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Felix squeals when the timer pings. His first batch of Christmas cookies are ready to go! He pulls them out and admires them.
“Perfect.” He whispers as he carefully transfers the cookies from the baking tray to the cooling rack. All the little gingerbread stare back at him, faceless, and Felix happily skips over to the icing he had prepared earlier. “Time to make you all look pretty!”
Felix gets to work icing the cookies, sharp white outlines with cute little multi-coloured buttons and bowties and plain black eyes with a dot of white in the centre. The cookies truly do look adorable, and Felix decides it won’t hurt to have one of them. He snatches one up and quickly puts it in his mouth. His teeth sink through the still-warm cookie, and he hums in content. Perfect. He does a small happy dance before finishing up the cookie and dusting his hands off.
“What’s next?” Felix mumbles around the final mouthful of gingerbread. He’s so glad his flatmates aren’t home right now, otherwise they’d freak out about the amount of cookies and other goodies he’s planning on making. He’s stocked up enough ingredients to run a busy bakery for three-four days, Felix is pretty sure.
As he whisks up a simple chocolate chip cookie mixture, Felix hums along to the Christmas music that is playing somewhat-quietly from his phone. Felix loves Christmas, he absolutely adores the winter season in its entirety, but especially Christmas. The love and joy and the gratitude of it all. Plus it gives Felix a damn good excuse to bake an overwhelmingly large amount of good, yummy snack foods – as he finds himself doing right now.
It's only when Felix pulls his eighth batch of cookies out of the oven does he realise that maybe, just maybe, he’s gone and overdone it. Chan walks in at that point too and stops in the doorway, eyes wide.
“Felix…what the fuck?” Chan says and Felix flushes bright red, keeping his focus on the cookie tray in front of him as he transfers the last few sugar cookies to the cooling rack.
“I, I may have gone a tad overboard.” Felix mumbles and Chan scoffs.
“A tad?” Chan says as he steps into the kitchen further. Felix turns to look at him as Chan picks up a cookie and bites into it. “You’re lucky you’re good at baking.” Chan mumbles around the cookie and Felix smiles at him then.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do with the rest of them.” Felix says, scratching at the back of his neck. He really has made too many and as much as Jisung loves cookies, he won’t eat all of them, and Chan and Minho don’t have that much of a sweet tooth either. He thinks of his other friends in the house a few doors down. Seungmin doesn’t have a sweet tooth, Jeongin’s cravings are too hard to comfortably predict, and Hyunjin prefers other sweet things over cookies. That leaves Changbin.
Changbin.
“Oh my god, I should give some to Changbin!” Felix says, eyes sparkling alight at the thought of his crush. Chan snorts, well aware of Felix’s large neon-sign-obvious crush on the shorter boy and goes to speak when Felix speaks up again. “Maybe I should keep it anonymous though?” Felix mumbles then and Chan turns to him, a confused look on his face.
“Why anonymous?” Chan asks, coaxing the younger to look at him. Felix huffs as he looks up, lips jutted out in a pout.
“You all say my crush on him is very obvious, but that he doesn’t know, so I’m worried that if I kept giving him things, he’ll figure it out.” Felix says and Chan can understand the younger’s mindset.
“Well then I’m sure anonymity would work perfectly. If it makes you feel more comfortable, then that’s what’s important, Felix.” Chan says and Felix hugs him then, tight and firm as he mumbles his thank you’s to Chan. Chan just shrugs it off.
“It’s nothing. Now come on, lets get to sorting these cookies into manageable piles.” Chan says and Felix giggles, pulling away to rush back to his precious stacks of baking.
The two dive into their work, quickly sorting out the cookies by who likes them most, but there’s still lots left over when Felix is done and he huffs.
“How about you make up a bag of cookies for Changbin every day and leave them where he’ll find them but not know it’s you?” Chan says and Felix turns to look at him, a determined look on his face.
“That sounds perfect.”
*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*
The next morning Felix walks into the kitchen, grabs the first batch of cookies for Changbin (in it is two chocolate chip ones, two chocolate ones, one gingerbread man, one snowflake, one Christmas tree, one rainbow cookie, one sugar cookie and one white chocolate chip cookie), before turning to Chan who stands in the doorway, dressed in all black, with his black bag slung over his shoulder. He’s headed to the university music studio early today, Changbin and Jisung joining him later, so Chan agrees to plant the first batch of cookies for Felix.
“Thanks again, Chan.” Felix says as he stands in the front doorway, saying goodbye to Chan. Chan just waves back at him before pulling his headphones onto his head, and walking around the corner to get to campus. Felix shuts the front door with a sigh before leaning against it and sliding down.
“Please let this go down well.”
--
Chan bites his bottom lip, pretending to be consumed in his work, when Changbin finds the cookies in the bottom right drawer. The studio room they’re in is practically theirs at this point, with how often they rent it for use, and the small cupboard in the corner has four drawers that each of the boys chose to be theirs. Chan has the top right one, Jisung the bottom left and Changbin the bottom right. The top left is reserved for any excess stuff to be thrown in.
“Look, Chan! Cookies.” Changbin says and Chan turns to him, a small smile on his face.
“Where’d they come from?” Chan asks, hoping and praying his tone is convincing enough that Changbin won’t catch onto Chan’s involvement in the entire scheme. Chan has informed the rest of his friends about Felix’s plan so none of them give the plot away, and they had all been really supportive of it, which Chan had relayed to Felix. The younger had sent a string of starry-eyed emojis back at him.
“I don’t know. They were in my drawer.” Changbin says, sitting in the chair next to Chan, eyes fixed on the cookies. Chan can just make out the small tag that Felix has attached to the bag, the simple red ribbon keeping it in place. Changbin picks up the tag and reads it over before gasping. “I have a secret admirer?”
“What?” Chan asks. He hadn’t paid attention to what Felix had written on the note, choosing to respect Changbin and Felix’s privacy.
“The note. It says ‘I know you like good food and I hope my cookies are good enough for you. Love from, your secret admirer.’ Oh my god, that’s so cute!” Changbin squeals and Chan rolls his eyes at Felix’s dramatics. Changbin doesn’t hesitate to open the bag, pulling out the snowflake-shaped cookie, before biting into it. He chews for a few seconds, swallowing it down, before gasping again. “They’re so good! Do you want one, Channie?” Chan shakes his head.
“They’re yours. Enjoy them all.” Chan smiles at him and Changbin giggles, happily making his way through the cookies. By the time Jisung joins them, Changbin is on his third cookie and Jisung shares one look with Chan before speaking up.
“Can I have a cookie, Changbin?” Jisung asks and Chan’s eyes widen.
“No. They’re from his secret admirer.” Chan says and Jisung snorts, but accepts the answer, settling down on the couch that lays against the back wall of the studio room, pulling out his laptop and loading it up. Changbin continues to munch on the cookies and Chan manages to sneakily take a cute picture of him mid-bite to send to Felix. The younger reacts to the message with a heart before sending back a message consisting entirely of the normal heart-eyed emoji and the cat heart-eyed emoji in alternating fashion. Another message pings through quickly and Chan laughs. The message reads ‘so cute🥺’ and Chan shoots back a quick ‘you’re whipped!’ before locking his phone and placing it face down.
Back to work.
*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*
The next day finds Felix being rushed into Changbin’s room by Jeongin, the youngest helping him hide the cookies this time. Felix looks around, trying to find somewhere to hide the cookies, but stagnates.
“Jeongin, help!” Felix whisper shouts. Changbin is due home any minute, Jeongin watching over the front door from the top of the stairs to make sure Changbin doesn’t barge in, but Felix is fully stuck on where to hide them.
“What’s wrong?” Jeongin says back, eyes still focused on the front door.
“I can’t find where to hide the cookies. Help me.” Felix bites his bottom lip in thought, and he can hear Jeongin huffing before abandoning his post and entering Changbin’s room.
“Seriously?” Felix hums, nodding his head and Jeongin stalks over, pulling open the top drawer of Changbin’s bedside cabinet. “Put them here. It’s where he puts his gym locker keys.” Jeongin says and Felix quickly scuffles over, placing the cookies gently inside. The drawer closes just as the front door opens and Felix and Jeongin turn to each other with wide eyes, quickly rushing to get out of Changbin’s room. They make it to the top of the stairs just as Changbin turns to look at them.
His hair is wet from his shower, and he seems tired after working out, but Felix thinks Changbin looks absolutely fucking gorgeous.
“Felix, hi! What are you doing here?” Changbin asks and Felix tenses. Him and Jeongin hadn’t thought of an excuse to explain Felix’s presence.
“Is Felix not allowed to come round just because?” Jeongin drawls, deadpan as he crosses his arms and playfully huffs. Changbin flushes lightly, the pink tint on his chubby cheeks making him appear extra cute in Felix’s mind, before shaking his head.
“That’s true. Sorry, Lix.” Changbin mumbles and Felix laughs, bright and jovial, brushing over the older boy’s apologies.
“No worries, Binnie.” Felix says and the older boy nods, before making his way up the stairs. Jeongin moves away, dragging Felix with him.
“Felix is here to help me with my assignment. actually.” Jeongin continues, and Felix plays along, nodding his head and patting his bag when Changbin smiles at him. They enter Jeongin’s room, Changbin going along to his. Jeongin barely manages to turn his laptop on when Changbin slams the door open, the bag of cookies in his grip, and a wide-eyed, wide-grinned look covers his face.
“I got more cookies!” Changbin gasps and Jeongin laughs.
“I know. I found them in my bag with a post-it note attached, asking me to give them to you.” Jeongin says, shrugging his shoulders.
“Ahh, thank you Innie. This person, whoever they are, is so cute! The cutest!” Changbin giggles and Felix flushes. He knows that Changbin isn’t talking about him as Felix, but he is still talking about him, just unknowingly. Felix brushes it aside.
“That’s so cute, Changbin!” Felix says instead and Changbin smiles at him before spinning on his heel and skipping back to his room, Jeongin’s door shutting behind him. Felix falls back against Jeongin’s bed with a soft squeal.
“He’s so cute!”
*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*
The third day of Felix’s cooking hiding adventures leads Felix to join Chan as they head towards the lecture room Chan and Changbin will be in today. The plan is for Felix to place the cookies on Changbin’s desk, Chan watching over them, and then leaving just before the lecture starts. When they finally get to the lecture hall, there’s only two minutes left until the lecture is due to start and Felix hopes that Changbin isn’t in the room already.
Chan pushes the door open, Felix trailing after him, and Felix breathes a sigh of relief when he sees only one other person in the room – a person with bright blue hair who looks up and smiles at the pair when they walk in, before focusing back on the book in their hands. Chan leads Felix over to the chairs him and Changbin will sit on before taking his own seat. Felix gently places the cookies on the desk in front of Changbin’s seat before turning and leaving.
“Thank you again, Chan. I’ll see you after lecture, yeah?” Felix asks, tilting his head slightly, and Chan nods, wishing Felix goodbye as the younger leaves the room.
Felix steps out into the hallway and sees Changbin’s form, the elder wrapped up in a conversation with Jisung. The latter spots him and Felix puts a finger against his lips, winking at Jisung who winks back, before turning and walking off.
When Felix gets back to his flat, a cup of hot chocolate from the campus café in his hands, he pulls his phone out and smiles at the texts from Chan and Jisung. Both are pictures of Changbin happily munching on a cookie, taken at different angles, and Felix saves both pictures, sending heart-eyed emojis in response to both, before locking his phone and settling at his desk, an overwhelming sense of joy filling his body.
Changbin was so cute, and yet still, still so clueless.
*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*
Felix feels his motivation sink lower and lower the more Changbin talks.
“I just can’t figure out who it is.” Changbin pouts, his chubby cheeks puffed out at the movement as he playfully stamps his feet. It was the next day and Felix had happily joined Chan, Changbin and Jisung in the university music studio, but he was starting to lightly regret that. Sure, Changbin had been staring at him occasionally, doe-eyed with pretty pink lips that Felix wanted to kiss so badly, but that wasn’t helping either, making an intoxicating mix of annoyance and adoration burn up within his veins.
“Well, what hints do you have?” Jisung briefly sends a smirk Felix’s way before softening his facial features down as he turns to look at Changbin again.
“Well…not much. They can bake, obviously, and they clearly know me well enough to know this is the practice room I use, that Jeongin is my friend, and they even know what table I sit at during my lectures with Professor Bae.” Changbin says, tapping his bottom lip in thought. His lips are pushed out in a pout still and Felix resists the urge to coo at him.
“Hmm, I don’t know. Felix, do you have any ideas?” Felix startles out of his adoration-laced staring when Jisung addresses him and he flushes lightly, shrugging his shoulders.
“No clue, sorry.” Felix responds and Changbin whines, slumping back in his chair, Felix giggling at his little tantrum.
“If this person knows so much about me, surely I must know them, right?” Changbin says after a while and both Jisung and Felix shrug. Felix can see Chan holding back laughter as he faces the monitor before him and Felix huffs. Changbin whines again. “I give up.”
Felix’s motivation is completely and utterly gone now.
*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*
It’s not long after Chan and Felix get home, going their separate ways, that Felix feels frustration build up within him again and he gets up off his bed with a sigh. Watching Changbin eat his cookies and complain about not knowing his secret admirer’s identity was driving Felix absolutely crazy and Felix is gonna pop if he keeps this up any longer. He storms down the hallway and wrenches Chan’s door open.
“Chan, I need help.” Felix says as he makes his way into Chan’s bedroom. The older boy is watching something on his laptop, and he hits pause as Felix’s voice sounds out.
“What’s up?” Chan asks, ever ready to be helpful, and Felix huffs. Why were things never easy?
“I’m tired of Changbin not understanding.” Felix says, falling face first onto Chan’s bed. Chan laughs, soft and gentle, before standing up and making his way over to Felix, sitting on the bed next to him.
“You were the one who chose to be anonymous, Lix.” Chan says. He runs his hands through Felix’s blonde strands, and Felix feels some of the tension in his brain simmer out at the gentle motions.
“I know.” The words are muffled but Chan still hears them. Even if he hadn’t, Felix knows that Chan would’ve figured it out anyways. He’s always been that way, always knowing the ins and outs of every member of their little steadfast friendship group, and Felix admires that trait about Chan.
“You should really say something, Felix. Or make it more obvious somehow.” Chan says and Felix turns then, Chan’s hands disentangling from Felix’s blonde locks, allowing Felix to sit up comfortably.
“I know.” Felix says again. He feels a bit like a broken record. “I’m just so scared that when Changbin realises it’s me who’s been leaving him all these goodies, he’ll freak out and run because he doesn’t feel the same way.” Felix continues. He brings his knees up, laying his arms across them, before resting his head atop his arms. He stares at Chan with wide, teary eyes.
“Oh sunshine. You haven’t seen the way that boy looks at you. He looks at you like you’re the reason the Earth turns. I know Changbin very well, I spend most of my time with him, and all he chatters about when we take breaks at the studio is you and how pretty he thinks you are. It’s awful, seriously. You need to shut him up.” Chan says, his tone fond and adoring, a tone he only uses when he’s serious in his fondness, and Felix lets the tears slip then, knowing deep down that Chan is right, he has to be, and Felix is just a scared coward running away from the truth.
“I’m sorry.” Felix mutters, the sound broken and torn and so utterly un-Felix-like that he knows he’s probably breaking Chan’s heart right now.
“Don’t apologise for being human, Felix.” Chan says, shuffling closer to rest his hand atop Felix’s that are still linked across his knees. “Just be brave.” Chan says, kissing Felix’s forehead before shuffling off the bed and standing up. “Now, it’s quite late. Shall we get some dinner?” Chan asks and Felix nods, appreciating the fact that Chan knows when to drop a conversation topic. He wipes his tears, sniffling a few times, before standing up and wandering over to peek at Chan’s phone as Chan looks through restaurants.
“Can we have Chinese?” Felix whispers, his voice still hoarse and tender from his crying and the overwhelming emotions that burn in his eyes, his throat, his heart. Chan nods, tapping away, before handing the phone to Felix.
“Order whatever you want. My treat.” Chan says and Felix smiles at the way Chan is so obvious and yet so subtle in his ways of showing love. Felix quickly orders the things he wants before handing the phone back to Chan.
“Thanks Channie.” Felix says, voice still whisper-quiet. He swallows, gathering all his courage before speaking again.
“I think I’m going to talk to Changbin tomorrow.”
--
“I think I’m going to talk to Changbin tomorrow.” Changbin hears. He knows he shouldn’t be here. He’d come to ask Chan for some help with their assignment and had stumbled into Chan and Felix’s conversation. Hearing the younger cry nearly made Changbin burst through the door to comfort him, but he wasn’t supposed to be there anyway, so he just had to sit there and listen. He huffs and walks away quietly, making it to the top of the stairs before walking back again, on louder feet this time. He knocks gently and enters upon Chan giving him permission to.
“Oh, hi Changbin.” Chan greets and Changbin makes a point to not look at Felix’s form where he sits on Chan’s bed, hugging his knees.
“Hey. I was gonna ask for you to help me with some work for the upcoming assignment, but it seems like you two are busy, so I guess I’ll just ask you to help me some other time.” Changbin says, voice unknowingly dulled and subdued, and he turns to look at Felix then, shooting the younger a wide smile, before focusing back on Chan.
“Yeah, sorry Changbin. When are you free next?” Chan asks, pulling up his schedule as Changbin shuffles over to his desk. They settle on the Tuesday the following week before Changbin leaves, only throwing Felix a small ‘bye’ as he leaves. The minute the door shuts behind him, Changbin sighs, before slowly making his way back to his house.
“So it was you all along, Felix.” Changbin mutters when he gets back home, a few cookies still awaiting him on his bedside. He pulls out the snowflake one and bites into it. It’s good, amazingly so, and Changbin thinks about what he heard as he chews. Felix…Felix likes him. Him. Changbin sighs before finishing up the cookie and clambering under his bedsheets. The sigh he lets out is more depressed sounding than it has any right to be, and Changbin huffs before muttering.
“Me? Why do you like me?”
*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*
The next day finds Felix knocking on the door to Changbin’s flat with a sigh. He needs to tell the older boy the truth, needs to tell him before he breaks. When Changbin doesn’t answer after two minutes, Felix pulls his phone out to call Hyunjin, knowing Seungmin and Jeongin would be busy with lectures at this time.
“Hey. I’m at yours but no one is answering.” Felix says the minute after Hyunjin picks up the phone. The older boy hums in thought on the other end of the line.
“Odd. Changbin should be there still. The key is under the doormat, so just let yourself in.” Hyunjin responds and Felix thanks him before ending the call. He lifts up the mat, finding the small silver key, before unlocking the door and entering. The house is quiet, which is odd. Normally Changbin has music playing, even when the others are home, so for the house to be completely quiet? It unnerves Felix.
Felix kicks his shoes off at the bottom of the stairs, before slowly making his way up to the room that he knows belongs to Changbin. He knocks gently and he hears shuffling before the older boy opens the door.
His eyes are laced with sleep, his black hair messy atop his head, and Felix coos at the sight, unable to stop himself from doing so. Changbin whines, flushing a bright red, before wordlessly moving to allow Felix to enter his room. Changbin slumps on his bed, the right side of his face pressed into his pillows as he peeps at Felix through the black strands that had fallen into his eyes. Felix could see his previous bag of cookies sat half-empty on Changbin’s bedside table and smiles at it before sitting next to Changbin on his bed.
“Changbin, I need to tell you something.” Felix says and Changbin sits up, a look akin to guilt across his face, and Felix feels worried.
“As do I. Can, can I go first?” Changbin stutters and Felix nods. “Thank you. I, I overheard you talking to Chan yesterday.” Changbin says and Felix freezes, heat slowly filling his body. “I’m sorry.” It’s whispered but it’s enough to snap Felix out of his daze.
“Why are you sorry?” Felix asks. Fear fills his body. Sorry…does Changbin not feel the same way? Is Changbin about to reject him?
“I shouldn’t have listened. But I did.” Changbin says and Felix feels some of the tension drain out of his body. He’s just apologising for listening in. Good. Felix can manage that.
“It’s okay. It kinda makes what I wanna say a lot easier to say.” Felix says, looking down at his hands, adjusting and playing around with the rings on his fingers.
“I like you too.” Changbin says, quiet and unsure, and Felix turns to him. The older boy is pointedly refusing to look at Felix, his cheeks blazing red, and Felix smiles at that.
“Look at me Binnie.” Changbin reluctantly turns to face him then, cheeks still red, but his eyes are shiny with tears and Felix panics, surging forward to cup Changbin’s face in his hands. “What’s wrong?” He frets.
“Why me?” Changbin asks, his voice wet and broken as tears start to spill down his cheeks. Felix feels his heart shatter, completely torn apart by how scared and unsure of himself Changbin sounds. Felix swallows. He hadn’t expected to have to pour his entire heart out to Changbin today, but there’s something in Changbin’s tone and in the dulled sparkle in his eyes that makes Felix throw all caution to the wind.
“Changbin. Why wouldn’t it be you?” Felix starts. “You’re so dedicated to people, always helping others even when you find yourself overwhelmed with your own work. The way you treat Jisung makes me jealous sometimes because I want to be the subject of your doting affection. The way you trust Chan – I want you to trust me like that. You are always bright and happy and even when you’re not, you still try your best to be honest and open with me and the rest of our friends.” Felix continues, his words getting faster as he goes. “You are literally the sunshine that lights up my days, and when you’re sad, I just wanna fight everything that upsets you.” Felix finishes. Changbin looks up at him, eyes wet, tears streaming down his face and Felix feels a little foolish after exposing his heart, but the sparkle in Changbin’s eyes is brighter again and Felix thinks that maybe it wasn’t so bad, pouring his heart out to the subject of his affection. “Why wouldn’t it be you?” Felix says again and Changbin sniffles.
“Felix, I-“ Changbin cuts himself off, taking a deep breath, before trying again. “Felix, I feel the same way. I’m sorry I can’t be as, as eloquent as you are, but I’ve been crying over you since I got home yesterday.” Changbin sniffles and Felix mentally awws. He shuffles closer, pulling Changbin into a hug, smoothing his hands through Changbin’s black hair.
“Don’t worry about it, you’re perfect just as you are.” Felix says and he means it. The older boy burrows into his chest, sniffling as he mutters small thank you’s and Felix just guides him through it, whispering encouraging words to Changbin as he runs his hands over Changbin’s back.
“I’m a mess, I’m sorry.” Changbin whispers into Felix’s collarbone and Felix giggles lightly.
“As I said, you’re perfect just the way you are.” And he means it, he means it fully, from Changbin’s biggest strengths, down to his worst flaws.
Felix wouldn’t want Changbin any other way.