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Self Serving.
An Adjective.
Definition?
“Having concern for one’s own welfare and interests before those of others.”
Though a better known term for it is selfishness. Many people can be selfish. Some more than others. And George was one of those others. Though he never agreed with being called selfish and preferred using “self serving”. He was sometimes conscious of other people’s needs but chose to ignore them for his own sake and safety. Rarely taking on fights alone, avoiding joining in the large conflicts that have happened, and only going along with plans that will suit his needs or pleases him. He didn’t see it as selfishness but bettering himself. It was okay to be a little greedy. Though as time went on, his “self serving” seemed to manifest into a narcissistic personality. Everyone distanced themselves from him or he distanced them. Though it was also because he was one of the very few people who hadn’t turned their backs on a certain masked man.
Some would even say they could be a match made in hell.
Yet they were so far from the actual relationship they had.
George and Dream were amazing friends, maybe even more. Yet the time and people around them changed. The need for power that Dream so deeply craved replaced the relationships he had. There were attempts to feed into the weak friendships he had but were soon dropped when his true intentions were revealed. Those intentions made people question if he was truly their friend. Especially George, who was more confused than betrayed. He was angry at first but he wanted to know why.
Was power worth the loss?
So George made a journey. He never prepared for it but accepted it with open arms. He had been given a sliver of power when he was made the king of the Smp by Dream and felt like he was untouchable. Yet it was stripped away before flexing his ability any further and feeling ruined. When he became one of the dueling kings of Kinoko Kingdom, he felt strong once more and when he was really able to break in his power with ruthless intent. He destroyed property and stole from people, knowing they were just scum under his boots. No one could touch him without getting scorned by the raging flames of a fire demon that was his companion. The aid of one of the most powerful gods treating him as the royalty he was. Being gifted the finest items in life with just a bat of an eye and sickeningly sweet voice. With all this at his fingertips, he might as well be a god himself. Though he was seated on a throne in a forest, his life felt like he was walking on clouds. Nothing could bring him down from his fantasy high and gluttonous dreams.
That was until the sirens began to echo from the distances.
When a familiar smiling mask man returned.
An intelligent plan was laid at his feet.
A hardened sword in his hands.
And a sick trade was given to him.
“What is a king to a little soldier boy?”
Those were the words that echoed in the brunette’s head. They echoed with every step he took and every motion.
The sound of false words coming from his mouth.
The crumble of fallen leaves on the forest ground.
The swing of the glittering sword of pure diamond.
The collapse of a heavy yet weak body.
The spilling of warm blood into his hands.
The cold tears traveled down his freckled cheeks.
“What was a king to a little soldier boy?”
“...”
“A horrible brother”
"..."
“Was power worth the loss?”
Asked a familiar voice.
The brunette slowly opened his two toned eyes as he looked over his shoulders. He was sitting in between some tree roots as his moss cloak covered him. Standing just a few feet from him was a dark brunette demon with an expression of dismay on his face. His hair was no longer tied up as it normally was. The two buns had been let down and stretched down his neck to his shoulders. There seemed to be an attempt to hide the scars on his face or his puffy tear stained cheeks. Either way, George already knew why the fire demon was here. He had expected his arrival but had only wished it had prolonged itself.
“What do you mean?” questioned George.
“You know exactly what I fucking mean” snarled Sapnap.
His voice was shaky as he was trying to compose himself. Yet he couldn’t tell which emotion it was.
“What was so important that you followed through with his plan?” inquired Sapnap, smoke slowly seeping from the corner of his mouth.
“You had everything, WE had everything! We had a home, we were safe, we were making amends and regaining friends back. WHY THE HELL DID YOU PULL SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?!” he shouted.
“To try and fix our relationship and to understand his thinking” replied George, whose tone was flat.
“To understand what? His fucked up philosophies and to fix a non-existing relationship??” retorted Sapnap.
“Now that’s hilarious coming from you” scoffed the brunette, rolling his eyes.
“Excuse me?” remarked the dark brunette.
“My ‘non-existing relationship’ with him was doing better than your actual one! Your relationship was doomed from the start ever since we moved and started Kinoko. You abandoned Quackity and Karl seems to no longer care for you at this pointed” pointed out George, as he stammered to his feet.
“That is not true nor are they important to this conversation” challenged Sapnap.
“It might as well be since you want to bring up MY bullshit that I already obviously know” snapped George.
“Well I can never tell since you seem like you are always wrapped up in your ridiculous delusions and power hunger” proclaimed Sapnap, crossing his arms.
“Can’t you see you are causing actual harm to people? Open eyes for once instead of sleeping your life away” he gestured to the brunette’s chest.
“Do you even realize you still have the stain of Tommy’s blood on you or have you already moved on from his death so quickly?”
“HE DIED IN MY ARMS, OF COURSE I KNOW!!” screamed George, as he threw off his cloak.
“I know that his blood is stained on my hands, my soul even if I still have one. I know that my little brother died in my arms. I know that I am my brother’s killer. I know I have already hurt people. I have hurt myself by doing this.” he declared, his own voice growing shaky.
“I rather sleep my life away than face this reality. The reality that I’ve lost the person who was the most important in my life. I’ve lost the people who called my family. I’ve lost basically all my humanity at this point.” he added, as tears began to burn his eyes.
“I used to kill for excitement and manipulate for fun. I did bad things to just feel something and maybe see what he felt like. To feel and understand why power was more important to him than us” he confessed.
A silence full between the two men. Both their faces had tears streaming down them, though only one of them was attempting to fight them back. The gentle breeze had come to a pause and the birds had fallen silent. Filling the silence was hushed hiccups of the brunette as he tried to hide his emotions once more. He hasn’t felt such strong and degrading feelings his entire life. A sign of weakness and patheticness was what he always avoided. What made it worse was that it was in front of the maybe the last person who would be able to calm him a “friend”, if the term even held weight anymore.
“And did you? Did your need for power and understanding answer your stupid question?” asked Sapnap, bitterly.
“No,” replied George.
“It fucking didn’t and I just don’t care anymore at this pointed” he included.
“My father is dead, I murdered my little brother, my other brother will probably be coming for my head soon, I was used by the person who I thought I was in love with, and I can just assume you don’t want to associate with me anymore” he declared, running his hands through his messy hair.
“Atleast you’ve got some of the facts” muttered Sapnap.
The two stood in silence once more. This time though, the brunette leaned down to pick up his cloak and reclipped around his shoulders. He pushed his glasses that were on his head and turned away from the fire demon.
“Where the hell are you going?” questioned Sapnap.
“Going to sleep” uttered George, as he reached into his cloak pocket.
“Like you always do” criticized Sapnap.
“Yes” nodded George, as he pulled a potion from and opened it.
“Goodnight Sapnap, see ya never” he waved, showing off the potion.
The fire demon furrowed his brows as he watched the brunette walk further and further into the forest. A saddened sigh escaped his lips as he also turned away. Dark wings emerged under his white scarf as he took off to the sky.
The brunette looked over his shoulder as he watched the demon’s shadow disappear from the ground. He let out a long exhale as he looked down at the potion he had in his hands. The liquid inside was a dark blue with green hues swirling around at the bottom of it. The scent seemed like a mix of lavender and poppies, which was quite relaxing. George took a breath before tilting his head back as he drank from the bottle. The liquid was cool with a slightly fizzy feeling against his throat. It's reviving yet relaxing. Soon the potion was gone and the bottle was placed back into the brunette’s cloak pocket. Its effects seemed to be kicking in fast as his surroundings started becoming fuzzy. George reached out to come in contact with a nearby tree before sliding his back against to lower himself to the ground. Though instead of settling in between the roots, he stretched out onto the small patch of flowers next to it. He couldn’t tell what kind they were exactly but they were small and light purple buds in clusters. Oddly shaped but it didn’t matter since they were just comforting to rest near. Rolling onto his back, he looked up at the treetops as the sun just barely shined through them. Though the lights slowly began to fade as George began to succumb to sleep.
~~~
“Gogy” exclaimed in a high pitched voice, a small figure launched themselves into his arms.
The brunette inhaled sharply as he was hit with the sudden weight on his chest. He quickly sat up to catch his breath.
“What the hell, Tommy! I was sleeping” he grumbled, as he lifted the small blonde up properly.
“Sorry but it’s time to go home!” apologized to the young boy, as he clinged to his older brother.
“What do you mean? Sapnap & Dream haven’t come back from the training field” remarked the brunette.
“Yeah but Wilbur said it was getting late and he & Tubbo needed to go home” hummed the blonde, as he swayed side to side.
“Is it? It’s only um-” started the brunette, as he looked up at the sky.
The bright blue sky was starting to mix with orange as the sun was slowly lowering out of the sky. The warm colors reflected off the tall blades of grass that surrounded the duo. The radiating heat felt as if it slowly fading while cool air began to settle.
“Geez, I guess I lost track of time” muttered George, with furrowed brows.
“Well, Sapnap and Dream will just have to find their way home without us” he remarked, as he stood to his feet.
“Do you think Dad will be cooking dinner or Mr. Bad?” asked Tommy, as his brother balanced him in his arms.
“Probably Dad since Bad & Skeppy are working on fix up their mansion still” claimed George, as he began making his way up to the path
“Awe, so no sneaking muffins?” whined Tommy.
“Well, we can drop by their mansion and nab a few of them before we head home,” uttered George.
“Yay!!” cheered the blonde, throwing his hands up.
The brunette rolled his eyes playfully as he ruffled the boy’s hair as they reached the main path. His sneakers thumped against the wooden path as he took in his surroundings. There were a few scarce homes and buildings around that made things a bit empty looking. Though the empty was quite comforting since he was always surrounded by chaos. Especially with such an energetic pair of friends and brothers. Which made the walk home just a bit more nicer. The chaotic rambles and screams were replaced with the ambient sounds of chirping of birds and soft purring of the river nearby. A small breeze was blowing but not enough to cause a chill to rundown his back. He let his free hand rub his little brother’s back, who seemed to just quietly take in the surroundings as well.
Just a calming moment between the two brothers.
Something he wished he had more memories of.
The small moments George had with his younger brother had never felt so important until now. This was nothing but a distant memory from years ago. It was one of the few positive memories he had of the young blonde. The days where everything was still small and simple.
No large prison, no vicious wars, non life threatening deals, or the constant lies.
Just light hearted shenanigans, wide open flower fields, quiet times with family, and the comforting warmth of those who you loved.
A time where it wasn’t wrong to be selfish or “self serving”.
A time he wished to spend eternity in, not having to face reality outside his slumber.
~~~
Deep in the forest just outside of Kinoko Kingdom, there lay one of its kings. His crown was missing and his moss-like cloak covered his body as a blanket would. His signature glasses covered his shut eyes as he slept. His clothes and hands were stained in the blood of his youngest kin. His body rested under a tree amongst a patch of purple hyacinth flowers. There he laid sleeping, as he has always done.
This time though,
No one would know when he would ever wake up.
Maybe he did not want to.