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The worn leather of Rodolfo’s jacket keeps him grounded as he runs his fingers along the edges of the sleeves. Around him, the bar is filled with people laughing and talking loudly over the upbeat music that is pouring from the speakers. Rodolfo isn’t one to seek out noisy bars like this, but usually he doesn’t mind the noise that much. Tonight, though, it’s different. Every high pitched cackle, and stomp of boots on the dance floor, feels like a physical assault on his ears.
When Alejandro had first suggested they go to the bar that night, Rodolfo had readily agreed. They had just gotten back that morning from a week-long mission that had left them with more questions about the cartel than before. Alejandro was more on edge than the rest of them; Rodolfo knew it had to do with Valeria, even if Alejandro didn’t say so out loud.
It wasn’t something Alejandro liked to talk about, Rodolfo knew that, and he respected his friend’s boundaries. But Rodolfo had been there when Valeria betrayed them all a year ago, when she disappeared into thin air. He saw the way Alejandro had fallen apart, and had been there to help hold him together. Alejandro had talked then, in the anger and despair he told Rodolfo about his pain, about how he would not give up looking for her. Alejandro never said why exactly he wanted to find her, but Rodolfo was able to figure it out on his own.
Alejandro’s relationship with Valeria had always been a whirlwind from the very beginning, a tropical storm that could only end in destruction. But that’s not to say that Alejandro didn’t love Valeria, and though it pained Rodolfo to say it, he knew that Alejandro had truly loved her at one point, no matter how toxic and poisonous that love was—even Rodolfo had made a place in his heart for her as a sister at one point. They had all trusted one another, a deeply rooted friendship between the three of them. Roots that removed chunks of Rodolfo and Alejandro’s hearts when they were forced out. So it made sense that Alejandro would want to find her, like a drug addict needed to find the last of their supply. Alejandro just needed to know where she was. He needed closure.
With every mission for the past year, Alejandro’s side mission was to find clues of her whereabouts. Again, it was never spoken about, but Rodolfo knows Alejandro as well as he knows himself, so he knew what Alejandro was doing. And that’s why this last mission had gone terribly. Whatever information Alejandro had been chasing must have been a dead end if the broken chair scattered on the floor of Alejandro’s office was to say something about it. Rodolfo had heard the crash and roar of anger from down the hall and went running to the office.
When Rodolfo had thrown open the door, Alejandro was standing behind his desk, his palms placed firmly on the edge as he panted, his anger simmering down slowly, but surely. The old wooden chair, that always sat against the wall at the edge of the room, was now in pieces on the floor in front of the desk. Rodolfo didn’t say anything as he had made his way over to Alejandro, then gently covered Alejandro’s hand with his own, finally speaking softly in Spanish to him. Alejandro didn’t say anything in response to Rodolfo’s quiet prodding and questions, just shaking and nodding his head when needed. They had left the room then, leaving the chair to be dealt with at a later time, the door clicking locked behind Rodolfo.
That’s when Alejandro had asked Rodolfo to go to the bar with him. While Rodolfo wasn’t fond of Alejandro coping with copious amounts of alcohol, he knew there could be worse things for Alejandro to do at that moment. And at least he wouldn’t be alone, that’s what mattered most to Rodolfo. If he could help it, Rodolfo would never let Alejandro feel alone again.
Even if that meant letting Alejandro get them into their current situation, which left Rodolfo alone.
At the other end of the bar is where Alejandro is talking with a woman. He has her backed up against the bartop, but not in a way that she would feel threatened. It’s clear to Rodolfo that she’s enjoying the attention Alejandro is giving her, the way her cheeks flush in the dim lighting and the way her body’s center of gravity leans towards him tells Rodolfo everything he needs to know. He knows what it feels like to be in her shoes, to be on the receiving end of Alejandro’s focus—maybe not in the exact way his heart desires, but he still knows the undeniable pull you feel when Alejandro’s deep eyes center in on you.
Alejandro’s loud laugh travels across the room and Rodolfo grabs his neglected glass, quickly finishing off the rest of the tequila that was in it. It’s a known fact that Alejandro flirts with just about everyone, he’s been like that since he and Rodolfo were teenagers, but lately his behavior has shifted. Before it was something that was just part of who Alejandro was, part of the way he talked and interacted with the world. It was how he connected with people, how he made them smile and laugh. But ever since Valeria, it’s different; forced. Rodolfo recognizes it for what it is—a shield. A way for Alejandro to protect himself from having his heart shattered again.
If Alejandro can flirt his way into the pants of any person he wants, then flirt his way out of their bed in the morning without leaving even a phone number, then he’s safe. If no one can get to Alejandro’s heart, if no one can see just how deeply he cares for and loves those who get close to him, then he won’t be left alone again. Rodolfo knows that this is the case, that this is why Alejandro has one hand gently resting on the woman’s forearm right now. But tonight is Rodolfo’s breaking point.
Because Alejandro isn’t alone, he never has been, because Rodolfo has always been right here.
And Rodolfo wants to tell Alejandro everything for as it is, just how much he loves Alejandro, how he wants their relationship to grow deeper, he’s wanted to for years. But when they were younger he was scared and uncertain, afraid of rejection if he told Alejandro of his romantic feelings. Then there was Valeria, and now Alejandro is working on becoming himself again. Rodolfo is not an idiot, he knows that to spring something like that on Alejandro would do neither of them any good at this point in time. At least, that’s what Rodolfo has told himself for the past year.
Now something has finally tilted too far in Rodolfo and all of his restraint has come crashing down. He’s always put Alejandro first before himself, always been the one to help Alejandro back on his feet. That’s not to say Alejandro hasn’t been there for Rodolfo, because he has been. But for the past year Alejandro’s been distant, a shadow of his former self. Unable to fully be there for Rodolfo. And Rodolfo can’t help his basic selfish desire to want to be loved.
Rodolfo wants Alejandro to notice the pain in Rodolfo’s eyes when he sees Valeria’s favorite dessert is served in the mess hall. He wants Alejandro to come seek out Rodolfo when they have down time. He wants to be the only one who Alejandro looks at with such want and desire. He wants Alejandro’s whole heart in such a selfish gut wrenching way that it makes Rodolfo feel like he’s being torn from the inside out.
The woman leans closer to Alejandro, whispering something softly against his ear, and Rodolfo slams his glass onto the bar top with much more force than he meant to. He shoots the bartender an apologetic look, lifting his hand and mouthing, “Lo siento.”, then lays a few bills down next to the glass before walking away. As he heads to the door, needing fresh air so he can calm himself down enough to think rationally, his shoulder bumps into Alejandro’s shoulder when he passes him. A muttered apology leaves Rodolfo’s mouth before he can stop it, but he doesn’t let himself even look at Alejandro, he just keeps walking.
As soon as the door to the bar swings shut behind him, Rodolfo takes a deep breath of the chill November night’s air. As he lets it back out, some of the tension in his shoulders dissipates. Las Almas is Rodolfo’s home, and being outside, breathing in the scents of the city and the mountains, calms him down like nothing else truly can—except for Alejandro. The smells of Las Almas always remind Rodolfo of him, and when Alejandro is the source of his frustration it unfortunately tends to complicate things a little.
A few more seconds pass before the door behind Rodolfo goes flying open, causing Rodolfo to turn his head to look at the person exiting. Rodolfo inhales deeply when he sees Alejandro coming out of the bar with a fire behind his eyes. But then Rodolfo’s brows lift in confusion when he realizes the woman from the bar is not following behind Alejandro, and the fire in Alejandro’s eyes isn’t one of lust but one akin to anger.
Rodolfo tilts his head slightly in concern as he turns to fully face Alejandro, “¿Qué pasa?”
Getting right up in Rodolfo’s space, the toe of his boot scuffing against the toe of Rodolfo’s, Alejandro growls out, “I should be asking you that, hermano. You want to tell me what’s going on with you tonight?” Alejandro’s hand presses against the middle of Rodolfo’s chest as he talks, pushing him back a bit.
Rodolfo is aware that Alejandro knows Rodolfo just as well as Rodolfo knows Alejandro, but sometimes it’s easy for him to forget just how well Alejandro actually watches him back—notices him. Rodolfo wants to say what’s on his mind, but he knows that this isn’t the place to do so, so he takes a step back to put space between them, to stop fueling the fire still burning in Alejandro’s gaze.
“What about the woman? Are you not going home with her?” Rodolfo asks instead of answering Alejandro.
Alejandro huffs dismissively, “She wasn’t interested in me anymore when some pendejo bumped into me, causing my drink to splash all over her dress,” his look turns more accusatory.
An apologetic sound leaves Rodolfo, suddenly feeling guilty for the whole thing, “Lo siento, I did not mean to ruin your night-“
The fire dies a bit as Alejandro rolls his eyes then gives Rodolfo a look, the look he always gives Rodolfo when he feels like Rodolfo is being overly apologetic, “I wasn’t going to go home with her anyway. Especially not when you rushed past me looking like some dog had pissed all over your boots.”
Rodolfo looks down, giving himself a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking softly, “I see. Can we continue this conversation back at the base?… In private?”
When Rodolfo looks at Alejandro again the fire is completely dead, in its place is concern and Alejandro takes a step towards Rodolfo, his hand resting firmly on Rodolfo’s shoulder, “Of course. Unless you’re too drunk and you plan on taking a swing at me.”
Rodolfo can’t help the small laugh that escapes him at the hint of a smirk on Alejandro’s lips, “I had only one drink- and no, don’t even try to say I’m a lightweight. We know that is not true.”
Alejandro actually laughs then and he starts to lead Rodolfo back towards the base, his hand not leaving Rodolfo’s arm once. Rodolfo doesn’t question it, Alejandro has always been a hands on, tactile person. It’s like he needs to physically know that people are there. Rodolfo hasn’t ever been like that, he’s fine with touch, but he doesn’t need it. When it comes to Alejandro though, it’s different, because everything is different with Alejandro.
They continue on their way, their conversation goes on lightheartedly for a few more minutes before it slowly falls away into silence. It’s not necessarily an uncomfortable silence, but there’s a tension between them that Rodolfo can’t ignore. He knows where this is headed–he has no choice but to tell Alejandro the truth.
Because that’s truly what it is, isn’t it? What has truly tipped Rodolfo over the edge isn’t the woman Alejandro flirted with, no he is not one to be jealous of something he could easily have if he wants it. No, his tipping point wasn’t even the pain of being alone at the bar. It is simply that Rodolfo’s love can no longer be contained safely inside him. It isn’t in Rodolfo’s nature to hide away his love. He has always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve, to pour out his love and his care to all he knows. It’s as natural as breathing is for him, and restraining it any longer might kill him.
When Rodolfo wakes in the morning, it’s part of his daily routine to be at Alejandro’s office door with two cups of coffee and breakfast for them; but, like holding his breath till it burns, he doesn’t lean in and lay a soft kiss on Alejandro’s cheek. He helps Alejandro with extra paperwork without being asked, stands besides Alejandro while training recruits, sits with him in the mess hall during meals; but, like his lungs giving up from lack of air, he doesn’t reach over and lace his fingers with Alejandro’s fingers. Late at night when Rodolfo is woken from the cries coming from Alejandro’s quarters next to his, Rodolfo lets himself in with a spare key and doesn’t hesitate to wrap Alejandro up in his arms to comfort him; but, like his heart finally coming to a stop along side his lungs, he doesn’t whisper sweet words of love nor does he hold Alejandro in a way that a lover would.
So now, as they walk back to the base, Alejandro’s arm around Rodolfo, Alejandro’s tequila warmed breath on Rodolfo’s neck, Rodolfo is brought back to life. His heart and lungs come back at full force, leaving him gasping for air, the need to love Alejandro like he deserves makes Rodolfo physically trip as he steps through the base’s gate. Alejandro doesn’t let him fall, though, like always, and he quickly has Rodolfo upright, his arm tighter around Rodolfo than before. Rodolfo takes a deep breath, breathing in the chill Las Almas’ November air, breathing in Alejandro, breathing in life.
As Rodolfo blinks his eyes open, he looks directly into Alejandro’s. The dim glow of the lamps around them causes Alejandro’s eyes to light with a fire for the second time that night. But it’s not one of anger, nor lust, no, this time it is something more. It isn’t hard for Rodolfo to name this fire, he’s seen these flames a thousand times. Sometimes in his own eyes when he’s caught his reflection in a mirror after being with Alejandro. Though, Rodolfo now realizes, most of the time it’s Alejandro’s eyes that hold the flames of love when he looks at Rodolfo.
Fire is often seen as dangerous, deadly, something that takes life away; just like how many people see Alejandro. Rodolfo knows that fire can hurt, but that’s not all fire does. It brings warmth, light, energy, and if you look close enough, it brings life. Alejandro is the embodiment of fire, of burning energy that grows and grows, heating you from the inside out.
Rodolfo has always been one to talk things through, to vocalize plans and ideas, get it out in the open so everyone is on the same page. But he can’t do that when the love in him boils over too quickly for words and the fire in Alejandro consumes Rodolfo and breathes air into him, catching him ablaze as well. Alejandro leans in and captures Rodolfo’s lips in a soft kiss, the fire leaving them both and surrounding them till the whole world becomes ablaze.
Romance is not something Rodolfo has experienced often, only once outside of Alejandro, but he can’t help but love it nonetheless. He’s always been a reader and he has a bookshelf back at his home with one shelf exclusively filled with romance books and poetry books. As he kisses Alejandro now, he realizes that no words truly captivate this moment. It isn’t like the fireworks or sparks that are talked about, nor is it awkward and uncomfortable. It is not some grand beginning, no that happened a moment before the kiss, when Rodolfo came back to life in Alejandro’s embrace.
The kiss is being able to simply exist—the heartbeats that follow after the resurrection.
A second passes and they both pull away from the kiss, their soft breaths mingling in the space between them. Rodolfo locks eyes with Alejandro again as the fire around them dims, finding its home back in Alejandro’s eyes, and now also alight in Rodolfo’s veins. He takes a step closer to Alejandro, finding warmth in Alejandro’s arms.
Rodolfo is still looking into Alejandro's eyes as he asks, “Can we go to my room now?”
Alejandro’s eyes sparkle and he chuckles almost flirtatiously, “Taking a man into your bed after only one kiss, hermano? I would have never pictured you as the type.”
A fond laugh falls from Rodolfo’s lips as he starts to step back, his hand still on Alejandro’s bicep, “You are right, I am not that type of person. I just want to talk. ¿Está bien con ustedes?”
Rodolfo expects some hesitation from Alejandro, he knows that Alejandro prefers touch over words, but Alejandro just nods and follows after Rodolfo without even a pause, “Sí, I can do that, Rudy.”
The fire in Rodolfo’s veins ebbs and flows with those words and he gives Alejandro a soft smile in return. Nothing more is said between the two of them as Rodolfo walks them to his quarters. But Alejandro makes up for the lack of words with his hands and his body, keeping both hands on Rodolfo the whole time. Alejandro is like a cat, keeping himself pressed against Rodolfo, touching as much of him as he can while they walk, letting Rodolfo know what Alejandro isn’t saying out loud: “I want you,” “I am not going anywhere,” “Stay with me.”
Once they’re in Rodolfo’s room, Alejandro immediately shuts the door behind him, the lock clicking in place. Rodolfo barely has time to even register the fire in Alejandro’s eyes before Alejandro pulls Rodolfo into another kiss, one more searing than the first. Had he been expecting it, Rodolfo would have easily melted against Alejandro, but instead he stumbles and pulls back after a moment. His hand lays flat on Alejandro’s chest, setting a boundary between them, but he still keeps them close with their foreheads resting against each other.
“Espera, Alejandro,” Rodolfo speaks softly, “I need to talk-“
Alejandro pulls back with a nod, cutting Rodolfo off, both of his hands coming to rest on Rodolfo’s elbows, not moving away from him, “I know. I just couldn’t help myself. I tasted you once, and I am but a simple man. I need you.”
The fire burning between them is a deep warmth, filling Rodolfo with confidence.
“I need you too, mi amor. And that’s why I must say what’s on my mind,” As Rodolfo talks, Alejandro leads them over to the bed to sit down.
Once they’re seated, Alejandro’s hand moves to rest on Rodolfo’s knee as he leans in close to him, “Okay, what is it you need to say? If this is about the girl… Rudy, she isn’t anything, you know-“
Rodolfo huffs a small laugh, cutting Alejandro off, and shakes his head, “No, not that girl.”
Rodolfo watches as the words take Alejandro a moment to realize the implication of what he means, but when he does, Alejandro’s demeanor changes as it always does when they talk about Valeria. For the first time since leaving the bar, Alejandro looks away from Rodolfo, his jaw clenched and his back stiffened, but his hand stays on Rodolfo’s leg. Rodolfo waits for Alejandro to say something but when he doesn’t, Rodolfo covers Alejandro’s hand with his own.
“I know what you’ve been doing for the past year, Alejandro. I know you’re trying to find her.”
Alejandro huffs in the way he always does when he starts to get defensive, his tone becoming clipped, “Are you jealous, Rudy? Really? I’ve never known you as the jealous type before.”
Rodolfo doesn’t take the bait, “Don’t try to change the subject. You can’t keep hiding away and not dealing with what actually happened. It’s tearing you apart… It’s tearing me apart, too.”
That confession seems to catch Alejandro’s attention and he blinks over at Rodolfo, and it’s obvious to Rodolfo that he’s about to come up with some sort of weak excuse, “Ah, but Rodolfo-“
Rodolfo shakes his head as he squeezes Alejandro’s hand to silence him, “No. No more excuses, mi amor. You can’t continue like this, you can’t,” He brings his other hand up to cup the side of Alejandro’s face, “Talk to me about it. Let me listen.”
A sigh leaves Alejandro as he turns his head into Rodolfo’s touch, placing a small kiss against the palm of Rodolfo’s hand. They both stay like that for a while till Rodolfo runs his thumb across Alejandro’s cheek, pulling another sigh from him.
“I should have known that romance would not change you,” Alejandro says through a small laugh.
Rodolfo smiles in kind, “I know I don’t need to change for you, mi vida. Just let me show you the love I have for you. Talk to me, tell me what is on your heart and on your mind.”
There’s another pause then Alejandro nods slightly and starts to tell Rodolfo everything, bit by bit. The whole time Alejandro talks, Rodolfo listens intently. Rodolfo doesn’t stop to ask questions or offer any advice since he knows Alejandro wouldn’t want him to.
Alejandro begins with the days before Valeria’s betrayal, how something had been off. It hadn’t been something Alejandro had worried about, she always acted like that right before her and Alejandro would get into an argument. But when the dust from the mission had settled, and she wasn’t responding to the calls over the mic, Alejandro had immediately known that something was really wrong.
At first, Alejandro had just believed she was taken by the cartel, even though it didn’t make sense for the whole squad to just vanish into thin air. It wasn’t until Alejandro got back to the base, saw a small hand written note on his bed, that he actually knew she was working with the cartel. Alejandro had burned the note after shortly reading it, too hurt by the lies and depictions. But below it all he had just felt sad. And alone. Purposeless.
“... If I don’t find her, Rodolfo… I don’t know what I’ll do,” Alejandro whispers his last confession hoarsely as he turns away from Rodolfo, “I just need to see her again, see her one more time. I think then I’ll finally be free.”
Rodolfo is, unfortunately, not surprised. Nothing that Alejandro told him surprises him or is necessarily new information. But this isn’t about Rodolfo finding out things that Alejandro wasn’t telling him, it’s about Alejandro finally letting himself free from the bondages he has put on himself. It’s about Alejandro finally putting down the bag of burdens he has unnecessarily forced himself to carry for the past year. It’s about Rodolfo coming alongside him to unpack that bag.
Rodolfo gives a moment for all that has been said to set in before he responds, “I can help you do that, Alejandro.”
Alejandro huffs and gives Rodolfo a side-eyed glance, “It’s my burden to carry, querido, I can fix this by myself.”
Rodolfo bites his lip, knowing that what he will say will upset Alejandro, but also knowing that he needs to say it, “But you haven’t fixed it, and I don’t think you will be able to on your own.”
Just like he had guessed, Alejandro turns to face Rodolfo again, anger flashing in his eyes, “I am not some doncella that you need to come save like a knight in shining armor, Rudy. I can take care of myself.”
“I know that,” Rodolfo grabs Alejandro’s hand in his, “I do. I am not saying you are weak, Alejandro, because you are far from weak. It is not a weakness to need help or to ask for it. Let me help. Porfa.”
Alejandro snarls and looks away, his cheeks turning a dusty pink in the moonlight, “I don’t need you.”
Rodolfo feels the flame in him instantly die at those words. He knows deep down that Alejandro had meant that in the context of needing help, but it digs claws into Rodolfo’s heart, instantly leaving scars. Before Alejandro might even have a moment to notice what he said, Rodolfo lets go of Alejandro’s hand, moving away from him.
“Ya entiendo, Alejandro,” Rodolfo whispers harshly, his jaw clenching as he blinks back the tears threatening to form.
The sound of Alejandro inhaling sharply behind Rodolfo just makes a shudder run down his spine and he doesn’t turn around to look at Alejandro. Even when Alejandro touches Rodolfo’s shoulder, Rodolfo doesn't budge.
“Lo siento, no me refería a eso, Rudy,” Alejandro sounds broken, desperate even.
Rudolfo squeezes his eyes tightly shut as he shakes his head, “Maybe not, but it is what you said.”
Bitter frustration grows in Rodolfo and he turns to look at Alejandro again. He comes face to face with Alejandro and Rodolfo sees the shock and pain shining in Alejandro’s wide eyes, a look he doesn't see often. But for once he doesn't reach out to comfort Alejandro, instead it breaks him open.
“Te amo, Alejandro,” Rodolfo watches as Alejandro’s eyes fill with even more pain, “I love you so deeply, with everything I have. You are my life, and I will do anything for you, anything at all. But I can’t keep watching you dig yourself an early grave as you ignore everyone around you… As you ignore me. I can’t love you like that, I’m just too selfish.”
Rodolfo turns away again, his eyes closing as a tear slips down his cheek, “I am made to love, Alejandro–I am made to love you; I will continue to do so till I die, con mucho gusto. But… I’m afraid you’re dragging me with you to that early grave. I know that we say, “Lo único que puede matar a Alejandro, es Alejandro.”… But I will not let you kill yourself, Alejandro. If you would just let me help you-,” Rodolfo cuts himself off as more tears start to fall, a small sob escapes him, his hands coming up to cover his eyes.
There’s a shuffling sound then the weight from Alejandro on the bed disappears, and Rodolfo’s heart aches. But Rodolfo doesn’t open his eyes till he feels Alejandro’s hand on his knee. His eyes snap open in surprise at the contact and he blinks down at his feet where Alejandro is now kneeling. Tears are mirrored in Alejandro’s eyes, a few slipping down his own cheeks as well.
The moon shines through the window behind Alejandro, basking him in a cool blue light, a blurred halo shines behind Alejandro’s head. It’s ethereal and breathtaking in the most heartbreaking way, seeing Alejandro in this light.
Because Alejandro is the sun. The burning star that gives life to all on Earth. He’s a leader, a go-getter, a man to know what he wants and get it. None of this means he is perfect, not by any means, but many see him as this untouchable, undying hero. Sometimes even Rodolfo forgets that Alejandro is mortal, human, until he gets these glimpses of Alejandro’s soul. Alejandro is just like him, a man. A broken man who hurts and loves just like Rodolfo.
“Oh, Rodolfo,” Alejandro’s voice sounds as broken as his eyes show, “I had not meant to hurt you like this, if I had known the pain I was causing you…”
Alejandro shakes his head, before Rodolfo can respond, then bows it, “You are right, Rodolfo, you always are. I have been selfish in my pain. I was so focused on what Valeria had done to me that I didn’t think about what it was doing to everyone around me,” Rodolfo watches as Alejandro’s shoulders start to shake, his voice completely breaking as he cries, “I lost sight of what is important to me. I lost sight of you. I have not acted like it but you are the most important thing in my life. Tú eres mi vida.”
Rodolfo swallows back the need to start crying again as Alejandro shifts to place his hands, clasped together in a prayer, on the bed in between Rodolfo’s legs.
“Give me a chance to prove myself to you, Rodolfo, porfa, te ruego. I do not deserve it, I know that, but I want to love you right. I want to love you like how you love me. So please forgive me, Rudy. Te ruego me perdonas.”
Rodolfo cups Alejandro’s face in his shaky hands, his right hand on the side of Alejandro’s face, his left on Alejandro’s chin so Alejandro can’t look down or away. A tear trails down Rodolfo’s cheek as he watches Alejandro silently cry.
“I forgive you, Alejandro,” The words leave Rodolfo like a breath, “I forgave you before you even asked me because how could I hold any of this against you? I don’t expect you to be a perfect man; no one can be. I don’t need anything more than for you to love me. Love me in the way you love, that’s all I ask. It’s selfish of me to ask so much—“
Alejandro quickly shakes his head, “It isn’t too much, mi vida. Dios mío, I can’t help but love you, too. And I will show you it everyday till my last. You will never have to ask again for me to love you. Te lo juro.”
Rodolfo leans down and places a small kiss to Alejandro’s head, “I trust your word, Alejandro.”
It surprises Rodolfo when Alejandro starts to cry audibly, so he pulls back to look down at him. Alejandro moves as he rests his forehead on the bed between Rodolfo’s legs, eyes downcast, his hands gripping Rodolfo’s hips. Empathy rolls through Rodolfo in waves but he stays quiet, wanting to hear what Alejandro has to say.
“I am not worthy of you and your love, Rudy. It is far greater than anything I deserve,” Alejandro mutters under his crying.
Rodolfo shakes his head as he runs his fingers through Alejandro’s hair, “No, that isn’t true… I’m not an expert but I don’t believe love is about whether or not you deserve it, love isn’t something you earn.”
Rodolfo pauses for a moment then stands up, causing Alejandro to look up at Rodolfo with his brow furrowed. Leading Alejandro back a bit, Rodolfo makes room between Alejandro and the bed so he can kneel in front of Alejandro. Once on his knees, Rodolfo cups Alejandro’s face in both his hands, wiping the tears with his thumbs.
“Alejandro, mi querido, te quiero mucho. And I know that you love me as well, you have made that clear,” Rodolfo rubs his thumb gently under Alejandro’s eye, “You are so tired, mi amor, you’ve been through a lot today. Let’s go to bed and finish this conversation in the morning, si?”
When Alejandro opens his mouth, in what will likely be a protest, Rodolfo shakes his head, shushing him, “Shhh, tomorrow, Alejandro. I promise you can cry and beg all you want tomorrow,” Rodolfo smirks slightly.
Alejandro laughs softly and finally relents, nodding with a hum, “Tomorrow, then.”
Rodolfo stands up helping Alejandro to his feet. Rodolfo looks at Alejandro, the both of them going quiet, taking each other in. Alejandro seems almost hesitant as he takes a small step closer to Rodolfo, but Rodolfo just pulls him close, holding him tightly in his arms. Their foreheads press together and Rodolfo sighs contentedly.
“May I kiss you again, Rodolfo?” Alejandro mutters, and Rodolfo feels his hands shift where they’re resting on Rodolfo’s hips.
Without saying anything in response, Rodolfo just nods minutely then leans in to kiss Alejandro. The kiss is soft, comforting them both, bringing them closer in the way they both need. It calms Rodolfo in a way he never thought he could be, like breathing in the Las Almas air. It is easily his new favorite way to breathe. Rodolfo reluctantly pulls back a minute later, but runs his fingers through Alejandro’s hair as he does, keeping him close.
Before Rodolfo can say anything, Alejandro, sounding nervous, whispers quickly, “Will you stay with me tonight, Rudy? I… I don’t want to be alone.”
With a quick kiss to Alejandro’s mouth, and a small nod, Rodolfo whispers back, “Sí, claro, Alejandro. I will never let you sleep alone again, if I can help it.”
Alejandro hums as he looks over Rodolfo’s face, “Even with the small beds?”
Rodolfo pulls away completely from Alejandro, moving to his closet to grab clothes to sleep in, “Sí, even with the small beds. I know we can’t share sleeping quarters here on the base, but I don’t think I would be able to stay even a night away from you now that I have you.”
As Rodolfo grabs a simple t-shirt from a hanger, he feels Alejandro come up behind him, then wrap his arms around Rodolfo’s waist. Rodolfo immediately relaxes into Alejandro’s arms, leaning into the touch as Alejandro rests his chin on Rodolfo’s shoulder.
“I wouldn’t let you. I have been craving your touch for so long, Rudy,” Alejandro moves his hands down to Rodolfo’s hips, holding him gently, as he places a small kiss to Rodolfo’s neck, “I’d sleep on the floor with you if I had to.”
Laughing softly, Rodolfo turns around, clothes in hand, “Thankfully we have a perfectly good bed in your room right next to us so we don’t have to sleep on the floor.”
Alejandro shakes his head, a serious look appearing on his face, “We have a perfectly good bed in here.”
Rodolfo’s brow furrows slightly and he studies Alejandro because he had thought Alejandro would want to go to his own room to change clothes and to sleep in, “I’ve been in your room before, many times, Alejandro—“
Alejandro’s jaw clenches, causing Rodolfo to cut himself off, then after a moment Alejandro sighs and looks down, “I like it better in here.”
Knowing that now isn’t the time, Rodolfo adds that to his mental list of things to ask Alejandro about tomorrow. So instead of pushing for an answer Rodolfo just nods and kisses Alejandro’s forehead.
“Alright. But I don’t think you’ll fit in my clothes anymore like you did when we were teenagers.”
A grin is on Alejandro’s face when he looks up at Rodolfo again, and he chuckles, “It isn’t my fault you stopped growing before I did,” He pats Rodolfo a few times on the shoulder, “I will be fine with what I got.”
Alejandro’s grin starts to grow almost wolf-like, and Rodolfo knows what he’s going to say before he even does, solely based on the way Alejandro’s eyes rake up and down Rodolfo’s body, “It’s too hot to sleep in clothes anyway.”
Rodolfo just rolls his eyes, pushing Alejandro’s face out of the way as the other man starts laughing, then walks over to his bed, “Maybe for you, pendejo, but other people, like me, don’t burn like a fire all the time. I’ll be too cold-“
Before Rodolfo can finish his sentence, Alejandro spins Rodolfo around and presses a kiss to his mouth, talking against Rodolfo lips when he speaks, “Puedo mantenerte caliente.”
Rodolfo rolls his eyes again at Alejandro’s tired flirting, “You are so tired you are about to fall over, mi amor.”
“No, I could go all night, Rudy,” Alejandro quickly stands up straight as he talks to try and prove his point, but he immediately starts to sway a little.
Guiding Alejandro to sit on the bed, Rodolfo shakes his head and starts undoing the buttons of Alejandro’s shirt, “I’m sure you could. But as of right now, we sleep.”
Alejandro opens his mouth, but then closes it when he must notice the unwavering look in Rodolfo’s eyes, “Alright, fine, we can go to sleep. But only if this means I get to have you in my arms sooner than later.”
Rodolfo steps back to let Alejandro finish undressing himself and moves to the side to change into his sweatpants and t-shirt, replying, “It does.”
Nothing more is said between the two of them as they change, which tells Rodolfo just how tired Alejandro is. Once he’s finally dressed, Rodolfo looks over at Alejandro and is surprised to find him already undressed, only clad in his boxer briefs, and half under the sheets, yawning and blinking sluggishly. Rodolfo’s heart warms at the sight and he slips under the covers with Alejandro.
The bed can barely fit a grown man, let alone two, but Alejandro doesn’t let that stop them as he pulls Rodolfo practically on top of him. Alejandro sleepily manhandles Rodolfo, moving him so Rodolfo’s head rests on Alejandro’s chest, their legs tangled together. It takes Rodoflo a second to get comfortable, not having much experience sharing a bed before, but he eventually relaxes into Alejandro’s arms. Warmth quickly envelopes Rodolfo, heat practically radiating from Alejandro’s bare skin.
“Comfortable, yes?” Alejandro mutters, the words rumbling out of him; Rodolfo likes how they sound with his ear pressed to Alejandro’s heart.
“Sí, muchísimo,” Rodolfo whispers back, breathing out the words in a comfortable sigh.
Rodolfo feels Alejandro press a small kiss to the top of Rodolfo’s head, mumbles a goodnight, then lays back down. Within moments Alejandro’s soft snores fill the room, and Rodolfo smiles to himself. There’s so much Rodolfo wants to say to Alejandro in this moment, but he decides to wait until Alejandro can actually hear what he has to say.
As he starts to drift off to sleep himself, Rodolfo can’t help but think about how easily they have fallen into this. It makes perfect sense, really. It’s always been like this with them since the beginning. Where one steps, the other is right behind, following his lead. Their lives are intertwined, whether by fate or of their own demise, who knows. All Rodolfo cares about is that they have each other now, in every way they should. It isn’t going to be easy, but that’s how their love has always been; just like how it is to live.
As the last moments of consciousness slip from him, Rodolfo listens to the sound of Alejandro’s heartbeat, a long-awaited lullaby in his ear.