little while?”
Cas nodded against Dean who was now reading the comic strips aloud.
“He's okay, Sam. He seems pretty happy where he is, and I'm okay with him here.”
“As long as you're sure, Dean.”
Dean turned his head and smiled at Cas. Castiel continued to suck on his pacifier and snuggled in closer. Dean wrapped his arm around him a little tighter, giving him comfort.
“It's all good, Sammy. It's an uncle's sacred duty to teach a kid about baseball and the funny pages.”
Sam smiled gratefully at his brother. Dean shifted his charge a bit and continued with his reading. After several minutes Castiel lifted his head from Dean's shoulder and looked around.
“Ready for your snack now, Cas?” Dean asked, making sure the cup and plate were within easy reach. After some contemplation, Cas removed the pacifier from his mouth and picked up a piece of cheese.
Sam sat at the table and opened his laptop, knowing that his little one was content with Dean. He didn't want to make Castiel any more self-conscious than he might already be. He also didn't want their charge to feel pressured about eating, since he was still clearly having some issues with that aspect of being human. For his part, Castiel ate all of the food and drank his juice. He knew that the two men were not completely ignoring him, but they weren't trying to force their attention on him either.
Sam smiled warmly as he surreptitiously watched his brother continue to read the comic strips while his attentive audience absently nibbled his way through the plate of food.
“You did a good job on your snack,” Sam praised as he used a warm cloth to clean Castiel's face and hands. Dean was still holding him, and he smiled at the little boy.
“Castiel is a good boy, Sammy. He didn't even fidget while I was reading to him.”
“I saw that. You were a very good boy while you were sitting with your uncle. Come on sweetie, how about we give him a break, though.” Sam lifted Cas off the couch and set him on a blanket on the floor close by that already held cars and toys to play with. While Castiel occupied himself with examining and playing with his toys, Sam continued to research a potential case. Castiel stopped once to shyly approach Sam to tell him he needed to use the bathroom. Sam took him without comment.
Cas became so absorbed in his play when he returned that he didn't realize how much time had passed until Sam got him for dinner, Sam having to call him twice. Sam settled him at the table and helped him to eat his spaghetti. Both men were pleased to find out that Cas liked spaghetti and praised him for eating all of his dinner.
Dean began clearing up from supper when Sam announced that it was bath time. Castiel looked at Sam in surprise, and hesitated before taking the hand that was held out to him.
“Okay, Daddy,” he responded reluctantly.
“Tell you what, little one. After your bath we can watch a movie before you go to bed.”
At first Castiel seemed hesitant about being bathed by someone, but he gradually relaxed as he was being cared for. Cas squeezed the rubber duck that Sam had placed in the bath, giggling at the squeaking noise it made. Sam used a soft cloth to gently wash him. He washed Castiel's hair and shielded his eyes when he rinsed the shampoo out, then tenderly dried his little boy with a soft towel and dressed him in footie pajamas. When they went to the living room, Cas curled up with his head in his daddy's lap while they watched the movie that Sam had promised.
By the time the movie was over, it was time for Cas to go to bed. The little boy had been good for his daddy and uncle all day, but now he was beginning to put up a fight.
“No, I don't wanna go to bed!” Cas yelled when Sam tried to get him to go to the bathroom to brush his teeth. After several minutes of refusals and yelling from Castiel, Sam became exasperated.
“Castiel Winchester, it is time for you to go to bed!”
Castiel began to cry. Sam felt bad for making his little one cry and scooped him up. He sat with him in his lap and rocked him, cuddling him close and speaking softly into his hair.
“Hey, sweetie. I'm sorry I scared you. I'm not mad at you, but you need to go to bed. Little boys need their sleep.”
Cas buried his face in Sam's neck and continued to sob. Sam rubbed his back until the crying subsided.
“Don't wanna go bed.”
“I know, baby, but it's past your bed time and you need to sleep.”
“M'fraid.”
“Oh, baby.” Sam hugged Cas tight. “You're safe here. Daddy and Uncle Dean won't let anything hurt you.”
Dean came over and crouched beside his brother so that he could speak to the little boy.
“Hey, sport, while your daddy's getting you ready for bed I'll check your room and make sure there are no monsters hiding.”
Castiel sniffled and raised his head. He looked at Dean, then at Sam and nodded slowly in agreement. Dean stood, ruffling Cas' hair and headed to his new nephew's bedroom while his brother took Cas to the bathroom. When Cas went to his bedroom after brushing his teeth and getting his pull-up on, Dean was spraying the bed and area around it with lavender-scented room spray. Sam looked at his brother questioningly. Dean smiled at the two of them.
“All ready for bed, buddy?” Cas nodded, and Dean waved the spray can.“Turns out this room spray not only helps you sleep, it also repels monsters. Who knew monsters hate lavender?”
“Dean, why do you even have that?” Sam had to ask. When had his brother picked it up? Normally, Dean bugged Sam about being girly.
“I thought it would help Cas sleep. I saw a commercial for it and decided to get some. I just hadn't thought of using it until now.”
Sam smiled at his older brother, and went to the bed to pulled back the covers. Cas crawled in and lay back as his daddy pulled the covers up and handed Mr. Bear to him. After his uncle put his soft blanket on top of him, the men sat on either side of the bed. Sam took out the pacifier and held it out as Cas opened his mouth for it to be popped in. Sam spoke to his little boy quietly.
“If you have a nightmare, I'm just across the hall, and Uncle Dean is right next door. Your door will be open, and we'll both have our doors open. There's a flashlight right here on the table beside you. If you get scared, you can turn it on. You can call me or come get me if you need me during the night.”
“Sleep well, sport.” Dean kissed the top of Castiel's head before leaving the room. Sam stayed for a while, stroking his little boy's hair to help him relax and sang softly to him until his eyes started to close.
“Good night, sweetie.” Sam kissed his forehead and turned off the light. He left the bedroom door wide open, just as he'd promised.
SPN
Sam woke up during the night and lay in bed, listening. He heard Castiel making noise across the hall. He turned on his light and went to his little one's room to check on him, finding Cas sitting up in bed, crying. Sam went to him immediately and pulled him into his arms.
“Shh, it's okay now. I'm right here.” He rocked Cas gently until he calmed down. “Are you wet?”
Cas nodded against his shoulder. Sam took him to the bathroom and cleaned him up, then got him a small drink of water. Once Castiel's needs were met, Sam carried him into his own room and put him in bed with him. Dean came in with Cas' teddy bear and blanket.
“He okay?” he asked sleepily, giving both to Cas.
“Yeah, but I'll keep him in here with me for the rest of the night. Thanks, Dean.”
Dean kissed his nephew's head again and stumbled back to his room. Sam got his little one settled, but kept the light on. Cas cuddled up next to him, eventually falling back to sleep, Sam soon following.
Sam woke up with someone sprawled half on top of him. He smiled and looked down at Cas, still sound asleep, pacifier in his slack mouth. Sam carefully got out from under him and left his charge to sleep some more while he showered and went out to the kitchen to join his brother. He found Dean making breakfast, as he suspected he would.
“How is he?” Dean asked.
“Still sleeping. He managed to go back to sleep after I brought him in with me. By the way, thanks for helping out. It means a lot to both of us.”
“I care about Cas, too. I'll do whatever it takes to help him.”
“I think you being his uncle is helping him a lot. He needs lots of love and support right now.”
“Yeah, well, you're being a pretty good dad to him. You taking care of him the way you are is what's gonna help him.”
Both men fell silent. Sam was about to go wake Castiel up for breakfast when they heard him in the doorway.
“Good morning Sam, Dean.”
They turned to see Castiel standing behind them, dressed in his normal clothes.
“Cas, are you...?” Sam trailed off, unsure of how to continue.
“Yes, Sam. I am myself again. At least, for now.”
Cas sat at the table as Sam joined him and Dean placed breakfast in front of them.
“How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you. I want to thank both of you for caring for me the way that you did.”
Dean spoke up. “We just want to do what we can to make sure you're still a bad ass. Can't kick monster ass if you're not eating or getting enough sleep.”
“Again, I thank you both. It means a lot to me that I have...” Cas hesitated before continuing, “friends... who care for me.”
And Sam was struck by how incredibly lonely Cas must be without his brothers and sisters, without purpose, without his sense of self, and what courage it had taken for him to trust Sam and Dean’s goodwill so completely. “Anything you need, Cas,” Sam told him. “Anything at all.”
Cas fidgeted a little, then said, “At the moment I am in my normal head-space, but I may feel later on that I would like to be your little boy again.” He looked away. “I find night time the hardest to cope with, especially sleeping.”
“It's okay, Cas. How were things for you last night?”
“It was trying. I don't like going to bed. But I believe that while it will take me a while to begin to tolerate bedtime, having a routine with my daddy, and my uncle when he wants to take part, will be helpful. It means a great deal to me that both of you are willing to do this for me. I have found becoming human rather traumatic. I am no longer what I once was. I am feeling things that I never have before. You have given me a safe space to allow me to come to terms with this new existence. I don't know if I would be able to live like this without both of you here to help me.”
Sam smiled broadly. “Whenever you're ready to be little again, just let me know. And we can definitely have a bedtime routine. Anything you need.”
“We've got your back, Cas,” Dean added. “You've had our backs lots of times. And it's not everyday you get to pay back an angel, right?”
Sam took Castiel’s shoulder in a warm grasp. “Cas, we don’t—we are your friends. We’re not just in this for what you can—or could—do for us. We like you. You get that, don’t you?”
“I believe I am coming to terms with that, Sam. It has been… difficult to see any value in my existence as a mortal, when I can no longer offer what I once could, but you and Dean have made it clear that it is my existence alone that you value. I do understand that you have gone beyond what most people would in this regard.”
Dean cleared his throat and announced loudly that there must be something somewhere that needed an ass-kicking, and headed out to check Baby’s inventory.
Castiel smiled, and it was the first time since he’d fallen that Sam had seen him look genuinely happy. Sam clapped him on the back and told him it was his turn to do the dishes, and received a look that suggested Cas was reconsidering this “grown-up” business.
They would take it one step at a time, and when Cas was overwhelmed and needing sanctuary Sam and Dean would be ready to help their own little angel.