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“I’m gay.” Nasir blurted out finally releasing the air trapped in his lungs, tightening in his chest. His parents both gasped and jumped back from the computer screen as though it had burnt them. His eyes were down, bracing for the barrage of curses, insults, disappointments, etc.--everything he had dreaded and avoided for nearly 10 years. But there was nothing, just a deafening quiet growing heavy.
“Say something,” He said timidly and against better judgment. He should have just accepted the silence and ended the call. Right now, he was kicking himself for teaching his parents how to Skype in the first place. Emails were perfectly fine. Hell, post mail would be a blessing right now because this –that look and sound of stun- was almost unbearable, he thought. Almost unbearable until…
مثلي الجنس!
كيف يمكنك أن تكون مثلي الجنس!
أنت ليس مثلي الجنس!
هل هذه مزحة؟
متى حدث هذا؟
أتمت أخوكم تأجيل يصل إلى هذا؟ هذا ليس مضحكا.
انت لم ترى هذا تالي؟
الرسولي؟ شاهد كيف؟ لا أريد أن يرى أي شيء. قلت لك لا ليعلمه لخياطة!
ما هي أهمية ذلك انه لا تصبح مصمم!
وقال انه ليس أفضل! ياه يا لك ينظرون إلي. هل كان من الأفضل عدم!
وNO تصفيف الشعر أو لوحة سواء!
فعلت شيئا سيحدث عندما كنت صغيرا؟
الشواذ؟ أو مثلي الجنس فقط؟
كيف يمكنك أن تكون متأكدا!؟ مضى عليك مع امرأة؟
ناشا، ولا يمكنها أن تكون مع امرأة!
هل قمت كانت مع رجل؟ الانتظار! لا! لا! لا إجابة على هذا ....... موافق قل لي. الانتظار! كيف تعرف؟
أنت ينظر الى نفسه، لا تبدو مثلي الجنس ... وقفوا دعني أرى حذائك!
كيف تعرف؟
وأنا أعلم! إنه الشعر! قلت لك! كنت أعرف حين نما وأصبح شيئا مثل هذا يمكن أن يحدث، ولا سيما من دون لحية! سعادة هو جيد جدا تبحث عن الشعر بدون شعر! وانت مع تحيات الخاص بك!
شعره جميل! ما الذي يتلقى لي أن أقول؟
أنا لا أعرف! ولكن انظروا ما حدث! عندنا ولد GAY الآن!
When his parents finally stopped yelling to/at him and over each other, Nasir slowly looked up at the four wide eyes staring at him, waiting for answers. He stared back. His breath fell heavy as he frantically translated and processed what was just shouted at him. To his surprise, Nasir began to realize that there were no insults, sadness or pleas to Allah. That entire volley was just genuine curiosity and shock. They took it much better than he thought they would. He sent a silent thank you to Allah and to American television.
He took a deep breath and then answered. “Yes. I don’t know. Yes I am. No. I don’t know. No again. It’s no one’s fault. I’m not quitting school. No one did anything. I hate art. Really, nothing happened. What’s... the… difference? I just am. No. And I don’t want to. Yes we can, if we wanted, but I don’t want to. Yes I have. I just know. And my hair has nothing to do with it.”
A chuckle sounded in in the room.
“What was that?” his mother asked, managing to say something while his dad just sat their flabbergasted, shaking his head.
Agron had been quietly sitting on the floor, out of sight but holding Nasir’s hand, supporting him, the entire time. He didn’t understand what Nasir’s parents said. But Nasir responded in English. He couldn’t help by chuckle at the hair comment, even though Nasir could be experiencing the worst moment of his life right now. Nasir loved for Agron to run his fingers through his hair or grab a fist full and pull when they fuck. It was pretty gay of him.
“Who is there? Is that a man? You have a man!?!” His mother asked, in Arabic, almost yelling again. She pulled the computer closer to her face and moved it about as if it would help her see the room better.
“No. He is not here,” Nasir said, in English. He kicked Agron for making the noise.
“So you do have some one!” She exclaimed. Nasir didn’t reply. “Okay. That’s it, I am coming there.”
“What? No, no you don’t have too.” Nasir said nervously, in Arabic.
“What do you mean? I did not know you are a gay. I did not know you had some one. That even looks like a new sofa. That is not right. What does that say about us, Albi?”
His mother stared at him. Her dark loving eyes were ringed with hurt and disappointment. Nasir knew she was not upset by the secret itself, but that there was a secret in the first place. She was hurt that he did not feel comfortable to trust, confide and need her. He and his mother were very close. She was his best friend until Agron. And he had neglected her, hid from her, for that he felt shame. A different kind of shame then he had expected, but shame nonetheless.
He nodded first and then quietly said, “Okay.”
She smiled. “änä hĕ bĕk.” Nasir smiled back at her. “Me too.”
“We’ll talk soon.” He said. She nodded and then hung up.
Nasir was quiet. He took a deep breath and rubbed his watery eyes. Agron looked up at him from the floor. His green eyes wearing worry.
“What happen? Are you okay?” He asked as he pulled Nasir to straddled his lap. Agron wrapped his arms around Nasir as he took another deep breath. “Whatever happens you have me, okay?” Agron continued in a calming, gentle voice that Nasir could not recall him ever using. He rubbed his cheek against Agron’s scruffy face and kissed his jaw. “They got really loud. Are they mad?” Agron asked.
“No, they are always loud.”
“Well?” Agron asked, waiting for Nasir to fill him in on the conversation.
“Well,” Nasir began, “They were shocked. She was hurt. He was stereotypically stereotyping. But they were not mad.”
Nasir said with relief and a small smile. Agron smiled back and gave him a quick kiss. His eyes were beaming with love. Nasir hugged him again taking in his love and strength. It was a beautiful moment until… Nasir faced Agron and said, “And…They’re coming to visit.”
“WAS!?” Agron now shouted in his native tongue. “OH NEIN, NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN ICH WILL NICHT ZU...“
Nasir had to endure his parents reaction but luckily he could shut Agron up with a kiss.
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