Chapter Text
…
Why is it so hard to breathe?
It feels as though there’s a cat sitting on his chest. Or an approximation of one. He wouldn’t know- he doesn’t own a cat. One of the many things he was allergic to.
Wait.
“Hrrrrrgggn…” Shen Yuan states intelligently as he begins to move, determined to investigate the state of his discomfort without disturbing his very comfortable cocoon of blankets and pillows. He flinches as something twitches on the soft sheets beside him, panic beginning to rise in his mind as he registers that he can /feel/ it as it twitches too. He suddenly becomes acutely aware of his brand new limbs.
Shen Yuan’s eyes snap open with a totally manly and dignified cry that he will not be open to accepting any contrary opinions concerning how it sounded as he quickly devolves into a thrashing burrito of silk robes and sheets.
Once he registers the need to calm himself, he lists things he can see, feel, hear, smell, and taste. Through this earnest attempt to stop himself from having a full blown panic attack, Shen Yuan becomes very aware of certain…. Additions to his body.
Namely the two flesh tone melons grafted to his chest and the long, multi-jointed sharp things that are raised in defensive positions. The… things are curled around his body, hovering dangerously close to soft and supple skin that is very much not reminiscent of the deceased skincare routine belonging to a shut-in critique of crappy porn.
In response to this new and horrible information he inhales and prepares to scream before catching himself. Screaming could draw attention to himself (herself? This wasn’t how he imagined his first time with a woman. He wasn’t supposed to be the woman-) and that’s the last thing he needs right now.
So, face starting to turn purple because he forgot to breathe, he groans out and finally words the best summary of what’s going on in his mind right now.
“What the fuuuuuuck…”
[Answering Host!]
[You have had a successful transmigration int-]
“Transmigration- what- DID I DIE- WHAT THE FUCK- WHY ARE THESE MELONS ON MY CHEST”
He feels no shame in interrupting the floaty blue box that was most definitely part of this insane fever dream that the hospital drugs had undoubtedly thrust him in.
[Answering Host AS THOUGH HOST HADN’T RUDELY INTERRUPTED THIS SYSTEM]
[Yes! You have died. Host has consumed 1 B-Grade expired yogurt product and died pathetically ranting on a porn based web novel! Activation code: “Stupid Author Stupid Novel” was stated, unlocking personal user quest “You Can You Up, No Can No BB!” in realm code: PIDW. Assigned Role: Shi Baishao!]
“No can no BB… What do you mean I was being hypocritical- PIDW is a DUMPSTER FIRE???” Shen Yuan whisper screams, panicking in place, and accidentally shredding some of the fabric that he’s ensnared in with a long black shiny thing that he can still feel-
[And that is why Host is here! Host is tasked to change this [“DUMPSTER FIRE”] into a literary classic!]
“WHAT-”
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After that entire fiasco in the bedroom, Shen Yuan is tired, which is funny because he was literally sleeping like the dead just an hour prior. He studies his surroundings as much as he can, pointedly not looking at his chest after tucking away the four sleek black arachnid legs that were simply… sticking out of his back??? They were sharp. Really. Fucking. Sharp. He hopes the faster healing boasted of by demons throughout this trainwreck novel was real because his poor hands looked like they got into a fight with a book and lost. The inner edge of the tarsus segments were silvery white, razor thin, and filed into deadly points that any demon woman would’ve considered a part of their daily mani-pedi.
Shen Yuan’s been miraculously left in peace, not a servant in sight, as he picks his system methodically for as much free worldbuilding info as he can and is notified the stakes of playing his role correctly (“BUT I'M PROBABLY ROTTING AT THIS POINT!!! QAQ). He now knows he’s in one of the many thousands of discarded wives of Luo Binghe, he’s a Spider Demon with the standard triple Z cup boobs somehow attached to his chest, and he’s currently recovering from a failed pregnancy (no doubt caused by one of the other wives in this stupidly large harem). Apparently Shi Baishao (named with the ingenuity of Airplane, unrivaled by all) had died of a broken heart, mourning the loss of her unborn child as her health steadily declined, leaving her a broken husk of a woman revered but discarded by everyone until she finally slipped away in her sleep. Damn. Aside from the post-harem stuff, her whole backstory was pretty bland, just like her personality from chapter 674, but now that he got to hear the rest of it, it actually left him feeling pretty bad for her.
Okay family, little brothers and sister galore, mom hadn’t eaten dad through some miraculous power of love. Decently sized territory on flourishing, fertile land with numerous loving followers. Peace with the surrounding demon lords and cultivator sect, even! The best part was that Binghe’s takeover was lacking remarkably high amounts of death- everyone lived after he papapa’d this sister into the floor of her silk laden rooms. He wished he had gotten to know this much about every wife’s origins back when he was reading this shitshow on the other side- too bad it was Airplane’s natural disposition to ignore anything beyond cup size and hair color when describing a character.
Everything is fine and he is okay until someone knocks on the door to his rooms and nearly gives him a heart attack.
“....”
If he doesn’t respond and plays dead, can he be left alone for a few more minutes?
Another knock fills up the silence again.
Time to put on his big boy panties- speaking of underwear he should invest in a sports bra or something because his chest was starting to ache from how much sitting upright he was doing. Who knew gravity was a weapon.
“You may enter this one’s chambers.”
His voice is surprisingly soothing… a gentle alto that nearly sounded like she was singing her words.
A door opens and shows…
!!!
NING YINGYING!!! OAO
THE FIRST WIFE OF THE HAREM!
She was usually found flitting about between wives during the later chapters, checking in on them and attempting to keep schemes to a minimum! She was truly a kind soul, offering loving arms and a place of safe confidence for everyone. Even as her husband had continued taking women to satiate his stupidly high horny levels, while most wives would have been left bitter and cruel, Yingying was still working to improve their society of flowers.
Shen Yuan must have been spaced out too long because he snaps back out from his head to her bubbly voice taking an unusually quiet tone.
“Shao-mei?”
Feeling a faint flush of embarrassment color his cheeks, Shen Yuan manages to stutter out a quiet reply, hoping he wasn’t being too OOC.
[Don’t worry, User! System will notify you of any discrepancies with Shi Baishao’s character!]
Thaaaaanks..?
“A…Ah, Yes Ning-dishu*.”
Evidently this wasn’t quite what Yingying wanted to hear because her face scrunched up like a bunny’s as she pouts? Reaching out to pinch his cheek???
“Now now, Shao-mei! We’ve been over this. Call me Ning-jie or nothing at all.”
O h .
Yingying wanted to be called familiarly! How could've he forgotten this fact. She was always trying to be on good terms with the rest of the harem- one of the things that marked her as such a sweet bun even this far into her adulthood!
“A…apologies Ning-d…Jie!”
[Host is doing a great job!]
This apparently appeases her because her pout immediately melts away and the room seems ten thousand times brighter as she smiles.
“Thaaats better!~”
Her happiness gives him a slight boost of confidence, just enough to release a small smile back. The good feelings surrounding them calmed him a bit, and for the first time since he woke up in what is objectively 1% less hell than the Endless Abyss itself, he was able to relax. Imagine waking up down there. (He shivers just thinking about it.) There were 65 chapters devoted to that arc and how horrible it was, after all. And by airplane standards, that was a miniature novel all by itself.
“This Ning-jie wishes we could continue to wordlessly enjoy eachothers company, but one came here to inquire about Shao-mei’s feelings.”
Ah. Right.
The miscarriage that had literally killed the original goods afterwards.
SYSTEM HELP HE NEEDS TO BE SAD-
[Offering Host: Try Not To Cry video compilations (20 B-pts), prerecorded Pet Rescue commercials (17 B-pts), Instant Application Crocodile Tears (5 B-pt-]
WHY ARE THEY SO EXPENSIVE-??!? HE’LL TAKE THE LAST ONE-
[Thanking Host for his patronage! -5 B-pts! Applying tears…]
Shen Yuan feels hot droplets begin to well in the corners of his eyes, blurring his vision as they bead and forge searing paths down his skin. Twisting his face in what he believes to be the best approximation of his meimei-from-another-life’s “absolutely devastated” expression best used to make witnesses feel at least some twinge of sympathy, he begins to mumble nonsensical but hopefully (sad sounding stuff) softly between hiccups.
From the poor Ning Yingying’s point of view, one of the nicest and kindest girls in the harem lost her tentative smile. Shi Baishao droops as she shrinks in on herself, sobbing at the very mention of her lost child. She appears to hide herself, as though ashamed of showing her grief in public company. The poor thing was so young compared to the other women in the harem, and Yingying had known that Baishao had loved her to-be child very much. This was why she had needed to check up on her! Right! Here!
Shen Yuan, in fact, did feel ashamed of showing grief; However, his shame stemmed from how manipulative he was having to be here as he honestly felt repulsed by himself for this grand show. Baishao and her bun deserved more than being swept under the rug for some millennial that got shoved into her role.
“Oh Shao-mei! This Ning-jie is here for you, please, let me comfort you!”
He freezes up because no he rEALLY DOESN’T WANT THAT-
The closer Yingying gets, the more likely she is to notice him faking, which will be bad for all parties involved.
Panicking in a true SY fashion, he decides to use his favored escape route from another world. In other words, he stands up abruptly and yeets himself through a window. Wow those spider legs were strong.
[Deduction of 30 B-pts for OOC behavior. Shi Baishao wouldn’t avoid physical touch to this degree.]
-----------------------------
Why no.
Shen Yuan most certainly isn’t the idiot who threw himself out of a window in the middle of a very mortifying interaction between him and someone who had no way of knowing that he wasn’t the person he appeared to be anymore.
And he is absolutely not struggling to run across palace grounds while keeping them badonkadonkers from bouncing too painfully or knocking him out from impacting with his face.
He really needs to invest in making a sports bra because this just wasn’t acceptable.
HE NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO FLEE FROM SOCIAL INTERACTION.
Anyways, his very not discreet sprinting has been noticed by other wives and he’s managing to get stares.
… As long as it’s just stares he’s gonna just make a break for it and leave the palace.
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And this is why he’s stuck in a tree as one of the beast-tamer wives tries to calm her overprotective Three-Eyed Tigermoose (one of airplane’s creatively named hybrid monsters that can smell the truth? Through tears??? It was part of some prison break papapa plot.) that didn’t take kindly to a woman stinking of fake tears startling it as she ran by in her inner robes.
Yeah…. He’s just gonna try to use his spider legs to climb the waAAAT THE FUCK-
He just felt something get tugged from his… his ass??? Not from inside him but just above- serious butflossing right there??? What the hell?????
From any onlooker, it just appears as though there is an extremely long loose thread hanging from one of her layers of silk. The Tigermoose also perceives this as such, and like any good cat, it begins to play with the string, which leads to Shen Yuan’s next traumatizing body reveal.
[Congratulations! Congratulations!! Congratulations!!! Important things must be said three times! User has completed his first quest “Anything A Spider Can!” by discovering all additional functions of his new body, reward is 50 B-pts.]
SYSTEM.
SYSTEM WHAT.
[System is going into Sleep Mode now! Wishing User a pleasant quest cooldown period!]
SYSTEM NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME AFTER DROPPING THIS BOMB ON ME-
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[Notes but I don't wanna deal with the notes glitch]
*I am dumb and have no reference beyond wikipedia, so I believe this is the right way to respectfully refer to a first wife, but please correct me if I’m wrong TwT