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The only sound in the darkened room was that of the rain pattering down onto the house surrounding them.
Neither of them had said a word since they’d gotten home, working through their routine seamlessly, never really needing to say much to do so. They’d only talked at work because it was necessary, but they didn’t let their conversations stray further. The call had come first thing that morning, the two of them only sharing a pained look before going silent.
Buck was laid facing away from him, Eddie on his back, neither of them touching the other. It was almost more painful to be surrounded by the other than not, both of them knowing what was coming.
As if matching the thoughts inside Eddie’s head, the rain fell down harshly, splattering onto the roof and sliding down the windows, Eddie watching as the wind swayed it around, the droplets moving in a diagonal pattern. The room became illuminated as lighting cracked just outside the window, Eddie counting down the seconds. Not for the thunder to come, but for Buck to reach out for him.
Just as the thunder cracked loud across the sky, Buck turned to him, those blues lighting up the darkened room, just as the lighting had.
“Can I have my spot?”
The words were but a whisper, Eddie immediately understanding.
He opened his arm, Buck instantly turning into him, placing his head over Eddie’s bare chest, ear rested over Eddie’s heart. It was Buck’s favorite place to lay, Eddie wrapping his arms around his husband tightly.
As thunder boomed closer, Buck pushed further into Eddie’s space, grabbing for one of his hands and placing it over his exposed ear. Eddie applied a bit of pressure, knowing just what Buck wanted, needed.
Eddie could still remember the first time they did this, the first storm they weathered together. Buck had tried to keep his fear of thunder at bay, though Eddie had easily caught on, pulling the man in close. Buck’s head had ended up pressed over his chest as it was now, the man easily relaxing into him. Eddie had been soothingly rubbing his hand over Buck’s neck until Buck reached to place Eddie’s hand over his other ear, encouraging Eddie to apply a bit of pressure. They’d stayed like that until the storm had passed, Buck telling him after that listening to the sound of Eddie’s steady heart beat had helped to calm him and block the storm out. Ever since, that had been Buck’s spot, Buck often asking for it even when there were no storms on the rise. Eddie didn’t mind. It was one of several good memories of theirs, Eddie always trying to hold onto the good parts.
They remained silent, Eddie listening to the storm raging on outside while ignoring the one brewing in his head, Buck listening to his favorite sound, Eddie only managing to keep his heartbeat steady because of Buck’s reassuring weight pressed against him.
The lightning came in several flashes, Eddie counting with each bolt, not releasing Buck’s ear until he could count more than ten seconds between, knowing the storm was fading away. He only wished he could say the same for the one raging on inside of him.
Unlike the rain that would eventually wash away, Eddie wished he could stay.
Buck stayed where he was, Eddie watching as his head tilted a tinge, listening to the pattering of rain. Eddie was about to return his hand over Buck’s ear—knowing the man liked the pressure—when Buck’s voice filled the room once more.
“Can-can you rub my neck?”
Eddie easily obliged, moving his hand to Buck’s neck. He squeezed his fingers as he went, applying a slight pressure, one Buck leaned into. With the rain still coming down outside, Eddie reached for the remote, needing something else to focus on. On nights like this, they could both use a little distraction.
He flicked through the true crime and game show channels, knowing neither of those were what they needed at the moment. Eddie paused when he came to the Hallmark channel, some cheesy Christmas movie lighting up the screen. The holiday had passed the week before, but it was just the kind of comfort they both needed at the moment, Eddie tossing the remote to the side as he tightened one arm around Buck’s middle, using the other to rub over Buck’s neck.
With both their eyes focused on the tv ahead, the volume on low, Eddie tried to push away thoughts of tomorrow and what was to come. It wasn’t the first, second, or even third time they’d had to go through this, though it never got easier.
One of Buck’s hands reached to lay over Eddie’s knee, Buck squeezing a little before resting it there, fingers absently rubbing patterns into Eddie’s skin.
It reminded Eddie of when they would take long drives, but it was usually his hand over Buck’s knee, Eddie preferring to be a passenger, Buck happily driving them around. Sometimes they had a destination in mind, others they just rode around aimlessly, simply enjoying the company of the other. It was on one of these random drives that Buck had turned to him, that golden retriever smile bright as ever as he’d said, “I don’t care where we end up, as long as it’s together.” Eddie had smiled fondly over to him before using a finger to draw a heart over Buck’s knee, just because he could. It was another moment he held close, replaying it in his head whenever he needed the reminder—as long as they had each other, the rest didn’t matter.
The rain started to fall a little harder, tapping against the window as the wind picked back up. Eddie tried to ignore it in favor of the movie, focusing on the main pair that were currently arguing, Eddie knowing this was the pivotal moment where one told the other off just for them to come back together in the end with some big revelation. Unlike Hallmark movies, reality wasn’t always that simple. His and Buck’s first big fight had come moments before Eddie had had to leave for the first time, neither of them getting to reconcile until Eddie had returned. There had been no last-minute call outs at the airport, or Buck flying out to him; sometimes you didn’t get the Hallmark movie magic moment.
To this day, Eddie could remember the argument clearly. They’d resolved it years ago of course, but Eddie held the memory close for a reason. It reminded him of their bond, of what he had waiting at home for him. Eddie knew that no matter what, Buck would still love him and be there waiting when he returned. Their love was worth fighting for; Eddie would always fight to come back home.
Eddie stopped his light squeezes to Buck’s neck, instead brushing his thumb there, listening to Buck’s breathing settle. He couldn’t help but to push his head a little closer to Buck’s, nuzzling his face into those loose golden curls.
“It’s only a few months baby. I’ll be back before you know it.”
Buck didn’t say anything, Eddie knowing the lie hadn’t helped to soothe either of them. While twenty-four-hour shifts tended to pass quickly with all the calls and action they got, the two of them side by side—Eddie being thousands of miles away was a little different. Every day ended up feeling longer than the next, Eddie lost on thoughts of Buck and Chris, two of his main reasons he kept on fighting. Every day without them felt like a gunshot wound, one that had a constant ache and was never to be healed. Eddie would know; he had the scars to prove it.
He'd woken up in the hospital to Buck right by his side, one hand gripped in Eddie’s, the other desperately trying to hold up his head, blue eyes worn and weary. Eddie had thought he was dreaming, knowing he was miles from home, though Buck was right there, by his side like always. When Eddie had finally gathered up the strength to speak, he’d asked Buck why he was there, why he wanted to see Eddie that way. Buck had simply whispered, “it’s impossible I wouldn’t run to you. You’re my person Eddie.” And Eddie understood. No matter the situation, Eddie would be there for Buck as well. They were partners in every sense, Eddie not wanting to ever bare losing his other half.
Buck suddenly turned in his hold, lifting his head so it was hovering just over Eddie’s, those blues looking right into him.
“Just don’t go all G.I. on me, ok? I want my Eduardo when you get back.”
Eddie huffed out a laugh. Buck was always making up silly nicknames for him since the day they met, Eddie amused by all of them, no matter how ridiculous they ended up being.
Lifting his head up until their noses met, Eddie brushed his across Buck’s, the other man letting more of his weight fall to Eddie. They both turned their heads as water splashed against the window, heavy droplets falling down from the sky.
It was a nasty storm, one Eddie knew wasn’t letting up anytime soon. Not the one outside, nor the one in his head.
Buck’s lips brushed against his then, Eddie capturing them with his own. Their kisses were soft, laced with promises of forever. They held each other close, trying to get lost in the other while ignoring the storm surrounding them.
While Buck’s lips wandered over his skin, Eddie’s fingers traced every inch of Buck. Their touches were purposeful, each one met with a sharp intake from the other. The rain pounded outside, their hearts thudding in sync.
After, Eddie wrapped Buck up, wanting to memorize him in his arms.
It was how they fell asleep, the alarm waking them all too soon, Eddie knowing neither of them were going to get any good sleep until his return.
The rain was still pattering to the ground as they gathered a sleepy Chris into the truck along with Eddie’s duffel, Buck driving them like always, one hand on the steering wheel, the other rested over Eddie’s knee, Eddie’s fingers laced within his.
The windshield wipers swept back and forth against the glass, Eddie wishing a little that he could wipe away the next few months just as easily, new droplets of rain splashing the windshield before the others could completely disappear.
When they arrived at the airport it was all too soon, Chris waking up just long enough to say their goodbyes, Buck stood leaning against the truck, fingers twitching anxiously at his sides. Eddie wandered over to him, taking Buck’s hands in his, threading them together.
The sky was still clouded and gray, though the rain had let up for the time being, almost as if the storm was staying at bay, Eddie just waiting for it to crash back down onto them.
“Three months and then I’m yours again, yea?”
Buck gave a slight nod, those blues clouded, barely able to meet Eddie’s. He knew he wasn’t fairing much better, the moisture in his eyes threatening to spill out at any moment.
Asking for what he wanted had never came easy for him, but Eddie was getting better at it, especially when it came to Buck.
“Can I have my spot?”
Buck looked to meet him then, using their grip to pull Eddie in close, tucking his head right into the crook of his neck, Eddie inhaling Buck’s scent, the one that reminded him of home and safety.
In Buck’s arms, he felt protected, grounded. He closed his eyes, trying to memorize everything that was Buck. It was impossible to do and even harder to forget. Buck was so wholly intertwined in his life; Eddie wasn’t sure how much of himself he was leaving behind or that Buck was sending off with him, only that together they were whole.
When Eddie knew they were running out of time, he pulled out of his favorite spot, immediately pressing his lips to Buck’s, wishing they could stay pressed like that forever.
“Hold onto the good parts, yea?”
Buck nodded into him, using one of their tangled hands to press over his heart.
“The best ones lay inside here, so you know uh, all of them.”
Buck ducked his head in that shy way, just like he had on their wedding day after their vows, Eddie committing the look to memory once more.
Eddie stole one last kiss before wrapping Buck up tightly, pulling him impossibly closer. Buck’s grip was just as strong, Eddie not knowing where one of them began and the other ended.
“I have to go Ev. I love you so much. Take care of our kid.”
Buck sniffled into him, lowering his head to his spot for a moment before pulling away to meet Eddie wholly.
“Come back to me Eds. Chris and I love you more than all the stars in the universe, which is a lot, you know because—”
Eddie quieted Buck’s lips with another searing kiss, knowing just how easily his husband could get lost with his fun facts.
“Tell me when I get back, ok?”
Buck pulled in his bottom lip, nodding his head a little solemnly.
“Go get ‘em soldier boy.”
Eddie huffed out a laugh, watching as Buck’s lips curled into that soft and private smile, one that was reserved just for him.
With one last look to his son and husband, his whole world, Eddie turned on his heel, making for the plane. He didn’t look back, knowing he’d never be able to leave again. While he hated leaving them more than anything, he had a job to do.
The sky rumbled above him, Eddie hoping to take it with him, only leaving blue skies for his boys.
As he entered the plane, and later the battlefield, Eddie tried to hold onto the good parts. The day they met, their first hug, Buck meeting Chris, all their laughs and meaningful touches, the first time their lips brushed together, followed by whispered ‘I love you’s,’ and ‘I do’s.’ Laced within those were their first fight, the tsunami, Eddie nearly getting buried alive and shot—again, Buck running into danger, and all the other moments that made them stronger. They weren’t necessarily the good parts, but they were a part of their story nonetheless. Eddie wanted every part of their story close, the good, the bad, and everything in between. As far as Eddie was concerned, they mostly were the good parts.
~
The first thing he saw when stepping off the plane was two mops of curls, their smiles warming Eddie’s heart. He was completely exhausted, but nothing slowed him down from running to his family, to the people he called home.
With both Chris and Buck in his arms, Eddie felt complete.
“Dad, when do you have to leave again?”
Eddie looked to his son, smiling down to him. He’d just gotten home, but he understood all the same. He bent to Chris’ level, Buck stood just behind their son, hands on his shoulders.
Eddie took Chris’ little hands in his own, squeezing reassuringly.
“How about if I never had to leave again? Would that be ok with you?”
Chris all but screamed with excitement, moving into Eddie’s arms and burying himself there. Eddie looked up to see those bright blues looking down to him, tears already streaming down Buck’s face.
“Ed—are-are you serious?”
With one hand wrapped around Chris, Eddie used his other to reach for Buck. Buck pulled Eddie up to meet him, the three coming together with Chris squished between.
“I’m here to stay baby. I’m never leaving you guys again.”
Not willing he wouldn’t be anyway.
Eddie found himself pushing into his ‘spot,’ Buck easily taking on the weight. The three of them stayed like that for several moments, not caring how ridiculous they looked. He only pulled away when something wet smacked him on the face, Eddie looking up to see the first droplets of rain.
The sun was still shining, Buck and Eddie’s eyes meeting just before they both spotted the rainbow, the bright colors illuminating the sky above as the rain fell down softly onto them.
Eddie didn’t believe in the universe screaming or anything, but it was definitely something to see, especially the way Buck’s blues twinkled at the sight.
Even though he was exhausted, Eddie spent the day with both of them until Chris tuckered out, the two tucking him in together before wandering to their own bedroom, both him and Buck collapsing down onto the mattress.
Unlike the last time they’d been together in their bed, Eddie immediately pulled Buck to him, wanting the man to be as close to him as possible. His fingers wandered every inch of Buck’s skin, needing to feel all that he’d memorized the last months, the memory never as good as the real thing.
After they’d felt every inch of the other, re-committing it to memory, Eddie brought Buck to his ‘spot’ without his husband even having to ask, Buck relaxing right into his favorite sound, Eddie’s heartbeat steadier than it had been in months.
This was it for Eddie. He wanted to start and end every day with his two favorite people, spending all the in between moments together as well.
Being away from them wasn’t something he ever wanted to have to endure again.
Wrapping Buck up tight, Buck pressing a kiss to his chest, Eddie knew he was right where he belonged. This was where their love worked. They were the good parts, Eddie refusing to let any of them go. He would hold onto all of them, forever.