Chapter Text
Bucky was so fucked up. Not only was he a horrible person, but he was a horrible friend and roommate. What was wrong with him? He had never had an issue with this before. He had gay friends, trans friends, queer friends of all shapes and sizes, he wasn't a bigot. So why did he hate it so much when Steve kissed men?
Maybe he had just always been secretly homophobic and all his gay friends had just never told him? Were they secretly hurt behind his back? Fuck, he couldn't deal with that.
Okay, maybe it was just internalised! That must be it because, damnit, he wasn't homophobic.
Or was he? Fuck, fuck fuckity fuck.
Bucky had to call Sam. He would know. Because Sam ways knew.
"Hel-"
"Sam, I'm homophobic and I can't stop it and I don't know what to do and maybe I've always been homophobic and I've just been hurting my friends and maybe i-"
"Woah woah what the fuck man, slow down!" Sam interrupted, he no doubt had a confused expression on his face. "What do you mean you're homophobic? In all our years of friendship you've literally never been even a bit problematic."
"Yeah, but, but whenever Steve brings home his dates I always get so fucking pissed off and it must be because he is gay, right? Because I didn't care when Natasha used to bring home her dates even when she was loud." Bucky couldn't stop pacing the floor, chewing at his nails as he waited for the answer.
"Bucky." There was a pause, "You're telling me, you only get cross at Steve, your gay roommate, when he brings home men? And you didn't get cross at your past straight roommates?"
"Yes!" Bucky was gonna go insane.
"And, have you ever had a problem when I bring my boyfriend around?"
oh. Well, now that Sam mentioned it, he didn't have a problem with that, in fact he was quite happy for Sam because he had been wingman to that relationship.
"Well," Bucky tried, but just then the front door pushed open and Steve hauled himself through, dusting off the snow from his jacket.
"I gotta go, Sam, Steve's here. Bye." And he hung up.
"Hey Buck, was that Sam?" The blonde asked, not looking up from where he was hanging his coat. "You coulda stayed on the phone y'know?" He teased.
Bucky swallowed the thick lump in his throat, before forcing out, "uh, yeah, um, he had to- had to go anyway, so.."
Steve looked up, "Yeah?"
The other man could only nod before flushing and looking away.
"I thought you had a date tonight?"
Steve huffed out a laugh, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "So did I. The asshole didn't even show up to the café."
oh god Why did that make Bucky feel happy? What was wrong with him?
"Oh," Bucky paused, "I'm sorry about that, Steve, I know you, I know you thought he was hot."
That made the blond laugh as he turned to the stove top to see the bubbling stew. "Yeah well, it was just a tinder date, so I wasn't expecting much."
"Still-"
"It's fine, Buck, let's watch that new movie?" The other interrupted, rolling his muscles shoulders back.
"Uh, sure. 'Luck', right?"
"That's the one!"
Steve has always been touchy, always needing to be touching someone else; a perk of being his roommate was that it was nearly impossible to be touch starved with him around. He was especially snuggly when watching movies, wrapping his whole body around whoever was closest. The closest this time just happened to be his roommate, Bucky.
The two were wrapped together, Steve with his head on the others shoulder, his arms pulled around his chest and legs crossed over the brunettes. Bucky had one arm pulled around Steve's shoulder, his other hand holding the blondes hand, massaging it gently.
It always made Bucky happy, so much so it became something of a routine between the two. It was always warm under the blonde, his large body running perpetually warm; and holy shit, his arms were so comfortable and safe. If it was anything to judge by, Steve's relaxed and smiley face would show that he also loved their time together.
"Buck, stop squishin' me," Steve complained, elbowing his friend gently. Bucky startled, not expecting to be awoken from his reverie, releasing his arms a little to let Steve stretch out a little more.
"Sorry, pal." He murmured.
"'s fine," The blonde smiled back, his eyes flicking up to see the other man.
It was another week before Sam could pin Bucky down to question him about his phone call. It was, thankfully, during a time that Steve wasn't home, nor was he expected back soon.
And so, there sat Bucky, trying to swallow back tears while he explained that he didn't think he was homophobic, but then, why was he so hurt every time Steve was on a date? Or when he could hear him and his lover in the room next to his?
It made him so frustrated! Why was he like this? Sam wasn't even helping! He was in fact, laughing his ass off at that very moment.
"C'mon man! I'm pouring my bleedin' heart out to you are you're fucking laughing!" Bucky groaned, even though he buried his face in his hands to hide the small smirk.
"You gotta be joking man, you really can't see it?" Sam giggled- he fucking giggled!
"Sam, I'm gonna go insane if you don't just fucking say it, I swear to god!" Bucky huffed out.
"You're gay!" Sam laughed, tears coming down his face with how hard he was laughing.
"This is no help!"
"You have the fattest crush on Steve!"
"I do not!"
"Do to!"
"Not!"
"Do!"
"No- look this is bullshit! He's my roommate!"
That made Sam raise an eyebrow, "Since when could roommates not fall in love?"
"Since, since- look whatever, I don't have a crush on Steve."
Holy shit, he has a crush on Steve.
He wasn't fucking angry at gay relationships, he was fucking jealous of Steve.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck.
What the hell was he supposed to do? There was no way in hell Steve would love him back... Right?
Holy shit.
Just then his bedroom door swung open, Steve pushing his way through, his face drippy and wet.
Bucky startled, sitting up from his bed, his cheeks a little flushed. "Ste-" he started only for the blonde to push him back down and curl himself up on top of him, his shoulders shaking.
"Steve, hey, shhh, it's alright Stevie, shh" Bucky tried to sooth, his eyes wide with worry.
"What's up, Stevie, please tell me?"
"T-today was just f-fucking awful!" Steve practically wailed, his voice high and pitchy. "Th-the fuck-fucking customers were fu-fucking awful!"
"I'm sorry, Stevie, shh, it's okay, can I do anything to make you feel better?" Bucky asked, rubbing his hand up and down his roommates quivering back.
"Just- jus hold me," Steve sniffed, wiping his cheeks quickly on Bucky's shirt.
"Alright, it's okay, Steve, you can just cry."
It only took a few more minutes before the larger man's sobs calmed down to the occasional sniffle and his breath and evened out; and that left Bucky painfully aware that he was cuddling his crush, in his room, in his bed, alone. And didn't that just make his heart rush like he was a teenager in highschool with his first crush.
Shifting off to the side a little so he could see the others face, Steve looked up, "Thanks, Buck,"
Oh shit. Shit. Steve's plump, red lips were so fucking close to Bucky's. They were swollen from chewing, and just the tiniest bit damp. Fuck, he wanted to kiss them, to bite the hell out of them and leave them slic- no, wait, Steve had said something. What had he said??
"Uhh, what?"
Steve let out a snort, "I said, thanks Buck," pause, "for being here for me."
Steves lips
They make such pretty shapes when they are moving. Wait, moving, that means talking, tune the fuck back in Bucky!
"Uh, yeah, sure," that was the right thing to say, right? Steve seemed happy with the response, so it was probably fine. Yeah, that was fine.
'I want to kiss you so bad,' Bucky thought, his heart clenching a little.
"You ok, Buck?"
"What?"
Steve smirked a little, "I said, are you ok?"
"I'm gay"
Shit! No! Mission abort! That wasn't supposed to come out. Abort. Abort. God. Kill him now.
"Oh! Buck, that's gre- oof"
All the air flew out of Steve's mouth as Bucky's crashed against his.
Shit! Double shit! What the fuck Bucky? You were supposed to interrupt and shrug it off! Not do this fucking shit!
Bucky started to pull away, his cheeks flaming before Steve chased his lips, one hand coming up to tangle in the brunettes long locks.
Oh, oh, oh???
Bucky couldn't think, all he could do is feel his crushes lips against his, the hot breath pouring out of them, the pressure, and the gentle tug on his hair.
Oh, that was so fucking good.
The way Steve's stubble scratched across his face like that as they moved together was utterly divine. It couldn't hold a candle to any girl Bucky had kissed.
He couldn't help the moan that left his mouth before gently drawing back, leaving his forehead resting against the blondes.
"Fuck," Steve rasped, his voice rough and aroused.
"Yeah," Bucky hummed back, his own voice just a little shakey. "Wanted to do that for so long."
"Yeah?"
"Uh huh,"
"Fuck, me too Buck," Steve whispered, leaning forward to steal a peck.
Now was the moment, Bucky had to ask.
"Can I take you on a date, Stevie? Please?"