Work Text:
Email to [email protected] at 9:12 AM on April 21, 2021 :
GUILLERMO DE LA CRUZ,
The American Red Cross sent you an eGift Card for $25 to Cold Stone Creamery!
“Thank you for your blood donation.”
Use the link below to claim your eGift Card.
<link to redeem>
If the button above is not clickable, please copy and paste the following URL into the 'Address' field of your web browser:
https://giftcardredeem.com/red-cross/guillermo
YouTube video “Rating Coldstone with Uncle Guillermo” , uploaded 2:40 PM on April 21,2021 by COLIN_KNOLL$ :
Blank screen fades away to show the head of a man with blue eyes and age wrinkles on his face. The child moves the camera back to show his upper body, wearing a blue jacket and plaid long sleeve shirt with a white t-shirt barely visible under the plaid. He looks to be nearing 8 years old in development, with wavy blond hair reaching his ears. The camera - a handheld phone with front facing camera on - pans over to show a fat man with short dark hair wearing a blue sweater with thin white patterns. The setting is the exterior of an ice cream parlor in Staten Island, decals on the windows display flavors and cone/cup sizes.
“Hey, guys, what’s up? Before we dive in, be sure to smash that like button and subscribe, it really helps my channel. Today we’re going to try some ice cream from Coldstone with the help of Uncle Guillermo.”
Guillermo opens the door, a chime sounds inside, both proceed into the building. The interior is brightly lit with music from the local radio station playing at a soft volume overhead. Colin smiles widely, showing white teeth. The two queue up in line with Colin in front. Guillermo is scrolling on his phone, glancing up at the large board showing Coldstone’s culinary classics. A man walks behind them and out of the store, the two step forward in line.
“We’re getting ice cream today because I did very good at a performance last night at Nadja’s. I did the whole Bye-Bye Birdie introduction song without missing a cue! Uncle Guillermo also has a coupon so we both get scoops for free. Maybe I will try the chocolate dipped cone since we have the coupon.”
The camera falls away from Colin’s face at an angle showing the ceiling painted bright white.
“Guillermo, can I get a chocolate cone today?”
“Did you eat your vegetables at lunch like I told you to?” audio pauses, “Then yes you can have the cone, but no after dinner gummies with TV”
Off-screen someone calls them forward to order.
The camera returns to an upright view. Colin is looking intently at something behind the camera. Guillermo leans over, placing a hand on Colin’s shoulder. “So, Colin, what flavor do you want?”
“I’ll get the Strawberry Blond, because that one is on the customs board and I don’t like the mix-ins in the other strawberry ice cream.”
The video cuts to a new scene, once again outside the store. Colin has a massive ice cream cone with chocolate dip around the rim; no ice cream is visible on the surface because of the whipped cream and gummy worms covering it. The wide-view shot shows the wire table and chairs of Coldstone, Colin sits in the left seat and Guillermo is sitting in the right seat. Guillermo has a medium sized cup of ice cream.
“Hey, Guillermo, guess what?”
“Chicken butt?”
Colin laughs, and shakes his head.
“That’s an old joke, I know from the Let’s Play Minecraft YouTuber I follow. But what I was going to say is that this is the first video on my channel about rating ice cream. This means it’s a really special video.”
Guillermo looks at the camera and smiles widely. He is flustered, looks away, and moves the plastic green spoon in his ice cream cup.
“Well, thank you for letting me be in your special video. I’m sure it will be well-watched.”
Colin takes several large spoons of his treat, smearing sweet milk over his chin as he gobbles it up. Guillermo reaches over with a napkin and dabs the excess off Colin’s face.
“Thanks uncle.” Colin looks at the camera and tilts the half-eaten cone so viewers can see inside. “So far, the flavor is good. I like the strawberry base because it’s so sweet but it’s not too rich like chocolate ice creams. I should have gotten the cake crumbles instead of graham cracker mix-ins though because the crackers are too crunchy. What’s your review?”
Guillermo takes a long, savoring taste of his own treat. He closes his eyes, exaggerating the act into a performance worthy of an Oscar. Then, Guillermo steeples his fingers and stares seriously at Colin.
“I chose the Dough For It flavor and it’s very good. I usually get this flavor because of its fun name, so I knew what to expect. Next time, I may try adding in oreos so there are even more cookies in it… Maybe I need to finally take the advice of the flavor’s name.”
There is an awkward pause in conversation. Guillermo pulls out his phone and types something.
“Are you going to tell the others about your online boyfriend? I think you should. Laszlo says to be honest unless you need to trick someone, but you’re not tricking anyone right now with your late afternoon phone calls.”
Guillermo’s face is flushed red. “I, uh, I didn’t realize you knew about that. You’re very observant, Colin. You could go into detective work with your skills.” Guillermo forces laughter. His face is as red as the gummy worm Colin offers him.
“You should have your boyfriend visit us. He can come rate ice cream for our next video, and move the tree out of the living room, and play Scattergories with us. I don’t think anyone would mind seeing you happy.”
Guillermo sets down his ice cream cup and sighs. He wipes a hand over his face before returning Colin’s intense eye contact. “You’re right. I deserve to be happy. I’ll see if I can figure something out without my whole life crashing down in a big ball of–” he pauses, eyes flicking to the camera and back, “Don’t tell lies, Colin. They’re not worth the struggle of maintaining them.”
“But don’t we have to lie about killi–”
Guillermo waves his hands and cuts off Colin. “YES WE HAVE TO LIE SOMETIMES! It’s not good to tell the Internet everything about yourself, that’s really unsafe. You’re so smart to not do that, Colin! Why don’t we end this review now and head home?”
Colin nods, turns to the camera, and gives a thumbs up. “Thanks for watching! Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit that bell. Comment what ice cream flavors you want us to review next time!”
END VIDEO
Comments posted to YouTube video “Rating Coldstone with Uncle Guillermo” , uploaded 2:40 PM on April 21,2021 by COLIN_KNOLL$
@MosquitozSuk 3 weeks ago
What did Guillermo cut you off from saying? You “kill”? I think that’s a lie you shouldn’t tell, go to the police.
@wastelands37 2 hours ago
Review mint chocolate chip ice cream with raspberries, that’s my favorite flavor
@DIYyourself 3 weeks ago
Vanilla, but review it in your house this time. Room tours?
Text messages from +44 020-777-6389 [Frederick Rogers] to +1 718-920-6552 [Guillermo de la Cruz]
April 11, 2021 , 1:45 PM EST
Frederick: did you just try to call me? I have a missed call but no voicemail
Guillermo: Yeah, sorry, that was an accident.
Guillermo: When do you get done with your next auction?
Frederick: mid-June. It’s a long-term project and I am tasked with organizing transport, delivery, set-up of the floor, and sending invitations to private collectors of the pieces we have. There will be a big party after the auction for all staff. You could be my +1
Guillermo: I can’t come at that time, my work won’t let me leave the country again for some time. Vacation time sucks here compared to London lol.
Frederick: when will we meet up again, then? I miss you
Guillermo: Well, how about you come visit me? It doesn’t have to be immediately, but next time you’re free.
Frederick: September? I would love to leave London during that time too since it gets so dreadfully hot
Guillermo: That works for me!
Guillermo: Book a flight to near Staten Island and I’ll pick you up at the airport. I can bring you a sampling of authentic American cheeses to snack on the drive hahaha
Frederick: my mousey habits are fueled by you alone 🐁🧀
Guillermo: You’re a cute little mouse! I’ll feed you all the cheeses I can find if you let me
— — —
October 21, 2021 , 10:17 AM GMT
Guillermo: I came to visit you, but you clearly don’t need to see my anymore. I thought I could surprise you but WOW what a surprise I had. I always knew you were a self-centered prick but you really went and fell in love with yourself?! I would say go fuck yourself but you’re already doing that
Guillermo: BTW, just so you know, that’s a woman whose been magicked to look and act like you. I hope she returns to her beautiful self and leaves you with a crisis.
Frederick: i’m blocking you
October 26, 2021 , report #22-487 from Staten Island Fire Department written by Responder Erik Andreas 546
“At 2:32PM on 10/26/21 I responded to a call from a concerned neighbor about unauthorized burning at a house. As it is the end of the fire season this was concerning. I was dispatched with Responder Moe Tucker 559 to the location 3 Golfview Dr, Northfield, NJ 08225. Upon arrival we encountered a resident of the house, Guillermo de la Cruz, near the massive fire pit constructed in the front yard. The flames of the fire were over 5 feet high and glowing ashes fell about five feet away at the furthest. Mr. Cruz was chucking bundles of envelopes, loose papers, paintings, a robot vacuum, and several stuffed animals into the fire. The items were set in a wheelbarrow and being tossed in one-by-one.
I asked Mr. Cruz to stop adding items to the fire for a moment and step away to a safe distance. Mr. Cruz complied. Tucker took bags of sand from the truck and began putting the fire out to a reasonable size. Mr. Cruz and I talked about why there was a large fire burning in the front yard without prior approval from the Fire Department. Mr. Cruz said he was having a bad day after breaking up with “my cheating, selfish asshole of an ex” and started the fire on a whim to “burn away everything he ever sent me.” I asked Mr. Cruz if he thought the fire was unsafe, he laughed and said it definitely was. I asked Mr. Cruz if he would prefer we assist in putting the items in the garbage bins for disposal, Mr. Cruz declined. Mr. Cruz agreed to move rocks and sand around the fire and maintain a controlled burn that did not exceed one foot in height and did not involve toxic chemicals being burned.
Tucker and I looked around the front of the property for any signs of fire. There were several hedges grown out of control, newly turned dirt possibly for a garden, and an odd dank smell similar to the graveyard, but nothing otherwise concerning. A next-door neighbor, Sean Rinaldi, was sitting outside drinking a Bud Light on his porch. Mr. Rinaldi agreed to watch over Mr. Cruz and his fire and call us if either got out of control.”
YouTube video “Hiatus” , uploaded 2:40 PM on November 2,2021 by COLIN_KNOLL$ :
Video opens with an ocean-waves effect washing over words displaying “I’m pausing posting videos :(“ with no additional dialogue. The screen fades to black with several seconds of no audio.
A scratchy voice comes on sounding like Colin Robinson with frequent voice cracks. “Hey everyone. Sorry to say I don’t have the time or energy to make or post videos anymore. I’m really busy with sports and my job singing at a nightclub so I can’t make content at this time. I’m also not sure I like knolling anymore. I don’t like anything anymore. So, uh, goodbye.”
Video ends with a fast gif of a hand moving against a white background.
Transcript of phone call to CP&P Atlanta NJ DCF at 8:52 PM on November 18, 2021 :
I’m part of Rainbow Kids Sports, a youth athletics programming center in the Staten Island area. A little kid, Colin Robinson, was part of our hockey, basketball, soccer, and swimming programs. We thought this was excessive but Colin was so enthusiastic about all of the sports so we let him do all of them. A week ago, he was pulled from all the sports with the excuse of “going on tour for singing” but no information could be provided when we asked for proof. The contact on his forms is Guillermo de la Cruz 718-920-6552 [email protected] and we received no response to any of our communications trying to get an program review or updates on the singing tour. We don’t have an address for Colin listed in our systems which is also very abnormal because our programs require an address listing for registration. None of the kids in the programs report having seen Colin at school. We are worried he is being isolated at home and request a wellness check-up.
Conclusion:
At this time we cannot determine the whereabouts of the child Colin Robinson. Guillermo de la Cruz was recorded in an unsafe mental state about two weeks before the disappearance of Colin Robinson from athletic clubs, performances, and social gatherings. No prior criminal record exists aside from the noted fire department report. No school records exist for the name Colin Robinson except for a 1932 high school diploma record.
Further surveillance on the subject Guillermo de la Cruz will be conducted. No conclusive evidence of malicious or criminal activity at this time.