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let's shorten our life sentences <3

Summary:

Some funny Dazai and Fyodor interactions while they are in Meursault.
Because there's no way Dazai and Fyodor are next to each other in jail and they don't drive each other crazy.

All from the POV of the poor gaurds.

[This includes]

Fyodor being tormented by Dazai
Dazai annoying Fyodor
Fyodor telling Dazai facts about the bible despite Dazai not wanting to know
Chess but without the actual board or chess pieces
Nonsense
Tomfoolery
Dazai catcalling Fyodor
Fyodor being unimpressed
Dazai wanting to kill himself
Fyodor wanting to kill Dazai

Chapter 1: A change of scenery

Summary:

Dazai freaks out the guard by holding a staring contest with him

Chapter Text

They haven't spoken to each other at all since Dazai's arrival. They refuse to even look at each other and I guess that's good. I don't want to have to watch them yell at each other for five hours straight. I say that from experience.

 


It's been six hours and my shift was just about to end when Dazai finally spoke.

"well, this is a nice change of scenery," Dazai says while looking around his cell. He scans the glass walls and pats his pillow a few times.

 

"It's a prison." Fyodor deadpans and they don't speak for the rest of my shift.

 


It's 2 a.m. in the morning why is Dazai still awake?

More importantly, why is he just standing there staring at Fyodor? Why is this the first thing I see at the beginning of my night shift?

It's my job to watch them but It's seriously scary how still Dazai is. I can't even tell if he's breathing or not and I'm supposed to be able to know. I know it's going to be one long night so I grab my bag of chips and start watching.

And eating...

And watching and eating and munching and staring at my computer screen until Dazai looks directly at the camera with an unreadable expression. It doesn't scare me though. Sometimes prisoners find some of the cameras and start talking to them. It's natural. they slowly lose their minds in prison and they try to make bargains with guards. He continues to stare at me and I stare back because there's not really much to do. I'm not bothered all that much by him until I blink and he says, with a straight face, eyes not blinking. "You lost the staring contest."

I promptly choke on my chips and Dazai laughs. But his small giggle quickly turns into hysterical laughter and it gets so loud that it wakes up his neighbor. Fyodor reaches for a book that is on his bedside table and he throws it at the glass. There's a soft thump when the book hits the glass then it falls to the ground. 

Dazai stops laughing and gets into bed. It's safe to say that I'm maybe a little bit unsettled by them. The rest of my shift is uneventful but I'm so bothered by what Dazai did that I can't even continue eating my potato chips anymore.