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Jane walked quickly and quietly down the hallway. She had abandoned her post in the capable hands of her watch partner for just long enough to go to the bathroom, but she didn’t want to leave her post for too long. She might be working under a fake name – Jane Doe was so obviously false it was funny – but Jane had medical bills to pay in America, and this boss was too well-paying for her to dare make a bad impression on him. If she made a good impression, she might get more work and because of that, much, much more money. And the more money she could make, the more likely she would have a sister to go back to.
It was perhaps luck and perhaps fate that had her in particular see the window break and a child crawl through it. Her thoughts were two fold. First, who the hell was sending children into well defended supervillain bases. And second, the kid was lucky he hadn’t been found by other mercenaries, since a whole bunch of them were heartless.
Jane’s mind quickly worked to figure out what to do. She certainly couldn’t ignore the child, who would likely only get into more trouble and possibly even harm her employer’s interests, but she also didn’t exactly want to turn throw the kid into the dungeons to be interrogated by someone else who might really hurt him. That left one course of action: capture the kid and interrogate him herself. Jane didn’t have any experience with interrogation, but she was pretty sure she could be pretty convincing if the kid was reasonable.
It wasn’t very hard to sneak up on the kid. After he had glanced around and failed to see her hiding behind a corner, trying to figure out what to do, the kid had decided to turn away from her and start walking away. Jane had always tended to walk quietly and her training as a mercenary had only enhanced that trait, so she simply hurried up to the kid. For a moment, she hovered over him, uncertain of how to start this.
“Hey kiddo,” she settled on, which caused the kid to spin around, placing his wrists exactly where she needed them to grab them and prevent the kid from properly attacking her or running away.
“Holy shit!” the kid exclaimed. “Let me go!”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that,” Jane said regretfully. “But are you sure you should be swearing? You look only a little older than my twelve-year-old nephew.”
“I’m fourteen,” the kid announced, clearly irritated by the comparison to a twelve year old. “And if I’m old enough to sneak into a highly guarded secret supervillain base, I’m old enough to swear.”
“Who determined you were old enough to sneak in here?” Jane asked. “Because I really disagree with them. You should be within spoiling reach of a cool aunt, not in danger.”
“None of your business,” the kid snapped. “And I had a cool uncle, but he’s dead now, with my parents.”
“You know, you might be right that it’s none of my business,” Jane agreed. The kid’s eyes widened in surprise and confusion. Kids too often seemed to expect adults to never agree with them or admit a point, and Jane had found that she got on much better with her nieces and nephews when she was willing to admit when she was even slightly wrong. “However,” she continued, “I’m pretty sure it’s my boss’s business. And, kiddo, my boss isn’t a very good person. I don’t know how he will react to a child. I’ve never seen him interact with one, but I have seen him interact with adults, and I’d rather minimize your exposure to him as much as possible. How about you tell me who sent you – even just a description if you don’t have names – and I’ll do my best to protect you from everyone else. Maybe I can help you. Kids who are safe generally aren’t sent into dangerous places, and you said your parents and uncle are dead. I might be able to send you to my sister. I’m paying for her medical bills, so she’ll definitely do me a little favor like that.”
“I can’t believe you’re actually for real, but you’re really nice,” the kid said. It was a little nonsensical, but kids that age were generally still working out how to communicate clearly in unusual situations.
“So, is that a yes?” Jane asked hopefully.
“Sorry,” the kid said regretfully. “I have a mission I have to follow through on.”
“I’m going to have to take you to the boss,” Jane warned.
“Yep,” the kid agreed. He didn’t seem very frightened, but Jane didn’t know how to make him frightened. And without him fearing the boss properly, he wouldn’t agree to cooperate.
Her heart sinking, Jane started to lead the kid to the boss’s office.
“Enter,” the boss called when Jane knocked on the door. The door creaked open unwelcomingly.
“Yassen?” the kid exclaimed as she gently pushed him in. Jane knew the boss’s name was Yassen Gregorovich, and the fact that the kid knew him on sight was a little baffling. “What are you doing here?”
“I would say the same to you, but I can guess well enough,” the boss said dryly, clearly recognizing the kid as well. “MI6 is curious about the situation, aren’t they.”
MI6 was England’s version of the CIA, if Jane remembered correctly. Which meant that England’s government was sending a literal child overseas to risk life and limb. Of course, all intelligence agencies could get a little out of hand when not watched closely enough – the CIA attempting to use drugs to mind control people was a particularly memorable example of why one shouldn’t agree to all the ideas coming from intelligence agencies – but this was on a whole other level. Jane couldn’t imagine that a good number of people in the British government didn’t know about this, too. Which was to say a handful of high-ranking officials were definitely in on it. It really made Jane reexamine her idea of Britain as a civilized country, since civilized countries used technically-not-child-soldiers, not very-clearly-child-soldiers. Then again, the British had a monarchy, which definitely showed something was wrong with them. Jane’s worldview quickly restabilized just in time for the conversation to continue.
“Well, yes,” the kid grumbled. “I guess you aren’t going to just let me go, are you.”
“Alex,” the boss said with a dry tone in his voice, “I know you. And I don’t want my reputation ruined by you and your explosive modus operandi.”
“I think that’s a no,” the kid – Alex – said, turning to Jane.
“Yes, that’s a no,” Yassen confirmed. “Now, why don’t you sit down in that chair over there and eat a candy bar. You’ve been properly captured – well done, Jane Doe – and MI6 would be unreasonable to expect you to do much more.”
“MI6 is always being unreasonable,” Alex complained. Jane felt that his complaint was very accurate. “Wait,” he continued, spinning around to face Jane, “your name is Jane Doe? Isn’t that the name for people whose name no one knows?”
“That is my name!” Jane agreed. “I’m very proud of it – I picked it out myself. Do you like it?”
“It’s very interesting,” Alex said diplomatically, with a very undiplomatic look on his face. Jane graciously ignored the poorly concealed laughter. “I guess it’s to keep this life from bleeding into your nephews’ and nieces’ lives?”
“Exactly,” Jane agreed. “I have no plans to become particularly infamous, but there are no guaranties in life, you know. It’s best to have as many safety measures as is reasonable, especially when a safety measure is such a fun name!”
“I think you’re a very cool aunt,” Alex decided. “Will I see you around?”
“I believe that’s a question for the boss,” Jane admitted. “I was actually on watch duty when I caught you, and I probably shouldn’t leave my partner alone for too long.”
“Indeed,” the boss agreed. “Ms. Doe, be sure not to tell anyone about Alex.”
“Yes, sir,” Jane confirmed.
“But why?” Alex practically whined, wandering towards the boss. “If all your minions are as nice as Jane, then they can know, and if they aren’t then you won’t allow me anywhere without you!”
“Stop being such a child,” the boss scolded the literal child, who seemed unperturbed by the order. “Ms. Doe, you are dismissed. Alex, stop clicking that pen.”
Jane mouthed the words ‘yes, sir,’ before slipping out the door, silently laughing at the last thing she had seen in the room: a dangerous and notoriously brutally efficient part time assassin, part time member of the middle management of a terrorist organization trying to convince a fearless (and probably very foolish) child to give him his pen back.
Alex gave the pen back, of course, just when Yassen was about to start getting irritated. Alex could read a handful of Yassen’s tells, including, through sheer exposure, the sign that Yassen was feeling frustrated, specifically at Alex.
“Very funny,” Yassen sighed as he received his pen back. “Now, I do need you to be quiet. I have a lot of stuff to do, and then I’ll be able to pay attention to you.”
“Can I help?” Alex asked, partly out of curiosity and partly to discover more information about the situation.
Yassen let out a heartfelt sigh that would have appeared as nothing more than a simple exhale to nearly anyone besides Alex, and shuffled his papers and closed a few windows on his desktop. A vague gesture sent Alex dragging a chair around to Yassen’s side of the desk.
“I’m doing an audit of my current employer’s expenses, partly to ensure there isn’t anyone blatantly cheating him,” Yassen began, pulling up a nightmare mess of excel spreadsheets. “I believe you will find it helpful in life to know how to conduct an audit like this, even if you only do it on a much smaller scale.”