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„Fox'ika, are you coming?“
The last class was over and Fox’ mind was still focused on the assignments they had just received - they were about to leave Kamino, to be sent into a war for a galaxy they had never known…
Cody was assigned to the 212th, Bly was going to serve under General Secura, Monnk was going to join the sub-nautical legion and he was going to go to Coruscant as the Senior Commander of the Coruscant Guard, the only one of his batch not assigned to the GAR. Awesome, wonderful, different, again.
Sure, better him than his brothers. They deserved their Jedi Generals, they deserved to experience the camaraderie the GAR offered and he didn’t, but still. Serving Senators, guarding the homefront… did he expect it to be boring? No, definitely not. But being singled out?
At least in the GAR he would be able to see his batch brothers on occasions, maybe they’d even be assigned missions together. At least they’d share experiences, could bond over their Generals, the mysterious Jedi. In the GAR, he’d have an excuse to talk to his vod'e, but being in the Coruscant Guard…
He grabbed his datapad and followed the others out of the room, watched them chat about their assigned posts, full of enthusiasm and hope. They were all looking for a fight worth fighting for, that’s what they were created for after all, and his brothers were going to get their fair share of fighting, he was sure of it.
„I have heard that the Jedi are all mind readers, do you think General Secura will know everything I am going to say before I even open my mouth?!“
„General Kenobi has killed a Sith Lord when he was still a Padawan, he is probably so good at strategy, I can’t wait to learn from him!“
„Do you guys think we will ever fight side by side?“
„The grey armour sure looks fitting, though. You’re getting red, right, Fox?“
Wolffe fell back to walk beside him, and Fox couldn’t stop himself from wondering if this was going to be the last time they ever talked as brothers.
„Yeah, I think so. Good to cover the spilled wine, I guess.“ Was he really attempting to joke?? Quickly he added:
„Do you already know who your second in command is?“
„Not sure, but I am hoping to get Rock, he seemed fairly competent at the drills.“
„I wish you luck, then…“ Fox slowly nodded, and they continued to trot behind their fellow CCs.
“Do you think we will leave soon? Or have a couple of days to prepare?” Wolffe wasn't looking at him, instead, he stared at the backs of Gree, Bly and Ponds, who had gotten into a heated discussion about the Jedi and who was the most competent.
“I'm not sure, but I guess the first will leave tomorrow, maybe in the afternoon, after the senate hearing?”
“Ha, already talking politics, huh?”
Fox rolled his eyes, and tried to ignore the sting Wolffe's words had left behind. Yeah, he could understand why he had been assigned to the Coruscant Guard. He was good at strategy, and fighting, but also had the best grades in every subject regarding politics, organisation and culture. So yeah, assigning him to the main planet of the republic was an understandable choice, at least he wouldn't get decommissioned for causing some small diplomatic scandal, hopefully.
“The Senate still has not agreed upon the usage of the clone army, and before we can get deployed, a mandate by the Senate is needed. Maybe you should have paid attention in class?”
Wolffe just laughed, saying:
“Why would I need that, if I have you?”
The two kept on moving, walking past the familiar white rooms and same faces, while Rex and Cody just whispered in low voices about something, probably spending the last day they had together as effectively as they could.
Fox wished he could do the same, but there was nothing left to do. Tomorrow they would leave, all being shipped to distant planets, like the objects they are.
He seriously wished he could say anything meaningful now, express something to his batch that they didn’t already know, but he couldn’t fathom any thoughts worth sharing.
What could he say - please don’t forget me? Please send me a message? Please come visit me?
As if they would want to do any of it, Fox would forget himself too, if he just could. But instead he watched his batchbrothers leave for the mess, remaining in their quarters like the ghost he was. Maybe Ghost would be a better name, he briefly thought, before reminding himself that even when his brothers would forget about him, he would cherish everything they gave him, and if it was just his own name.
Being in the mess with them was almost unbearable. Fox just could not shake the thought that this was one of the last minutes spent together, that after tomorrow morning, this was it. No more batchbrothers, no more scheming, no more joking, no more laughing together. Sure, they’d find other brothers to do this with, maybe even Jedi, but he wouldn’t. Why would anyone want to be with him anyway?
His brothers were wonderful, all different in all the small ways that mattered here, but Fox was as much of a droid as one could be. And, like the object he was, he knew exactly what he was worth. 547300 Credits for his life, 547300 Credits for his existence, 547300 Credits for his death while protecting a Republic he had never seen before.
Maybe tomorrow he would finally find the courage to eat his blaster, could finally take at least something from the Kaminoans and the Senate. If he’d do it after being sent off to Coruscant his batch would never find out anyway, could have him in their memories as they please, without him having to stick around and form any new.
„Fox'ika, what’s going on in your head?“
„Hmm?“
Bly looked at him with bright eyes, a concerned expression on his face.
"You're so quiet, something must keep your thoughts occupied, right?
Fox hesitated for a moment, not feeling like a joke, but why would he even think about telling the truth, so he just shrugged: “Just thinking about something…”
„Thinking, huh?” Bly smiled fondly.
“Tonight you’re going to repay Gree for all the pranks he pulled in the last couple years? Is that it?“
Glad for the way out, Fox kept his eyes on the food tray in front of him and said, as emotionless as possible:
“I'd rather not spend my last night here listening to his screams, Bly’ika. You have a surprise for Ponds or Cody though?“
Cody shook his head and ate some of the vegetables, before letting his gaze wander over to Cody, who was hanging out with Rex and the rest of his batch.
„Nah, we will go on our first mission together anyway, so the surprise is that I'll make sure he won’t die before me.“
Bly’s smile was so soft while watching their adopted vod and youngest batchmate together, and Fox hated himself for wishing someone would look at him this way too.
„I am sure you would go through all nine Corellian Hells together, if necessary. Just maybe avoid it, for my sake? Don't want to read the report of you dying because you were stupid and tried to punch your way through a Seppi Army.“
„Ha, I knew you actually liked me!“ His younger brother smirked wide and drowned his cup of water. „And no, I won't punch my way through a whole army, that's Cody's job. And as long as Rex is with us we have two blasters, at least!“
Yeah, coming to the mess with them had been a bad idea - but Fox was weak, and if he could see them for just another moment he would look, even though his eyes tried to cry and his heart tried to scream.
They were all so special, so wonderful. Bly, with his odd romanticism, who could see beauty in everything. Gree with his light spirit that always made his brothers smile, Ponds with a seriousness that could only come from understanding a deep truth that Fox could never even touch, and that mixed oddly well with Gree’s attitude. Wolffe was amazing, too, wild and ernst and scary and so very loyal. And their batchbaby Cody had an absolute heart of gold, he seemed to have inherited the Mandalorian tendency to adopt every child who was left unsupervised for more than two seconds, and all the small cadets deeply loved him.
Fox sometimes hated himself for the way he thought about clones in general, since viewing them as objects also dehumanized his brothers, but Fox also thought that he was just more of an object than every other clone he knew.
Sometimes he even wished he would just be a droid - a pathetic wish, of course, but especially when he laid in his bunk and tried to sleep, the idea of being plugged into an energy source to recharge without having to confront his thoughts felt nice.
But no, he was 547300 Credits worth of meat, bones, blood, much water und the sinking feeling that he was so Force damn tired, the edge of the platforms and the Kaminoan oceans felt more welcoming with every minute.
Just sleep, forever sleep, the mission, the nightmares, being finally over…
„Fox'ika, are you still awake?“
Fox opened his eyes to see Bly’s head in the opening of his bunk, looking at him with big golden eyes that seemed almost as black as his own in the dark. „'m sorry, did I wake you up? Just thought that… I mean you never…“
„No, its 'kay Bly, 'haven’t slept yet. Just staring at the inside of my eyes… You need something?“
His younger brother sighed and tilted his head to the side, a thoughtful expression on his face.
„Something other than to fight the distance between us? The distance to come… Can we cuddle? Like back in the days…?“
Usually he would have asked Ponds, or Gree, or maybe even Cody, never him. But everyone was asleep and he was awake, so he just nodded and tried to make some space in his bunk: „You think we’re going to fit?“
„Ponds and I always make it work, just hope you haven’t got more muscles than me, Ori'vod.“
Bly crawled towards him, turned around and basically trapped him, taking his hand and looking him in the eyes.
„You won’t forget us when you’re on Coruscant, promise?“
Fox breathing almost stopped, why would he even say that?
„Not if you don’t forget me first.“
Which you will. You all will, and I am still honoured to have called you mine.
„Okay, at least something… Better than nothing, right? But try to say hello on occasions?“
„You can visit me whenever you’re on shore leave, bring me some souvenirs from the front. I can’t leave, though.“
Bly just nodded and pressed his forehead against his brothers, squeezing his hand.
Why would he do this? Why can’t he just let me leave without making it harder and harder to say goodbye? Why can’t he leave me at peace with being left behind?
„Whats on your mind, Ori'vod? And don’t lie, you’ve been weird the whole day!“
Blys voice was so soft, yet so hard, telling him clearly that there was no way out. He was going to know, and there was nothing Fox could do to prevent it, except what he always does.
„'m not sure what you mean, fell on your head, Vod'ika?“
His laughter sounded so wrong, and he could feel how Bly rolled his eyes, even though it was too dark to see more than a grimace. Maybe Fox could have fooled Gree or Wolffe, but not the over empathetic Bly…
„Don't lie to me, please. You almost cried at latemeal today! Is it because of your assignment? Or because you are going to leave Kamino?“
Fox tried to shake his head, but also nod at the same time, with neither working and it just looking awkward.
„Come on, Fox, I can’t leave you without knowing what’s wrong!“
But you will leave me anyway tomorrow, it won’t make a difference, Bly please let me find peace in knowing that you will let me go without looking back.
„I don’t know, okay? It's just…“
„Just what?“
„…you will go and I will go and I will lose you. All of you. You will fight and find better brothers than me, you will live a life I will never understand and then… you will forget about me, stop talking to me, and I will be all alone.“
„But… why? Why would we! You are our brother, Fox!“
Bly sounded indignant, almost angry, a bit hurt, maybe. But for that he’d have to care about him, Fox thought, before whispering:
„But I am just… me. I don’t deserve any of this, and you will know. You will see that I am nothing like you, you are all so special and kind and open and funny and I am a fucking droid. And you will see that, and you will realize how fucking pathetic I am, how I am not worth your time, you will all have something better to do and… yeah… forget me. I mean, not like I wouldn’t want to forget me too, if I could… just eat my fucking Blaster and let it be over.“
This was the first and the last time he would ever tell someone, Fox decided, especially after Bly stared at him like he just revealed he was secretly a Sith Lord.
„Fox…“ He whispered, all big teary eyes, shocked, scared…
„Why did you never tell us?“
He just shrugged and looked away. „Why would I?“
Avoiding Bly’s face was so hard, but Fox was strong so damn weak and stared straight at the ceiling.
„Because… we are your Vod?“
„But not by choice, nothing ever is, and I don’t want to exploit the luck of having met you.“
Fox briefly wondered if he could pretend to fall asleep, before suddenly being pushed onto his back, with his younger brother climbing on top of him.
„You are so stupid, Fett forbid, what is wrong in your head you di'kut!“
Fox decided to close his eyes, instead of looking his crying brother in the eye. He’d done this - he made Bly cry. Sweet little Bly, always too soft for karking shabuir like him… And he had said something wrong and now his little brother was worried and crying, all because couldn’t keep his shit together. It was just one kraking night and he had to kark it up by being a pathetic crybaby.
But Bly wasn’t done with him, grabbed his chin and forced Fox to look up.
„Look at me you fucking moron! Look into my eyes…“
Something hot and wet landed on his cheek, and finally made Fox open his eyes. Bly’s fingernails dug into his chin, into his cheeks, forcing him to only see his brother’s face above him while he yelled:
„We karking love you, you are one of us and I would rather die than let anyone take you from me!“
With that he moved back and crawled out of Fox bunk to say, rather loudly to Wolffe, who he was probably additionally shaking now like a storm did a ship:
„Woooolffe, emergency with Fox, I need you to help me wake the others.“
„Urgh…“ Fox heard a growl from below and hoped for a brief second that Wolffe would just continue sleeping. But a second later he heard him mumbling: „Please say waking up in the middle of the night was actually worth it…“
Fox knew that Wolffe always needed a second before he could see properly after waking up, so Fox could almost count how long he’d need to look into Blys red and teary eyes and realise that somebody hurt his vod'ika. So, almost two seconds after Wolffe woke up, Fox could hear him gasp for air and ask in shock: „Bly, what happened?“
„Fox is being a di'kut and I need you to wake the others…“ His younger brother sniffed, and Fox decided to crawl back into his bunk. They would be mad at him, they would tell him goodbye, Wolffe would say that he is ashamed to have a brother like him, Cody would tell them to leave him and explain that a di'kut like him is not worthy of their affection anyway, especially not of Blys innocent adoration… And Fox would rather hide like the coward that he is then to watch them say it.
But a couple of seconds later someone, probably Wolffe by the judge of the hand, grabbed his feet to pull him out. Fox tried to fight it, really did, tried to kick and hold onto his bunk and punch them but, well, not even Fox could fight a couple other clones because apparently Bly, Gree and Cody had joined the effort of getting him to face their judgement.
Four against one was everything but fair, and Fox finally decided to just let it happen, let them yell at him, rat him out to the Alphas, do as they please, if it just meant it would be over soon.
Which led to him sitting on the floor, tears on his cheeks, looking up into the faces of his tired brother, who looked something between confused and terrified, at least through the veil of tears.
„What’s going on?“ Mumbled Ponds, leaning against Gree for support and rubbing his eyes, while staring at Fox like he went karking crazy. Which he probably did, another clone who went nuts, just another defective clone in need of decommissioning, not someone anyone here should waste any thoughts on… So he looked away again, stared at the floor and let the tears just be. It was over anyway, it was all over and soon someone would press a blaster against his temple finally ending the tragedy that was his existence. So he cried, curled himself together, let his sobs shake him, faced the terror and anxiety and let it wash through him, tearing everything away until it was just him, grabbing someones hand while crying out:
„It's alright Bly, you can tell 'em… just please… no reconditioning…“
Which seemed to terrify everyone even more, seemed like a call to action, because Cody sat down next to him and commanded the rest to follow him, saying in a voice that seemed to hold back tears:
„So that’s tonight's mission, right? Fox needs us, and…” He hesitated, and Bly ended his sentence:
“The plan is to cuddle the stupid out of him.“
After a couple of hours, Fox woke up covered by his brothers.
Gree and Ponds hat used his upper thigh as pillows and laid there, snuggled up against each other. Cody’s head rested on his chest, his eyes shut and breathing steady, while Bly had decided to use Ponds as a pillow, holding Fox’s hand in his. Fox realised that Wolffe had been the only one smart enough to get a proper pillow, so he had probably also decided to get his vod'ike some blankets, because someone at least had covered them with the old, grey woollen blankets.
Fox wasn’t able to move a lot, but from what he could witness in his position, they all seemed oddly at peace - Gree even drooled a bit on his leg, and Bly held his hand like it was a lifeline. The blankets, never just on one of them, forced them to share their body heat, and maybe, for the first time in years, Fox actually felt warm. The closeness he felt to his brothers was intense, almost overwhelming. Grees drooling, Blys strong yet soft hands… Fox felt the rising and lowering of Codys chest, and, maybe worse, he could hear all of them breathing. Well, Ponds sniffed a bit, Gree and Wolffe snored softly… But they were all breathing, their skins warm, their hearts pumping blood through their bodies. When would the first heart stop?
And how in all Corellian hells was Fox supposed to feel when it wouldn't be his? He didn't even know how to feel about this now, how was he supposed to cope with any of the darkness coming when even listening to his Vod’s breathing was overwhelming?
“Fox'ika, you're awake…”
Cody turned his head so he could look at him, while moving as little as possible to not disturb his other brothers sleep,
“Yeah, I am. Sorry for the breakdown yesterday, I just…”
Fox's younger brother just smiled sadly, and shook his head slowly.
“None of this now… to be honest I always wondered why you behaved in certain ways but… I think now I know. You were scared of rejection, right?”
What certain ways?? He had always thought he was covering his inner turmoil rather well, but apparently Kote was too smart for his own good…
“Gree always made jokes about you, having a stick up your ass, and it always confused me why you only cuddled when we forced you into it. I always thought you just didn't enjoy it, but were too polite to tell me about it…” Cody shuckled quietly and placed a soft kiss on Fox's chest.
“Kote, I always loved cuddling you. I just… never wanted to force any of you into having more contact with me than you already had to endure…”
Was he seriously going to talk about his feelings now? But better now than never, and maybe it would also give his younger brother the feeling of supporting and helping him, which Cody apparently enjoyed doing?
“...I still don't know how to feel about this now. You were all so sweet yesterday, and Bly is still holding my hand. But I also didn't give you a lot of choices, didn't I?”
“We are Vod'e, having each other's back is not a choice.”
Fox rarely talked in Mando'a, he always felt like the language didn't belong to him. Some words like “Vod'e” were impossible to avoid, of course, but the important phrases carried so much weight that he barely touched them. But he also knew that a couple of his brothers, including Kote viewed themself as children of Mandalore. So Fox decided that, if just to express his gratitude for Cody's support, he would respond in Mando'a, if just for this one Vod'ika.
“Vor entye, ni ceta vod'ika.”
“Kih'parjai, Ori'Vod. Meh gar kyrayc, shuk bah ni.”
Cody finally decided to carefully push Wolff a bit away from him, so he could finally move a bit.
“So you do speak Mando'a, then?” He smiled softly, looking down at his older brother.
“I always knew you just pretended to not know it, always being the smart ass you are.”
With that, he slowly leaned down and pressed his forehead against Fox's:
“You know I can't promise what you are asking me to do, but I will try my best to be the brother you deserve.”
the brother you deserve, so he'd just die on his first mission or something. At least that would be what Fox deserved, to have no brothers at all, he didn't deserve them. Not their faces, their blood, their support - let alone their love. But Cody, Wolffe and the others had stayed with him anyway, kept talking to him, and kept hugging him throughout the entire morning. For a brief second Fox had wondered if he could at least take a shower without one of his brothers constantly brushing against his side, patting his shoulder or tousling his hair.
Sadly, or luckily, Cody and Ponds had already been called to their first mission and, after long hugs and empty promises finally departed.
So now there were just four of them left, with Gree and Bly already preparing themselves for departure in around an hour.
Wolffe's and Fox's transport were some of the last ones scheduled, probably since the Coruscant guard wasn't as important as the rest and Wolffe's squad didn't have a general yet. So now it was just the two of them in the shower, which meant that Fox finally found some resemblance of privacy and could just… Well, stare at the wall and think about how much he loved his brothers, how he so desperately wished they would all return in one piece, and yet couldn't do more than count the freshers tiles.
On the other side of the fresher the water stopped and Wolffe stepped towards the towel rack, grabbing his and starting to dry himself off. As if he was in trance Fox followed him, glad that his brother reminded him about what to do, and he therefore could remain in his headspace without having to worry about how the kark does one function like a normal sentient being, just to be reminded that he was not sentient. So, yeah, awesome.
“Fox'ika, you're doing it again.”
Seriously? Couldn't his brother just let him be miserable in peace?
“Doing what?”
“Thinking stupid things. Cody and Ponds already left so we cannot make a proper cuddle pile, don't make me get Monnk and Bacara to give you your life saving medicine.”
Fox hated how neutral, rational and sober Wolffe sounded while talking absolute banthashit.
“Don't you dare drag them into this mess, bad enough that I had to bother you guys with it, but no way you force them into it as well.”
His younger brother just chuckled and shrugged: “I don't want to, but if you behave like an irresponsible cadet I might have to.”
Fox rolled his eyes and decided to dry his hair instead of responding - which might sound like a good idea, except for the fact that his hair was too short to need more than a rub. And him being quiet gave his brother the opportunity to talk even more:
“I mean, come on Foxy, I know this is a stressful time and it is understandable that you are anxious, but can you at least try to fight it? We love you, and we have never shown you anything but our affection, support and occasionally how we hate you in the loving-sibling kinda way. But soon we will all be gone, scattered around the galaxy, and you will have to keep living on your own. Sure we can text, but it won't be the same, and you are a commander. You, just like we all, have to be strong for your troops and…”
“...don't you think I know all of this, Wolffe?”
Fox's voice sounded harder than he intended it to be, but it got the job done: his brother shut the kark up.
“I know this shit and maybe, just maybe, this is why I didn't want to tell any of you. I know I have to be strong, care for my men, and I will, since you all stopped me from eating my blaster anyway. And I know I will carry this alone because we all will and I always did, so why do you think you had to tell me all of this?”
Wolffe rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to respond with an answer equally as loaded, but Fox had already turned around and left the fresher - no way he was going to listen to his brother berating him on how to deal with his feelings.
Wolffe obviously didn't trust him to keep his shit together, was probably right about it, but Fox would rather die than have him be right. He would not let his man down, be the best Commander he could, because being CC-1010 was all he was anyway.
So he stormed out of the fresher into their shared quarters, almost stumbling over a piece of Blys armour.
“Kriffing hell…” Fox just mumbled, before heading over to his small drawer to get out his blacks.
Gree was already fully covered in white and green pieces of armour, looking all shiny and new, while Bly took the chestplate his older brother almost fell over and added it to his armour before he sat down next to Gree: “Anyone volunteering to check my armour?”
Fox nodded before walking over to them, looking him up. “You wanna stand up or should I climb in behind you?”
“Nah, 'm rather standing, makes it easier, even when it's less funny.”
So Bly stood up, raised his arms and let Fox's fingers glide over the plates, checking the connection points, how tight it all sat…
“I think it's working, can't find anything that does not conform to regulations…”
Bly signed contently, putting his bucket down again: “Good, thank the force… Don't wanna make a bad impression on the general…”
Gree next to him laughed and bumped into his side: “Oh Bly'ika…”
From the direction of the fresher Wolff mumbled: “Don't get your hopes up, the General probably doesn't even know what our armor is supposed to look like…”
Fox tried to avoid laughing, but no look - a small chuckle made it past his lips, to his embarrassment. But those boys… kark, his brother really stole his very heart.
“So this is it. Goodbye, Gree, Bly…”
“'till our next common mission, Vod'ika.”
Bly and Gree saluted, just like Wolffe and Fox. All of them wore their armor now, standing in the hangar, the first companies already boarding the ships.
“Come visit me on Coruscant, when you find the chance.” Fox whispered, almost inaudible, but his brothers understood him nonetheless.
“We will, Ori'vod. But now it's time to scare some CT's.” Wolffe laughed, and with another goodbye Bly and Gree turned around and walked towards their ships, soon swallowed by the masses of white colored soldiers.
Wolffe and Fox gazes followed them until they couldn't distinguish them anymore amongst the others, then turned towards each other.
“Sorry for this morning, I didn't mean to snap at you…” Fox wasn't looking his brother in the eye, stared at the bucket under his arm instead. Saying sorry was almost worse than having a breakdown in front of him, he figured. A karking weakling, of course he would say sorry because what did he ever do that wasn't a mistake?
“Hey, Fox… I am sorry too. 'shouldn't have said that, of course you are going to be a great commander… you just scared the hell out of me yesterday, and I won't be there for you if you need me, which is terrifying. Please…” Wolffe hesitated before he signed, looking at Fox with pleading eyes:
“Please, Ori'vod… be there when I come to visit, will you?”
They sat down next to each other, having still a bit to wait for their transport. So they just watched in silence as their brothers departed into space, ships getting refuelled, crates with supplies and weaponry getting loaded onto ships… It was peaceful, as ridiculous as it might sound while watching soldiers being prepared to go into war.
All around them their brothers walked around, all wearing different colours, sometimes even different sets of armour. Just like Monnk, who just walked over to them, wearing muddy yellow shoulder pieces.
“Ahh, Commander Fox and Wolffe waiting for take off?”
Monnk laughed and sat down next to them, smiling widely.
“Yeah, we are leaving in the next couple of hours. I've heard Thorn from your batch is getting deployed on Coruscant with Fox'ika as well?”
Wolffe smiled and nodded in Fox's direction, while Monnk nodded.
“Yeah, he'll come over soon, but Bacara and Neyo took too long in the 'fresher so he might still need a minute. I trust you will keep an eye on him?”
“I'll do my best, just hope Coruscant won't be too bad of a deployment.” Fox smiled, knowing fully well that he wouldn't be able to do banthashit to protect his men from whatever they might face. He wasn't strong enough to do so, not important enough, with being just a clone came the constant threat of decommissioning… and on Coruscant with many politicians… he would be basically powerless.
“Thanks, good to know someone will keep an eye on my batchmate.” Monnk seemed to know banthashit about politicians and how they even treated normal, sentient servants. But to be fair, Fox didn't know enough either. But he was good enough to read between the lines of what they all learned in class, something he was suddenly glad his brothers apparently didn't.
“Ahh, Monnk, you made friends?”
Neyo and Bacara turned up behind Monnk, smiling nervously.
“We already are friends, you di'kut…” Mumbled the addressed, jokingly punching Bacara against the shoulder. “Did you seriously forget about our class nerd and his scary shadow Wolffe in just one day?”
“Did you seriously expect me to be awake in class?”
Their laughter sounded stressed, and Fox wondered where their ships would lead them tonight. But for now they all stood here, waiting to leave, waiting to die for a republic not even recognising them as sentient.
“Well, sorry boys, transport is about to leave, we better be on our way… take care of Thorn for us, Fox, until then…”
“See you on Coruscant, you too Wolffe, hopefully…”
Neyo and Bacara turned around to walk towards the shuttle, with Monnk following them after a quick goodbye to Wolffe and Fox.
“So… you think our shuttle is ready for boarding soon?”
Wolffe leaned against Fox's shoulder, who desperately tried to stop being so karking afraid. But what else was he supposed to feel now that everyone except Wolffe had already left, while he breathed softly next to him?
“'m not sure, maybe we can go and check? Or continue waiting until they com us…”
Fox signed. He was so tired of waiting, it only increased his worries and anxieties, without giving him a way to distract himself.
So they just continue sitting there, with Wolffe almost snoring, and Fox trying desperately to avoid thinking about Cody's body, lying in red sand. Rexs body, floating in space. Grees face, a hole in his skull, Ponds body without a head and Bly, getting crushed by debris, after falling from the sky.
“Commander, the transport is almost ready for boarding.”
Fox eyes snapped open, just to look into the face of another clone. He had a haircut almost as short as himself, had almost golden eyes and wore red armour, just like Fox.
“So you must be Commander Thorn?”
The man nodded and smiled awkwardly.
“Yes sir… hope I am not interrupting it's just… I figured it would be good if we had a chat before meeting the other men and commanders…”
Wolffe, next to Fox, smiled and nodded. “That sounds like a brilliant idea, Commander. I am Commander Wolffe, this is Commander Fox, designation CC-1010, my dear batchmate.”
He offered Thorn a hand which the other commander took with a shy smile and a nod.
“I am glad to finally meet you officially, not just in training or class.”
“And I am glad that Fox is serving with a fine man like you, Thorn. And I think it is time for the three of us to go, giving us all the time to prepare.”
Fox nodded, and watched his batch brother get up from the crate, following him a brief moment after. “Yeah, can you give us a moment to say goodbye properly?”
The man stepped away, leaving the two batchmates to themselves while already heading in the direction of the transport.
There, he waited at the ramp and tried to not watch Fox say goodbye to Wolffe - was he a bit jealous? Well… Thorn really wished one of his batch brothers was still with him, holding and supporting him like Wolffe held and supported Fox right now. He missed his brothers already, and was desperately worried about them too… Rock and Sirup had already departed this morning, Bacara and Neyo maybe an hour ago, and Monnk shortly after. He was the last one left, and, from what the others said about the Coruscant guard, would probably be the last one alive too. There weren't any statistics yet to look at, so maybe the frontliners, at least their commanders, would not have extremely high casualties too?
Thorn hoped for the best, but feared for the worst. This was…
“Thank you for waiting, Commander. I got a Com from Coruscant with the instructions, I will send it to you now.” Fox had shown up out of nowhere and already started typing into his comlink, before a “beep” signalled Thorn the message had arrived.
“I suggest you read it on the way, the plan for now is that we wait for six CT's, depart for Coruscant and prepare for the arrival of the remaining legion soon.”
Fox's subordinate nodded and looked around the hanger, trying not to feel overwhelmed by the sudden realisation that he was going to be responsible for a whole battalion. It scared the hell out of him, and he couldn't fathom how the other Commander could stay so calm right now. They were about to go for their first mission, responsible for a whole new organisation that they had to build.
But Fox seemed to only radiate calm and security, and smiled at him encouragingly.
“Are you nervous, Commander?”
Thorn didn't know what to say - he absolutely understood why the kaminoans had assigned Fox as the leader of the guards. The other had always been the best in class, only losing to Commander Cody on occasions, but was also someone who seemed to value privacy, discretion and proper preparation over… Well, a lot. Which meant that even though Thorn had been in the same class as Fox he barely knew the other, had only talked to him on occasions and respected him a lot.
So what was he supposed to say, how was he supposed to interact with this figure of perfection standing next to him?
“You don't have to talk to me, but you seem stressed, and I figured it would be best for us to calm down before we might scare the CT's…”
Us? Fox was surprisingly nice and caring, pretending that it wasn't just Thorn who was afraid made him feel much better. Funny how the perfect cadet also seemed to be an actually good leader - Thorn would probably have to wait a bit longer until he could find anything about his fellow Commander that wasn't a perfect example of how he was supposed to be.
“Yes, Sir, I am sorry. It's just…” he signed. How was he supposed to explain his feelings, to someone who had probably never felt the way he did now? Never felt so alone, scared, overwhelmed… But it was his brother who helped him out, saying with a steady voice:
“I personally feel a bit insecure, I fear that I might not succeed in building the Coruscant Guard in a way that is effective, without being damaging to its members. The expectations, in combination with the budget, are rather challenging…”
Commander Fox looked into the distance with a thoughtful expression on his face, but also somehow as if he was looking for the CTs to arrive, which he probably did. Or, maybe, he wanted to save Thorn the embarrassment of looking totally relieved over the fact that it was not just him who felt something other than perfect calmness right now, even though the worries of the Commander were actually making sense.
“I - I am worried that I might not be…” good enough? suitable enough? That I am a karking failure and will let you, our brothers and everyone that depends on me down? No, he couldn't say that, it would give away what an utter mess he was.
But luckily the first arriving CT's saved him from total awkwardness and exposure:
“Commander, we report for duty.” The two men saluted, and Fox smiled warmly.
“Welcome, I understand that you two are CT-7371 and CT-6382?”
Thorn wished he had used the time to read the document Fox sent him, instead of worrying about not being good enough, which had only led to him not being good enough.
“Yes, sir.” The two shouted, saluting, looking absolutely eager to prove their worth.
“Do you want to be addressed by number, or name?”
“I am Carrion, Sir, and this is Kelly.”
“Reporting for duty, Sir.”
This was absolutely ridiculous, but who was he to judge?
“I am Commander Thorn, designation CC-2943.”
“And I am Commander Fox, number CC-1010.”
The two CTs looked almost in awe, their low numbers indicated lots of training, and the CC… well, also: lots of training that their CT brothers didn't have.
“You two may already board the shuttle, if you like, or stay here and wait for the remaining troopers. The squadron is scheduled to leave in ten minutes, briefing will be on board, so we won't have to wait too long, hopefully.”
Fox seemed so competent, and his command-voice made Thorn seriously jealous. But luckily he wouldn't have to prove his own worth too soon, because the two troopers decided that they would already enter the ship and wait on board, which left the two commanders alone again.
“So, Commander. We were talking about our feelings?”
“Ahh, I hope you had already forgotten about it, Sir.”
Thorn scratched his neck, hoping that the slight shades of red he felt creeping onto his cheeks were invisible in the light of the hangar. Why did Fox remember it? Why couldn't he just be a careless asshole?
“Well, Thorn… I hope it is okay if we use just our names when amongst us, you don't have to talk to me about anything. But we are faced with unique circumstances and I strongly believe that the best way to navigate the situation is to openly talk about challenges we face, so we can help each other succeed.” How was he so good at talking??? Thorn couldn't stop himself from wondering, while watching his superior officer talk.
“...I would appreciate it if we could be as honest as possible with each other. I am not perfect and building a whole organisation from the ground up will be difficult, so it is important that we can rely on each other to discuss the topics honestly. If you disagree with me I really want you to discuss the issue with me in private so we can both improve and find a good way to handle the…”
Fox interrupted himself, while Thorn couldn't stop himself from thinking that this is what he was supposed to be like. A good brother, a good commander, a good leader, but also open for criticism and feedback, not rigidly sticking to the existing hierarchies but using them when needed.
“So you four are the remaining troopers?”
Fox looked at the four soldiers, all in uniform and all carrying a backpack, looking up at them like they were heroes incarnate. Which Fox was, absolutely, but why did they look at Thorn like he was worthy of their admiration?
“Yes Sir, CT-6992, CT-6629, CT-5728 and CT-7288 are reporting for duty.”
Fox smiled and opened his Comlink, comparing whether the numbers checked out. After he confirmed their assignment he nodded and made a gesture in the direction of the ship.
“Then I am glad to welcome you on board brothers. Carrion and Kelly are already onboard, just as the pilot Holster, so we will depart as soon as possible and do a proper introduction round inside..”
“Yes Sir:” came from four different mouths, and the four troopers entered the ship, almost looking enchanted. Is this going to be their first time off-world? Thorn wondered, while following them slowly with Fox at his side.
“About the briefing…” He started, but his Commander interrupted him with an understanding smile.
“I know the assignment arrived on rather short notice, and I will gladly do the first, shorter briefing on board. I want you to be present, but you don't have to say something. But I expect you to have read the whole document by firstmeal tomorrow so we can discuss a plan to fulfil the assignment.”
Thorn nodded slowly and watched Commander Fox enter the small bridge, where the CTs were already waiting for them.
So this was their squad, these were the brothers with whom they were supposed to structure the foundation of a whole new organisation, awesome.