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“You know,” Magnus said as he and Luke approached the cell holding his husband. “I have to say I rather thought this would be the other way around.”
“You’ve thought about this before,” Alec asked back wryly, head cocked and completely unphased at being in a jail cell.
“Well, I certainly won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about one of us in cuffs,” Magnus leered weakly as if he hasn’t used a dozen different variations of the line before. Predictably enough, Alec’s only reaction was a fond rolling of his eyes and a scoff as if he thought Magnus could do better than that.
Magnus, could indeed, do better but he also thought his lack of creativity was warranted considering he was currently bailing his husband out of a jail cell on a Thursday morning.
Separated by bars, Magnus ran a careful eye over Alec. He was sitting on the concrete floor despite being the only one in the cell, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned against the far wall; one pant leg rolled up enough to let the icepack he’d been given rest on the skin of his ankle.
“You’ve been sprung, Lightwood,” Luke said, not even bothering to hide his amusement at the situation as he unlocked the door to let Alec out.
Which, Magnus had to admit, actually was somewhat amusing. Of the three of them Alec would appear to be the least likely to find himself on the wrong side of the law and yet there he sat, the one in the jail cell after being arrested.
Rolling his eyes, Alec got to his feet. Swiping up the icepack before he limped across to them.
“Thanks, Luke,” Alec said as he handed the dripping icepack over. “Sorry for the trouble.”
Luke just shook his head at that, accepting the icepack. “Usual account?”
Magnus frowned when Alec still didn’t correct Luke over the use of his premarital name as they both usually did. Although normally those were people who didn’t approve of their relationship, not family.
“Institute one, yeah, if you don’t mind.” And Magnus was officially lost.
Despite his confusion Magnus automatically shifted as Alec reached him to slide under Alec’s arm, taking his husband’s weight on himself, feeling Alec’s body loose some of the tension it was carrying as Alec rested even more heavily against him while Luke locked up the cell again.
“You’re free to go, Magnus has your things. Take care of yourself, Alec,” Luke said as he led them out, the three of them walking slowly in deference to Alec’s injury.
“You too, Luke. Say hi to mom for me; let her know I’ll try be by the shop sometime this week.”
“Will do. Bye Magnus,” Luke said, giving them a little wave as he headed back inside.
They walked in silence for time. Magnus still turning everything over in his mind, trying to figure it out. Alec seemingly happy to go along with their little pocket of quiet.
Until he wasn’t. “So, you’ve thought about me being arrested before?”
Magnus barked out a laugh. “Not quite darling. More I thought if either of us were to be arrested it would be me. Wouldn’t be the first time either,” Magnus added, briefly sparing a thought for the various times he’s been arrested. And the many more times he’s broken the law and gotten away with it.
“And what exactly makes you think this is my first time being arrested?” his husband asked. When Magnus twisted to look him in the eye, he found a teasing glimmer.
And that certainly stopped Magnus. Because he’s not arrogant enough to think that after only a couple short years of being together he already knows all there is to know about this wonderful man he gets to call his own, but a part of him was completely surprised to find out this little fact hadn’t come up yet.
“We,” Magnus declared, “are coming back to that later. For now I want to know what could you have possibly been doing on patrol that would end up with you getting arrested?”
Alec snorted. “Don’t worry, nothing too crazy. Although, did you happen to know that jumping off a building is actually illegal in the city of New York.”
Ice flooded Magnus’ entire body. Because the thought Alec and tall buildings would always send a jolt of pure panic through him.
“Not that I did jump,” Alec mused, either oblivious to or –more likely– just tactfully not acknowledging where Magnus’ mind had immediately gone. Alec had been in bad place and he’s worked hard to not be near that metaphorical ledge anymore. “Technically a demon threw me off the Empire State Building, but I couldn’t exactly tell the mundanes that.”
The feats a Shadowhunter could achieve whilst hopped up on runic energy and the adrenaline of a hunt would never fail to simultaneously amaze and horrify him. So, not even close to the first time, Magnus made a conscious decision to ignore everything else in favour of just being glad that all Alec had come out of a fall off the Empire State Building with was –hopefully– nothing more than a slightly injured ankle. He didn’t think it could be much more than a small fracture considering Alec was able to somewhat walk on it, but then Alec did have a rather unhinged level of tolerance to his own injuries, so who really knew what the damage was.
Leading them into a suitable alley, Magnus flicked the hand not curled protectively around Alec’s waist at the empty air, creating a portal to take them home.
“I think I’m going to need some more information, love.”
“You know I’ll answer anything you want,” Alec told him with a smile. “But can it be over food?”
“Burgers?”
Alec’s nose scrunched up as he considered. “Hmm, only if we get them from Dee’s.”
Considering all the things he’d learnt after the first time he’d been called to pick Alec up from the police station combined with everything he knew about Alec and his siblings, Magnus was actually surprised it had taken this long to get a call of this nature.
Probably in deference to the fact that it was a Saturday night and the cells were full, all three siblings had been placed in the same cell instead of Izzy being separated from her brothers.
Alec was once again on the floor. Only this time he had a sibling on either side of him; Izzy’s head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed, while Max was sitting cross-legged and facing his two older siblings as he and Alec chatted softly.
“Lightwoods, you’re sprung.” Luke said and just like that first time –and all the other times in between– he was grinning. But unlike that first time Magnus wasn’t wondering why Luke was only using the one last name. And that had nothing to do with the fact that Max was –technically– the only remaining Lightwood of the three felons.
“Personal account?” Luke said with a smirk as the three got up and trailed out in a line like baby ducks.
“Personal account,” Alec agreed, accepting his bag of belongings from Luke.
“Any chance mom can not find out about this,” Max tried, slouching down so that he could more effectively peer up at Luke with wide eyes.
“Not a chance, kiddo,” Luke said clapping a hand on the teen’s shoulder, pulling Max into a hug.
Max didn’t seem too put out, happily returning the hug as he yawned.
“Hello love, thanks for coming.”
Magnus turned towards his husband, leaning into the kiss that as pressed against his lips. Tasting the familiar bitterness of alcohol on his lips, Magnus took a second, closer, look at Alec, quickly recognising the slight flush and loose happiness that signified a tipsy Alec.
“What was it this time?” Magnus asked, directing the question at Luke instead of the siblings, knowing that if Alec was tipsy then the other two were almost definitely well past that point of intoxication.
Luke raised an eyebrow. “These three idiots were caught all riding the one motorcycle.”
Magnus had some questions regarding logistics.
“It was actually the four of us. But Jace fell off,” Alec offered, as if that made things better.
It did not.
In fact, it only increased the number of questions Magnus had.
One of those questions, though, could probably be answered by the absent hand Alec pressed momentarily to his hip. It was only Alec being secure in his knowledge of Jace’s safety via their bond that enabling him to be completely nonchalant at Jace having apparently at some point fallen off the motorcycle they had all been on.
Alec and Catarina smelled like an actual literal barn had collided with a brewery and when Magnus caught sight of the hay tangled in his husband and best friend’s hair, he decided he very definitely did not want to know.
He got to find out anyway when the pair sulked the entire way home from the precinct and then, sprawled out in a tangle of limbs on the kitchen floor, set about drunkenly planning how to find that cow again and ride it to freedom.
Luke’s amusement every other time he’d had to call Magnus to pick Alec up from the station paled in the face of how hard he was currently laughing.
It was so bad that Magnus still had no clue what exactly it was his husband had done to end up getting himself arrested at eleven in the morning when he should be at the Institute being all Head of the Institute-y.
Luke hiccupped, still giggling, as he unlocked the door for Alec and –surprisingly enough– Simon.
Magnus didn’t have even a second to wonder why exactly Simon was there before he was being kissed.
Not that Magnus was complaining. Magnus would never complain about getting Alec kisses. But this felt different. There was an intensity and determination to the way Alec’s lips were affixed to his own. As if Alec was trying to learn his mouth in order to recreate it in perfect detail. Like he was seeing if he could climb inside Magnus and live there forever.
“Not a word,” Alec said when he finally let up.
Magnus couldn’t have disobeyed even if he had wanted to, not with the way his mind was very slowly making its way back online.
“Was that really necessary?” Simon demanded from next to Luke.
The look Alec had on his face was downright petulant. “You clearly don’t know me at all if you honestly think I was going to go any longer than absolutely necessary without having Magnus be the last person I kissed.”
What?
“Yeah. Whatever, dude,” Simon muttered, slouching in on himself and turning slightly away from them all. “Am I good to go?” he asked Luke who sobered up annoyingly quickly.
At Magnus’ side Alec sighed and deflated, letting go of Magnus’ hand to reach out to Simon.
“Lewis… Simon,” Alec said, moving away from Magnus. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I was just… pissed at–” he waved the hand not curled around Simon’s arm in a way that meant absolutely nothing to Magnus, but it certainly meant something to Simon judging by the way his anger disappeared.
“It’s fine,” Simon absolved easily in a way that Magnus admired. “I get it, they were being assbutts.”
“Total assbutts,” Alec agreed quickly; clearly missing whatever reference it was by the way Simon sniggered and grinned.
“Well, gentlemen,” Simon said, bright and bouncy once more. “As fun as this has all been, I’m meant to be having brunch with my bestie right now, so I will be seeing you all. Luke, my adopted step-father from another sister, promise you won’t mention this to my mom, please and thank you very much. Magnus, you’re a very lucky man–” he winked at Magnus, “–and Alec, I’d say the next time you want to piss off some homophobic douche-canoes I’m your man, but I’m not. Seriously, never call me again, dude. Laters.”
“Personal account this time, please, Luke,” Alec requested as Simon disappeared ahead of them.
“I figured,” Luke said still grinning.
“You’re going to tell mom about this aren’t you.”
“Oh, absolutely.”
Alec sighed, resigned. “I figured. See you at dinner on Sunday?”
“See you then, boys,” Luke walked away, leaving them at the front doors of the precinct.
“Are you going to explain any of this,” Magnus asked his husband, happy enough to have gone with things but also dying of curiosity.
Alec retook his hand as they walked down the stone steps and onto the street.
“I was meeting a contact at the same place Lewis was meeting Fray. He was early, my contact was running late,” Alec said, setting the scene for Magnus.
“There were a pair of girls at a table, on a date I guess, they weren’t even being obvious about it. But this older couple, they were…” Alec scowled as he considered what to say next but Magnus could already guess and he felt his own anger rising.
“They were being less than pleasant,” Alec finally decided on, and Magnus had heard every kind of homophobic remark before so it didn’t really matter that Alec wasn’t going into detail about it. “So–” and Alec gave a bit of a feral grin; the kind that would send a smarter man running, but all it did to Magnus was knock the air from his lungs and make heat bloom from somewhere behind his non-existent navel. “Lewis and I decided to really give them something to talk about.”
Magnus had a feeling he knew exactly what Alec and Simon had done but part of him really want to make Alec say it. Because Magnus was, on occasion, a bit of a shit and there was something so wonderfully delicious about a riled-up Alec that Magnus couldn’t help but poke the bear every so often, especially when Alec had just provided such a perfect opportunity for him to do so.
“Alexander,” he purred. “Pray tell, what did you do.”
“We may have kissed a bit,” Alec muttered, flushing bright red. “Aggressively. Obnoxiously,” he adds. “Enough to get arrested for public indecency.”
Magnus cackled. The sheer imagery alone was intoxicating, but adding on Alec’s ridiculous amount of disgust over having kissed Simon of all people was an added delight.
“I adore you, my love.”
The corner of Alec’s mouth twitched at Magnus’ cooing. And Magnus knew they were on the same page. It had meant nothing to either Alec or Simon; nothing more than a means to an end to piss off some assholes and protect some girls just trying to be themselves.
Magnus really felt like he should have seen this coming.
After all these years, of life in general and in marriage to Alexander, Magnus really felt he should have seen this coming.
And yet, somehow, following behind Luke to the all too familiar jail he was still utterly floored to see who exactly was inside and sitting next to his husband.
Because there’s no way this many arrests can be anything but genetic and Alec has always, in just about every way, been more his mother’s child than his father’s.
“Magnus, dear, thank you so much for coming,” Maryse said, wrapping him in a hug before she moved on to greeting her husband.
“What was it this time,” Magnus asked his own husband.
Alec shrugged. “Friendly pool game got out of control.”
Reading between the lines Magnus sighed. Because of course only Alec and Maryse could go out for a night of mother and son bonding time and still call it a good night out when it ended in them getting into a bar fight and being arrested.
Knowing them the fight was probably what made it a good night out.
It certainly explained the drying blood and blooming bruises.
Magnus’ head pounded and his mouth felt like something had died in it. He hadn’t felt this hungover since coming down from the Vampire Venom highs during his Camille days.
Only really remembering turning up at an old friend’s house with Alec, Magnus decided to put the blame completely on Clem and whatever reason it was that they had decided to throw a party for.
Opening his eyes Magnus only barely managed to keep the reflexive groan in. The only good thing about waking up in what was clearly a jail cell was the fact that Alec was right there with him.
Not that Magnus was particularly worried about said presence in said jail cell, but Alec did always have a way of comforting Magnus with nothing more than his presence at Magnus’ side. Figuring that there was nothing to do but wait, Magnus let himself sink further into Alec’s side and shut his eyes again.
He’d barely managed to fall into a light doze when Alec shifted under him, stopping his nap in its tracks. He felt Alec groan, heard his love’s head thunking back into the wall they were leaning against and wondered what the cause would be.
Finally bothering to open his eyes Magnus had to blink before they cleared enough for him to see Luke and Underhill standing on the other side of the bars. The side that Magnus was usually on, not that he thought there was any true shame in being on this side, that would be rather hypocritical of him. Magnus was quite secure in the knowledge that he and Alec couldn’t be in here for anything too serious, which meant the only thing they were truly risking was a bit of embarrassment.
For a second his still pounding mind wondered why of all people it was Alec’s second in command there to bail them out but then he remembered that the boys were staying with Maryse for a couple days, that Jace and Clary were off celebrating their anniversary and Simon and Izzy were in Idris for the month and Catarina had taken Madzie with her to the Spiral Labyrinth.
“Lightwoods,” Luke began.
“You’re sprung,” Magnus and Alec chorused along with him, both their voices scratchy.
“And I’m Bane, as it seems you’ve forgotten, Luke,” Magnus added as he and Alec slowly got to their feet.
Luke smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Are you though?”
Leaning against his husband as they walked out of the cell, Magnus considered and found his only options were laughter and lying down on the floor right there and then and willing the filthy concrete to open up and swallow him hole.
Because for all his reputation of debauchery and shenanigans and illegal activities it turned out that Alec, Head of the now very well-respected New York Institute, eldest son of Maryse and Robert who until the moment he’d kissed Magnus in the middle of his wedding to Lydia had been the epitome of perfect Shadowhunter and family heir, and had somehow managed to turn even that into a positive had more of a criminal record than Magnus did.
“The hell did we even do?” Alec asked blearily, sounding worse than Magnus felt; but then magnus had built his tolerance up the honest way over hundreds of years.
Luke snorted. On the other hand, Underhill was kind enough that the only outward reaction he had were his lips twitching.
“How would you like the list? Chronologically? Alphabetically? Severity?” Luke took a ponder his own question when neither he nor Alec gave an answer and before beginning to tell them the charges.
“Chronologically it is,” he decided. “To start we have both of you in with general drunk and disorderly charges. Then we have destruction of government property for Magnus. The attempted smuggling of livestock for Alec with the potential of adding interference to that. And to round it off we have an attempt to bribe a police officer from both of you.”
Magnus glanced at Ale and found his husband looking back at him, just as clueless as Magnus was. Unfortunately, nothing Luke had said rang a bell anywhere. Thankfully it didn’t sound too bad; couldn’t be, not when Luke and Underhill didn’t look even a little bit concerned.
“Do you…” Magnus began to ask.
“Last thing is I have is Elliot trying to convince me to drink something blue that smelled like star anise and thunderstorms,” Alec answered wearily.
Magnus couldn’t help but wince. Partly because he had a feeling he knew exactly what the concoction was but more because Alec had definitely drunk it because he was an absolute pushover behind the thin icy front he showed to the world with varying degrees of success.
“Yeah,” Alec sighed, seeming to have read everything from Magnus’ face alone. “We’re gonna need some more details, thanks, Luke.”
Luke glanced down at the clipboard he was holding, but something told Magnus he didn’t actually need it, he was just stalling. Dragging it out for his own amusement.
“Well, the drunk in the drunk and disorderly is exactly that. The disorderly was the pair of you trying to ‘free’ a bunch of statues from their ‘imprisonment’. When that didn’t work you moved on to removing various parts of park benches–”
That actually did spark something in Magnus brain and a vague memory of him magically removing bits of hostile architecture as he and Alec giggled flashed across his eyes. The way Luke’s lips twisted gave Magnus the feeling Luke maybe actually agreed with them over the government on that.
“–And that brings us to the attempt to smuggle livestock when you tried to free one of our four-legged officers from, and I quote, their Brainwashed Masters. When Sergeant Reynard tried to stop you, Alec, you declared that you were a ‘Defender of the Peace’, which isn’t actually a crime and is technically true but can be considered interference. And finally, Magnus, you tried to pay Reynard for his mount which is considered bribery and is definitely illegal even though all you offered was free drinks at Pandemonium for life.”
It was a lot of information to take in.
“What do I have to offer so that none of that ever leaves this room?” Alec asked aloud.
Magnus took one look at the pair of parabatai and promptly burst into laughter.
Looking rather bewildered about whatever had led to their arrest this time both men were sitting pressed up against each other’s side on the bench. One of Jace’s cheeks had three bright red lines standing out against the faint pink handprint. The neckline of Alec’s shirt had been extended to halfway down his chest, three matching scratch lines running down his exposed chest.
They both had an unexpected combination of ichor holding keeping the flowers stuck in their hair.
“Bridesmaid was a shapeshifter,” Alec said dryly as Luke opened the cell for them.
Jace finished the explanation with an equally as dry, “Bride didn’t take it so well.”
“And exactly what did you and your sons get up to this time?” Magnus asked, an eyebrow raised in curiosity and amusement as Alec herded their boys out of the cell before him.
Not that they were actually boys anymore. These days their sons were all grown up and –apparently only for the most part– law-abiding men, but there would always be a part of Magnus that saw them as the lost boys he and Alec took in all those decades ago.
“They’re your sons too, in case you’ve forgotten,” Alec said cheerfully for having been sitting in a jail cell for a few hours.
“Not when they’ve been arrested, darling. They are 100% Lightwoods when illegal activities leading to jail cells are involved.”
“Pretty sure that’s not how it works.” Alec’s hands slid around Magnus’ waist as the boys dealt with Luke’s customary teasing.
“Isn’t it?” Magnus countered, fully prepared to start listing all the times Alec had been arrested.
As if reading his mind, Alec smirked and pressed his lips to Magnus in a quick kiss before murmuring. “And yet who was, and still is, here to bail me out every time?”
“Mmmm, a rebel after my own heart, that’s what you are.”
“It seems to have worked pretty successfully.”
Magnus smacked a kiss to Alec’s lips and danced backwards out of his husband’s hold to wrap an arm around each of their son’s shoulders. “Tell me, my darling boys, exactly what kind of trouble did your dad get you into this time?”
“And here I thought we were just Lightwoods,” Rafael drawled sarcastically.
Max, on the other hand, while leaning into Magnus just as much as his older brother, sniggered and said; “Did you happen to know that it’s illegal to be in the possession of more than 50kg of potatoes unless you’re a member, or an authorised agent, of the Potato Corporation.”
Magnus blinked at that wave of déjà vu that rolled down his spine. Definitely Alec’s sons.
Behind them, Magnus heard Alec sigh in long ago surrendered defeat as Luke called out, “See you next time, Lightwoods.”