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Shouto knew he should be sleeping by now. It was close to three am on a Tuesday (or, now a Wednesday, he guessed) and he had class at eight. But he couldn't sleep as long as there were people outside his window.
Logically, he knew they had to be hallucinations again, he was on the fifth floor and nobody could reach his window without alarming Bakugou below him, but there were Quirks that could easily make someone levitate or hide their presence from others, so they could be real. They sure felt real.
In the end, it didn't matter because even if they actually weren't, he still wouldn't be able to sleep with their shadows looming above him. So, instead, he'd turned off the lights to make them think he was already asleep, despite knowing bad lighting was likely to make hallucinations worse. But they weren't hallucinations (probably), so it didn't matter.
And now he was on his phone, looking at memes that weren't even funny to begin with to distract himself from everything. It worked. The people decided to leave him alone, or maybe the hallucination stopped. Whatever it was, they were gone now and he could finally sleep.
Except now, his mind refused to calm down again and after lying in darkness for what felt like hours, he grabbed his phone again.
That was wrong. He knew he shouldn't, but lying around not doing anything was even worse. Shouto opened his notes app and wrote. It was supposed to be poetry - mom had told him she wrote things down too when she was feeling bad - but he wasn't sure it counted. But that didn't matter, this was just for himself anyways.
It was going great, words coming a lot easier when he wasn't trying to force them to make sense to anyone, but he was still feeling on edge. He couldn't even tell why, and he hated it.
His phone went dark.
Fuck.
He pressed the power button, but nothing happened. He tried it again, this time holding it down longer, but still nothing.
That was fine. It was fine. That didn't mean anything. It had just given him comfort that was gone now, so now bad things could happen.
The last time his phone died had been the day before the League attacked the training camp. And now he was with his class, and his phone had died again.
It had just been a coincidence. Except he'd felt like something bad was going to happen back then, and now he felt that again. And now he was alone in his room, trapped, without anybody noticing if he got compressed into a marble and kidnapped. There was no Midoriya with him to save him.
One of his classmates walked past his door.
Shouto had already gotten up and was about to throw the door open to see someone he felt safer with, when he realized he could hear them talking. They were too quiet for him to make out any words, but he could still hear their voice.
And it wasn't any of his classmates.
It made his heart race and dread grip his throat, making it nearly impossible to breathe.
That was Dabi.
Dabi was in the dorms. Dabi was in the dorms to bring him to the League.
Shouto had to get away.
His classmates could fight, but even they couldn't do anything if the whole building was set on fire. Or if Dabi used him as a meat shield.
They had to believe he was still asleep, he'd been very careful to make it appear that way. So if he got out now, he still had a chance to run and lure the Villains away from his class.
He couldn't use the door. But that was fine. His room still had a window and he'd already looked at the facade of the building to figure out how he'd scale it, if he had to.
Careful to not make a sound, he pushed it open. The air was fresh, but the cold was the least of his problems as he climbed on top of his windowsill and let his feet dangle in the air. He lowered himself down further and further, until his feet finally connected with the top of Bakugou's window frame.
He hated his father for his training regime, yes, but right now he was thankful his arms could easily support his full weight. The way down was long and unforgiving.
Oh.
Getting down was harder than getting up.
Shouto moved his feet so they were hanging in front of Bakugou's window. If he looked out now, he'd see his shoes. Then, he took a deep breath and let go. After a second, his feet connected with the windowsill and he lunged forward, grabbing the top of the window with both hands.
Well. This was nerve-wracking.
But he couldn't- wasn't going to let Dabi catch him.
He knelt down, holding onto the windowsill and moved his legs until he was hanging on by nothing but his iron grip again. He did the same thing and landed on Iida's window.
His arms were trembling, but he still had half of the way to go and he couldn't afford to rest now. Any second that scarred head could poke out of his window and then it would be too late.
So he continued, lowering himself down again and letting go. Aoyama's room. The last one above the common rooms.
With the tall windows. There was no way he could use them to climb down, but he also couldn't just straight to the ground, he was still too high up for that.
But the trees were reaching their branches out towards him. He could accept their help. Even if they wouldn't hold his weight, his fall would still be slowed by them. Better some bruises than a broken leg.
He turned around until his back was to the window, steeled himself and jumped.
Shouto soared through the air for a moment, a strange feeling of freedom, before getting hit in the face by a twig. As feared, the branch broke below him. The next one too, as well as the one after that. But then he managed to cling to one that held.
Getting down now was a lot easier, possible handholds surrounding him until he was low enough that he could just hold onto a branch and drop the last meter or so.
Without looking back, he ran.
If he could make it to the forest that covered most of the campus, he could hide.
Aizawa was woken up by a sharp knock on his door. Ugh. Well, Yamada was sure to be awake at whatever-the-fuck o'clock it was, he could deal with it.
He was about to turn around and ignore it, when he realized he was in the teacher's dorms and nobody would be foolish enough to knock on his door if it wasn't serious.
So, he got up, rubbed at his eyes as if that could make the visual snow disappear, and opened his door.
Iida took a step back, surprised by the door swinging open like that.
"What is it?"
The poor kid looked uncertain and frightened, but also determined in a way he hadn't expected from anyone who was feeling bad enough to wake him.
"I am concerned about Todoroki. He climbed past my window!"
Oh, what the fuck.
Iida shifted where he was standing, a movement that didn't fit the image Aizawa had of him in the slightest.
"I worry he might be experiencing… some form of elaborate hallucination."
That made sense. At least he sure hoped Todoroki hadn't taken up climbing out of the fifth floor at night without telling anyone as a recreational hobby. Not that having a delusion that was bad enough he felt the need to do that was any better.
"I thought about going after him myself, but he told me you'd already helped him, so I figured you would be better suited to the task!"
Wait, why was Iida the one yelling this at him and not Bakugou? Todoroki had left through his window (and presumably survived, if the lack of crying over his corpse was any indication), so he had to have passed Bakugou's room before Iida's. And he knew Bakugou had a much lighter sleep than Tensei's little brother who was apparently such a deep sleeper that he hadn't heard Tensei crash his car that one time.
So what? Bakugou wasn't in his room (probably blasting a training ground into rubble, then) and Iida hadn't even been asleep?
Aizawa was going to force this whole class into therapy sessions with Hound Dog sooner or later.
"Good decision. Did you see where he was headed?"
"I believe it was towards the forest behind the dorms, but I am uncertain whether or not he's changed his trajectory."
Welp, it was still worth heading there first. At least their security system would catch it if he tried to leave by scaling the outer wall.
"Thank you for telling me. I'll take care of it, go back to the dorms."
Iida looked like he wanted to protest.
"...Understood." He shifted around again. "Will he be alright?"
Oh. Poor kid was frightened because he'd just seen his classmate and friend climb past his window.
"Yes. I know you want to help, but the best you can do is to go back for now. Crowding him wouldn't be a good idea."
He still looked reluctant, but Iida bowed and left for the dorms again.
Aizawa grabbed his capture scarf (not to restrain Todoroki, he just never left his room without it anymore and only really took it off for sleeping) and headed out.
He couldn't see shit, so finding a kid that was hiding for his life in a forest, at night sure was going to be an adventure.
There was a probably offensive joke in there somewhere. A visually impaired, sleep-deprived asshole and a fifteen-year-old schizophrenic walked into a forest…
He hoped Todoroki hadn't gone too far. Searching the whole campus, or even just this forest, could take days if he did it alone. And he definitely didn't want to involve anything else. If he'd left because he thought someone wanted to harm him, sending the whole staff to hunt him down would probably be the worst thing he could do. Well, maybe after calling the cops to do the hunting down part.
Fuck, he hoped Todoroki would listen to him. Sure, he'd trusted him in the past, but that time he'd locked himself in his room, not left though the window and ran for the forest.
…He really didn't like the idea of Todoroki not feeling safe in his own room.
The forest was filled with noises coming from animals. Or they could be coming from the League.
They were coming from the League. Birds and mice wouldn't make noises like this. Like footsteps, and whispers, just too far away to make out, but still loud enough to leave his ears ringing.
The trees had eyes.
No, not the trees, but the space between them. He couldn't see them, but he knew they were there, watching him, waiting for an opening to attack.
Shouto tried to focus on his breathing. If he lost control of his body, he lost control of his quirk, and if he lost control of his quirk, they'd win.
He shot out ice in a half circle, driving them back. He wasn't going to get kidnapped.
But he also wasn't going to use his flames. It was freezing anyways, so nobody would pay any mind to the ice, but his fire was bright and would spread and tell everyone where to find him.
Turning around, he ran.
Running felt good, if he just kept running, they couldn't get him.
Except now the voices were closing in on him, Dabi was closing in on him.
He spun around and shot his ice outwards again, piercing through several trees.
His lungs were burning, oxygen not wanting to stay in them, no matter how hard he gasped for air. But he couldn't stop. He'd missed, Dabi was still there, he could feel it.
Something moved on his left side. Just because he had a scar there didn't mean he was completely blind. Panic hit him like an electric shock. This was it.
He shot ice towards it.
And then his Quirk stopped working.
No.
That wouldn't be happening. He wasn't- he was still warm enough. His ice had to keep going. If it didn't, he'd get-
Aizawa.
At the end of his ice, just close to being hit by it, stood Aizawa.
He was on their side.
No. No, he wasn't. He wasn't.
He'd protected him and his class before, he wasn't on Dabi’s side.
Everything was spinning. Why was everything spinning?
Oh. He was shaking his head. That was why.
"...roki? Can you hear me, Todoroki?"
He tried focusing on him, but his words wouldn't leave his mouth.
Which was good, because he had to be quiet if he didn't want to be found.
But Aizawa didn't know that. He kept talking.
"Todoroki, I'm here n-"
Shouto put his finger over his lips, desperately hoping he'd at least understand that.
Aizawa did, shutting his mouth. Then, slowly, he moved closer to him.
Everything inside Shouto screamed to get away, to fight him, but he pushed that down. It was Aizawa. Aizawa wasn't going to harm him.
Once he was closer (too close, he was trying to hurt him) to Shouto, Aizawa spoke again, but this time kept his voice to a whisper.
"What's happening?"
Oh. He didn't know. Dabi had been in front of his room, not in front of Aizawa's.
"I'm- the League. Dabi. They're after me."
Aizawa looked at him for a moment. He was surprised Shouto had noticed. He was on their side, he had to b-
"I'm going to protect you, then."
He wasn't with them. Why would he be? He couldn't be.
Shouto wanted to trust him.
"Can you focus on your breathing? Wouldn't want you to hyperventilate." Aizawa was still whispering.
That was good. He believed him. Why wouldn't he? Why would he? Why would the League be after him specifically?
But they were. He didn't know why, but they were. He'd heard Dabi. He'd been followed by him, of course he was after him.
"...doroki? Your breathing, kid."
Right.
Breathing.
"Can I take your hand for a moment?"
Shouto nodded, a movement that felt jerky even to him.
Slowly, Aizawa reached out, taking Shouto's left hand and placing it on his chest.
"Follow my breathing, okay?"
He still had his right hand, if Dabi tried to attack now. And also Aizawa. He'd said he'd keep him safe.
So, he tried to do what had been asked of him. Aizawa was taking deep, measured breaths and Shouto tried to make his own mimic that rythm. It was good. He still wanted to gasp for air, but it no longer felt like he was suffocating.
Dabi was still hiding just out of his sight, but with Aizawa here, he wasn't daring to come any closer. Shouto could still feel himself shaking.
"Better?"
He nodded again.
"That's good. Try to keep it up, okay? If you need help, tell me."
"Okay."
Someone else was watching him too. The rest of the League? But- but Aizawa was here. He'd be safe. He'd have to be.
"Do you want to go back to your dorm?"
"No."
He couldn't. If it was just him and Aizawa, they would be fine. Aizawa could protect him. But if Dabi was lured back to the others, Aizawa had a lot more people to look after. And then they'd get hurt because of Shouto.
"Why not?"
"The others. They'd be in danger."
Aizawa paused for a moment.
"Good thinking. Teacher's dorm, then? They can hold their own in a fight."
That was- that made sense.
He nodded.
Then he realized he was still holding onto Aizawa and pulled his hand away. He missed the touch as soon as it stopped. It has been nice. Grounding. Aizawa had been there and he'd been real.
"You can hold onto my arm. I can make sure I won't lose you that way."
Shouto latched onto his sleeve, keeping Aizawa on his left side.
The walk back to the dorm took a lot longer than Aizawa had hoped. Then again, Shouto had been putting quite a distance between himself and everything else, so it shouldn't come as a surprise.
Still, when they finally arrived Aizawa wanted to do nothing more than collapse onto the couch and sleep. But he had Todoroki with him, and he really couldn't leave him alone like this.
On top of everything else, the kid had been out there with just his pyjamas on, despite the cold. Even Aizawa was freezing and he had the good sense to wear a big, warm hoodie.
He was going to get him settled on the couch with a nice, warm drink, help him through his delusion and then find Dabi and beat that fucker to a pulp for being part of one of Todoroki's worst attacks.
Even though bright lights made his head and eyes hurt (and wow, look at him being fucked up, darkness was bad, but light was even worse for him), he made sure to turn the ceiling lamps and some smaller ones on. Todoroki had told him that sometimes helped with hallucinations, and that's exactly what Aizawa needed right now.
"Do you want a co- hot choco milk too?"
Nope, he was not giving him a caffeine addiction. Not that one cup would do much in that regard, but he couldn't be careful enough. 1A had too many of those already.
He was hesitating.
"You can join me in the kitchen."
Now he nodded.
Aizawa made his way over there, Todoroki still clutching his sleeve. He grabbed two mugs (one was his, with a cat mouth and whiskers on it, the other one of Yamada's that featured an incomprehensible meme he knew Todoroki would like), a fresh carton of milk from the fridge and, after thinking for a moment, his expensive chocolate powder that came prepackaged in those little bags.
He mixed it all together and then put both mugs into the microwave, punching in some time at random.
Todoroki, meanwhile, had been watching his every move like a hawk. Or like someone who was still really scared.
"No one's gonna harm you here, okay? I'm gonna protect you. And there's a dozen or so other Pros right with us. This is really one of the safest places you could be."
The microwave beeped.
He took the mugs out, keeping both as they made their way back to the common room. There, he placed them both down onto the table in front of the couch, before sitting down. Todoroki followed suit, looking a little bit better now.
Aizawa grabbed one of the blankets scattered around, while Todoroki took one of the mugs. Oh.
Well, looked like Aizawa was going to become acquainted with Yamada's postmodern memes, then.
"Shouldn't you be out? To find him, I mean."
Todoroki was quiet, not quite meeting his eyes. Despite what he'd just said, it didn't seem like he really wanted him to go away. Which was good, because Aizawa wasn't going to leave him alone in a state like this.
"You said he's after you specifically, right?"
The kid nodded.
"I'll stay with you. Then I can protect you if something happens."
Todoroki's shoulders slumped in relief and Aizawa used that chance to gently place the blanket around them.
Normally, he'd just let Todoroki regulate his own temperature (one of the many perks of having a half hot, half cold Quirk), but he wasn't doing that, so Aizawa could at least help him get a bit warmer again. If the League was after him, he'd also have more pressing concerns than feeling a little cold, to be fair.
The kid shifted around slightly, until he was fully leaning against Aizawa's side. He wasn't a particularly big fan of touch, but Todoroki obviously needed it right now, so he let him, only moving around a bit to get more comfortable.
Shouto didn't dare looking at the windows, knowing he'd see Dabi or someone else pass by them. He kept his gaze firmly fixed onto his hands.
But Aizawa kept them away. They didn't try to get inside, just circled the building.
As long as he stayed here, he'd be safe.
He could feel the adrenaline still floating around in his body, but at the same time he also felt exhaustion hit him like a wave. Sitting here was nice and comfortable and warm, and sleep was tempting. But he had to stay vigilant. He couldn't risk them getting the upper hand now.
And that's when he felt it.
Breathing across his neck, making his hairs stand up.
The scratching, mocking voice of Dabi talking right into his ears.
Shouto scrambled back, towards Aizawa, trying to put him between himself and Dabi, clinging to him to protect him.
"Fu- Todoroki, what's happening?"
Couldn't he see that?
"Behind you."
He wanted to use his Quirk. Right now, he could pierce through him. Probably. But Aizawa was in the way. If he tried anything now, he'd also injure his teacher, who was only here because Shouto had begged for him to protect him.
"I'll protect you. It's okay. Just stay here, I'm not letting you get hurt."
Shouto hid his face in a blanket, or maybe Aizawa's capture weapon, he wasn't sure.
Everything inside him screamed to run, fight, get away, defend himself, but he willed himself to stay frozen where he was. Aizawa said he'd protect him. He couldn't do that if Shouto left. Or injured him because he'd missed Dabi.
Something brushed against his back, shoving him closer to Aizawa. Was that real? It was Aizawa's hand. It was real. It had to be real. What if it-
Shouto bit his lip, hard enough to taste iron in his mouth. He couldn't deal with hallucinations right now. Not when Dabi was right there.
And Dabi was right there. He had to be. He was real.
But was he?
This had happened before. He'd thought people wanted to hurt him before.
Except that Dabi was real and had really wanted to hurt him. He wasn't a hallucination, or delusion, or something his brain made up to torment him further.
But was he really here?
Did he really brea-
He was standing right there. He knew it. Shouto wasn't looking at him, but he knew he was there. He had to be.
"-Athe. You need to breathe, kid. Todoroki, kid, listen to me. Follow my breathing, okay? In and out. Deep breaths. Can you hear me? Can you do that for me?"
He tried. Aizawa was somewhere pressed against him, so he could feel his breathing and he tried to match it. Shouto was glad this wasn't father. Curling around anyone - being so weak to curl around anyone - was bad enough already, he wouldn't want father to see him like this. But Aizawa was okay.
Aizawa didn't treat him like he was weak and a burden and not good enough. He'd dealt with Kirishima throwing up on him that one time when he got really sick, so having Shouto cling to him wouldn't be that bad.
Especially not since he was being hunted by a Villain.
But was he? Why was he?
Dabi had to-
"Your breathing. Deep breaths, remember?"
Right.
Right, panicking wasn't going to help.
This wasn't going to help. Dabi was real, but maybe he wasn't and he didn't know because he couldn't trust himself.
But he could trust Aizawa.
He just needed to ask.
He just needed to ask if the Villain standing behind them was real.
This was ridiculous. Shouto should be able to determine something as easy as "there is someone else in this room" on his own. He wasn't an infant.
Except he knew he had hallucinations and couldn't be sure anything around him was real. It all sure felt that way, though.
"...Aizawa?"
Would he mock him? He made such a scene, running away, if he asked whether he even had a reason to, wouldn't that only make it worse?
"Yes?"
If he wasn't real, then Shouto had acted out for nothing. But if he was, and Shouto wasn't even sure about that, he wasn't a Hero. Heroes weren't crazy like that. They weren't crazy like mom. (Or him.)
But Aizawa already knew. Whatever the answer was, Aizawa already knew it. Except by asking he would show he didn't believe his own senses.
Dabi was still there.
Dabi was still there and Shouto couldn't do this anymore.
"IsHeReal?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Can you repeat yourself?"
No, no, no. Asking once was already bad enough.
But now he'd already done it. He'd asked once, he could do it a second time.
"Dabi. Is he real?"
He felt Aizawa take a deep breath.
"No. I- Dabi exists, yes, but he's not here. The Dabi you're seeing is not real."
That was a lie.
Dabi was right there. He couldn't see him right now, face still pressed into something, but he knew he was there.
But Aizawa wouldn't lie to him. He wouldn't. Except it could be a logical ruse. He'd done that on the very first day, so he might be doing it again now.
Would he really do that right now? Why had he done it in the first place back then? Could he have picked up on the lie? Why had he even asked? Why couldn't he just fucking know if there was a Villain trying to kill him or not?
There were some threads of… something in his mouth, Shouto noticed. Why?
Oh, he was biting something again, the taste of blood still vivid in his mouth.
Well, that wasn't helpful.
Just like asking Aizawa hadn't been. Why had he ever thought he could trust him? He was probably working with Da-
No. No. No no no. He'd done this already. Aizawa was protecting him, not working against him.
But protecting could still mean lying to him if he thought it would be the best course of action.
He could ask.
Except there was nothing to stop him from just lying again.
This wasn't something he could figure out by spiralling. He had to ask. He had to at least try.
If- If Dabi really tried to harm him, Aizawa would still stop him. He'd promised. And Shouto could still fight. He had his ice. He could pierce him.
If Aizwa didn't use-
He shook his head. This wasn't helpful. This wasn't helpful, this wasn't helpful, this wasn't helpful.
Shouto needed to ask.
"Is…"
Of course his words failed him. It was hard enough to think, he couldn't put his thoughts into sentences too.
But he still had to try.
"...Logical ruse?"
"Wha- fuck. Todoroki, listen to me. I'm saying the truth, okay? This isn't one of my fucking ruses. I- shit, Shouto, I'm not lying. Dabi's not here. I promise."
He'd called him Shouto.
The only other people who called him Shouto were Fuyumi and Izuku, and neither of them lied to him. Well, and father, but he never just called him his name, he screamed it until it kept bouncing around in his head, drowning out anything else, so he didn't count.
And if Fuyumi and Izuku called him by his given name and didn't lie, then Aizawa also wouldn't lie if he used his given name.
But he could be. It could just be a coincidence and-
He wanted to trust him. He still wanted to. Aizawa had been great at putting up with him, even before this. Shouto wanted Aizawa to be right about this.
Dabi was still there.
But he wasn't real. He wasn't. Even though, if he looked up right now, he'd see him standing there, smirking, expression pulling at his staples until Shouto was worried his mouth would split his whole head in half.
His tongue tasted a hot wave of fresh iron again. Shouto kept chewing on his lip. That was real. He didn't know about anything else, but that not-pain (even though it should be pain) was real.
Unlike Dabi. Because Aizawa said he wasn't and he trusted Aizawa.
But if Dabi was just a hallucination, didn't that mean Aizawa wouldn't need to protect him because there was no real danger?
He couldn't handle that. If Aizawa left him now, he couldn't deal with Dabi being not-there. He was already bad enough in his nightmares, leaving him too afraid to get up (until Iida knocked on his door, which broke his frozen state every time so far), he didn't- couldn't have him in the real world too.
Now that he'd told him though, Aizawa would just leave, making him deal with it on his own like-
No. He wasn't like father. He wouldn't do that.
He couldn't do that.
Please, he couldn't do that.
"Protect?"
"Are you asking if I'll keep protecting you?"
Shouto nodded.
"Yes. I'm going to stay with you and protect you. I'm here for you, okay? You don't have to do this alone."
He knew it was weak, but Shouto still shifted until he could wrap his arms around Aizawa properly, not just cling to his hoodie. Instead of scolding him, Aizawa began rubbing circles into his back, like how he'd seen Izuku do it to comfort Iida before.
"Do you want something to distract you? I could turn on the TV or something."
Yes. A distraction would be good, get him to focus on something else.
He nodded again.
"Alright. Actually, TV might not be a good idea, but I could… uh, tell you the plot of whatever Hi- Yamada is watching?"
That was even better. Aizawa had a nice voice, just the right pitch and intonation to overshadow all the noises around him and all the thoughts he didn't want.
"Yes."
Aizawa started talking and Shouto did his best to focus on him. Dabi was still there, but he wasn't doing anything, aside from saying things that didn't make any sense and that he could ignore if he tried hard enough. He still wasn't ready to face him on his own, but he didn't have to.