Work Text:
Izzy doesn’t remember much from Ed and Stede’s reception. He remembers it was kind of dark, and very loud, and all he wanted to do was get out of there and be alone with Lucius. Which is absurd to him. The idea that it is even a possibility, that Lucius wants him too, is making Izzy’s head spin, and it has nothing to do with the spiced wine, although he has imbibed copious amounts of it.
He thinks back to the moment before midnight, when Lucius had pulled him out onto a balcony and kissed him like Izzy was his last breath. Izzy’s hands float unconsciously to his lips, resting there for half a second before he is interrupted.
“Izzy! There you are! Been looking for you, mate!”
Izzy braces himself as Ed throws his arms around his best man’s shoulders. “Edward. Little drunk, are we?”
“Psh,” Ed waves off Izzy’s concern. “‘S my wedding. I can be drunk if I wanna.”
“Hm. How does your groom feel about that?”
Ed’s eyes go glassy. “Fuck, Iz, can you believe I’m married?”
“No,” Izzy admits. “And also yes. There was never a chance you and Stede weren’t gonna end up here someday.”
“God I love him,” Ed admits dreamily. “Do you love someone, Iz?”
“Nah, just you,” Izzy lies lightly.
“Aw, Iz,” Ed says, sad now.
Izzy has forgotten how emotional a drunk Ed is. “It’s alright,” Izzy says quickly. “Still young, and all that.”
“Yeah,” Ed agrees.
“Edward?”
Ed straightens as Stede finds him. Stede sighs. “Ed. Are you drunk?”
“‘S our wedding, babe!” Ed cries. “O’ course I am!”
Stede and Izzy exchange fond, exasperated looks as Stede takes Ed’s weight from Izzy’s shoulders, wrapping his arm around Ed’s waist and Ed’s arm around his own shoulders.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for us this weekend, Izzy,” Stede says sincerely. “I know the drive up here was stressful and that Lucius is a handful, but I really do appreciate it.”
Izzy shrugs. “Part of the job,” he says gruffly.
Stede smiles. “Yes, well. Thank you all the same.”
“You’re welcome,” Izzy says, oddly sentimental, as Stede drags his new husband away.
“A handful, am I?”
Izzy shivers at Lucius’ voice, low and husky in his ear. Or maybe it’s the closeness of Lucius at his back.
“Hey mate, it was your best friend said it, not me,” Izzy says, trying for flippancy and maybe getting close, his breath caught in his throat.
“You didn’t disagree,” Lucius points out softly.
Izzy shrugs. “Well. He wasn’t wrong.”
“Rude,” Lucius says.
Izzy chuckles. “What are you gonna do about it?” he asks, his voice gruff.
“The grooms are gone,” Lucius says conversationally. “I think that means we don’t have to stick around anymore.”
A shiver runs up Izzy’s spine. “Oh really?”
“Yeah, pretty sure Stede paid an exorbitant amount of money to have the resort staff clean everything up, so. I think we can leave if we want to.”
Izzy wants to. “Okay,” he whispers.
Lucius casually reaches into Izzy’s pocket and leaves behind a room key. “Come to mine,” Lucius whispers, his hand lingering on Izzy’s hip. “I’ll be waiting. Leave the suit on.”
Izzy feels cold as soon as Lucius is gone, the space at his back suddenly empty. It takes everything in him to make one last quick round of the room, finding Ed’s mom to say goodnight before disappearing.
“Izzy, you’re coming to ours for Easter, right?” Mrs. Teach says firmly. “Ed and Stede will be there, of course, and there will be lots of food.”
“I’ll do my best, Mrs. Teach,” Izzy promises.
She smiles. “Ed looked happy, didn’t he?”
“He’s very happy, ma’am,” Izzy assures her sincerely. “I’ve never seen him this happy.”
“Good,” she says, then her smile darkens slightly. “And what about you, Izzy? Are you happy?”
The question catches Izzy off guard. “I really love my job,” he says. “So yeah, I’m happy.”
“But…do you have someone?” she asks. “Edward, he…he doesn’t really talk about your life. Says you prefer to keep it private.”
Izzy shrugs. “I’m single these days,” he says lightly. “But it’s alright, Mrs. Teach, really. Ed’s a good friend, and I’ve got other friends, and I really do love my job.” Izzy tries to stifle a yawn, but nothing gets past Ed’s mom.
“I’m keeping you,” she says kindly. “I’m sorry. Sleep well, Izzy.”
“Thanks, Mrs. Teach. You too.”
She pulls him in for a hug, kissing his cheek before he can pull away. “You’re a special man, Israel Hands,” she whispers. “Don’t settle for less than you deserve, hm?”
Startled and honestly not even sure what that means, Izzy promises that he won’t, and heads upstairs. He mulls over what Mrs. Teach said, completely forgetting that he was meant to be going to Lucius’ room until he’s in front of his own door.
“Shit,” he mutters, and then figures since he’s here he might as well freshen up. He brushes his teeth and puts on another layer of deodorant before heading back out.
Thankfully he doesn’t see anyone in the halls as he makes his way to Lucius’ room and lets himself in.
“Lu?” he calls softly.
Lucius appears, dressed only in a silky robe, tied loosely around his hips and falling off his shoulders. Izzy feels distinctly overdressed.
“Hi,” Izzy says breathlessly.
“Hi,” Lucius says, grinning back almost shyly.
Izzy is frozen to the floor, unsure what to do now. The other night in the truck was spontaneous and he didn’t have any time to think about the fact that he was having sex with Lucius Spriggs, but tonight is very much a premeditated affair, and Izzy’s nerves are sparking.
“Want some wine?” Lucius asks, looking like he is also at a loss for what to do.
“Sure,” Izzy agrees.
Lucius turns and walks further into the suite. Izzy follows, trying to relax. He’s only half paying attention, and walks into Lucius, who has stopped in the middle of the hallway, facing him.
“Oh my god, Lu!” Izzy says, reaching out to steady himself, his hands on Lucius’ arms. “Are you okay?”
“I just…I want to say something.”
Izzy drops his hands, suddenly very worried about what Lucius is going to say. “Okay.”
“I…really like you, Iz,” he says shyly. “I know I’ve said that, but it’s true. I’ve liked you for a long time, and I really don’t wanna blow this. No pun intended,” he adds, smiling with a little of his usual cheek. Izzy groans. “But I just…wanted to say that there’s no pressure tonight,” he says softly. “I mean it. I just…wanna spend time with you, so if all we do is talk, then I’m really okay with that.” Lucius steps into Izzy’s space. “You make me so nervous,” Lucius whispers. “I just…I don’t wanna fuck this up. Not with you.”
Izzy is honestly not sure if he should be insulted or flattered by Lucius’ odd mix of declarations, so he chooses to change the subject. “Wine?”
“Right,” Lucius says, flushing and stepping back. “Sorry. This way.”
Izzy follows Lucius again, trying to sort out his feelings.
“Here, I stole these from the reception,” Lucius says, holding up two bottles of the spiced wine Izzy knows Stede had ordered specially for the party. He gets two glasses off the counter and pours generous amounts of wine into each before handing one to Izzy. “Prost.”
“Prost,” Izzy says distractedly as he drinks.
“Hey,” Lucius says softly. “Are you okay?”
“I just…what did you mean, when you said there’s no pressure tonight?” Izzy demands.
Lucius looks surprised. “I just meant, I don’t want you to think I only wanted to be with you for sex.”
“Was the sex bad?”
“What?! Izzy, babe, no, the sex was not bad, my god–”
“Then I don’t understand.”
Lucius stares at him for a long moment. “I’m trying to be a gentleman here, Iz.”
Izzy laughs mirthlessly. “Since when?” he asks, and Lucius is surprised to hear actual hurt in Izzy’s voice. “I think I should just go,” Izzy mutters, setting down his glass and heading for the door.
Lucius runs past Izzy (not easy in the small hallway) and blocks the door. “Izzy, babe, wait, please.” Izzy doesn’t even look at him. “Tell me what I did wrong here,” Lucius pleads. “I don’t…Iz. Please. What just happened?”
Izzy glares at the floor. “I don’t…wanna talk about it,” he mutters.
“Izzy, I am trying here,” Lucius says softly. “But I don’t have a fucking clue what just happened, and I want to understand. But I can’t if you don’t talk to me.”
Izzy nearly snarls at Lucius; he’s feeling cornered and he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings. Ever, but especially not now when he’s a little bit drunk.
“What can I do, Iz?” Lucius asks, and is surprised to hear tears in his own voice. He clears his throat, knowing Izzy doesn’t do well with emotions.
“Please just let me go.”
“I can’t let you go lick your wounds when I know it’s my fault and I don’t know why, Izzy. Can I just…can I explain, at least? Where I was coming from?”
Izzy sighs loudly. “Fine.”
Lucius tries to say everything at once. “Izzy, the sex was not bad. It was the opposite of bad, it’s been all I can think about this whole stupid weekend when I couldn’t even touch you, god it’s been torture. Jim and Olu noticed, I couldn’t stop staring at you during the ceremony tonight, babe, all I want to do is have sex with you! But also…I’ve been wanting this for a long time, Iz,” he admits softly. “Honestly, I think I’ve wanted this ever since the first time you called me Lu.”
Izzy looks up in surprise. “What?”
Lucius gives him a soft smile. “God, your face, the first time it slipped out,” Lucius says fondly. “You were so…I think embarrassed is the wrong word but. Oh, I know! You looked like a kid who’d been caught doing something he knew he wasn’t supposed to.”
“Ed called you that all the time,” Izzy mumbles. “All he talked about was you and Stede, and he just called you Lu, and so I called you that when I was talking to him and then it just…”
“I loved it,” Lucius says softly, taking a cautious step closer to Izzy. “I was already so interested in you, you were so buttoned up and repressed and–”
“I was not repressed,” Izzy snaps.
“--I just wanted to see what you would be like, once I got you to calm down,” Lucius says, as though Izzy hadn’t spoken. “And that was the first time I got a glimpse into what you might be like, if you let your guard down, and Christ I was so gone for you, Iz. All I want to do is make you comfortable enough that you can let your guard down with me, babe. I just…” Lucius sighs. “I want to be with you, Iz. All of you. Not just the sex, though god I want the sex, definitely want the sex. I want to be…” Lucius gives Izzy a shy smile. “I want to be your boyfriend,” he whispers. “Not a fuck buddy, not “your oldest friend that you sometimes have sex with”, but your actual, get-to-hold-your-hand-in-public, go-on-dates, go-away-for-the-weekend, snuggle-on-the-couch-while-we-watch-tv, boyfriend.”
“You’re not my oldest friend,” Izzy mutters.
“Izzy.”
Izzy takes a cautious step toward Lucius. Lucius stands very still, like he’s dealing with a spooked animal, which he’s beginning to realize is a metaphor he uses too often for someone he wants to be sleeping with on the regular.
“Lu,” Izzy says softly, and Lucius melts at the sound, god he’s a goner. “I don’t…know how to be a boyfriend,” he admits shyly. “I don’t even really know how to be a friend.”
“Well, then you’re in luck,” Lucius says, just as quietly, “Because I happen to be very good at being a boyfriend, and even better at having a boyfriend, so I can teach you.”
“Oh you can, can you?”
“Mhm. I’m an excellent teacher.”
Izzy rolls his eyes affectionately, then frowns slightly. “Lucius, I’m not…” Izzy takes a moment to collect his thoughts. “You’re…you, and I’m…well, me.”
“What the fuck does that mean, babe?”
“You’re so…social and cheerful all the time, so outgoing and, and… artsy, fuck. And I’m. Well. Angry and antisocial, and I really hate being around people, fuck, I actually hate most people, s’why I prefer birds, to be honest. And I just–”
“Babe, I’m gonna stop you right there,” Lucius says, stepping fully into Izzy’s space and putting a finger over Izzy’s lips, which he immediately realizes is probably a mistake when Izzy’s eyes widen in anger. Lucius thinks for half a second that Izzy might actually bite him. “I’m sorry,” he says, taking his finger away.
“Don’t do that,” Izzy snaps. “Don’t shush me like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Lucius says again. “I just…will you listen to me for a minute?” Izzy nods, though he’s still glaring. “I don’t want to date myself,” Lucius says firmly. “I’ve tried it, babe, hundreds of times. I’ve dated flirty, social, outgoing artists, and it’s fun for a while but then I get so bored. I know those guys. I know what makes them tick and how to get them hot and how to annoy the shit out of them when I’m mad at them. What I don’t know enough about is you. I’ve known you for ten years, and I feel like I barely know you. Like I’m just scratching the surface. Like I could spend a lifetime learning what there is to know about you, and still not know everything.” Lucius smiles, wide and genuine, at Izzy. “I want to learn all those things,” Lucius says softly. “What makes you tick, what gets you hot…how to make you happy,” he adds, very quietly. “But I think I could, you know? Make you happy? If you let me try.”
Izzy is pretty much positive that Lucius could make him happy. What he’s concerned about is whether he can make Lucius happy. How many events will Lucius be willing to go to alone before he gets fed up? How many times will Lucius be willing to explain away Izzy’s dour face at a gallery event before he decides it’s easier to have a boyfriend who fits in better in his world? How many nights of Izzy being gone for work will Lucius be willing to put up with before he decides he’s better off with someone who’s home all the time? Lucius is right; he doesn’t know anything about Izzy, not really. He doesn’t understand the reality of Izzy’s job; that camper on the back of his truck isn’t for show or recreation, it’s something he needs for the nights he spends in the park.
“Izzy?”
Izzy realizes he’s taken too long to respond, spent too long in his head. “My life isn’t anything like yours, Lucius,” Izzy says, preparing himself for disappointment as everything men have complained about with regard to his life in the past comes pouring out. “I don’t…do events. I like to go home at the end of the day and relax, without having to be around a bunch of people I probably don’t have anything in common with, who I don’t want to talk to anyway. I spend nights in the park, away from everyone, especially in the summer. Sometimes I have to travel for work, conferences and whatever. I have a job that requires me to be there, and sometimes I have to work late, sometimes I don’t come home when I say I will, and networking is so not my thing.”
“I don’t care,” Lucius insists.
“You say that now,” Izzy says. “But in six months? When you have to keep telling people you’ve not invented your boyfriend, or explain to them why I had to duck out early because I got overwhelmed or have to work early? When you have to tell them that yes, you RSVPed for 2, but I got stuck at the park because of an injured bird?”
Lucius is staring at Izzy with such aching sadness that Izzy can barely breathe. “Is that why you’ve never had anyone for longer than a couple months?” Lucius asks gently. “Because they couldn’t handle your job?”
Izzy shrugs. “It’s not just my job, Lucius.”
“No, fuck that,” Lucius snaps. “That’s not fair. Izzy, I know all of this, okay?” he pleads, desperately running his hands down Izzy’s arms to hold his hands. “I know you. And I don’t care. I mean that. I want to give this a try, Iz, I think we deserve that. Don’t you?”
Izzy’s heart is aching in his chest, he wants, so badly, to believe what Lucius is telling him. But he’s been burned in the past, and he’s not sure his heart can handle rejection from Lucius.
“I…Lucius, I…I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Lucius is still trying to figure out how his evening went from potentially the best night of my life to what the fuck just happened in less than an hour as Izzy opens the door and runs out. Lucius remembers that he brought two bottles of wine up from the reception, and decides he deserves to drink them both. He texts Jim and Olu to ask them to check on him in the morning, and then throws his phone far into the living room and heads for the abandoned glasses of wine he and Izzy left on the counter earlier.