Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

——

Silence.
Everything in the world was silence, the Kraang defeated,
locked back in the prison dimension with Leo.

Leo.
He was in the prison dimension.
Alone.
Probably scared. Probably getting beated black and blue.

Mikey pulled himself away from Donnie, who cried.
They had all just witnessed Leo sacrifice himself so his family could live. So the world could go on to thrive.
Casey and April shouting over the radio about getting Leo back.

They needed to get him back. They couldn’t live without Leo.

The youngest, reached his hands out in front of him, shaking a bit as large cracks of electricity glowed on his arms.
The pain making him want to run, yet he had one thing on his mind, Leo.

“We have to save him!” Mikey called out to his brothers. “He’s in there! I can save him.”
Tears rolling down his face as he sobbed and strained.
“He never gave up on us! I’m not giving up on him!”

A bright orange orb popped up in front of them, shocking both Raph and Donnie, who ran up behind their brother.
“Mikey! Don’t stop!” There was hope in the air.

The pain shot up Mikey’s arms and he looked down to them and he saw them chipping away, small pieces of himself being blown by the wind.
He gasped a little before turning his focus back to the portal.

Donnie and Raph took some of the pain too, placing their hands on their little brothers shoulders, the cracks now running up their arms.
“Don’t stop!!” Raph called out again, closing his eyes tightly.

Mikey felt the weight of the world on his shoulders as he tried desperately to open the portal.
For a second it worked, catching a glimpse of a beaten Leo, reaching out.
Just as they made eye contact, the portal started to shake.
“No! No no no! Please!” The youngest called out, seeing the leader Kraang reaching for his brother.

“Come on Mikey!! Just a little longer!” Raph reached over his brother, trying to reach into the portal.
Instantly the portal snapped shut, right on top of Raph’s arm. Severing it.

Raph let out the most blood curdling sound, It wasn’t a scream, more so a groan. “K-keep going Mikey. We need to save him! Don’t let him die in there!”

He tried again, his hands shaking even more now. Nothing.
Not even a spark.
“No…” he spoke out, defeated.
“Leo….”

—

That was the last time anyone had said Leo’s name.

The bothers were silent most the time now, having come back home, defeated and tired.
Raph rushed to the med bay to try and keep him from bleeding out.
Luckily, Donnie had all the tools necessary.

It took months for the family to even somewhat feel normal. Every now and again they’d watch tv silently.

Tonight they watched a documentary about being vegetarian,

“I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”

A familiar voice called out.
Mikey quickly looked around as tears formed in his eyes.
“Mikey??” Raph said quietly, “What’s wrong?”

“You guys didn’t hear that?”
“Hear what?”

Raph clicked off the tv, with a worried look as he glanced around the room.
“Mikey?” Mikey snapped his head in the direction of the voice.
“That!” He almost cried out, his stomach turning.

“You can hear me ….can’t you, Mikey?” Leo’s voice almost whispered out, cracking slightly.

“Stop messing with me Donnie! It’s not funny!”

“What? I’m not doing anything!” The scientist shot his hands up innocently.

Mikey stood up quickly, fist balled at his side. Tears made their way down his cheeks, “You’re so mean! Why would you do this?”
He took off, locking himself away in his room.

Raph looked at Donnie, eyebrows furrowed, “What did you do?”

“Nothing!”
“Then what is he talkin’ about?”

Donnie sighed a little, sitting all the way up. “I think he hears…” He couldn’t even say his brother’s name. It hurt too much. “Sometimes when someone is grieving they can hear the person they lost. It’s usually random. Not everyone experiences it. And with him not sleeping as much… well”

—

“Guys! Hello?” Where were all his brothers?

Leonardo up his hand up to his chest, he had just woken up here. Last he remembered he was fighting for his life, battling starvation and thirst and of course the random beatings of the Kraang.
The chill of the Prison dimension seeped into his bones.

Then suddenly he was warm slouched against a wall of his room. Flowers covered almost every surface, other than that nothing was moved or bothered.

Had he been rescued? Did Mikey pull it off? He had been stuck there for a while, unable to track the days.
But he did see Mikey try to save him. Saw Raph lose his arm.
He knew Mikey would feel terrible about that.

Mikey.
Poor kid.

Leo paced in his room a little bit, biting his nails.
“Okay… everything is fine.”
He needed to calm down before before he looked for his brothers. They needed to see him at his best.

After what felt like hours he pushed open the door. The lair was deathly silent.

“Hello? Anyone home?”
Silence.

Leo looked around for a minute before deciding to look in their rooms.

First Donnie.
Leo pushed open the door to Donnie’s room, seeing the soft shell slumped over his desk, sleeping like a drooling toddler.
Donnie had been working on something, Leo squinted a little bit, leaning in close.
It looked like he was trying to build another key.
“What…?” Leo glanced over to his brother, realizing he looked so tired. So warn.
“Donnie! Wake up! What are you doing? Really!? Another key? Like we need to experience that…” his words trailed off, “again…”

His hands shook a little bit, his breathing picking up.
He felt anxiety wash over his whole being.
Not only was he thinking about what happened, but Donnie wasn’t responding to him.
His brother wasn’t a heavy sleeper. In fact just coming into his room would wake him… typically.

Donnie’s door swung open quickly, Raph barreling in, “Donnie wake up!”
Instantly the soft shell jumped up, blinking away the sleepiness.
“Huh? What? What happened? Is Mikey okay?”

“He’s having another panic attack.”

“On it.”

Both brothers rushed out of the room, leaving Leo standing there.
They didn’t see him… did they?
They couldn’t hear him.

—-

“I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”

Leo slung himself over the couch, with a chuckle.
He’d been here for a month or so, meaning he had enough time to accept that his brothers couldn’t hear or see him.

That was until, “Mikey?”

“That!”

Leo couldn’t believe it. Mikey could hear him!
There was hope!

Leo wiped his eyes as tears formed. The relief washing over his being was overwhelming. Mikey could actually hear him! He wasn’t completely alone anymore.

He didn’t have much time to react as the boy ran off.
Leo jumped up following close behind him.

“Mikey wait!”
Leo chased him, “Wait, Mikey! You can hear me! I know you do! I’m here!”

Mikey slammed his door, locking it behind him.

Inside he paced around, breathing quickly. “You’re not really here.”
Mikey finally cried out, rubbing his hands together anxiously.

Leo phased through the locked door, surprising himself that he could even do that.
He smiled a little bit, his eyes welling with tears again.
“I’m right here, Mikey.”

“You’re gone…”
Mikey closed his eyes, letting the tears fall down his cheek. He seemed so broken, his whole joyful personality shattered.

“…Mikey”

His brother broke down, shaking.
“Leo…” he paused.
“Leo. You died.”

Leo’s breath got caught in his throat.
He… died?

Chapter Text

—-

It had been a few days since Leo found out Mikey could hear him.

Leo didn’t shut up, talking to Mikey every chance he could.
Mikey on the other hand only talked back when they were alone, and even then it wasn’t every time.

He had lost sleep, staying up at night wondering if he was going crazy.
He stopped taking care of himself even more now. Skipping meals and never drawing anymore.

Raph noticed Mikey’s withdrawal.
“Donnie, this can’t be normal. I’ve heard him talking to someone before.
He’s hearing things.”

“I’ve told you before Raph, grief-“
“Can manifest in auditory hallucinations, yes yes I know. But come on. It’s like he’s not himself anymore.”

“There’s nothing wrong with him! He is fine!” Donnie slammed his pencil down on the table, shaking the whole desk.
“He’s grieving. It’s been a month and 12 days. He’s healing. You—” The soft shell pointed to his brother, “you are healing too. And you’re trying to find something wrong to fix. You can’t fix everything, Raphael. There’s nothing to fix. Our brother is fine!”

“Okay okay… Raph’s sorry. Breath… try to calm down. I’m going to go make dinner, try to get him to eat.”
Raph hesitated at the door, his fingers lingering as he wondered if he should comfort his brother.

Donnie didn’t mean to have outburst like that, but Raph always asked *him* if Mikey was okay. Like he had all the answers.
He was just as in the dark as Raph was.
Sure he read up on grief, but Mikey seemed to have a full panic attack and spiral whenever he thought about Leo.
If he slept, he’d wake up screaming.

Most of the time Mikey would just wave his brothers off, saying that he had nightmares about clowns or something else harmless.
But sometimes he cried into Raph’s arms, begging him to make it all just stop.

The boy had flashbacks anytime they’d see lights on the tv, throwing him into a blind panic.
He screamed about how the world was chipping away around him.

Both Raph and Donnie were worried about him. Donnie just didn’t know how to express it, especially when Raph looked to him for answers.

— -

“Mikey! Dinner!” Raph called out his brother’s name, pausing to hear him open the door and sit down at the table.

Nothing.
“Mikey?”

— - (suicidal ideation) —-

“W-wait Mikey stop! Don’t you dare do that!”

“Why huh!? You gonna stop me?”
The turtle gripped tightly onto a bottle of pills, trying his hardest to undo the cap.
It was uncharacteristic of Mikey to sound so angry, for him to sound so cold.
He was having an episode of dark thoughts, something Leo wished he could take away.
“I’ve caused enough trouble, Leo.”

“This won’t cause more? Donnie and Raph will have to find you, you know.”
Leo was angry too, he wasn’t able to do a single thing. He was dead and his brother held so tightly onto something that could put him in the same state.

“You want me to have died for nothing… I died so you all could live.” Leo had to try everything, no matter how manipulative it may seem. He needed Mikey to live. This was the worst it’s ever been.
“You hurting yourself isn’t what I had in mind for your future!”

Mikey stopped, his breath picked up and his eyes shot directly at Leo.
“My future!? What about you!?”
The slider’s world stopped, his heart skipping a beat.
“You… can see me?”

Mikey stayed silent, dropping the pills to his side with one hand, using the other to hold tightly onto his arm. He looked to the ground. Maybe he didn’t want to see Leo, it hurt too much.
“You can see me…”
Leonardo’s heart almost broke.
The sad look in Mikey’s eyes sent aches to his stomach.

Mikey closed his eyes tightly, letting tears fall down his face.
“I’m the one who killed you Leo… and- and I’m being punished. I killed you and every night I have to see your face staring back at me through that portal. If I could have just… kept it open one more second, I could have saved you and Raph could have kept his arm.
I see you now and you can’t be real because you’re dead.
It’s my fault Leo.”

Leo watched, his own heart being pulled on harshly.
“Mikey… I made the choice to get trapped in there… not you. I never expected you to try to save me.”
He walked closer to his sobbing brother, “I wasn’t doing it because I knew you’d save me. I knew I was going to die the moment I stepped foot into that dimension. Nobody could have changed that.”

It was the first time Leo actually thought about that day; thought about what he had witnessed, what choices he had to make. What he’d been through.
“You don’t know that.” Mikey’s voice sounded broken.

“And neither do you. Mikey… please…”
Leo went in for a hug, wanting for nothing more than to let Mikey know he was going to be okay, let him know that he was loved and that this wasn’t the way out.
He phased right through, leaving Mikey standing there and Leo barreling toward the floor.
He had no time to react, his body falling through the floor into the sewer.

With a gasp, he jumped up, no no no, Mikey!! He was alone and he was clearly not in a good head space!
Leo ran through the sewer, desperate to find his way back to Mikey.

It felt like he was running in glue, his body slowed down to a frustrating speed.
All the energy seemed to drain from him.

God he hoped he could get back to Mikey in time.

—- (suicide attempt/vomit) ——

“Oh god! Donatello! Get in here!”
Raph picked his unconscious brother up from the floor, “no no no… Mikey oh my god…what did you do?”

Raph cradled his precious little brother in his arms, feeling his limp body move with each sway. The snapper tried to hold back his sobs.

“Mikey… don’t do this to us, please….” Raph moved Mikey to his side, sticking his fingers in his mouth.
“Throw up please… please throw up.”

Raph begged as Donnie ran in, his eyes widening at the sight of his desperate brother begging his unconscious brother to throw up.
“Move!”
He sprung into action, sticking his own fingers in Mikey’s mouth.
A shutter running up his spine as he did something that he swore he’d never do.

Mikey curled a little in Raph’s arms, vomiting right onto the floor before slumping back.
“Med bay now!”
Donnie ordered.

He stuck around the room for a second as Raph ran. What did Mikey even take?
Donnie leaned down, picking up the pill bottle.
His fingers rubbing over the label.

It was Leo’s medicine. Of course it was Leo’s medicine.
How did Mikey even get his hands on it?

The softshell put his hand up to his head, rubbing it slightly as he threw down the pill bottle.
“You stupid, stupid turtle.”

Chapter Text

——

Mikey’s face scrunched up a bit, all he could hear was that beeping.

It infected his ears.
He felt like shit. Every inch of his body was sore.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

He moved his legs a little, feeling the itchy bedding. Why didn’t they ever put something more comfortable on the beds in the medbay?
All Mikey could focus on was the sheets and their itchiness and the beeping.
The god damned beeping.

That was until a voice cut through the air.
“Michelangelo, you’re awake. Good. I have some test to run on you but-“
Donnie paused for a moment, his expression turning soft as he looked at his brother.
“I’m… happy you’re back with us.”

Mikey opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling and listened to Donnie speak, he was still here… why was he still here?

The softshell shook his head, changing the subject a little after a long pause. “I want you to start taking some medicine to help you feel better. Okay? You have to come to me so I can give you them one at a time. Now why don’t we-“

“Leo?” He groaned, cutting off his brother.
Mikey gulped a little bit, his throat was dry and felt like sandpaper with every breath. He wanted to see Leo, dead or alive. He just needed to see him, to hear him. Something, anything.

“He’s still…” Donnie gulped, getting up to get Raph. He was better at comforting.

“I’m right here, Mikey.” Leo’s voice carried through the medbay, yet he stayed where he was, irritation laced his voice.

“Oh thank god.” Mikey let out a sigh of relief.

Donnie stopped in his tracks. “What? Thank god that our brother is dead?”

“He’s still here.”

“Mikey, no. He’s not. He’s gone.”

“He’s here, Donnie.” He let his eyes close, feeling tiredness wash over him. It almost felt like he was still in a dream; nothing felt real.

Donnie had given him a sedative, just to hopefully help him to wake up without panicking. Needless to say it was doing its job.

“Okay, Mikey…” Donnie finally gave in. “I’m… I’m gonna go get Raph.”

Mikey nodded a bit, pulling up his hand to salute his brother, only to find that his hands were bound to the bed.
He struggled for a second before Donnie spoke.

“I had to, Mikey…”

“I know.” The youngest relaxed into the bed, tears forming as his face scrunched up again.
“I’m sorry.”

Donnie paused for a moment, his fingers lingering on the end of the bed. “You scared us…I thought we were going to lose you. You can talk to me, you know? I can try to help, I’ve done some more research and I know I’m not good with emotions but I can try. I’ll-”

Mikey shook his head a little bit. “No…”
He couldn’t really express what was going on.
Not only was he too tired, but he didn’t know exactly what was happening.
All he knew was that he could see Leo and his family couldn’t.
That he talked to him, and Leo talked back.
“Donnie…”

The softshell was taken off guard by his brother’s voice, his little brother sounded so broken, so lost.

“I’m thirsty.” Mikey forced out a smile.
“Think you can get me a drink?”

—-
Leo sat in the corner of the room, his leg bouncing up and down. “What is wrong with you?”
Donnie had left to get some food and water for Mikey, also getting Raph, who had finally fallen asleep after a long night of worrying.

“Leo, enough.” Mikey didn’t even bother to open his eyes.

“I'm serious! You’re the only one who can see me, hear me, you can be the one to tell them about me but you don’t? Why?”

“Leo, please…”

“No, Mikey. Why don’t you tell them everything? They are our brothers!”

“Raph already thinks I’m a nutcase! Okay!? And Donnie is worried enough trying to answer Raph’s questions about me. I already sound crazy. They don’t have time to worry about their dead brother haunting their crazy brother.”

“I want them to know I’m here! And you’re the only way they’ll be able to know! You killing yourself won’t help that problem! You’ll be stuck here just like I am!”

“Leonardo!”

“You think I want to be stuck here! Watching my brothers all distant from each other because I had to go and die!? No!”

Leo and Mikey never used to fight, now it was more often. They fought mainly about Leo himself. If he was a ghost or if he was just a hallucination, like Donnie said.
Maybe that happened when one part of the party could only talk to that single person.

“Leo, please!” Mikey finally sobbed out, almost begging his brother. Large tears running down his cheeks and his breathing picked up.

Leo couldn’t put into words how frustrated he was, how he wanted to burn the world. He was stuck and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it.

“I’m sorry Leo… I really am. I’m just… confused. Scared.” He huffed out, trying to reach up and dry his tears to no avail. “I don’t know what’s real, or if I’m going crazy.”

Leo sat back against the wall with a sigh. “You have to tell them eventually.”
Leo looked at his brother, trying to blink away his tears. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m never leaving you again.”

“Oh goodie, I won the lottery.” Mikey let the sarcasm lace his voice with a forced chuckle, trying to lighten the mood even slightly.
Before long his expression softened a bit.
“Promise?”

“I promise, Mikey.”

—-

“Mikey!” Raph’s booming voice startled Mikey awake, his big brother pulling him into a tight hug, his wrist restraints not giving him the chance to hug back. “Baby bro! You’re awake!”

With a groan, Mikey took in his brother's hug. “I am now.”

“I told him to be calm, sorry Mikey.”

“I’m excited to see my little brother! What can I say? Imma hugger.”

“We know,” Mikey, Donnie, and Leo, all said in unison.
Leo looked at all his brothers in one room, his own smile stretching from ear to ear.
This was a rare occurrence now, sure they hung out but all of them focused on each other, not the tv or their phones.
Unfortunately, this is what it took for all of them to pay full attention to each other.

Eventually, Raph stopped hugging Mikey, letting him breathe a little bit.

“-Hey so…”
Raph started, “April heard what happened and uh- well she wanted to come over to see you. She said she misses you.”

“You don’t have to, Mikey. You can rest.”
Donnie leaned to his IV bag, making sure everything was in working order.

“Can we call her?” Mikey smiled half heartedly as he spoke, he was exhausted but he knew April would freak if he didn’t talk to her.
“I miss her too.”

“Of course.” Raph smiled at his brother, putting a soft hand on his shoulder. “Mikey, you can say no. She’ll understand.”

April had school, meaning she barely had much time to hang out. Mikey also thought she had been absent because being around everyone would just bring back the memories of that day. Part of him was right.
She had also witnessed one of the most traumatic events to have ever happened to the city. At least at school, she was able to focus on learning.

Mikey could hear her now, ‘you knucklehead!’
She always brought such light, especially when she knew others were hurting.

Mikey really did miss her.
Despite what his own insecurities told him, she truly missed him too.

The long pause from Mikey told Raph everything he needed to know. “We can call her. Just for a little bit, then it’s back to bed.”

Donnie couldn’t help but check Mikey’s vitals, his brother took a lot of Leo’s medicine. There had to be side effects even if they pumped his stomach.
He worried about the long term effects for Mikey. This was a start to a long recovery both physically and mentally.
He had to do research. More research.

—-

Chapter Text

—-
It was so quiet.

It was the first day in weeks that everyone felt safe enough to let Mikey be alone for more than a minute or two.

Raph worried himself ragged, even suggesting that they should put up cameras around the lair, which Donnie shot down.

Donnie himself worried, sure, not exactly as Raph did. Instead, he would check in on Mikey more, sometimes asking Mikey for help on something.
He knew deep down, Mikey could use the distraction.

Mikey still hadn’t laughed, he smiled but everyone could tell it was forced. Raph tried his best to make his brother laugh. He tried everything Mikey typically found funny.
It was clear Mikey wasn’t the same as he used to be.

He didn’t even realize he hadn’t laughed, that was until he did.

Leo leaned back on the couch. “If you're American when you go in the bathroom and
American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom? European.”

Mikey just rolled his eyes and smiled. It was one of the times Mikey didn’t talk back.
Raph was right around the corner and it made no sense why Mikey should be laughing. The TV was off.

“That not doing it for ya? Wait wait, I got more!”
Leo chirped out, leaning forward, placing his elbows on his knees, and looking directly at Mikey.

“What do you call a can opener that won’t work?
Can’t opener”

Then, with that stupid joke, it happened. Mikey laughed.

It echoed through the air, filling the lair with warmth the place hadn’t seen in ages.
As Mikey giggled, tears were brought to his eyes.
It was like the color that had been drained from his life started to slowly come back.

God, it felt good to smile, to laugh. It was like all tension in his body was released, like it had been screaming to escape and was finally let go.

Mikey held onto his stomach. “Stop!” He giggled.

“You said you want one more?” Leo smiled from ear to ear. “Okay, I’m pulling out my big guns little bro!”

“No, no wait!” Mikey couldn’t stop laughing once he started. It was the most perfect laugh.
Leo missed it so much, it almost hurt to hear.

“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot!”

Mikey curled in on himself, giggling nonstop, taking deep breaths when his body let him.
The boy wiped his tears with the back of his hands. “You’re gonna make me pee myself, Leo!” He cried out between laughs.

Leo sat back once more, spreading his arms across the back of the couch, proud. Proud he was able to make his brother laugh, for the first time in months.

—-

Raph was in the kitchen, working on something special for everyone. They all needed a break.
Everyone was tired and worn.
He needed something to distract himself.

Every time he tried to sleep he'd be jolted awake, seeing that Mikey had hurt himself again. It was the same nightmares over and over again, finding Mikey face down next to a bottle of pills or covered in blood.
He was the one who found Mikey, unconscious, barely breathing. All he could remember was begging Mikey, begging him not to do this.
He had already lost one brother, he couldn’t do it again.

They needed something sweet, something like brownies!
It was the first time in a while that Raph had baked, sadly, because it was one of his favorite things to do!

He walked out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. Mikey was laughing! He was full-on laughing. He had to see that, especially since it had been so long.
Raph expected the TV to be on, playing an episode of Jupiter Jim, or maybe Donnie going full nerd mode, ranting about… something.

As he rounded the corner, Raph’s smile dropped. The TV wasn’t on. Donnie wasn’t in the room.
It was just Mikey.
He let out a soft sign as he looked at his laughing brother. He seemed so happy, but what could have made him laugh like that?
His phone was sitting on the kitchen table…

Raph couldn’t help but try and push down the dread, that was until “You’re gonna make me pee myself, Leo”

He was still seeing him. Raph’s stomach dropped as he covered his mouth.

He thought Mikey was doing better, not seeing Leo like he said he was. Did his little brother lie to him? To both Raph and Donnie?
No! No Mikey doesn’t lie! But, Donnie did ask him if he heard or saw Leo still, and he said no.

Mikey doesn’t lie…

— -

Donnie had taken the role to help council Mikey, check in with him, and get a gauge on his mental health. He refused to sit back and watch his little brother crumble into pieces, though he wanted to himself.

Sure, he and Leo never were really close, Donnie said before that it felt like they were roommates, but deep down, he knew they were brothers, promising to take care of one another.
Every day he missed Leo, his jokes, his stupid arrogance.
His stupid face.

Mikey was different, he was kind. He knew how to take any situation and put a positive spin on it.

“According to my calculations, as long as you believe in yourself, you can do anything!”
That day was etched in Donnie’s mind.

There were so many things that he would have changed.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.

Leo was supposed to be saved from the prison dimension, and Raph wasn’t supposed to lose his arm. Mikey wasn’t supposed to lose his charm and will to live.
Nothing was how it was supposed to be.

Everything was off as soon as Leo dropped all those pizza boxes.
Donnie wished he now didn’t gloat, rubbing it in Leo’s face that he still remained champion.
He wished he could talk to his brother one more time, tell him that he loved him and that he was sorry.

Instead, here he was, scrapping the idea that Leo was ever coming back alive. Even if he somehow survived all the beatings from the Kraang, there was no way he could last that long without food or water.

There was no way he could open the door to the prison dimension and find his brother beaming from ear to ear, happy to have been rescued.
He could, however, bring his body back. That way they could bury him, and give him a real funeral, rather than just put flowers in his room.

He could at least do that for Leo.
So he worked on a key. One that could only ever be used twice, once to open the portal and once to close it.

---

Chapter Text

—

Leo never really left Mikey’s side. Any time he stepped too far away it felt like he was slowed down to an agonizing pace. It felt like he couldn't breathe as easily. Mikey was his energy source, he had come to realize that.

Every now and again, while Mikey slept, Leo could venture further. Specifically to Donnie’s room.

Any night Mikey slept, Leo went to Donnie’s room and sat across from his brother.
He watched as the softshell fought off sleep and chugged down coffee to keep himself awake when it was dark out.

Donnie refused to sleep at night, opting to sleep during the day.
In his mind, he needed to be awake if he needed to check in on Mikey, or if Raph had a nightmare.

Raph himself wakes up and comes to Donnie the moment he had a nightmare. He’d talk about it and Donnie listened.

Donnie took on the doctor role, it probably had something to do with his knowledge or maybe his research. He barely had time for himself, always worrying about everyone else.
He was working hard to fill the void that Leo left. He wasn’t funny like Leo was, but he was able to make some tech that may bring his brothers joy and comfort. Even just a little bit of joy would make the lair feel like a home again.
Leo thought he’d seen his brother stressed before but this was a new level.

His brother's actions worried him. Leo questioned when the last time he saw Donnie invest time into something for himself, or even took a moment to think about anything else that brought him joy.

Leo leaned forward as soon as Donnie nodded off for a moment. He watched his brother's every move, he still looked so worn. He needed the rest.

—-

Donnie was fast asleep, leaning against his hand, propping himself up.
Leo couldn’t help but smile a bit at his brother. He always looked so peaceful when he slept, a lot like a small child who fought off sleep, before finally giving in.

The slider reached his hand out, hovering it over his head. He wished he could touch his brother, and feel his warmth.
He missed when Donnie would push away his hand, “Why are you always touching me?”
“Because I’m your brother! And it’s my job to annoy you. Simple as that.”
Instead of feeling Donnie’s warmth or annoyance, he was met with his hand glowing, “huh? What the-”
His hand never glowed like that, not since he first reappeared.

Leo let his hand fall down on top of Donnie’s head, within a blink of an eye he was transported… somewhere. He didn’t recognize this place.
Donnie and everything in his lab had disappeared, replaced with a large field, spanning as far as the eye could see. The flowers swayed in the wind, their scent wafting into Leo’s nose.
That scent was familiar, it smelt like April’s apartment, a mix between fresh cookies and cinnamon.
For a second, Leo let himself get lost in the comforting warmth of the sun, closing his eyes and looking toward the sky.
He hadn’t felt like this since way before he had died.

That was until he heard a small voice call out, “Nardo! Look!”
Leo’s eyes snapped open, a small tent was suddenly in front of him.
He let out a shaky laugh, “I remember this.”
The slider ducked into the tent, seeing a little Donnie, big old square glasses and all, holding onto a massive book.
A soft, somber, smile spread across his face, his cheeks getting a little red. God did he miss being that little, laughing and playing with his brothers. He would give anything to go back.

He had almost forgotten how little Donnie used to be.
His smile faded as Donnie looked at him with that massive gap-toothed smile, little Donnie could see him….

“Look! Apparently, in the woods, there are millions of organisms! Living and breathing!”

Next thing Leo knew, he and Donnie were the same height. He quickly looked down at himself, realizing he had shrunk back to that small turtle he used to be.
It felt strange, being back to the size where he and Donnie started to truly fight. He wished he could restart with his brother. Prove to Donnie that he did love him, regardless of how much they fought.

“Yeah… that’s really cool Donnie.” He blinked a little as Donnie smiled brightly at him before turning back to his book.

“Raph and Mikey are playing outside… if you want to go play with them. They are practicing being ninjas. I know you like that kind of stuff, I don’t mind”

“No… I want to play with you.” Leo spoke instinctively. When this happened the first time, he had left Donnie to go play. Now, he needed to stay.

“With me? You never want to play with me.”
Little Donnie put down the book, leaning over it slightly, “are you sick?”

Leonardo couldn’t help but laugh, sick? Did he really have to be sick to want to hang out with his brother?
“No not sick, just curious about all those thingies in the woods. What did you call em’?”

—-

Within a blink, they were somewhere else again.
“The lair…?” Leo hesitated, he wasn’t as tall as he normally was, but now at least a little closer than being so small.

Leo looked around for a bit, where was everyone?
His head snapped in the direction of laughter, the whole family’s laughter.
The slider’s body moved before he could even think, running quickly into the living room and sliding on the floor around the corner. Seeing everyone all together laughing, the TV displaying his favorite Jupiter Jim movie.

“Nardo! You’re late! We are starting the movie, with or without you.”

“R-right.” Leo sat next to his brothers, they all looked so much younger, brighter than how they did now.

“Don’t fall asleep this time, Raph! Try to watch it to the end! You’ll see! It’s the best one!” Leo’s voice acted on its own.
As the movie played Leo looked around, feeling the joy of his family. All of them were in the same room laughing as they joked around, passing snacks, only to end up throwing popcorn across the room at each other trying to catch it in their mouths. It felt so natural to Leo like he had never moved on from this time. He could stay like this forever.

“Leo, your falling asleep!”
Mikey shouted out, giggling. They always drew on the face of the first person to fall asleep.

“He can fall asleep. It’s his own demise.” Donnie said flatly, though it felt like there was something sinister deep within his tone.

Leo let his eyes close as he got more comfortable, putting his hands behind his head, shifting deeper into the couch, “Draw on me and I will not hesitate to-”
Mikey quickly cut him off, “You know the rules of the game!”

“Yeahhh! You heard him, Nardo.” Donnie leaned closer to his brother, “You know the rules.”
Leo closed his eyes, “I’m tireddd! Why do you all hate me so?”
He remembered waking up the next morning with glasses and a mustache drawn on his face, Mikey drawing smiley faces and cats all up and down his arms and legs.

—

Leo’s shell started to ache, a lot like…

Leo’s face scrunched up as he felt the pain shoot through his back, it was way too familiar.
His eyes snapped open as he felt Donnie push him back into the bed he was in. Then everything faded back away into black.

“Mikey, Raph! Grab that towel, meet me in the medbay!” Donnie ordered, his voice almost echoing in Leo’s head.

Oh no… he remembered this. How could he forget? It wasn’t that long ago, not to mention it hurt like a bitch.

As soon as Leo opened his eyes again, Donnie leaned in close, using a light, shining it right in Leo’s eyes.

Instinctively, Leo pushed away Donnie’s hand, “What are you doing? I’m fine. Stop it!”

“You are not fine! Your shell is cracked, you are far from fine. Just let me help you.”

“I’m not a baby, Donatello!”
“This isn’t me trying to baby you! It’s me trying to save you from infection and a ton of unnecessary pain.”
Leo relaxed into the bed with a sign.
He couldn’t have the same fight he had with Donnie the first time.
“All I ever do is try to take care of you! And it’s not like I want to! I’m the only one who knows how!”

“I know… Thank you…”

“What?” Donnie snapped back at his brother. “What did you say?”

“Thank you for taking care of all of us… I know it’s not easy.”

Donnie sat back a little, taken off guard by Leo’s words. He crossed his arms and bounced his leg a little, “it’s not… but.”
He paused looking away, groaning a bit as he let his frustration take over, “why couldn’t you have said this before? Why now? When it’s already too late.”

“Wait, what? Donnie? Look at me.” Leo sat up in the bed, getting only slightly closer to Donnie. Begrudgingly, Donnie looked at him.
“What do you mean… too late?”

Donnie couldn’t hold eye contact for more than a second, glancing around, tears forming in his eyes. “You die… in a few weeks. Aliens called Kraang came here… and you get locked in a place called the prison dimension.”

The softshell shook his head, moving to wipe away his tears with his sleeve, “you have to take some medicine for the pain, and I want you to start taking antibiotics, just to help with the infection. Easy enough right? Don’t take too much pain medicine, it can hurt you. If you still have a lot of discomfort, come talk to me.”
He held out the pills, offering them to Leo.
The same pills that Mikey had taken that night...

Leo took a shaky breath reaching for the medicine. , “Donnie… You can see this too? You’re dreaming about this, aren’t you?”

Everything seemed to fade, Donnie getting fuzzy, “Wait! I don’t want to go yet! Don’t wake up yet! I want to talk to you!”

—-

Leo ripped his hand away from Donnie’s head. He was still asleep?

What just happened? Was that? Donnie’s memories? His dreams?
It had to be a dream, but… Donnie talked to him. Interacted.

The slider couldn’t stop his hands from shaking, meanwhile, Donnie started to move.
He took a deep breath as he woke up, wiping a stray tear.

He only paused for a second as he looked at a picture placed in the corner of his monitor, it was his family. All his brothers were smiling like children. It was his favorite picture of all of them.
“Thank you for visiting me, Nardo.”

There was a moment of silence before he turned back to what he was working on, letting himself focus deeply again.

Chapter Text

—-
“You’re not listening to me! Donnie heard me! And don’t tell me there’s no way! He was dreaming and I was there! In his dream! We talked. He talked to me!” Leo paced around the room, shaking his fist almost and he spoke.
Leo grew more and more frustrated now, it felt like his brothers should all be able to see him. Why was it only Mikey?
Why did it have to be this way? He sacrificed himself so he could save the world, so why was he being punished?

“I can prove it!”

Mikey crossed his arms, and they called him the crazy one.
“I’m not saying it didn’t happen, I mean, you’re a ghost and I can see you.”

“Don’t call me that!”
Leo turned quickly to his brother, his expression hard, leading Mikey to put his hands up defensively, looking the slider up and down, “sorry sorry.”

Leo hadn’t been exactly stable these last few days, who knew being a ghost didn’t exactly help his mental status?
“All I’m saying is maybe we should both calm down. You seem pretty… tense. Maybe you should try to sleep.”

“Mikey.” Leo huffed out, “I’m dead. I can’t sleep, trust me. I’ve tried.”

“Let me rephrase, maybe you should try again. Who knows! Maybe this will be the time you get some rest. You might be surprised.” Mikey was trying, trying to turn the things he had been so pessimistic about into positive things again.
It was like he was missing a piece of himself.

“Mikey! Now is not the time for you to fake being optimistic. It’s not helpful. Stop acting like I haven't seen you at your worst. Stop acting all high and mighty all of the sudden.”

Mikey’s eyebrows furrowed. It felt like he was just getting his spark back but Leo’s mood tried to stomp it out.
“You always think that I’m against you, Leo. I’m trying to help you. What’s so wrong with that?”

“I never asked you to help me. I don’t need my little brother to watch over me. I can do anything and everything I could when I was alive, with or without you.”
Mikey hated fighting with his brother but once Leo started, it was hard to stop that massive ball from rolling down the hill.
“Fine! Show me. Show me what powers you magically have out of the blue.”

Leo clapped his hands together, “Now we're finally getting somewhere. I knew you’d come around. Do you know if Raph is asleep?”

“I've been with you the whole time. Why would I know if he's asleep or not?”
Leo brushed him off with a scoff.
“I don’t know, I thought you knew everything, Mikey.”

The tension between the two was thick. It felt a lot like that day when Raph and Leo were fighting, the day that Leo died.
“This isn’t about you, Leo!” The slider could almost hear Raph’s voice echo in his head. There was so much about that day that Leo wished he could take back. He wished he never fought with Raph, wished he knew that Raph was going to send him back to the lair in the pod. He would have stayed in Raph’s place.

This feeling felt all too familiar.

—-

Raph was fast asleep, being given some medicine to help him hopefully stay asleep.
When he slept, he was oddly still, a lot like a rock.

He had the blanket pulled up right under his chin, cuddling close to a stuffed bear.
Raph had had that thing for years and years, barely ever washing it and that was clear as the fur was matted down.
It was a gift from Leo many Christmases ago, as Leo looked at him he couldn’t help but smile a bit.
“He still sleeps with that thing? What is he, 12?”

“It’s almost like it’s special to him.” Mikey’s voice was dry and hushed, not wanting to wake up Raph. The snapper already lost too much sleep because of him.

“Okay watch this.” Leo rubbed his hands together, then reached out, hovering one hand above Raph’s head.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing happened.
Leo hesitantly pulled his hand away for a second before sending it forward again, waving a bit over Raph’s head.
“Usually…”
Leo took a quick breath in, “I swear, with Donnie my hand glowed and-“
He huffed a bit before letting his hand drop to Raph’s head, phasing right through.
“No…”

“Leo, it’s late. Maybe we should just try another day.”

“No! Just shut up! I’m going to talk to my brother and I can't focus with you in my ear!”

Mikey’s eyes widened a bit, Leo never yelled at him like that. His chest rose and fell inconsistently, tears started to line his eyes, as he furrowed his brows. “I’m just trying to help. Maybe it won’t work tonight, we both are tired.”

“Shut up, Michelangelo!”
“Leo!”

“What!? Huh? What the hell do you want!? Just shut up and let me try again.”

Mikey tried to blink away the tears that started the drip down his face. “Why are you saying things like this? What happened to you? Why are you being so mean?”

Leo snapped his head to Mikey, his own expression laced with anger, “What happened to me!? What happened to me? I died. You think I want to be stuck with you!?”

Mikey shook his head a little bit, closing his eyes tightly, both anger and sadness boiled in his heart.
“No! I don't! I want to be able to go out on my own! Live my life that I don't even have anymore! Remember!? I wasn’t saved. I’m still stuck in that damned prison dimension. It literally killed me. Nobody saved me.”
Leo’s voice shook as he yelled at Mikey. That anger that stuck in his soul was finally being released at least a little bit.

“But no! I'm stuck here! With you! With everyone but only you can see me! This is literal hell!”
Leo pointed at Mikey’s chest, his hand glowed lowly as he shouted. Eventually, he pushed against Mikey’s chest. It didn’t phase through.
The heat of the situation seemed to cover up that Leo physically touched Mikey.
“I’d give anything to be alive again! Not stuck here, following your every damn move.”
With each shove, Mikey stepped back.
Eventually, he was pressed up against the wall of Raph’s room, tears streaming down his face as his hands shook.
With each shove, Mikey stepped back.
“I tried. I really tried to save you.”

Leo wasn’t mad at Mikey, in fact, he was mad at the fact that even though he died he wasn't able to move on. Mad that he sacrificed himself and it felt like now he was being punished.
“You didn’t try hard enough.”
Leo’s voice felt laced with venom, almost stabbing Mikey where it hurt most.

Mikey’s looked up at Leo, his expression hardened.
“Leave me alone.”

“What!?”

Mikey still whispered, his hands balled into fists. “Leonardo. Leave. Me. Alone. ”

—-

“Mikey?” Raph moved a little in his bed, reaching up to his face, and rubbing his eyes.
He had been sleeping soundly until he heard Mikey’s voice dripping with anger.
His brother was crying, not to mention he said Leo’s name, telling him to leave him alone.

Mikey took a quick breath in quickly looking at Raph, not expecting to hear Raph’s voice.
“Are you okay, Mikey?”

Mikey quickly looked back to where Leo was, finding the spot empty. His eyes widened a bit.

“Mikey…?” Raph sat up, pushing the blanket off of him, seeing his brother pushed against a wall, crying, wasn’t exactly what he expected to wake up to.
“Hey… hey what’s wrong, big guy? Come here.”
Raph held open his arms to his brother with a soft smile. He still looked so sleepy.

Mikey’s eyes scanned the room. Leo was gone, almost like he disappeared into thin air, which wasn’t impossible.
With a groan, Mikey rubbed his face a little bit.
“I have to apologize. He’s stressed. He didn’t mean what he said.”

Raph finally dropped his arms, accepting that Mikey wasn’t going to hug him like he used to.
“Who? Donnie? I’m sure he just needs time to chill out. What happened?”

All Mikey did was shake his head.
“I can go talk to him, Mikey,” Raph started to get up as Mikey just shook his head, even more, choking out a sob.

“You can’t, that’s the problem. He wants to talk to you and Donnie so badly. But you guys don’t hear him. See him.”

Raph’s chest tightened, “ Mikey… Is…” he hesitated, “Is this about Leo?”

The snapper almost didn’t want an answer. He wanted to believe that Mikey was talking about Donnie. Almost Hoping that the two had gotten into a fight about something. That would be much earlier to heal from.
“I thought you said you didn’t hear him anymore… Mikey?”
He waited for an answer, Mikey was just quiet, “Did… Did you lie to us, Mikey?

Suddenly, Mikey perked up a bit like he had come to a realization, “Wait…” he put a hand up to his chest, realizing just then that Leo touched him. Pushed him.
Sure this wasn’t exactly how he wanted to see him use his ghost powers if he could even call them that.
“I have to find him… He can help fix this mess.”

—-

Within seconds, Mikey was out the door, searching around the lair frantically.
His breath caught in his throat. He needed to find Leo.

“Leo!” He called out, looking everywhere he’d seen Leo within the past few months. His room was empty, he wasn’t in the living room. Not the kitchen or even the medbay.

Raph followed behind Mikey as he seemed to be in some sort of trance.
“Mikey, breathe. Try to calm down. Leo’s gone. He hasn’t been here… for a long time.”

Mikey ignored Raph, if only he knew.
“God, Leo! Now is not the time to be dramatic. Where are you!?”
He seemed to narrowly escape the grasp of Raph when he tried to pull him into a hug.
“Leonardo! I’m sorry, okay!?”

Raph wrung his hands together nervously, what was he supposed to do? From his perspective, Mikey was having another meltdown.
Donnie. Donnie always knew what to do.
Luckily, that’s exactly where Mikey was headed.

Mikey burst through Donnie’s door, shouting Leo’s name again.
The commotion instantly shocked Donnie awake.
He had fallen asleep at his desk again, he didn’t have much time to try and catch up before Mikey started to search his room.
“What are you doing?”

Mikey didn’t respond to Donnie as he pulled open his closet door.
“Leo I swear. Stop hiding.”
Donnie felt his heart fall into his stomach, quickly snapping his gaze to Raph, who stood in the doorway, clearly trying to hold back tears as he looked at Mikey.
“What’s going on?”

Donnie wanted to punch himself, of course, he fell asleep when Mikey would need him.
Raph just shook his head a bit, shrugging, “He was in my room. I was asleep and…” The snapper gulped a little bit, “He’s looking for Leo…”

“Clearly.”
Donnie tried to blink away the tiredness, “Mikey…” he started softly. “Mikey, it’s okay. Here, come sit down, we can put on a movie or maybe-“

“Why are you hiding, Leo!? This isn’t fair!”
Mikey spoke unfiltered, not worried about Donnie or Raph thinking he was crazy, he could prove to them Leo actually was here if he could physically touch things. Who knew what other powers his ghostly form had?

“Mikey. He’s gone.” Donnie knew better than to give in to his delusions, which would do Mikey no good in the long run.

“No!” Mikey snapped back, still looking, “He’s been here this whole time. You both don't believe me, but I can prove it to you now. I'm not crazy! You guys just can’t see or hear him. But now you will be able to **feel** him! If I could just find him!”

Donnie glanced at Raph for a second, trying to silently come up with a plan to help Mikey calm down.

“Stop looking at each other like that!” Mikey seemed to get more and more defensive with every passing second.
“I told you, I’m fine.”

“Mikey… it doesn’t seem like you’re fine, buddy.” Raph took a step forward, holding out a hand to try and keep his brother calm.

“I’m not sick or hurt! I'm not broken like you're trying to make it seem!”
Mikey’s voice felt scratchy. His body felt jittery, as anxiety and frustration filled every inch of his chest.
“I need to find him so I can prove to you both I’m not just…” his voice trailed off as he turned to the door, quickly opening it and walking out into the living room.

Both Donnie and Raph looked at each other, for a moment they both silently worried, should just let Mikey look for Leo, or should they stop him and remind him of the facts? Leo was gone. He was never coming back. Raph was the first one to move, following Mikey, Donnie was not far behind him.

Mikey searched the living room again, this went on for a few minutes before full tears dripped from his face as he fell to his knees.
The youngest turtle's heart squeezed in his chest.
“No… he’s…” Mikey covered his mouth, it felt like he was going to throw up.

Without a second thought, Raph swooped in, being Mikey in for a hug, and letting his brother cry.
“He can’t be… gone-gone…. Right?” Mikey looked up at Raph, he looked so sad and broken.
“I didn't say goodbye.”

He pushed away from Raph, “He didn't let me say goodbye! I-” Mikey's breath shook. What was he supposed to do without Leo?
This dread in his chest felt exactly like how it did before he could hear him. Like when he thought he’d never see his brother again. That wound is being ripped right open again.

“I could have saved him. Raph, I could have saved him but now he’s gone! He’s gone and it’s my fault…”

“Hey… hey, big man, it’s okay. This isn’t your fault. He made a choice-”

“Yeah! That’s what he used to say! Now!” Mikey choked on his breath, “Now he hates me. I wasn’t able to save him! And he blames me!”
Raph felt his heart break in two, he knew Leo well enough to not blame Mikey like that. It had to be what Mikey had been telling himself for so long.
He had been living in his delusion for too long, he probably couldn’t separate the Leo he saw from his real brother.

“Mikey…” Donnie’s voice finally called out, it was so soft. He had somehow snuck out, running to the medbay. He knew how he could help Mikey a bit.
The softshell held out a hand, the other one was hidden behind his back, “Come here, Mikey.
Come talk to me.”
Mikey just shook his head a little bit, “ No…”
His voice was more broken.

“I need you to calm down, Mikey. Think about what is real. Raph and I. We are right here and we are trying to help you.”
Donnie would be lying if he said he didn’t have a lot of frustration toward his brother, why did he lie? They’ve done nothing but try to make it easier on him.

“I don’t want it to be this way! I’m so tired.” Mikey made eye contact with Donnie, sending a chill down the spine of the softshell. “I’m tired! I’m tired of feeling like this! I can’t lose him again! I-I can’t breathe!”

Mikey pulled at his shell, scratching his neck a little as he felt suffocated.
It was another panic attack.
Even with all the research, Donnie didn’t know how to help Mikey. He didn’t respond to the tips and tricks that he read about.
He was inconsolable when it got this bad.

Mikey could feel himself being pulled back to the day Leo died. He didn’t have control of his mind. Panic took over full.
“It’s my fault he’s gone. And I yelled at him and now…”
Mikey mumbled in a consistent stream about how he was at fault for all the family's misfortune within these last few months.
That was until he looked to the ground screaming out that he couldn’t do it anymore.

Donnie and Raph knew he was too far gone.
That he wouldn’t be able to pull himself out of the spiral.

“I know, Mikey…”
Donnie stepped closer to him, finally getting close enough.
The softshell stabbed Mikey with the syringe that he hid behind his back.
Mikey gasped a little, not expecting the sharp pinch.
“I’m sorry, Mikey. I need you to try and stay calm.”

“What did you do?” Raph almost yelled out, pulling his little brother in his arms.
It didn’t take long for Mikey to relax in his brother’s arms, still hiccuping out sobs.

“I gave him a sedative.” Donnie said softly, reaching up his hand to his little brother’s face, “We can help you. I promise… I just need to do more research.”

As Mikey’s head fell to the side and he fell unconscious, Raph spoke.
“We can’t just knock him out every time things get hard. He needs to learn how to cope… we need to learn how to calm him down. It keeps happening, and now they’re more frequent”
Raph hugged Mikey close to his chest.

“I know… he just…”

“It's okay Donnie. We can figure it all out in the morning. We all need to rest.”

—

Chapter Text

Donnie sat across the room from Mikey, who slept soundly in his own bed. He didn’t need a constant flow of medicine, so Donnie figured that it’d be okay for him to sleep in his own bed, surrounded by the softest blankets and stuffed animals Raph could find.
Nothing about their family dynamic seemed normal anymore.
Donnie hated to say it, but Leo was needed to make the family function.

Mikey had been sleeping nonstop for a few days now. He needed the rest.
Donnie looked up from his phone when Mikey started moving in his bed, was he finally getting up?
No. Instead, he pulled the blanket over his head, Donnie knew he was awake, even if he didn’t want to be.
“Mikey…” He started, putting his phone on Mikey’s desk, “Hey, you need to get up and go to the bathroom… and get something to eat. Raph made your favorite.”

There was a long silence, Donnie almost wondered if he could try to talk to his brother.
“You know…” he started, leaning to prop his head up on his hand.
“I saw this article the other day saying flowers could help improve mental health.
Something about the colors I suppose. Though, I don't know how much more color this room can take.”

Mikey's room had always been colorful, with paintings and drawings posted on every square inch of the walls.
Bright neon lights almost abused the eyes of anyone that looked at them.
And colorful Christmas lights strung from each corner of the room.

There was only so much color that would even stand out.

“We should redecorate in here. It's been a while since you've moved stuff around.”
Donnie almost begged Mikey to answer something, anything, he had said.

“I like it the way it is.”

Donnie let out a soft sigh, his brother was at least cognitive. That was good.
He could still function.

“At least one of us does.”

“Yeah, the one with taste.”

Mikey sounded so tired, his voice dry and stiff.
It was still nice hearing his voice after what felt like weeks.

“I assume you're talking about yourself? Sure, if you believe that, I'll let my silly little brother be in ignorant bliss.”

There was a long silence that seeped its way back into the room.
Donnie didn’t want to ask him if he was okay, Mikey had been asked that so many times this week. He knew how his brother would react. It was never pretty.

“I don’t see him anymore. Or hear him.”
Donnie sat back a bit, being taken off guard by what his brother said. Sure, deep down he was curious if Mikey still saw Leo, deciding that he shouldn’t ask in case it upset his little brother.

“Right. Right. And how does that make you feel, Mikey?”

“Lost.” The simple word held so much significance for the teen.

“I’m sorry, Mikey.” Donnie picked up his phone as he got up. “It’ll get easier to manage. It just takes some time. I know that's said to everyone but… For me, it's gotten easier.”

Mikey pulled the blanket from his head, looking at his brother. That's right. He had lost Leo too. He had lost a brother.
Even if they did fight and pick on one another, they were brothers.

He couldn't even imagine how it's been for Donnie. Suddenly, he had become the person who everyone looked to for answers.
Sure, he did research, but that's for humans. Not mutants.

“Thank you for taking care of us.”

Donnie took a second, deciding if he should let this conversation happen. That was until his stomach growled.
“Let’s order some pizza. Extra cheese?”

Mikey shifted again, sitting up. Donnie didn’t treat him like he was broken as much as Raph did. He didn’t mean to but Raph had become increasingly overbearing.
“Dessert Pizza too?”

Donnie couldn’t help but scoff a little, walking close to Mikey, placing his hand on top of his head, “You’re really thinking with your gut, aren’t you? Fine. Just because it does sound good.”

—--

“You guys ordered pizza!? But I made dinner..” Raph almost whined and he looked up at the ceiling.

“You said it yourself-” Mikey laughed out, “ Dinner is taking wayyyy longer than you thought. We’re hungry! Plus that just means that we will be eating like kings the next few days!”

Mikey sounded more like himself, as he laughed a little, Donnie and Raph exchanged glances. Was he finally healing? Now that he didn’t see Leo every second of the day, he wasn’t constantly reminded that his brother was dead. He was able to breathe and take a step back from it all.
This playful banter was good for him.

“Not to mention,” Donnie clapped his hands together, “ We have a lot of Jupiter Jim to catch up on! No time to dilly dally with eating with forks!”

—
That night was the most normal they had since Leo died. The brothers laughed as Mikey stood up acting out scenes, he used to do that with Leo. Leo always was the alien or threat, Mikey couldn’t help but want to be the hero.

Just as Mikey pretended to see the big bad of the episode, Donnie took a deep breath in, standing up with his hands on his hips.
“Jupiter Jim? It’s time you meet your fate!”
He pulled out an invisible weapon, pointing it at Mikey, “hands where I can see em’. Maybe I’ll think about letting you go.”

Mikey turned around, dropping his hands from their position over his head. He looked like he was going to cry.

Donatello dropped his smile and stance with a nervous chuckle, “uh- sorry I'm not good at all this…” he searched for the word, rolling his wrist in the air, “pretending.”

Mikey covered his mouth as tears started to roll down his cheeks.
Both Donnie and Raph inched closer to him, both of them having hands up cautiously,
“Hey, it's okay...”
Ralph started, his voice soft and soothing.

After a beat, Mikey erupted in laughter. Still crying but laughing, with that warm laughter that used to fill the lair.
“I'm sorry-” he barely choked out before he laughed more.

“Now I'm just confused.”
Donnie put his hands on his hips, looking over to Raph, whose expression shifted from worry to a soft smile.

“You're a terrible actor, Dontron. Don't quit your day job.”
That tense feeling instantly lifted.

“Hey! Rude! What if my only dream was to become the best actor of all time? Huh? Crushed it like a grape. Good for you I don't plan on being an ~actor~”

“Good for everyone!”
Ralph couldn't help but laugh at Mikey’s jab toward Donnie.

The joking lasted the whole night, it felt a lot like before. The air didn't feel tense, nothing that was said or done felt forced.

As the night wound down, Raph put his head on the couch close to Mikey’s head. It was silent, both of the brothers had blankets, and Donnie passed out draped over the arms of the chair. They had just finished watching Jupiter Jim Saves the cosmos and more, an extended version of the most recent movie.
It had come out a few days after Leo died, everyone silently agreed only to watch it when things felt more normal.

“Y’know…” Raph whispered, glancing over to Mikey who seemed to be blinking off sleep, “I’m really proud of you. Despite… everything, I’m really proud that you talked to us. I’m proud you’re doing better.”

Mikey looked to Raph, scanning the features of his face.
All of them had scars from that day.
Raph had gone blind in his right eye, not to mention the scars that came from the accidental amputation of his arm.

Donnie had large scars running across his shell from being ripped out of the kraang ship.
Though Mikey had only seen them once, he could tell they were going to be lifelong scars.

Mikey himself had scars running up and down his arms, where pieces of him chipped away trying to open the portal.

Everyone had mental battles. Donnie’s insomnia got worse. Raph had more nightmares and OCD-like tendencies.
Everyone knew how Mikey reacted to it all.

It was nice forgetting all that for at least one night.
Even if it was just a distraction, everyone needed it. They needed the laughter, they needed the stupid jokes and snacks being thrown at one another.

A small smile appeared on Mikey’s face, “I’m proud of you too, Raph. Thank you for being around.”

Raph scoffed playfully, “I’ll always be around. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

“You promise?” Mikey didn’t sound scared like when he had asked Leo that a few weeks ago, instead, it sounded almost like a challenge.

“I promise, little man.”

“Hey!”

“Sorry! Sorry! Big man!”

Mikey put his head on Raph’s shoulder, closing his eyes softly, “Better.”