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It felt like a deja vu.
No wonder. This had happened too many times to count. Marinette had lost her partner again and again, had lived through the pain, trudging through it until she got to the other side and repaired everything. The fact that it was nothing new should have dulled the sting. It shouldn't hurt so much every single time. And yet, Marinette felt as if her own life had disappeared in the blink of an eye. As if she was back from the brink. Not Chat.
The argument was nothing new as well. Sometimes she managed to hold in the excruciating hurt that dimmed down to a dull ache once the moment was over but never really went away. Other times it was just too much. She would put her foot down and beg Chat to be more careful. He always just laughed it off. He knew she would save him. He had full faith in her. It was alright.
That's what he said. But it wasn't.
"M'lady, why are we having this discussion again?" He sighed, looking almost rankled.
"Because you never learn. You keep doing this again and again. I'm just sick of it," she practically stomped her foot.
"I just don't understand why you care so much. It's my duty. I do what I have to do. You accept it and move on. I'm just your partner after all."
It was the nonchalant shrug that accompanied the words that did it.
"There is nothing just about you! How many times do I have to break down in front of you for you to realise that I can't take it anymore?" Marinette cried out, finally feeling the dam break and tears spill onto her cheeks. She didn't care.
This finally caught his attention and the casual air that surrounded him in such cases totally disappeared. He opened his mouth as if to say something but she wasn't done.
"It hurts, kitty," she said, sniffing and wiping the tears only for fresh ones to replace them. "God, it hurts too much. I can't live without you, don't you see? You're my partner, yes, but you're also so much more than this. I love you."
Her voice broke as sobs racked her body and almost drowned out the sharp intake of breath from her partner. It was surreal to be saying this out loud. Something she hadn't even dared think. But she needed it out. Maybe it wouldn't do much to ease her pain, the way the tears only provided a temporary relief, but she was out of options anyway.
She had given up on trying to stop the tears now. She didn't know if Chat had just turned around and left. If she'd been there, crying, for hours. It sure felt like that. But she couldn't stop.
And then she felt his arms close around her. The embrace should have brought instant comfort. The way only him holding her could. But it only served to make her cry harder.
"I know it's forbidden," she somehow said around the tears in her throat. "I know it's the last thing I should be saying, not to mention feeling. The whole world is against us." She paused under the onslaught of another sob and felt his hold tighten. "We can't do anything about it. But I can't help it."
Her voice was hoarse and she was soaking his suit the way she'd done earlier with her gloves. Her earrings were beeping, a final warning, but she couldn't move.
Not when she felt the gentle touch of his lips in her hair, followed by a tear, which wasn't hers, that fell on her cheek.
In a minute, she'd have to return to the gloomy reality that was her life. The constant struggle without real results. The endless fears. The way her future was reduced to the current day, no real hopes and dreams to distract her.
The pain wouldn't go away. In fact, now that she'd gone and admitted her biggest secret, it would probably be worse.
What could be worse than knowing what they both wanted but couldn't have? There was no respite in sight. Nothing but more suffering.
And yet, until she moved, she had this moment of feeling just a little less lonely, just a little warmer. Maybe he felt it too. Maybe it would be enough to help them keep going.