Chapter Text
“Craig has been manager here for about five years now. One of his latest ingenious ideas was to hire a camera crew to show the people how interesting and important the jobs we have here actually are,” Jeff Winger says with a sarcastic inflection, “As paper salesmen."
Footage shows of a quiet office. Everyone is busying themselves with their work. Jeff is making some calls, leaning back in his chair.
After he hangs up, he faces the camera, smirks, “Told you- like watching grass grow.”
-
“I’ve actually toyed with this idea myself. I thought it would be interesting to make a documentary of the daily office activities. The topic seems boring at first glance but then, through the lens of a camera, the employees here will slowly charm everyone, illustrating the beauty of mundane life through human connection. That’s basically what this is right?” Abed Nadir says, staring into the camera without blinking.
The camera man, presumably, nods at him, and he hums. “Cool,” he says then, “cool, cool, cool.”
His attention is redirected to the introductory question he was previously asked, before he went on a tangent.
“Oh, what I do here? I’m in accounting. But what I really do is study human behavior. The office is a perfect place for it. I’m sat right behind this plant that blocks me sufficiently, making it so I can subtly observe. The only view it doesn’t really block is reception, but Troy never notices me looking anyway.”
Intercut through his confessional is footage of Abed staring at people in the office and taking notes on a pad. When he’s done, he stuffs away his notebook in the top drawer of his desk, which has a lock on it.
“There are a lot of classic movie archetypes characters here. You’ll see. Breakfast Club-style; a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. It makes work a little more interesting.”
-
Troy Barnes scuffles as he settles down. He takes a few moments to find the most comfortable position to sit in, ending up with one leg tucked under himself.
“Well, I only started here two months ago. I wanted to be a salesman, and I tried that out for a while, but then boss Pelton said I was really good with people and stuff, so I should be receptionist. Because I have a lot of charm, obviously. And let’s be honest, if you need a face for the office, it might as well be this face!” he says with a wide smile, pointing at himself and wiggling his eyebrows.
“I was also kind of a bad salesman. Just- I don’t want to lie on camera. It’s bad luck, I think.”
-
“Greendale Office Supplies, this is Troy. What can I do for you?”
At his desk, Troy pauses the compilation of funny Star Trek moments he’s watching.
“Okay, I’ll patch you right through. Have a good day sir!”
The call goes through to Annie Edison’s desk, and she frantically starts typing on her computer, adjusting things around on the cork board above her desk labeled ‘To-Do’.
-
“I do quality assurance. It’s great! I get to check if everything is in order and if all the salespeople are doing their jobs right. And then I get to double-check that. Basically, what I do is make sure everything is perfect. I actually really like my job,” Annie says, with a chipper, sweet demeanor.
She crosses her legs, and her expression hardens a little. “Some people here don’t even try to like their job,” she says, with an eye roll, and then she flicks her hair over her shoulder.
The camera zooms in on Jeff, through the window, drawing a portrait of Britta in a rudimentary art style, signing it ‘from your secret admirer.’ Zooming back out, Annie is shown rolling her eyes again.
-
“Britta Perry. Sales, and good at it. Yeah, I might be our lowest ranking salesperson, but I’ve always thought that quality should go over quantity. The accounts that I do have are loyal. They know they can trust me with their business,” Britta Perry says, with her arms crossed. “And you know what? Selling less paper makes me more environmentally conscious. Take that, commission check!”
-
Britta is shown on the phone, writing frantically on a notepad.
“So you care a lot about prices? Have you ever considered why our prices are this high? Maybe because people need to get paid? Have you ever thought about that? No, of course not, because you’re just a suit sitting up in a high-rise thinking about nothing but making money. Of course you wouldn’t consider workers’ rights!”
She slams down the phone and sighs, frustrated.
“You almost had him,” Jeff says across from her, in between calls.
Britta shoots him the middle finger.
-
Craig Pelton adjusts all the trinkets on his shelves, then sits down. On the desk in his office, various dalmatian figurines are displayed.
“We aren’t an office as much as we are a little family. It’s just- it warms my heart to see these people every day. I walk in the door and the first thing I see is Jeffrey’s face. Well, actually it’s Troy’s first, if we’re speaking literally, but Jeffrey just has a way of catching the eye,” he says.
A brief cut shows footage of him walking in and touching Jeff’s chest, as Jeff swats him away and points at the phone aggressively, indicating himself to be busy.
“Every single employee here is like my best friend. And I’m sure that they will become the best friends of the viewers at home,” Craig continues with a smile, “These people make working here worth it.”
-
“I’m Shirley. Mother of three children. Devout Christian. I’ve been in sales for eight years now. It’s…a job. I need it. It’s not enough for just my husband to work. I’ve seen a lot of managers come and go, and Craig has been here for five years. To put it nicely, he’s certainly been the most interesting one so far,” Shirley Bennett tells the camera, nodding politely.
-
Abed walks up to the reception desk with a paper clutched to his chest.
“Arriving at Planet Reception. Commander Barnes, do you receive?” he says, covering his mouth so it sounds like he’s talking through a speaker.
Troy perks up from where he’s playing Pac-Man on his computer. His smile grows when he sees Abed.
“Commander Barnes receiving, Space Agent Nadir, what can I do for you?” he says, mimicking Abed’s speaker trick.
Abed smirks as Troy plays into the bit. “Could you give me five copies of this please?”
“Yeah, right on,” Troy grins.
“Cool, thanks,” Abed says, tapping Troy’s desk a few times before returning to his own.
“Nerds,” Jeff mumbles under his breath.
-
Troy sits down for another confessional.
“Yeah, I get along with the people in this office. Truth be told, I don’t really plan to stay here that long. It’s just for me to make some money until I figure out what to do with my life. But everyone is really nice here. Some of them are a little crazy. Like Chang, our security guard. And boss Pelton. Sometimes Annie scares me. But mostly, people are nice.”
Shots of security guard Ben Chang are shown in succession. The time he locked all the doors while everyone was still in the office, shutting them in overnight. Also the time he created a fire by burning up a stack of important sales records to ‘teach the office about safety’. Then just him, staring into space, softly mumbling a bunch of incoherent words to himself.
Troy continues talking. “Do I like Abed?” he starts, “Yeah, he’s really cool. He knows a bunch of stuff about movies. Like, more than anyone I’ve ever met, I think. It seems like he should be doing something much cooler, you know? He’s just that cool.”
He sits there smiling for a moment, until the phone at his desk catches his attention, and he rushes up and away to get to it.
-
“Troy? He’s nice,” Abed folds his hands in his lap, “He’s friendly. He’s good at playing Pac-Man. Everyone likes him. He respects my bits, unlike Jeff. Yeah, I like him. Are you asking me this specifically? Or are you asking everyone what they think of Troy?”
-
“Troy and Abed love to keep me from doing my job with their dorkiness. And by doing my job I mean closing a couple of sales in the morning, then pretending to do work for the rest of the day. I’m always willing to go the extra mile to avoid doing work,” Jeff says with a proud smile on his face.
-
“Hi everyone! Jeffrey. Conference room! Five minutes!” Craig exclaims, his hand swirling the air in circling motions.
“This must be important,” Jeff says, side-eyeing the camera.
In the conference room, everyone sits down, looking bored.
“Guys, I’m feeling a real lack of spirit in this office. I thought the place would brighten up with Troy at the front desk, but there’s still something missing, clearly,” Craig says, pacing the room.
The camera zooms in on Troy awkwardly smiling.
“Maybe what’s missing is a good manager,” Jeff says deadpan.
“Oh Jeffrey! I love how we kid around together! But seriously, let’s get our thinking hats on. Britta?”
“Maybe we can get an office cat?” Britta shrugs.
“Okay, you are the worst. Anyone else?”
“Costumes,” Abed says, with jazz hands.
“Okay, okay, yeah, I love that! Costumes! Why wait till Halloween? Why not have a weekly dress-up day?” Craig gasps, clearly excited with this idea.
“Weekly? Excuse me? I got three kids at home and you think I have time for a weekly dress-up day?” Shirley grumbles.
“Yeah, don’t you think that’s a bit much Craig?” Jeff says, crossing his arms.
“This is a dealbreaker Jeffrey,” Craig shakes his head.
“What are you going to do- fire us if we don’t wear costumes?”
“I like the costume idea,” Troy interjects.
“Yeah, of course you do,” Jeff rolls his eyes.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I like it too!” Annie perks up.
Craig nods contently. “This is precisely why I hired you Annie.”
“Not for my skills?” Annie pouts.
The room is silent for a moment, then Jeff stands up.
“Craig, we can’t do weekly costumes,” he states, voice stern.
“Okay. Monthly. This is final. We start tomorrow.”
Everyone groans, before the meeting is adjourned.
-
“Hey,” Troy calls out, as Abed is putting on his overcoat to leave for the day.
“Hi Troy.” Abed walks up to him, slinging his satchel over his shoulder.
“So, uh…what costume are you wearing tomorrow?”
“I was thinking I’d go as Inspector Spacetime. From the show Inspector Spacetime. InSpecTiCon is only once a year and I want to get much more use out of my costume.”
Troy starts to smile. “Oh, cool! So…maybe I can be your constable?”
Abed’s jaw slacks for a moment, and then he shows a sliver of a smile, his eyes shining.
“You’re a fan of Inspector Spacetime.”
“Yeah,” Troy grins.
“Cool,” Abed says, beaming, “cool, cool, cool.”
-
The next morning, Abed is sat in front of the camera in a bathrobe, bowler hat perched on top of his head.
“For the recently instated costume day, I am dressed as the Inspector from Inspector Spacetime. It’s my favorite show. The Inspector is a lot like me. Stoic and calculated and more invested in facts than feelings.”
Abed’s confessional is intercut with shots of him secretly smiling at his desk when Troy waves at him from reception.
“Troy is dressing as Constable Reggie. I was a little surprised that he’s a fan too, but then it just made sense to me. Troy has turned out to be kind of a nerd. I didn't really classify him that way when I first got to know him, but he's really surpised me. He watches videos of LeVar Burton on his computer all the time, when he thinks nobody’s looking.”
-
“Some people have told me I look like Anne Hathaway,” Annie says, dressed in a blue sweater.
“Today, I dressed up as her in Devil Wears Prada. When I told boss Pelton about my plans for my costume, he insisted he’d be Miranda Priestly.”
She sighs and buries her head in her hands. “I couldn’t really back out anymore, because that would make it very obvious that I do not want to have matching costumes with him. And I don’t want to be out of a job.”
There’s a shot shown of Craig throwing his fur coat on Troy’s desk. The camera zooms in on his face, sporting a barely concealed annoyed expression.
“I guess it would make more sense if I was actually the receptionist. I feel a little bad for Troy. He had no choice but to be in on this. But then again, neither did I,” Annie murmurs, defeated.
-
Craig is in his office, lounging back in his chair with his fur coat still on.
“Costume day is already a success so far! To be fair, I did tell people it was mandatory, even though I really can’t enforce that rule. But so far, so good!”
-
Jeff walks into the office, throwing down his briefcase on the desk. He’s wearing a basic button down with a tie, a get-up he’s worn many times before. Over it, he's sporting a dark-blue sweater vest. Craig comes out of his office and sits down on the side of his table.
“Jeffrey, where is your costume?”
Jeff sighs, folds his hands behind his head. “I am in costume. I’m dressed as Abed.”
Abed perks up from his desk, checks out Jeff’s outfit and smirks.
“Cool,” he says, shooting finger guns.
“Very funny Jeffrey. I’ll let it slide this time, but next time I want to see you go all out. Like Britta here!”
The camera swiftly pans over to Britta, who is working on her computer with a full cat-onesie on. She smiles awkwardly.
“Noted. Because if I don’t, you are most definitely capable of punishing me for it, right?” Jeff smirks knowingly.
Craig swallows, and pats Jeff’s shoulder.
“Get back to work Jeffrey."
-
Shirley, in a full priest outfit, is talking to a client on the phone. Upon hearing something on the other end of the line her eyes widen, and then she abruptly puts down the receiver.
“I have to go on a sales call,” she says, flat.
“Oh no,” Annie squirms.
“This is why I don’t adhere to Craig’s insane ideas,” Jeff remarks.
“Oh yeah, thanks Jeffrey. That really helps!” Shirley speaks with a raised voice. She buries her face in her hands.
The camera zooms in on Craig, in his office, looking nervous as he realizes the consequences of costume day.
-
The day passes relatively normally, aside from Shirley’s sales call adventure, which ended up with her pretending to actually be a priest and wooing her client, who happened to be extremely religious.
As everyone is packing up to go home, Abed appears at the reception desk. Troy, in his Constable Reggie outfit, is sleeping quietly on top of his folded arms. Abed watches him with a small smile for a little while, before leaning forward.
"Troy," he whisper-shouts.
Troy startles awake. He sits up slowly, looking around in distress only to find an empty office.
"Crap, I totally fell asleep! Everyone left already?" he mumbles, adjusting the badges on his navy jacket.
"Yeah, it's past 5," Abed informs him.
"Dammit! Did boss Pelton see me?"
"No. Jeff and Britta forgot about the cover-story they agreed upon in advance so now they have no excuse but to go out to Señor Kevin's with him for drinks. The boss was so excited, I don't think he even bothered to look at you."
"Oh, good. Thanks for waking me," Troy sighs in relief.
It seems like he's surprised Abed did this for him, like he would actually leave Troy asleep at his desk to spend the night at the office.
"That's what friends are for," Abed says, catching his gaze, and smiling. His tone is just the slightest bit unsure, like he doesn’t know if he can denote their relationship as friends just yet.
"Yeah,” Troy confirms, his eyes glimmering. “Thank you, Abed.”
Abed shakes off his gratitude. He lingers at the desk a little longer than he probably should.
"Did you not get enough sleep? Usually, you have no problem staying awake throughout the day," he asks Troy.
Troy groans, rubs his eyes. "Yeah, pretty much. Sometimes my brain just can't stop thinking, and it just runs around in circles and screams at me. And then I wish my brain had its own brain, or that I could just shut it off for a little while. Sorry, that’s probably way too much information. But yeah, it's fine. The nap helped.”
Abed nods slowly. "I know what you mean. I can never stop thinking. It's frustrating sometimes.”
"Yeah," Troy whispers, "Thanks, again."
“Of course,” Abed says, tapping his hands against the desk a couple times, “Goodnight Troy.”
“Goodnight Abed,” Troy smiles softly.
When Abed has left, Troy collapses forward onto his desk and sighs. Then, once he’s up, he grabs his stuff and scurries to leave, shutting off the office lights as he does.