Archive of Our Own

“Christopher has a crush on a girl in school.”

Buck froze, oven mitts half-raised to the oven door.

The three of them had spent the afternoon baking cookies for Christopher’s Christmas pageant. Batch number three was cinnamon. It made the entire house smell like the holidays.

“Uh…” he murmured intelligibly over his shoulder at Eddie who had begun to pace back and forth in front of the fridge. “Really? Who?”

“Isabella, apparently. Izzy. Her mom is Kimmy Clemons, you know who—”

“Constantly flirts with you at PTA meetings?” Buck interjected with a quirked eyebrow, carefully taking the cookies out and placing them on a cooling rack.

“And bake sales, parent/teacher conferences, and every time I’m off shift,” Eddie finished with a wince, running a hand through his hair.

Buck repositioned the cooling rack so it wouldn’t tilt.

“How do you know Chris has a crush on Izzy? Did he say something?”

Eddie picked at his sleeve, gaze conveniently averted.

“Remember the school dance a while back?”

“I remember you freaking out about it.”

“I did not freak out!”

A slow smile spread across Buck’s face as their eyes finally met.

“Okay, so I freaked out a little,” Eddie conceded, grabbing two beers from the fridge, letting the door slam closed, and resting his forehead against it for a second.

Buck watched him out of the corner of his eye, dread settling in the pit of his stomach as he realized he was tip-toeing around something uncomfortable.

“Eddie, what—”

“She asked me out.”

Buck blinked, taking off the oven mitts.

“...Kimmy?”

“No, Izzy—of course, Kimmy,” Eddie gave what sounded like a half-chuckle-half-groan as he turned from the fridge and held out a beer for Buck to take.

“She came up to me the other day, talking about how our kids were so cute together at the dance,” he shrugged, coming to stand at the sink. “Christopher’s crush is requited, apparently,” he added, taking a sip of his beer as Buck leaned back against the counter, nursing his own, their shoulders brushing.

“Like mother, like daughter,” Buck mumbled under his breath before clearing his throat. “That’s uh…good, right?” he forced out even though panic was beginning to trickle into his veins, a mantra of he’s too young, he’s too young, I’m not ready for him to grow up, repeating over and over in his head.

“I mean, I doubt Chris would be psyched about me dating his crush’s mom,” Eddie shrugged again, their shoulders properly pressing against each other. “But it doesn’t matter. I turned her down.”

Buck couldn’t control his eyebrows. They shot up his forehead without his consent.

Eddie snorted. “C’mon, don’t look so surprised,” he murmured, taking another sip of beer.

Buck’s gaze caught on his Adam’s apple for a second before he shook his head and put down his beer. He wasn’t surprised, not really. Eddie had made it clear a while back that dating was the last thing on his mind, and would be for the foreseeable future. Still…

“What did you tell her?”

It could have just been a trick of the light, but if he didn’t know any better, he could’ve sworn that Eddie’s face flushed a deep crimson.

“I uh, I told her I was seeing someone.”

Buck’s eyebrows were physically unable to get any higher up on his forehead.

“And how did that go?”

Here, Eddie rubbed his chin in the exact way that told Buck he was mulling over something particularly embarrassing.

“She uh…” he mumbled to the floor. “She sorta assumed it was you...and I didn’t correct her.”

Buck was suddenly very glad he wasn’t holding a hot tray of cookies anymore, his palms gripping the counter so hard he could feel it denting his palms.

“You told Izzy’s mom that we’re dating?”

“No!” Eddie practically yelped, his shoulders hunched and eyes a little wild. “She assumed and I just didn’t say anything to…dispute it.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

A beat of silence passed between them.

“Okay, so, no big deal,” Buck threw up his hands in what he hoped was a nonchalant gesture. “Easy mistake for her to make. I pick Christopher up from school sometimes, so—”

“It gets worse.”

Eddie was actively staring at the floor now, ears a rosy red.

Something flipped in Buck’s stomach.

“...how?”

Another beat.

Two.

“We’re invited to her Christmas party next weekend.”

Eddie was fucked.

And not in the good way.

Never in the good way, because he was his own worst enemy.

You’re spiraling, he heard Frank say in the recesses of his mind. Catatrophizing. We talked about this, Eddie.

But see, he wasn’t really. If anything, he should be spiraling more, catastrophizing to the nth degree—out and out panicking a lot more than he was. Because the thing was, the thing was, he had had one hell of a revelation recently.

“I think I’m…not straight.”

The words had wrenched from his lips in the quiet of Frank’s office one Thursday afternoon a few months back.

“Okay,” Frank replied, calm as ever, his face giving away exactly nothing. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

But they did. Talk about it. Eventually. Because Eddie Diaz was winning therapy, dammit.

“You said in one of our sessions a few weeks ago that you think you’re not straight,” Frank began when the topic of his love life inevitably cropped up. “Is that something you’d like to elaborate on, or—”

“It doesn’t change anything,” Eddie interrupted, “it’s not like I intend on acting on it. Ever.”

Frank’s face did something at that. He wasn’t sure what. But he could take a guess.

“Not—not that there’s anything wrong with—or that I’m—” he cleared his throat, squeezing his hands tighter together. “I-I’m fine with it. I’ve accepted it. I know it’s okay, and I am. Okay. I’m just…getting used to it,” he swallowed roughly, shaking his head, starting again.

“This is coming out all wrong,” he sighed, not missing the irony in that statement.

Frank tilted his head.

“This sounds like something you’ve been thinking about for a long time.”

Longer than I realized.

“Yeah. You could say that,” he agreed with a sigh. “But I’m not going to date anymore so, it’s irrelevant.”

Frank tilted his head.

“You’re not going to date at all? For the rest of your life?”

Eddie crossed his arms over his chest, barely holding back the wince when he realized his mistake.

“Nope. I’m fine on my own. I’m used to…being alone. Just me and Chris. I don’t need anything else. Anyone else.”

Frank eyed his crossed arms.

“You don’t need love, companionship, or—”

“I have plenty of that,” he shrugged. “I have a great support group. My friends—the 118, they’re my family. And Buck…”

The name got stuck in his throat.

And stayed there.

“Buck…” Frank coaxed.

And that was just it, wasn’t it?

Buck.

Eddie didn’t need love or companionship, and didn’t feel like he was missing out on anything because…he had it already, in a way, with Buck. He had had that particular revelation when he was bleeding out in the middle of the street in downtown LA and all he could see was his best friend reaching out to him across the asphalt.

But Buck was a no-go. A non-option in his brain. Always had been, always will be.

Sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality.

That was what Carla had said. And while she meant it in relation to Chris and his crush, Eddie would be lying if he said it didn’t make a very particular bell ring in the back of his mind about his own…feelings. Feelings that he absolutely, positively, could never acknowledge. Ever.

He raised his eyes to meet Frank’s, taking a deep breath.

“Buck’s my best friend. I trust him with my life. With Christopher’s life. He’s always there for us. He’s…the best friend we could ever ask for,” he finished lamely, forcing himself to keep eye contact.

Something unreadable flickered in Frank’s gaze.

“Is that enough?”

Eddie took another, shakier breath.

“It has to be.”

Frank nodded, face pensive in a way that had Eddie’s stomach squirming.

“Do you think that subconsciously you might feel differently about that?”

He frowned.

Frank laid his hands in his lap, leaning forward slightly.

“You said that you let Kimmy make assumptions about you and Buck. That you were a couple. Is that something you would have done in the past? Before you started coming to terms with your sexuality?”

“People have mistaken us for a couple pretty much since we met.”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Frank did him the disservice of not looking in the least bit surprised.

“And how do you feel about that?”

Eddie squinted at him.

“The ‘And how does that make you feel?’ question? Really?”

Frank stared back at him. Waiting.

Shifting his weight on the couch, he forced himself to uncross his arms and keep eye contact.

“I don’t feel anything about it,” he shrugged. “It’s just something that happens. Like I said, Buck is a huge part of my life, of Christopher’s life. I get why some people would…misconstrue that.”

Frank’s face, as always, was frustratingly unreadable.

“It doesn’t bother me if they do,” he continued, compelled for some reason to further explain himself. “If they think we’re something we’re not. It’s no big deal.”

Something flickered in his therapist’s eyes at that.

“If it’s no big deal, why didn’t you correct Kimmy about it?”

Eddie’s stomach did a somersault. Clearing his throat, he broke eye contact and opted to stare out the window.

“I just…didn’t.”

He knew it wasn’t a proper reason. An appropriate answer. But it was all he had.

Frank nodded all the same.

“And now you’re going to a Christmas party under the guise of being partners?”

It wasn’t said to be antagonizing. Just a mere statement of fact. But Eddie felt his hackles rise ever so slightly anyway.

“We are partners.”

Frank arched an eyebrow, letting that hang between them.

“Yeah, fine,” Eddie continued, unwilling to sit in a silence he knew would eventually get uncomfortable. “Buck agreed to…to…”

“Be your boyfriend?”

He swallowed, the sensation of his heart jumping into his throat almost overwhelming.

“Pretend to be, yeah.”

The words spoken aloud in the quiet, private room, somehow felt even more profound and unbelievably ridiculous than they had in his kitchen a week prior. But if Frank agreed with the sentiment, he didn’t show it.

“Alright, well. I hope you both enjoy the party, Eddie,” he glanced briefly over to the clock. “We’re nearing our time. Will I pencil you in for next week?”

Eddie couldn’t help the frown spreading across his face at his cavalier tone of voice.

“Wait. Don’t you wanna ask me how I feel about that?”

That same something glimmered in Frank’s eyes again.

“I could,” he agreed. “But I have a feeling if I ask next week instead, I’ll get a longer answer.”

They had been standing in front of Buck’s closet for fifteen solid minutes.

“What exactly do you wear to a PTA Mom’s Christmas Party?”

Eddie chuckled at his bewilderment as he stared into the abyss of clothing, scratching the back of his head.

“Doesn’t matter,” he smirked. “You could wear a brown paper bag and still have all the moms drooling. Some dads too. And you know it.”

Buck threw him a grin over his shoulder before shaking his head.

“Says the man who has been asked out by like, six different divorcees in the last year. Including the host. Which, is what got us into this in the first place.”

His tone was teasing, it clearly a joke, but Eddie couldn’t help the feeling of dread creeping up his spine. He hadn’t meant to imply that Buck was his boyfriend to Kimmy, he really hadn’t. He just…short-circuited. Briefly stopped working because a beautiful woman was propositioning him in the middle of his son’s school’s parking lot and he wasn’t smooth enough to pivot out of it any other way, apparently.

He had quietly accepted a while back that he was no longer interested in dating. Since Ana, when things just didn’t feel right, he had asked himself over and over and over again, just what he was missing. But by then, he had already been shot, and had a fair idea exactly what that was. He just couldn’t admit it.

Things had been different lately though. Taking time away from the 118, having his breakdown, and going back to Frank, he wasn’t as able to fully ignore the signs anymore. The final nail in the coffin had been Hen trying to set him up with Karen’s friend, Daniela. She had been perfect on paper. Smart, funny, beautiful, good with kids…the whole package. And yet, Eddie knew in the first ten minutes of their coffee date that it just wasn’t to be. It wasn’t what he wanted. And hadn’t been for a long, long time.

“Hey Buck, you know you don’t have to do this, right?” he began with an apologetic air, cutting through his own spiraling thoughts. “I can just set Kimmy straight. Tell her it was all a misunderstanding—”

“And she’ll ask you out again,” Buck finished, turning around to face him. “You’re like the Hollywood heartthrob of Christopher’s school, Eddie. Whether you like it or not. So unless you plan on taking her up on her offer—”

He broke off at the grimace on Eddie’s face.

“Thought not,” he laughed, stepping closer and clasping his shoulder. “So, we do this. Eat some fancy appetizers, drink a little wine, and keep all the thirsty divorcees away from you. Easy.”

Eddie didn’t think it sounded easy at all. But nobody could argue with that hopeful little grin on his best friend’s face.

“Don’t say ‘thirsty,’” he replied, nose wrinkling. “But okay, yeah, we do this,” he continued, his voice not quite as sure as Buck’s. “Everyone will get the message, and Chris will get to see his crush. It’s a win-win.”

“Exactly.”

With that, Buck squeezed his shoulder and turned back to his closet.

“So. Red shirt or blue?”

Buck knew he was a little bit of a people-pleaser. Probably more than a little bit, if he was totally honest with himself. And if you asked the 118, Maddie, and Eddie especially, they would likely call him a chronic people-pleaser. His sperm donation debacle this year alone was more than enough proof of that.

But what could he say? He liked helping people. He liked being useful to his friends, family, and yeah, strangers too. It wasn’t just his job, it was his way of life. Which was why, when his best friend in the entire world (excluding Christopher), asked him for a teeny, tiny, minuscule favour, he didn’t think twice.

And sometimes, that was Evan Buckley’s biggest problem.

“Buck, why did Izzy’s mom ask me if my Dad’s boyfriend has any dietary restrictions?”

Thank God they were stopped at a red light when Chris piped up with that particular question because Buck wasn’t sure if it wouldn’t have caused him to swerve into traffic otherwise. He should have seen it coming. Eddie should have too, really. And yet, here Buck was, after picking Chris up from Carla’s, with no reinforcements because Eddie had taken on an extra shift.

“Uh…” he glanced to the rearview mirror, catching the kid’s eye from the backseat. “Dietary restrictions are—”

“People who can’t have things like dairy and gluten because it makes them sick. Like Sineád in my class. I know that, Buck,” Christopher cut across him with more sass than usual. “That’s not what I meant.”

Buck’s palms started sweating as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turned a ghostly white. He let out a small sigh of relief when the Diaz house came into view.

“Let’s get you inside, bud,” he said in a tone far too light to be believable as he pulled into the driveway. “I’ll get dinner started, you can get out your science project, and we’ll—”

“Talk about how you’re my Dad’s boyfriend now?”

Shit.

He didn’t thump his head down on the steering wheel. But it was a near thing.

Guess that was what he got for being such a chronic people-pleaser.

Eddie will be home in an hour, he thought to himself with an edge of desperation. I can keep a twelve-year-old at bay ‘til then, right?

Eddie let out a breath as he stepped into the warmth of his front door, pleased to hear the tell-tale sign of his son and best friend no doubt wreaking havoc in his kitchen as usual.

“I’m home!” he called out, taking off his jacket and shoes, a smile already replacing the tired and weary frown that had formed on the lonely drive from work.

“Dad! Dad! In here!”

Curious at Chris’ urgent but unalarmed tone, he made his way around the corner and into the kitchen, only to be immediately met with a very alarmed-looking Buck.

“Eddie—”

“Izzy’s mom said that Buck’s your boyfriend. Is that true?”

He froze, his heart catapulting into his throat.

Chris took advantage of his element of surprise, rounding the table and leveling him with a quirked eyebrow.

Should have seen this coming…

“Chris, let’s give your dad a sec, okay?” Buck recovered first, clapping him on the shoulder and stirring him gently toward the salad bowl. “You’re not done yet, bud. You want some coffee, Eddie?”

His head snapped up at the sound of his name, his brain rebooting like his dumb Hildy after yet another unnecessary software update.

Why the hell does a coffee machine need software anyway?!

Shaking his head to rid himself of that particular gripe, he crossed the room and took the outstretched cup, swallowing the lump in his throat as his fingers brushed against Buck’s.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Nobody talked for the next few moments, the soft hum of the radio playing upbeat Christmas songs the only thing breaking the silence as Eddie sipped his coffee and tried not to spiral.

“Done!” Chris exclaimed suddenly, looking up to Buck for approval. “Can we talk about it now?”

Over his head, Buck’s eyes met Eddie’s.

With one look, Eddie knew he understood his silent message.

“Let’s have dinner first, okay, Superman? Your dad’s had a long day at work and is probably really hungry.”

Chris pouted at that but was a good kid who wouldn’t want anyone to go hungry under any circumstances. So he mercifully dropped it. For thirty whole minutes. Right up until Eddie laid his fork down onto his empty plate.

“Now?” he asked, gaze flickering between them eagerly.

Eddie heaved a sigh.

Time to face the music, Diaz. You’ve only yourself to blame.

Getting up out of his seat, he crouched down to his son’s eye level, leaning in close.

“Mijo, remember what I told you about lying?”

A crease formed between Christopher’s eyebrows.

“You said it’s wrong and we should never do it.”

Shot yourself in the foot there, huh?

“I did,” he agreed, rubbing the back of his neck. I did say that, yeah. But…sometimes…to…not hurt someone’s feelings, and let them down easy—a small, white lie can be the nicest thing to do.”

Chris grew thoughtful, picking at the hem of his sleeve.

“So, you told Mrs. Clemons that Buck was your boyfriend to be nice. Because you didn’t want to tell her you don’t like her and hurt her feelings?”

“Yeah. Not—not that she isn’t nice. It’s not that I don’t like her—”

“You just don’t like like her.”

“Right. Exactly.”

“Okay,” Chris nodded, looking between them.

Eddie let out a tiny breath, gaze darting quickly to Buck in relief.

“So she thinks you like like, Buck?”

His heart lurched at that. He rubbed a hand down his face to hide his grimace.

“Yeah.”

Chris gave another nod, turning to Buck.

“And that you like like Dad back?”

Eddie forced himself to keep looking at his son as Buck cleared his throat, his voice still coming out a little hoarse.

“Uh, I guess so, yeah.”

A beat of silence engulfed the room.

“Okay,” Chris said with an air of finality. “I’ll pretend you like like each other too then.”

Eddie reached out and squeezed his shoulder, hyperaware of Buck’s gaze burning a hole into the side of his head.

“Thanks, bud. But just remember, lying isn’t—”

“I know, Dad,” Chris interjected, sounding more and more like an unimpressed teen every day. “Can I go play Minecraft now?”

Buck unsuccessfully hid a grin behind his hand as he stood up and began clearing away the plates.

“Alright, kid. Thirty minutes and then it’s pj’s, okay?”

Chris grinned, reaching out for his crutches and making his way out of the room, calling over his shoulder. “Thanks for dinner, Buck! Your food is way better than Jamie’s mom’s boyfriend’s!”

Eddie smothered a laugh with his sleeve, marveling not for the first time, just how brazen his son was getting with age.

“Should I be worried about his sass?” he asked once he was out of earshot.

“Nah,” Buck replied, “he’s a good kid, knows where to draw the line. Just like his dad.”

They cleared away the dishes, making their way back into the kitchen and over to the sink. When they finished filling the dishwasher, Eddie found the strength to speak.

“Well…that could’ve gone worse.”

Buck hummed. “Oh, yeah. Sorry for the ambush, by the way. He first asked me about it when I was driving and I didn’t know what to say, so I kinda ‘ask your Dad-ed’ him until you got home.”

Another wave of guilt washed over Eddie. He let out a groan of frustration.

“Jesus. I’m a shitty friend, and father, getting you both to lie for my stupid impulse decision,” he glanced to the ceiling in embarrassment. “I should just come clean.”

Buck stepped toward him, reaching out and clasping his shoulders, lowering his head to catch his eye.

“Hey, we talked about this. It’s a harmless white lie, Ed. And Chris is already on board. He knows lying is serious and not the right thing to do in literally every other circumstance. And I—” he broke off, an enigmatic grin breaking out on his face. “I’m fine with it too. It’s no big deal. I’m pretty sure half the PTA thinks we are like secretly married or something already. If Darcy is to be believed, anyway.”

Right. He'd almost forgotten Buck was just as much involved in the parent gossip as he and Carla tried and failed not to be.

“Darcy sees conspiracies everywhere,” Eddie rolled his eyes, a chuckle falling from his lips. “That’s why Kat made that gossip jar. She told me the other day it’s nearly full enough for them to take a second honeymoon in the summer.”

They shared a laugh at that as Buck grabbed them both beers out of the fridge and made his way out to the TV, sinking down onto the couch and kicking off his shoes.

“What episode of Fuego En La Sangre are we on now?”

Eddie swallowed the familiar trickle of embarrassment that he felt whenever their newest binge-watch habit was brought up. Guilty pleasure didn’t even begin to cover it. He’d never forget when Buck had crept up behind him one night after working a long shift, only to find him deeply engrossed in the plight of the Reyes brothers, teasing him mercilessly until he too got sucked into the addictive melodrama.

I’m practicing my Spanish, he had insisted at the time. I need to keep on top of it to help with Chris’ homework when you’re not here, Edmundo. It’s called being responsible.

It was called being hooked.

But neither of them would admit it.

It was when they were halfway through episode 97 of the telenovela that Buck turned to him, his face unreadable.

“So, what’s our story?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” his eyes darted to the TV, “how did we…become a thing? How long have we been dating?”

“Uh…” Eddie’s brain was completely blank. But luckily, Buck seemed to be on a bit of a roll with the questions.

“And what are the ground rules?”

“Ground rules?”

“Yeah, like…what’s okay and not okay to do when pretending to be a couple?” he clarified, shifting on the couch to face him. “Do we hold hands, hug, kiss—”

“We’re gonna be in a room with a bunch of seventh graders and their parents, Buck,” Eddie interjected, his face on fire as he tried not to think about doing any of those things with his platonic best friend. “I doubt we’ll need to bust out the PDA to be believable.”

Buck let out another chuckle, glancing back at the TV.

“Yeah, you’re probably right. And we should probably stick close to the truth about how we got together, right?”

Eddie’s stomach flipped.

“And…what would that be, exactly?” he asked, half afraid of the answer but determined not to show it. “You were threatened by me and beyond pissed all day until we took a grenade out of a man’s leg and you decided I was the guy for you? Something like that?”

Buck tilted his head, eyes dancing.

“Yeah. Something like that.”

Warmth pooled in Eddie’s gut. As usual, he ignored it.

“Chris is looking forward to the party,” Buck murmured, taking another sip of his beer. “He was trying hard not to gush about it on the way home.”

That warmth spread to Eddie’s chest.

“Our kid’s growing up.”

The words tumbled from his lips without a second’s thought. It hadn’t been the first time he had let it slip out, but Buck looked gobsmacked all the same. Eddie watched silently as his best friend visibly gathered himself, a small smile gracing his lips.

“Yeah. He is.”

They shared a look. Quiet and private before Buck cleared his throat, picking at the label on his beer.

“I think he’s excited to see Izzy on Saturday. If we pull this off, we might just be forgiven for the field trip incident,” he took another sip of beer. “So, think you can convincingly be in love with me for three hours? For Chris?”

Something enigmatic was shrouding Buck’s face as he awaited Eddie’s response.

“I think I can manage. For Chris,” he echoed, clinking their bottles together and trying to ignore just how easily he could be smitten with Evan Buckley.

“Chris! Buck will be here any minute. You ready to go?”

Eddie strained his ears for his son’s reply but only heard muffled grumbles instead.

“I think he’s nervous,” a familiar voice said behind him.

“Well, he’s changed his shirt three times now so—” Eddie broke off as he turned on the spot, catching sight of Buck standing in his bedroom doorway.

He looked…good.

He had gone with dark jeans and the deep burgundy button-up they had picked out days before while standing perplexed in front of his closet. What Eddie had failed to take into account at the time, however, was just how different something could look on the hanger versus on a body. Especially a body as toned and well-built as Buck’s.

He stared at the broad line of his shoulders as they stretched the tight fabric. His throat went dry.

Yep. Definitely not straight, Diaz.

Accepting his friend’s attractiveness hadn’t been much of a struggle. Anyone with functioning eyes could see that Buck was a ridiculously handsome man. Accepting that he was attacted to Buck, however, had been a little harder to swallow. Much like how he felt right now.

“You went with the hunter green,” Buck grinned at his choice of outfit before Eddie’s brain could reboot, stepping into his room and halting next to him, glancing at the mirror that they had installed on the wall during their impromptu renovation a few months back.

Eddie stared at the picture the two of them made. Standing side by side, shoulder to shoulder in their fancy, very festive, accidentally complementary clothes. They looked like a couple, that was for sure.

“Yeah, what can I say? You’ve got good taste sometimes, Buckley,” he smirked, shaking his head at their reflections before buttoning up his sleeve and making for the door.

“Oh, wait—” Buck reached out and clasped his shoulder, turning him back around to face him.

Eddie let himself be led, watching quietly as Buck reached up to his collar and started fixing it. They had stood this close before. More than once. But ever since his little revelation, Eddie found himself getting more and more breathless. He could control himself at work, his professionalism taking the wheel, but in moments like this, when they were alone, close enough to feel each other’s warmth, it was almost too much to bear.

“There. Perfect,” Buck smiled, his face a little flushed as he took patted Eddie’s chest and took a step back.

“Thanks,” Eddie just about managed to reply before he heard the tell-tale tap of his son’s crutches.

The Clemons home was less of a house and more of an estate. With five bedrooms, four bathrooms, one half-bath, stainless-steel kitchen, dining room, family room, converted attic, basement, two garages, and heated pool, Eddie estimated it must have cost something well in the seven-figure range.

“Whoa!” Christopher aptly exclaimed as they made their way up to the front door, he and Buck exchanging an awed glance.

“Best behaviour, okay?” Eddie mumbled under his breath as he saw a figure approaching through the stained glass. “You too, Chris.”

Buck let out a squawk of indignation just as Kimmy Clemons threw open the door, a large, blindly-white smile on her face.

“Diazes!” she practically sang as she ushered them in. “I’m so glad you came. Happy Holidays, come on in, let Stefan take your coats.”

A tall, pale man helped them out of their coats and scarves before disappearing silently through a door to the right.

Huh. They have their own Lurch.

“Eddie, you’re looking as handsome as ever,” Kimmy winked before tousling Chris’ hair. “You too, Christopher. You’re getting so tall! Why don’t you go join the kids in the playroom? It’s just down the hall, first door on the left. I’ll call you guys for snacks soon.”

Chris looked from Eddie to Buck and back again before taking a deep breath. “Thanks, Mrs. Clemons.”

With that, he left them in the foyer. Subtly, Buck moved closer to Eddie, the backs of their hands just about brushing and making his skin tingle.

“Oh, Evan, good to see you too,” Kimmy added airily, turning on her heel and motioning for them to follow her.

“Buck,” Eddie corrected for approximately the three-hundredth time since they first met, raising an eyebrow at Buck in apology.

“Right. Buck. Sorry,” she nodded, halting them at an expansive, rectangular table rife with an assortment of finger food. “Please, help yourselves. The staff is circling with hors d’oeuvres and champagne too.”

With one last grin, she stepped into the crowd of people without a backward glance.

“‘The staff,’” Buck echoed, marveling at the well-dressed waiters spread throughout the room.

“How the other half lives,” Eddie muttered as a member of said staff halted at his side, picking up a champagne flute with thanks, and taking a hearty sip. He wasn’t driving tonight, after all.

“Yep,” Buck agreed, reaching out for his own glass and taking a smaller sip, eyes narrowing.

“Mind your delicate pallet,” Eddie teased as he watched him wince.

“Hey, I’m more of a beer guy,” Buck elbowed him, taking another sip and wincing deeper.

A fond chuckle escaped him before he could stop it.

“You’re—”

“Quite the spread, huh,” a familiar voice interrupted him.

“Kat, hi!” Buck whirled around, pulling Kat Alvarez, mom to Christopher’s best friends Mateo and Rosa into a large hug.

“Boys, don’t you two look festive,” she smiled as she returned the hug, catching Eddie’s eye over Buck’s shoulder.

“Like they stepped out of a Christmas catalogue,” her wife, Darcy agreed as she saddled up to them, wrapping her arms around Eddie and stealing a stuffed mushroom off his plate.

They exchanged compliments and pleasantries as the DJ began to play soft Christmas music. Glancing around, Eddie caught sight of many other familiar faces from the elementary school’s parking lot—parents, guardians, and nannies alike, mingling and half-heartedly dancing.
It was as he was tucking into his fourth stuffed mushroom that Darcy elbowed him, a suspicious look on her face.

“So, you and Buck?”

The mushroom lodged in his throat. He coughed and coughed again as Darcy clapped him on the back. He saw Buck glance over to him in concern but he waved him off, watching as he and Kat continued their conversation, delving into the sweet treats on display.

“Darcy, I—”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to ambush you,” she interjected sheepishly also watching Buck and her wife with a fond expression. “Word travels fast round here and I just didn’t know you two were a thing is all. Not that I’m surprised.”

“W-What do you mean?” he rasped when he caught his breath, eyes a little watery.

He knew well enough what she meant. But it wasn’t like he could just admit that.

“Well,” she shrugged, “you look at him like he hung the moon, for starters.”

Shit.

“He’s my best friend,” he automatically replied before remembering that Buck was actually supposed to be his boyfriend too.

“And uh, yeah, I…”

Love him, was how his mouth was going to finish that sentence but his brain wouldn’t allow it.

“Can’t live without me,” Buck finished, suddenly appearing at his elbow, his hand coming up to rest on Eddie’s lower back, the warmth of his fingers seeping through the fabric of his shirt, pressing into his skin, and feeling like they belonged there.

Their eyes caught for a split second as Eddie gathered his thoughts, reminding himself that this was the plan, even if he felt bad about lying to their friends. Even temporarily.

“I was going to say ‘he’s my best friend and I know he’s lucky to have me’, actually,” he smirked cheekily, before turning back to Darcy and Kat.

The two women shared a look that Eddie didn’t quite understand.

“So,” Darcy began, something mischievous in her gaze. “When did you two finally realise you’re in love, then?”

Eddie’s entire world ground to a halt.

You expected this. You knew this was coming, Diaz, Jesus. Don’t freeze now. Say some—

The hand on his back rubbed up and down soothingly.

“What can we say?” Buck took the lead, sounding breezier than Eddie had ever felt in his life. “One day I just looked at him and thought, ‘oh. It’s you.’ I just couldn’t let myself see it before.”

Eddie’s heart lurched painfully in his chest, those words, said under these pretenses, were almost unbearable.

“Aww,” said Kat cheerily, thankfully not noticing his distress, “well, I think you’re perfect for each other.”

He felt his face flush, but before he could think of a response, Kimmy stepped up to the DJ booth, fiddling with the microphone.

“Hi everyone, thanks so much for coming,” her sing-song voice boomed through the speakers. “I hope you enjoy the food and music. I expect to see you all up dancing soon too. Happy Holidays!”

A sporadic chorus of whoops and applause followed before everyone returned to their eating and drinking. Eddie had taken a liberal gulp from his glass of champagne when Darcy leaned into him but directed her pointed stare to Buck.

“So, how come you never mentioned that you and Eddie were a couple, anyway? I would’ve stopped trying to set you up with my sister if I had known.”

Eddie felt Buck’s hand tense slightly as it pressed a little firmer into his lower back.

“It’s uh…new,” he replied pretty smoothly, his hand relaxing. “We haven’t really gone public with it yet, but when Kimmy asked Eddie out—”

“For the thirtieth time,” Kat added with a snort.

“Heh, yeah,” Buck agreed. “We uh, kinda realized we’d have to let the cat outta the bag.”

The wives shared another look that Eddie still couldn’t decipher.

“Well, I’m happy for you two,” Darcy clinked her glass against Buck’s. “‘Bout time you made your family official.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Buck falter slightly before shaking his head and giving a soft grin.

His stomach churned uncomfortably.

“Dad? Can I get a churro?”

Buck’s hand left his back at the sudden appearance of Christopher, blinking up at them with a hopeful look on his face, Rosa and Mateo in tow.

“Oh, yeah sure, bud. Just make sure to have a slider and fries first. I saw some carrot sticks and healthy stuff too so eat up,” Eddie replied, following his son to the impressive, kid-friendly spread and helping him fill his plate.

Once they all had their meals, the adults led them over to a large, circular table to get them seated. It was as Eddie was filling a glass of soda that he heard a screech behind him.

“Eddie Diaz! Where is Carla?! I was hoping to see her tonight!”

He turned, briefly catching Buck’s eye before painting on a smile that he hoped didn’t look as fake as it felt.

“Hey Denise, Carla couldn’t make it tonight. She’s visiting her niece in San Diego.”

Denise, the short, blonde, very excitable nanny to Chris’ friend Jamie, was visibly put out by this news. Eddie had a feeling that Carla did not feel the same. If her many stories of Denise’s antics over the last year were anything to go by.

“Aww, that’s a shame,” she replied with an exaggerated pout before thrusting her hand in Eddie’s face, a very large diamond fastened to her left ring finger. “I wanted to tell her my news—I just got engaged! Will asked me last night over eggnog by the fire, it was super romantic!”

He opened his mouth to congratulate her but her smack to his forearm cut him off.

“Not that I need to tell you two about romance. You’ll be next!”

He thanked God that she was looking at Buck at that moment because he had absolutely no idea what his face was doing.

“You’ll be up the aisle in no time, I’ll bet on that,” Denise continued, not phased by their silence. “Can’t believe I was right about you, I always had my suspicions that you were knockin’ boots,” she turned to Kat and Darcy, “back me up, ladies.”

They hummed back noncommittally, identical painted smiles on their faces, no doubt hoping, like Eddie was, that none of the kids would ask them what that meant.

He had never wanted the ground to swallow him up more in his entire life. He didn’t risk a glance at Buck, but he could see Chris grinning at him from where he was munching on a slider, taking in the conversation with interest.

“Hey Dad,” he piped up, almost giving Eddie a heart attack.

Don’t ask me what knocking boots means. Don’t ask me what—

“If you marry Buck, would I be your Best Man, or his?”

Buck let out a choked laugh as Eddie almost swallowed his tongue.

“Think we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves there, Superman,” he responded when it was clear that Eddie was no longer able to form coherent words.

Chris tilted his head at him, something glinting in his eyes.

“I mean, I guess I could be Best Man to both of you,” he said almost to himself before his attention was taken away by Mateo showing him something on his Nintendo Switch.

Eddie wasn’t too proud to admit he let out a little sigh of relief at that. Once the kids were occupied, the adults went about mingling and chatting around the room, letting their own food settle. He found himself catching up with some of the dads he had met while at Chris’ summer camp, reintroducing Buck to some that they hadn’t seen in a while.

“Ah, Buckley, your ‘better half’ if the rumours are true,” Ethan joked, elbowing Eddie in the side as he shook Buck’s hand.

“Oh they’re true alright,” Denise winked, poking Buck in the ribs. “These guys have been holdin’ out on us. Like I said, it won’t be long ‘til wedding bells. Oh my god, Daryl, did I show you my ring?!”

Eddie held back a wince but only barely. He had thought they had all moved on from wedding talk, but it seemed that his new but apparently unsurprising relationship was all people wanted to talk about. How long had it been since he and Buck had gotten together? Were they moving in together? Getting engaged? Would they have a spring or summer wedding? The list went on and on and—

♪ Christmas…the snow’s comin’ down…Christmas…I’m watchin’ it fall… ♪

“Oh! I love this song!” Kimmy clapped her hands in delight, popping up beside them and ushering them to the makeshift dancefloor. “Eddie, I hear you’re a phenomenal dancer, show us some moves!”

♪ Christmas…lots of people around… ♪

Eddie felt Buck collide into his back as he too was pushed into the crowd, a small number of couples swaying back and forth to the music.

“Come on, Diaz. Act like you like him,” Darcy goaded, looking positively gleeful as Kat slapped her shoulder in very lackluster way that didn’t discourage her at all.

He threw her a glare before cocking an eyebrow at Buck for permission.

Buck gave a silent, slightly amused okay, and they automatically stepped closer together, Eddie’s hands almost acting on autopilot, resting on his hips as Buck’s hands fell to his shoulders.

“This is definitely a slower version of this song,” he lamented, accepting their fate of dancing like awkward middle-schoolers for the next three minutes.

♪ Baby, please come home… ♪

“Shit, Buck I’m so sorry,” he groaned as they moved together. “How did I not think of the long-term problems of this? What, are we just supposed to play boyfriends until Chris graduates?!”

“No,” he squeezed his shoulder. “I think we’re supposed to play fiancés, next.”

“Buck!” Eddie scolded as his best friend broke out in a laugh.

“Eds, relax,” he grinned, his eyes dancing. “It’s not a big deal. It’s some nosy nannies, bored dads making small talk and—”

“Kat and Darcy! They’re our friends—”

“And we’ll let them in on it when we’re not surrounded by every single parent from Chris’ school,” Buck finished with his most soothing voice.

♪ ...full of happy sounds…baby, please come home… ♪

“I’m still sorry for dragging you into this,” he groused for what felt like the hundredth time, hyperaware of far too many eyes on them as they swayed.

“Hey, we’re partners,” Buck’s fingers tightened, clutching the fabric of his shirt. “I have your back. No matter what.”

♪ They’re singing deck the halls, but it’s not like Christmas at all… ♪

Eddie winced as his toes were stepped on for the third time in the last twenty seconds.

“You are a terrible dancer. Holy shit.”

♪ Pretty lights on the tree…Christmas…I’m watching them shine… ♪

“Hey! We can’t all have ballroom dancing lessons from age eleven,” Buck squawked, brow furrowed in obvious concentration. “Give me a break, okay? Maddie showed me how to slow dance once when I was like thirteen. I haven’t had a lot of practice.”

He took pity on him, reaching out with one hand and tilting his chin up.

“Well, first lesson—stop looking at your feet. My eyes are up here.”

Their gazes locked.

Eddie’s hand stayed where it was for a beat too long before falling down to take his hand in his.

♪ You should be here with me…baby, please come home… ♪

They let themselves get lost in it, Eddie trying his best to maneuver his best friend into some semblance of dancing.

“Oh! Boys! Look up!” Denise suddenly yelled from across the room.

Frowning, Eddie arched his neck up and—

Oh, shit.

“Mistletoe!” Denise crowed. “You know what that means!”

They froze.

“Yeah, Dad. You know what that means,” Christopher echoed from his spot at the kid’s table only a few feet away, glancing between them both with a daring gleam in his eye.

Eddie threw him a stern look, his fingers flexing on Buck’s hip almost subconsciously.

Aren’t kids supposed to be embarrassed by their parents’ PDA?

“Christopher…”

“You heard him, Ed,” Buck said with something unreadable on his face, tilting his head ever so slightly.

Eddie’s heart lodged in his throat, his eyes bugging out of their sockets. Buck’s breath ghosted over his cheek.

“You good? Stop me if this is too far,” he whispered, before slowly, so, so, slowly leaning in closer and closer…

Eddie said nothing. Couldn’t say anything. Not that he wanted to.

Buck’s surprisingly soft lips brushed against the very edge of his mouth in the tiniest, gentlest kiss he had ever had. It was chaste, blink and you’ll miss it, but still a kiss that had his toes curling and heart racing. Barely breathing, he ever-so-slightly brushed his own lips against Buck’s, taking a split second to savour the warmth—

And then it was gone.

♪ ...‘cause I remember when you were here…and all the fun we had last year… ♪

A series of very mature boos (Christopher’s the obvious loudest) broke him out of his reverie, a shaky breath finally escaping him as Buck leaned back, their eyes catching.

“That probably won’t shut them up but, it’s something, right?”

Hell yeah it’s something, holy shit.

♪ If there was a way…Christmas…I’d hold back this tear…but it’s Christmas day… ♪

If anyone noticed his quiet breakdown, Eddie couldn’t tell because he was too busy making sure he wasn’t the one stepping and stumbling all over Buck’s feet, the tiny, soft, warm kiss playing on his mind over and over like a broken record.

♪ Please, please, please… ♪

Buck kissed him.

♪ Please, please, please… ♪

His best friend had kissed him and was gripping his shoulders and attempting to dance with him. And it felt…amazing. Better than anything Eddie could remember feeling in a long, long time. If ever, he was ashamed to admit.

Then, the song was over.

♪ Baby, please come home…baby, please come home…baby, please come home… ♪

“And I think that’s my cue,” Buck forced a laugh, his hand slipping from Eddie’s jarringly as he made a hasty retreat.

“That totally did not count,” Denise was sure to tell them as soon as they stepped foot off the dancefloor.

“It totally counts,” Kat defended, though didn’t sound that convinced.

“My question is,” Darcy pointed at Buck, “when were you gonna tell me you have two left feet?”

The rest of the night went by in a blur for Eddie after that. He had three more drinks, danced some more, but with everyone but Buck, and ate more finger food than he had in the last three years. It was a good night overall if he was being honest. But if he was being more honest, he was far too preoccupied to really enjoy it.

“So, Mateo and Rosa are adamant that Chris absolutely has to stay over tonight,” Kat informed him at one point, past ten-thirty when the party was starting to wind down. “That good with you?”

He felt himself nod as he sought out his son in the crowd, finding him laughing at something Rosa was saying, his whole face lit up. Warmth pooled in his chest at the sight. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen Christopher in Izzy’s company at all tonight. Instead, he had stuck to Rosa and Mateo like glue, the former getting the majority of his attention, smiles, and laughs.

Oh. Of course. The best friend. Like father, like son.

“Yeah, sure,” he agreed easily, chuckling at his son’s whoop of joy as Kat went to fill them in.

Eddie waved over at them just as he felt Kimmy approach him.

“I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed to hear you were taken, Eddie,” she mumbled practically into his ear, squeezing his shoulder. “But, I gotta admit, you and Buck make a great couple and seem very happy. He’s great with Chris and it’s obvious how much you love each other. Hope you guys have a great New Year’s. Thanks again for coming.”

With that, she flounced back into the dispersing crowd without a backward glance.

He blinked after her, dumbfounded, before shaking himself and going to find Lurch for his coat.

So, he had clearly lost his mind at some point tonight, that much was for sure. Because he had kissed Eddie. Eddie-Eddie. Edmundo freakin’ Diaz, his best friend (excluding Christopher) in the entire world.

What the fuck were you thinking, you stu—

“Jesus, it’s colder than Alaska in December in here,” Darcy broke through his downward spiral. “You think Ms. Kimmy cranked up the A.C. to subtly get us the hell outta here?”

A coat appeared under his nose.

He looked up to meet the bored gaze of the tall, thin man, ‘Stefan.’

“I think that’s a possibility,” he smirked at her, taking his coat with thanks and beginning to put it on.

It was when he had one arm through the sleeve that Darcy piped up again, sounding carefully nonchalant.

“So, whose idea was it to be fake boyfriends?”

He froze, the other arm of the coat hanging loosely in the air.

“Uh, what—”

“Save the denials, Buckley,” Darcy interjected, sagely taking the last gulp of her wine before beginning to button up her coat. “I knew you two hadn’t gotten your shit together even before your little stunt kiss. But seeing the dumbass look on your face after it? Dead giveaway.”

Buck winced, knowing they had been caught out. And also silently wondering what the hell his face had been saying.

“Sorry, Darce,” he mumbled quietly, trying to fix his sleeve. “It was a misunderstanding that kinda got outta hand and we just went with it. We were gonna let you and Kat in on the secret as soon as we got home and could call you.”

She narrowed her eyes at that, before stepping up and helping him with his coat, smoothing it down over his shoulders when she was done.

“I believe you, Buckley, it’s a likely story,” she winked before dropping a decibel. “You two are very convincing, really. You’re almost too good at the whole couple thing, you had everybody else fooled, I swear. But maybe think about why that is, huh? How practically nothing had to change about your behaviour to be instantly believed as boyfriends by literally everyone else…?”

“Darc—”

“Merry Christmas, Buck,” she waved him off, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Call me on New Year’s. You still gotta introduce me to Hen and Karen, you promised!”

With that, she turned on her heel and strode across the room toward her children. He could do nothing but watch her go, knowing his mouth was hanging open like a goldfish.

Kissing Eddie was…it had been a stupid impulse decision, like many, many more he had made in his life. And sure, it was a nice kiss, a good one, one that made his entire body tingle in a way that he hadn’t known it could do but—that was just the thrill of it. It was what you did in a fake relationship, right? To help sell the illusion. And with Christopher egging them on, he just…acted. Without thinking. As usual.

Shit.

Eddie regretted not just driving to the party and staying sober, even though he had enjoyed his well-earned, four-drinks buzz. Now though, there were tons of people congregated outside waiting for Ubers and he itched to just be back home, curled up in his sweats and henley and—Jesus. He really was turning into an old man.

He watched as Chris chatted animatedly to Buck as they meandered up the driveway, his best friend beaming down at him and nodding along, clearly taking in everything he was saying. When they reached the Alvarez car, Buck leaned down to give him a tight hug, a warm smile on his face. Just as he was about to pull away, Chris tugged him back in and whispered something in his ear. Buck’s face slackened slightly before he patted his back and said loud enough that Eddie could hear, “Love you too, Superman. Have fun.”

With that, Chris waited until Buck stepped away before he turned and waved Eddie over, starting to get into the car.

“Dad?” he piped up just as Eddie was depositing his backpack on the floor at his feet.

“Hm?”

Something flickered in Chris’ eyes as he carefully chose his words.

“Just so you know, even though I was teasing you earlier, I wouldn’t mind if you did like boys. And…and maybe dated someone. ”

He knows.

His kid had always been wiser than his years.

Underneath the initial jolt of fear, something deeply fond and hopeful rose in Eddie’s chest as he swallowed down the sudden well of conflicted emotions, a stinging behind his eyes at the earnest look on Chris’ face.

“Thanks, mijo. That—means a lot. We'll talk more later, okay? I love you so much,” he mumbled into his hair as he pulled him into a tight hug, letting it say everything that he couldn’t say out loud and trying not to read too much into who that someone could be.

“I love you too, Dad. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

Eddie reached down one last time to make sure everything was secure and noticed the remnants of something sticking out of the pocket of Chris’ jacket.

“Hey bud, why is there a broken twig in your—”

“Okay kiddos, we ready to go?”

Kat, Darcy, Rosa, and Mateo all began climbing into the car, Christopher steadily engulfed in chatter and effectively cutting Eddie off. Accepting his fate, he gave one last smile and thanks to the parents and closed the car door, walking back to stand beside Buck. They both watched the car drive away until they couldn’t see the lights in the distance anymore.

“What did Chris say to you?” Eddie asked quietly as Buck ordered an Uber from his phone.

“He asked me to stay over,” he chuckled, face awash with the glow of his cell. “Keep an eye on you tonight and be there when he comes back home tomorrow. I think he just wants my chocolate chip pancakes, but I didn’t have the heart to turn him down.”

Buck also hadn’t asked Eddie’s permission. But he knew he didn’t need to. Would never need to.

It was as their Uber pulled up to the curb a few minutes later, that the words Carla had said what felt like decades ago, began echoing in Eddie’s head.

Be sure you’re following your heart.

He climbed into the backseat, right after his best friend.

They drove home in comfortable silence.

“Your couch is calling to me,” Buck groaned as they plodded through the front door, Eddie turning on the lights and taking off his coat.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Buck, coat and all, sink down onto the couch in question, his large body crumpling like paper under his tiredness. Shaking his head with amusement, he toed off his shoes and followed, sitting down next to him, their thighs almost touching.

“What a night, huh?” Buck asked, tipping his head back against the cushions and letting his eyes fall closed.

“It wasn’t how I imagined my first kiss with a guy going, that’s for sure.”

Buck’s eyes snapped open wide, gaping at him.

“I was your fir—wait, you imagined kissing a guy?”

Oops. Four-drink-Eddie strikes again.

It was funny, in a way. In the few instances where he let himself think about it, he had always thought he’d feel fear at accidentally outing himself to his best friend. And he had thought, lying in the dark at night, that if he ever did pluck up the courage to do it on purpose, he’d feel sick with worry and anxiety, and that his hands would shake under the pressure.

But his heads were steady.

And yeah, there was a tiny amount of fear and anxiety trickling down his spine, but it was far outweighed by a sense of relief. Buck knows. My best friend knows. Even if he doesn’t know everything, that’s something. Buck isn’t going anywhere.

“Uh…okay. Guess I’m doing this,” he pivoted on the couch, their knees pressing together as their gazes met.

He took a breath.

“I-I’m…not straight. I started to figure it out a while back and haven’t told anyone but Frank. And now you, I guess.”

Buck blinked. Slowly, then more rapidly as it sank in.

“Wow. Thanks for telling me,” he murmured eventually before wincing. “Sorry. That’s probably not the best response to—”

“No, you’re fine,” he cut him off. “Honestly, it feels good to say it out loud outside of my therapist’s office. And…you’re my best friend, Buck. I trust you more than anyone in the world.”

A soft expression spread across Buck’s face.

“I trust you too, Eds. With everything. Come here, I’m so proud of you!”

He had a lapful of 6’2”, 160lbs Evan Buckley before he could take another breath. Strong, toned arms wrapped around him, enveloping him inside Buck’s open coat, his warmth encasing him.

“I’m here for you, Eddie,” Buck’s breath bounced off his neck. “And I know I already said it, but I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so far in—in the last couple of years since…”

“...the shooting,” Eddie finished. “Yeah. And listen, I—I know we still haven’t properly talked about what happened that day but…we will, okay? We have to. Soon. I promise.”

He felt rather than saw Buck nod from where his face was buried in his neck.

A quiet beat passed between them as Eddie allowed himself this. This one moment to bask in his friend’s comforting hug.

Then, Buck leaned back. But didn’t go far. A sheepish expression on his face.

“And not…not to take away from your moment or anything, I promise I don’t mean to, but I’m just now realising I’ve never actually told you that…I’ve…fooled around with some guys in my time.”

Eddie felt his eyebrows shoot up his forehead but knew he wasn’t half as surprised as Buck probably thought he should be.

“During your Buck 1.0 era?” he asked tentatively.

“Uh, yeah. And—” Buck rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks reddening. “When I was younger too. My second kiss ever was with a guy called Scott McAvoy when I was 16.”

“Wow. Thanks for telling me,” Eddie echoed cheekily before nudging their shoulders together.

They shared a laugh.

And that was that. Buck knew. He knew half of his deepest secret.

Eddie felt him tense where their knees were still pressed together. Something cold trickled down his back.

“...Buck?”

“Huh?” his head shot up. “Sorry, uh…I just found this in my pocket.”

Eddie blinked as he revealed a sprig of mistletoe cradled in his palm. His heart did a somersault as the ghost of Buck’s lips lingered on his mouth.

“I uh,” Buck cleared his throat. “I think Darcy sneaked it into my coat pocket when she was helping me with my sleeve.”

Something clanged in the back of Eddie’s mind.

“Uh, actually. I think it might have been Chris.”

The clock on his mantel had never ticked so loudly.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

“Chris? How did he—the hug, he hugged me and—”

“Reverse pick-pocketed you, apparently,” Eddie chuckled, only slightly worried about his child’s admittedly impressive sleight-of-hand.

Buck shared his laugh for a second before a deep line formed between his eyebrows.

“I am sorry for springing that kiss on you, though. I know we didn’t really go over it beforehand and I think with Chris practically daring us, I just—got carried away and I didn’t think—I never think and—”

“Buck. It’s good. You’re fine. It was…nice.”

Another beat.

Two.

A slow smile spread across his face. Something between smug and coy.

“Nice, huh?”

He held up the mistletoe over their heads, mischief in his eyes. Before Eddie could react, he darted forward and smacked a wet, exaggerated kiss right on his cheek, complete with a ‘mwah’ sound and everything.

Eddie feigned annoyance, making grumbles of faux disgust and reaching up to push him off but instead kept his hand firmly pressed against his chest, feeling his heartbeat under his fingers.

“Your breath stinks,” he lied, knowing he was blushing too furiously to be taken at his word.

“Hey, you had those mushrooms too,” Buck retorted. “You and Chris looked like chipmunks who had stuffed them into your cheeks for the winter. Darcy got a picture and everything. Kat and Rosa laughed for a solid minute.”

He stared down at the sprig still in his hands, falling oddly silent.

Eddie counted the beats of his heart as waited for him to continue.

Duh dum.

Duh dum.

Duh dum.

“...Buck? You okay?”

He jumped, startled, before flashing him a half-hearted grin.

“Sorry. I’m fine. It’s just…this time of year, you know? Kat and Darcy planning a second honeymoon, Chim and Maddie getting ready for their big move, Connor and Kameron being pregnant…it just has me thinking about the future, is all. I just…I want that, Eddie. A home with a family.” Who loves me, went unsaid but not unheard.

Eddie’s heart panged in his chest. He reached down and clasped his arm.

“Buck. I know it’s not the same but you know that you already have that, right? With Chris and me? There will always be a home for you here.”

He nodded, eyes still focused on the mistletoe.

“I do know that. And I can’t tell you how much you and Chris mean to me. But what…what happens when you meet someone? A girlfriend—or a boyfriend?”

“I won’t.”

That got his attention, his eyes finally meeting his.

“What? What do you mean you—”

“Doesn’t matter. You’re my best friend. You’re Christopher’s best friend. No hypothetical boyfriend or girlfriend will ever change or come between that, okay?”

The will, Buck. Remember the will.

Those bright blue eyes scanned his face for any sign of deception. They found none.

“Okay.”

He squeezed his arm.

“We have your back and you have ours. That’s a lifetime kinda deal.”

He tried and failed to ignore how much that sounded like a vow.

A real grin finally broke out on Buck’s face.

“Even if it means me crashing on your couch until we’re 90?”

“Hey, it’s a good couch.”

“It is. I like your couch.”

“I like you on my couch.”

“What?”

Eddie shook his head, trying and failing to shake away the fog of alcohol loosening his lips.

“Nothin’. Go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks again for tonight.”

With that, he stood, picking up the mistletoe from where it had fallen to the floor.

“Eds…” Buck half-whispered, halting him in his tracks. “I…I like being on your couch. You and Chris…you mean everything to me. You know that right?” his voice sounded strangled in the nearly silent room.

It was then that Eddie noticed, the way he was standing and holding the plant, it was practically hovering over Buck’s head.

“I—” Eddie swallowed the lump in his own throat. “You didn’t have to do any of that tonight. The fake relationship, the dancing, the kiss, but you did it anyway. And I appreciate all of it, so much. Everything you do every day. You had my back. Just like you always do. But even if you did nothing at all, just…by being here, with us, being you, you mean everything to us too. To me. We don’t just want you around because you’re helpful or useful. We want you here because we…we love you, Evan. And you will always have a home with us.”

Jesus. Therapy makin' you a motormouth, now?

He knew he was being too honest, and repeating himself, but dammit, Buck deserved to hear it. Probably needed to hear it. And most likely hadn’t heard it from many people outside of his sister before.

Buck caught his hand, giving a gentle squeeze, apparently not able to verbalize a response.

In one hand, Eddie held mistletoe. And in the other, he held Buck.

He could do it. He could give one tiny tug with his right hand and pull himself down into his best friend’s lap, brush his lips against his and press him back into the couch, the couch that Buck had made his own so long ago. He could prove just how much he belonged here, with him, with them, as a family. They could steal each other’s breath, bite and lick and writhe…

But he wouldn’t do it.

Couldn’t.

Right?

He certainly wouldn’t risk everything they had. It was too important to him. Just because he had come out, and Buck had admitted to having fooled around with guys—it didn’t mean that, right?

“Thank you. I love you both too,” Buck finally replied after what felt like five breathless minutes of staring at one another, his tone just shy of teasing.

Something flickered across his face that had Eddie intrigued. It was pensive. As if he were trying to figure something out, but before he could ask about it, Buck continued.

“And yeah, tonight was fun. You’re a good kisser, Diaz. Even if it ‘didn’t count.’”

The spell broke.

Eddie laughed, wrenching his hand back and using it to shove him, forcing his feet away from the couch.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Buckley,” he called over his shoulder. “Go to sleep. We have pancakes to make in the morning.”

He was almost to his bedroom door when he heard his best friend pipe up again, a little more muffled this time, as if his face were buried in a pillow.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking, I’m pretty sure it’s not Izzy that Chris has a crush on.”

Eddie was at therapy with Frank today. He had joked that he planned on filling him in on all their antics at the Christmas party the other night, but the way he bit his bottom lip, made Buck sure that he wasn’t joking at all. He was probably going to do exactly that. The ruse, the interrogation from their friends. The kiss…

Buck knew he sure as hell hadn’t been able to stop thinking about any of it. The kiss, the dancing, and later, on Eddie’s couch…as he looked up at his best friend, the moon basking him in a soft glow, something bright in his eyes as he looked right back at him, sparking a treacherous flicker of hope within him.

A hope that one day, maybe Buck wouldn’t just be coming home for Chris. Or for Christmas. He would be coming home for Eddie. And for himself too. Because it was so obvious to see, now. He already had a couch, a home, a son, a family—with his best friend. His partner. Partners that had each other’s back, always had, and always would. And wasn’t that what Ravi had said about love? I mean, isn’t that what we all want in a partner? Knowing that they have your back?

Oh. It’s him. It’s Eddie.

He had been so stupid. It had been right in front of him, all this time. And he just hadn’t realised what it meant. But now, he had perfect clarity. He knew exactly why it had been so easy to play pretend, how effortless it had been to slip into the role of Eddie’s more-than-just-work partner. How nothing had to change in their behaviour to be believable. Now, he could look back on all those other times they had been mistaken for a family, and those moments where he had inexplicably found his eyes drawn to his best friend’s jaw, catching on his lips, drinking in how good he always looked and could finally admit how nice all of it felt—resting his hand on his back, on his shoulders, dancing with him, his lips on the edge of his mouth…

“Buck?”

His head snapped up, meeting Dr. Copeland’s gaze.

“You got lost in thought for a moment,” she smiled calmingly, leaning forward in her chair. “Want to talk about what’s on your mind?”

He heaved a deep, shaky breath.

“I think I’m in love with Eddie."