Chapter Text
They last a whole three days of travel before another incident between the two of them as Jade had decided to call them. Those days to her relief were relatively calm. Kit stayed close and out of danger and Jade only longed for her from a distance this time. She definitely caught Kit longing too, an hour didn’t go by where she didn’t glance over and find Kit watching her back. It was always brief, they would lock eyes and quickly look away.
They didn’t talk much, they conversed of course, but they didn’t really talk. Not like they used to. She figured this was Kit not pushing, like she had promised, she found that she didn’t like it.
That didn’t stop her from crawling into Kit’s bedroll each night. It was awkward at first, Jade felt like she was overstepping but Kit was never anything less than enthusiastic (if not a little smug) and eventually it became second nature.
They stopped early one evening to make camp. Everyone was exhausted from days of hard travel so nobody voiced any complaints. Kit, however, was fidgety. She was anxious to find her brother and this quest was taking longer than originally anticipated, and the days of endless horse riding weren’t helping. The princess needed to burn off her excess energy. Jade wasn’t sure how she had any left at this point.
She walked to where Kit was leaning against a nearby tree, absentmindedly twirling her sword. Jade gave her a wide berth to avoid the sharp edge. Kit nodded at her, acknowledging her presence. Jade gave a tight lipped smile in return.
“Would you like to go spar princess,” Jade said motioning deeper into the woods away from the site,” you look like you could blow off some steam. “
Kit eyed her warily as she lowered her blade then she snorted,” I never thought you would ever ask to train with me again,”
Jade moved to her side as they began to walk,” why would you say that?” She asked even though she already knew the answer.
“Come on Jade,” she laughed though there was no real humor behind it,” you were forced to train with me for years and worse than that you thought you had to let me win the entire time.”
Jade released a breath to steady herself then grabbed Kit’s arm to pull them to a stop, and she didn’t let her go until she turned around and faced her. The devastation she saw in her eyes was nearly enough to bring her to her knees. She had hated lying to Kit all of these years and she always knew that if, when, this came to light it would cause her pain.
Their relationship hadn’t been perfect, far from it actually, Kit had kept her fair share of secrets too and those had caused Jade pain but at this point she just wanted to put all of this behind them.
“Ok let’s get one thing straight,” she said, squeezing her arm causing her to finally meet her eyes,” Yes, I was told to train with you but I was not forced to become friends with you and I was not forced to care about you,” she said bluntly as she allowed frustration to tint her voice,” and I don’t understand how you could doubt that.”
“I have never doubted you, not a day in our lives.” Kit interrupted,” but I have doubted me, everyday since I found out. And I’ve doubted us.”
Jade shuttered. She knew that it would be a blow to the princess’s confidence but she never imagined it would go so far as to affect her belief in their friendship, their whatever this was. She didn’t know how to fix that. Of all the things she could handle this was the one thing that she couldn’t.
But she could help her with her self confidence.
“So let’s spar. Right here, right now. And let’s see what really happens.” It was the most she could offer her right now. Kit let out a watery laugh. “You’re a good swordsman, maybe not the best, but still good.”
Her eyebrows raised and the familiar spark returned to her eyes,” you mean not better than you Jade?”
“Come on princess,” she retorted,” don’t you think you can handle being put on your ass?”
“Only one way to find out,” she grinned, and raised her blade.
They spared until the sun sank below the earth. Kit didn’t win a single round. She’d come close a couple times but without fail every time her sword ended up half a dozen feet away and Jade’s blade pointed at her throat.
Normally she would have been frustrated, maybe even angry, but she wasn’t. Jade had a glint in her eye, a spark that Kit rarely ever got to see that made Kit feel all warm inside, and the sheen of sweat over her skin definitely didn’t make it any worse either. “Are you ready to call it a night?” Jade asked, breathing heavy.
Jade sheathed her blade before she could respond, and grinned at her. It was just a flash of teeth but it tempted her. She’d learned that she didn’t mind losing, at least not to Jade, but she still did enjoy winning. So she executed a simple move, one she’d learned years ago on the rare occasion that their training involved fists instead of swords. It was meant to throw jade off her balance and send her tumbling to the ground, and for years that is exactly what it had done. This time however Kit wasn’t so lucky.
Her leg hooked behind Jade’s to twist her to the ground but she was one step ahead of her. Her hands gripped Kit’s waist as she rolled them, pulling them both to the ground in the process.
She grunted as she hit the ground hard and Jade landed on top of her. If the fall hadn’t knocked the breath out of her then having Jade on top of her would have. She couldn’t breath, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t even blink. All that she knew was Jade grinning down at her with their bodies flush together.
“Fuck,” she muttered, when she regained the presence of mind to do so. That pleasant warm feeling she had earlier was now a blazing inferno. She became acutely aware of the red color spreading across Jade’s cheeks, also the way their hips ground together as she shifted above her.“ Oh you are cruel Jade.”
“What are you talking about?” She asked, resting her hand on the ground beside of Kit’s head.
Kit smirked, enjoying the words before they even left her mouth,” all these years that you’ve been letting me win you’ve been depriving me of this.”
Jade blanched, her mouth fell open slightly as her eyes darkened. “Princess you are not making this any easier,” she ground out and then dropped her head onto Kit’s shoulder. Any space between them disappeared, and Kit’s breath caught in her throat.
She was familiar with Jade’s body. Any two people who grew up as close as they were would be , but the intimacy of this nearly sent her over the edge. This had been all she wanted for so long, permission to be close, to know that Jade wanted her to touch her. She had longed to hold her for as long as she could remember and now here she was fully on top of her, breathing her in and giving her full access to her body.
“Good,” she said, barely a whisper in her ear and without thinking she turned her head to the side and sunk her teeth into Jade’s earlobe. It wasn’t a hard bit, barely little more than a tug, but it was enough to draw a delicious ragged gasp from Jade’s throat. It was music to her ears.
Oh the things she would do to hear more of those precious noises.
Once she was done holding Jade’s ear hostage, Kit chuckled, a low rumble in her throat.
“Kit,” Jade breathed against her skin, it was a plea, she just didn’t know for what. She had moved her face from her shoulder to the crook of her neck.
Kit could have stayed there forever. A part of her wanted to, but then there was the other side of her. The side that wanted to watch Jade unravel, she had always been so stoic and put together, but when she was with Kit the rest of her shown through. And now this side of Jade, who was desperate and clinging to her, this Jade belonged solely to her.
Only she could draw this out of her. And that’s exactly what she decided to do.
With a swift push and a shift of their weight Kit flipped them so she landed on top. Her knees straddled her hips and with surprising ease she used one hand to pin Jade’s wrists to the ground above her head.
Jade’s eyes were wide and her pupils blown, her chin tipped up like she was reaching for her. Her wrists tensed under Kit’s hand and she squeezed them. “You know princess, “ she started, and Kit leaned in closer, mesmerized by her voice,” I think maybe you’ve missed one important detail about why I let you win all those years,”
“And what’s that?” She asked, the blood rushing through her ears.
“Maybe I liked the view,”
A strangled sound escaped her throat. It took all of Kit’s self control not to kiss her right there.
They were close enough that their noses brushed together. They were close enough that, even restrained, all Jade had to do was tilt her head up and they would be kissing. “Your move Jade,” she breathed. It was a call back, a reminder that Kit wouldn’t kiss her, but that she had to make the move.
Jade’s throat bobbed, she wanted to trace the movement with her tongue.
“Kit, I…” her voice faded out and Kit’s eyes moved from her neck, took a pit stop on her lips and then finally to her eyes.
She saw her desire reflected, but she also saw the devastation in them. Kit knew right then that this would go no further tonight because it was clear that Jade didn’t want it. No want wasn’t the right word, she wasn’t ready. And so Kit couldn’t in good conscience try to take this any further, not right now.
With a shallow breath she sat up, releasing her arms while she did so. Jade sat up after her as if she were pulled by a string.
She knew Jade loved her and she knew the reasons that she was holding herself back. They were sound reasons, but Kit didn’t want reasonable love.
She wanted a love so intense that nothing else mattered, and she wanted that with Jade.
She wanted everything with Jade. Or maybe just anything. Anything that Jade could give her, she would take and cherish. Even if this was all that it was. She’d been content with being her friend, her best friend for years and she could be content with that again.
That’s why when Jade’s hand came to her hips to stop her from climbing off her lap she easily let herself be pulled back down.
“I’m sorry,” she said, the words seemed to spill out of her.
“It’s ok,” she said, painting a small smile on her lips,” I’m not upset.”
Jade raised her eyebrows at her, clearly not believing her.
“Ok, I’m upset,” she admitted,” but not with you.”
“Perhaps you aren’t, but I am still sorry,” the sincerity dripped from her words and she knew that Jade was struggling just as much as she was, just in a different way.
Kit offered her a sad smile. She brought one hand up and cupped Jade’s cheek, trying to convey all that she was feeling through that simple touch. The other hand joined Jade’s at her waist, it only took a slight tug for her to release her so they could link their fingers together. She wanted to beg, she wanted to beg Jade to kiss her, to hold her in a way that meant more than this, she wasn’t above it. She would beg for her and only for her, but she didn’t, “Come on,” she said, squeezing her hand affectionately,” let’s go back. It’s getting late.”
“Of course,” Jade answered and cleared her throat as Kit climbed off of her lap. Suddenly she was cold, she missed the feel of Jade’s body against hers already. She faltered for a moment before opening her fingers to release her hand. She didn’t go further than that, if Jade wanted to drop her hand then she would have to. But she didn’t, Jade’s hand remained firmly squeezed against her’s even while Kit’s was flared open. She gave her two breaths to pull away before Kit grabbed her hand again, despite herself she felt better.
Jade stepped closer to her, close enough to brush their arms together before allowing herself to be pulled back to the camp.