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“Hmm … I think you might have a nargle infestation.”
Luna watches Hermione stiffen at her desk and raise her head, looking wildly around the room. When she spots Luna at the door, she laughs.
“I do not!” Hermione says. “Are you trying to wind me up before lunch?”
“Maybe,” Luna says deviously.
Luna doesn’t quite want to admit that the Ministry likely is infested by nargles. There is mistletoe quite literally everywhere, and it seems highly dangerous.
“I’ll be ready in a minute,” Hermione says. “Just finishing something up.”
“OK,” Luna says.
Luna only lasted a few months in her Ministry job, when Hermione brought her on for a role in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Luna really wanted to stick with it, but she couldn’t deal with the bureaucracy of the Ministry or the strict – and frankly, outdated – classifications for what can be considered a magical creature. (Nargles, for instance, are not on the list.)
She ended up joining her father’s magazine, which she should have done all along. She had an interview for the Quibbler this morning with the head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, so she sent Hermione an owl ahead asking if she was free for lunch. She wasn’t quite sure if Hermione would make it, so she’s glad when her friend actually gets out of her chair with a smile.
“Do you want to go into Diagon or does the cafeteria work?” Hermione asks.
“The cafeteria’s fine,” Luna shrugs.
As they make their way through the building, Hermione fills in Luna on the happenings in the DRCMC. Hermione is facing yet another uphill battle when it comes to changing legislation, and Luna just listens. When they walk down the hallway that is a shortcut to the lunch room, they both abruptly stop mid-step.
“Oh no,” Hermione groans.
She looks up, and Luna follows her line of sight. Hanging directly above them is a sprig of mistletoe. Luna starts laughing, even as she looks carefully for nargles.
“I’ve put in several complaints with Wizarding Resources,” Hermione huffs. “This is so inappropriate!”
“Oh c’mon, lighten up, Hermione,” Luna says. “It’s tradition.”
If you get stuck under magical mistletoe, you can’t move again until you kiss someone. Since Hermione and Luna are stuck together, they’ll have to kiss each other to be freed. Luna isn’t really opposed to kissing her friend, and the way Hermione is throwing a fit is just making it funnier.
A couple of wizards come from the other way, and when they see Luna and Hermione together under the mistletoe they start to slow down. Luna doesn’t recognize them, but Hermione seems to.
“Need some help?” one asks.
“No, we’re fine, thank you,” Hermione says through gritted teeth.
The two men linger behind them, and Hermione turns her head as far around as it will go to chastise them.
“Move along then!”
Luna just giggles at her friend. They truly couldn’t be more opposite.
“It's just a little kiss, Hermione,” she laughs. “Pucker up!"
“No,” Hermione huffs. “I developed a charm that should get us out of this easily. Just hold on a minute while I try to remember it.”
Loud footsteps come up behind them, and Luna turns to see a group of witches and wizards heading for the cafeteria. They give Luna and Hermione commiserating looks, but don’t dare say a word when they see Hermione’s fury. Luna just laughs even more.
“We could be sat down by now,” Luna sighs.
“Oh! I think I’ve got it!” Hermione says.
She points her wand at the mistletoe and mutters a spell that Luna doesn’t quite catch. A second later, Luna is able to finish the step she was taking.
“Wow!” Luna exclaims. “You did it!”
“Thank goodness,” Hermione says, sighing with relief. “I’m sure it would have been very nice to kiss you, Luna, but it’s the principle of the matter.”
“Sure,” Luna laughs. “I’ll try not to take it personally.”
They finally make it to the cafeteria and fill their plates. When they go to sit down, Luna spots a couple of familiar faces across the room and makes a beeline for their table.
“Hi Ron,” Luna says, “hi Pansy.”
Ron looks up from his plate like he’s been caught in the middle of a shag, and Pansy wiggles her fingers in a wave.
“Hey,” Ron says with a mouthful of food.
Luna is a direct person, so she asks them the question that is on her mind: “what are you two doing here … together?”
Pansy smirks like she has a secret. “Oh, we both just happened to need to renew our apparition licenses today, and then also happened to want to get lunch at the same time.”
“Oh,” Luna says, catching on. “What a nice coincidence.”
Ron’s face is completely red, and he starts shoveling the food from his plate into his mouth until he’s finished. Luna keeps standing there, catching up with Pansy, who she has become friendly with over the years.
“There you are!” Hermione says from behind her. “I’ve been looking everywhere for – oh.”
Luna can tell that Hermione is neither surprised to see Ron and Pansy together nor uncomfortable to see her ex with another woman.
“Hey guys, what are you doing here?”
“We were just leaving actually,” Ron says.
He has finished every speck of food on his plate, and he turns to Pansy for her agreement.
“Right?” he asks.
Pansy rolls her eyes at him. “Right. Here, you should take our table.”
Pansy and Ron stand up and they all say their goodbyes. Luna and Hermione take their seats and tuck into their own lunches.
“So … what was that all about?” Luna asks.
“Oh, they’re dating,” Hermione says matter-of-factly. “They just don’t realize it yet.”
Luna tilts her head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“They’ve been shagging for months, and neither has been seriously interested in anyone else,” Hermione explains. “They’re together all the time, but they’re both too stubborn to admit they’re in any kind of relationship. But, come on, lunch at the Ministry in the middle of the week? They’re dating.”
“They had a very flimsy excuse,” Luna says.
“What was it?”
“They both just happened to need to renew their apparition licenses.”
Hermione snorts into her coffee. “Idiots.”
“Do you and Draco have some sort of plan to get them to realize they like each other?”
“No,” Hermione says with what sounds like a long-suffering sigh. “Draco refuses to get involved, and I know he’s right. They’ll figure it out – eventually. Anyway, how’s your love life?”
“The same,” Luna sighs. “I’ve been so busy with the Quibbler and trying to take over for my dad. There’s a lot more to it than I thought.”
“I think you’ll do great!” Hermione says warmly.
“Thanks,” Luna nods. “What about your love life?”
Hermione sighs, too. “The same, but … in a good way. I was worried about moving in with Draco but it’s been really nice. We put up our Christmas tree the other night and it was nice to have someone to do that with, you know?”
“That is nice,” Luna says. “I’m hoping to get back into dating in the new year. I’m working on a charm that repels anyone who won’t be the right fit and –”
“What?” Hermione laughs. “Are you serious? How does that even work?”
“It has to do with pheromones,” Luna explains. “I mean, actually it’s more to do with sexual compatibility …”
“Fascinating,” Hermione says. “I had no idea there could be a charm for that.”
“And I didn’t think you could use a charm on mistletoe!”
“You know, sometimes I wonder if we should go into business together, Luna,” Hermione says thoughtfully. “Though I don’t know how we would make money off of our custom charms.”
Luna laughs. “Well, I’m sure if you set your mind to it …”
“No,” Hermione sighs. “My heart is truly in the Ministry.”
“Even with the mistletoe hanging around dangerously?”
“Even that … I’ll just have to keep complaining until they take them down.”
“In the meantime,” Luna says, “you should watch out for nargles.”
They both burst into laughter, but Luna secretly wishes she could make Hermione understand the threat. Maybe she’ll try warning her again after lunch.