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The cool, gentle breeze that often came through Mondstadt at night whistled. Kaeya lifted his head slightly against the wind. He felt the cool air graze his skin, his hair gently flowing, his cape rustling against the grass. The calla lily held in his hand gently blew as well.
Kaeya, with one leg hanging off the cliff and the other bent towards him, sat and gazed over the ocean that lay before Starsnatch Cliff. Typically, he’d spend his nights drinking his worries away, pretending everything was fine, pretending the resentment his brother held toward him didn’t sting a little. Typically, he’d stumble into the Knights of Favonious tumbling over himself with Jean there to help him get to his bed. Typically, he’d use the night time to forget every care he had. Every worry. Everything would dissipate into the blurry, dizzy mess of drunkenness. Though a bottle of wine laid on the ground next to him, it had yet to be opened.
The ocean. Vast, seemingly endless - yet still finite - and it’s gentle waves gave Kaeya some peace. The gentle waves pushing against the sand and dragging it back out reminded him of Klee. The gentle sound of the grass and small animals crunching it reminded him of his brother’s winery. And lastly the cool air reminded him of the Knights of Favonious headquarters. Though none knew his secret getaway, this is what brought him true peace, remembering his new family - and life. The moon, however, the ethereal looming presence that pressed down on him and her deceptive kisses that glowed against his skin, the moon was different.
The weight of his father’s last words felt like the moon. Always present, always menacing, and one day will betray him.
The sky isn’t real. The words echoed in his head - he couldn’t recall where he heard such a thing, but the exact reason he preferred the ocean. Fake things, though hypocritical, annoyed him to no end. What is real? Kaeya looked at his calla lily for a moment and took in all the beautiful details. This flower is… I am…My friends..? My...Family...?
“You were so far away from your roots, y’know?” he began, “It’s almost like we were meant to run into each other. Two people - well, things - far away from home, not really fitting in but now having something…Beautiful, isn’t it?” Kaeya continued as he used a finger to caress the calla lily.
“You see, Kaeya,” Crepus’s voice played in his head, “The calla lily has a soothing effect. It’s also used in medicine. However, most find it repulsive and hard to digest.” Kaeya’s eye lowered and his fist clenched as he recalled his father’s words. Repulsive. That was a word he was all too familiar with. “ But it’s good for you once given the chance.” Once given the chance? Kaeya chuckled.
“I only got one because of him ,” Kaeya grumbled through grated teeth. The cavalry captain gently removed his eyepatch and lie it on the ground. “You see, dear flower,” Kaeya continued speaking to his unresponsive friend, “The water can help us heal. It helps us feel at ease, peace if you must. Well, I’m sure for a flower it’s a different feeling, needing to survive and all that. For humans, though, it’s a bit different. “ Kaeya rose to his feet and held the calla lily over the edge of the cliff in his right hand, and took hold of his vision bearer in his left. “You see all that? All that freedom the ocean has? With no judgment? No one questioning it? That is how the water makes me feel.” Kaeya moved his gaze down towards his vision, it glowed brightly in his hand as he clutched it tight. Anger. Scornful. A burden. He felt every emotion welt up inside him, every single one he’d been suppressing for years. He was confused, scared, upset, everything someone could be when losing two families in a row. Kaeya quickly turned around and hurled the vision to the ground with a scream. It clinked against the wine bottle then ricocheted out of his sight into the grass. His scream still echoed through the Mondstadt mountains.
The captain’s head hung low as he caught his breath from the ferocious maneuver. The calla lilly dangled lifelessly next to his thigh. “But instead, I was given ice,” Kaeya laughed. It wasn’t long till his laughter grew larger and more uproarious. He had begun laughing so hard he dropped his flower. “Like some kind of joke! Ice?! Am I really so cold?” Kaeya began to walk aimlessly in circles, he had yet to notice his dear friend had blown away. “Stagnant. Stuck in time. Those are the things ice represents!” Kaeya bent down and lifted his wine bottle. He stooped over to where two stones sat with naked dirt between them.”And that’s how they’ll all keep perceiving me. Never changing and always stuck between my home and my ‘family’.”
Kaeya paused for a moment. “Al-ber-ich,” he mumbled to himself then chuckled. “I can’t even share a last name with my brother.” Kaeya flipped the wine bottle in the air and caught it by the neck, gripping it tightly. If it could breathe, it would be choking and fighting for its life. He stared at his reflection wishing it could breathe, wishing it was dying in his arms, so he could become someone new.
Kaeya raised the bottle in the air and swung it down to strike one of the rocks beneath his feet, just as the gods had done with his fate, smashed it to pieces. Leaving nothing but broken glass shattered on the ground with countless reflections, countless different personalities he would have to put forward. He stared at the ground beneath him, the wine that splashed back dripped off his face like blood. When he wiped his face he realized it wasn’t wine, the glass had struck back with a vengeance, and Kaeya felt that cold icy sting of the air enter his skin through the scrapes. Kaeya, who had yet to lift his head, fell to his knees. He felt the glass poking through his pants. He stared at the shards before the sharp sting of salt against facial wounds. His tear drops falling and bursting then disappearing, just as his daily life had felt like. Falling into a sea of wine before bursting into tears when alone in his room then disappearing to ‘work’ before any questions could be asked.
Kaeya couldn’t tell if he brought his hands up to his face or if his head just fell into them; either way he could no longer stop the sobbing. The breeze blew, the cliff was silent besides the quiet sobs that eventually turned into loud wails. Kaeya lost all the strength in his body to even hold his hands to his face. He braced himself as he stared at the hundreds of reflections staring back at him. His tears darkening the earth beneath him, at least he could help mother earth flourish in his despondent state. Unable to snap out of his crying, Kaeya kept weeping and weeping until it felt like his throat was going to give out. The cries oh ‘why’ slowly turned into dry heaves and coughs. Every piece of clothing he wore and what felt like every strand of hair felt like more weight on his already overbearing shoulders.
Then silence.
Suddenly, an all too familiar boot stepped into Kaeya’s view, crunching glass and leather stretching broke the formidable silence. Kaeya looked up, tears still unending and barely able to take a breath without pain.
“Diluc,” Kaeya hiccuped. “How did you-” Before he could finish his sentence Diluc stuck out a hand, which Kaeya accepted and stood up. Kaeya, hair frazzled and messy from his emotions, stared at his ever-so put together brother who arrived in his bartending uniform. The two stared at each other, neither saying a word. Kaeya’s lips had parted to speak, but no sound came out. “I-” Kaeya couldn’t even get a word out before he felt the warmth of another person pressing against him. A hug. He could feel the fiery phoenix’s wings wrap him gently to protect him from the coldness that had enveloped him. Kaeya couldn’t help but feel stunned by the gesture. Kaeya hesitated, but let himself hug his dear brother back. Before he knew it he was gripping his back, face buried in his shoulder, unable to cry anymore tears. He felt Diluc’s grip tighten as well.
“You’re such a pain in the ass, you know that?” Diluc mumbled, but something in his tone hinted he knew what he stumbled upon. Kaeya’s grip loosened a bit, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of anxiety. “Going missing randomly. Everyone asks me where you are, like I’m a babysitter.” Kaeya could tell Diluc wasn’t actually mad at his disappearance, if anything, his tone had a bit of relief. “And taking one of my bottles like I wouldn’t notice?”
Kaeya couldn’t help but smile into his brother’s shoulder. He let out a huff from his nose and hugged him tight again. “Come now, Diluc, I’m sure it’s easy to replace,” Kaeya weakly teased back, his voice cracking multiple times from his torn vocal cords. Kaeya raised his head slightly awaiting a response, but after one beat. Two beats. Three beats. Kaeya lay his head defeatedly into Diluc’s shoulder again and rubbed his back to soothe himself. “Sorry, I’ll pay for it,” Kaeya caved.
Diluc gently pushed Kaeya away from him, the two stared into each other’s eyes once more. “You look horrible,” Diluc said. He leaned down and handed Kaeya his eyepatch. “And put this back on,” he continued before punching Kaeya in the shoulder - a bit too hard at that, “It means you’re family after all.”
Kaeya stared at the eyepatch in his brother’s hand, then back at his face. He swore for a moment he saw a young, smiling and radiant Diluc handing it back to him. Kaeya felt his mouth widen and took the eyepatch, and put it back on. The eyepatch that hid half of him, the eyepatch that meant his new family, the eyepatch that let him be Kaeya Alberich and brother to Diluc Ragnvindr. The eyepatch that, even though was somewhat of a harness keeping him on a leash of his past, was also a clasp that let him out and run free in the grass with everyone else. With those he knew and loved, surrounded by warmth. Away from the burdens of his past that stayed locked in the house.
“Sheesh, you’re covered in scrapes Kaeya,” Diluc disciplined before removing a piece of glass from Kaeya’s cheek, “Come, let’s go get you freshened up. Everyone is waiting for you at Angel’s Share.”
“Waiting? Surely there’s no special occasion for them to wait for me,” Kaeya said as Diluc grabbed his hand and held it up, setting Kaeya’s vision he had stored in his pocket into the captain’s hand.
“Just shut up, they wanted me to come and get you, alright?” Diluc then promptly began to drag Kaeya away from the cliff. The ocean faded from his view, but now the grass, the wind, and his brother had filled its emptiness. “Adelinde isn’t going to be to happy seeing you like this.”
Kaeya let out a chuckle from his nose again, he knew Diluc didn’t care about such a thing. He knew this was Diluc’s way of showing care.
Kaeya felt that cold icy breeze sting at his wounds again as they walked. This time, the ice had reminded him that if there’s ice there is always something to melt it - whether it be the sun, the warmer temperatures, or the care of loved ones.
Those trapped in ice, those trapped in their stagnant states, will soon dethaw and move on from their stasis. They’ll realize the present and those who surround them with love will melt all their problems away and welcome them with warmhearted arms. We all belong somewhere, right, Diluc?