Work Text:
While Caitlyn believed she was a kind and thoughtful person, she couldn’t recall the last time she’d given someone a gift just because. She was more likely to call a family member or friend to visit them for no reason other than to say hello or keep up her relationships, or offer to pick up soup and orange juice for a friend who had come down with the flu. Fixed periods of gift giving, like Christmas or birthdays, caused her to panic as she hit the stores or browsed online looking for something that would be just perfect for the giftee. She never considered gifting to be one of her finer talents.
Maybe that would change now, though. She was eagerly setting up her canvas and some paint colors to work on a piece for her mother. There was no specific deadline she had to meet at this point. It was early September, and Labor Day had just passed, meaning Christmas was still three months off, and Janet’s birthday wasn’t until March.
Regardless, Caitlyn had gotten inspired to create something to mark their new mother-daughter relationship. The last piece of art she’d given Janet, “The Road Not-So-Well-Traveled,” represented the hiccups and brokenness of their past life. Now, she’d forgiven her mother for the past and was coming around to who Janet really was, deciding to support her on the long and winding road of recovery. She wanted the painting to be more positive than a broken road to symbolize that.
She poured yellow, black, and green paints on to a paper plate and then filled up cups of water and pulled out her paintbrushes. At the last minute, she decided to add pink as well. Then, she put on an apron and got to work.
A few hours later, Caitlyn stepped back and looked at her masterpiece. The canvas had been transformed into a field of wildflowers, all tall and appearing to be blowing in the wind. There was still some blank space at the top for where the skies and sunshine would be added.
She’d come up with the idea to paint wildflowers after hearing a song by the same name. It had the themes of freedom, of finding a new love, and going out on adventures, sending good wishes to the person being addressed in the lyrics. Caitlyn realized over the last few months that Janet needed to feel loved and supported, and now she was showing her this in the pretty colors and flowers that stood tall.
“Still can’t believe I did this in one sitting,” she whispered to herself. “Gosh, I hope Mom likes it.”
She sat back down on her stool and rubbed her hands for a minute. The painting would need time to dry anyway, so she wasn’t going to deliver it that day. Nor did she want to. For as excited as she was to show off her handiwork, she wanted to write Janet a note to go with it and maybe have the painting framed. But her mom wasn’t a huge fan of surprises—not even good ones (she told Caitlyn she’d been a bit embarrassed and caught off-guard the year her OB staff decided to throw her a surprise birthday party)—so Caitlyn knew the timing of this had to be just right.
She was debating what to do when Ellie entered the room. Ellie had recently moved into Caitlyn’s apartment, and while they were the best of friends and even worked at the same hospital (just in different departments), they were still getting used to being roommates. For the most part, though, they loved being under the same roof for the first time since college.
“What is that?” Ellie asked, looking at the canvas. “Oh...flowers. This is so pretty, hon. When did you do this?”
“Over the last few hours. It’s for Mom. Normally, I can’t paint in one shot, but I got really motivated, you know? I still have to decide what I’m going to do with the sky, though. Not sure yet if I want it clear and blue with sunshine—and maybe there should be a rainbow if I do that—or if I want to paint a sunrise.
“Anyway, when we were still talking things out, I had given her a drawing of this really bumpy road. It had potholes and speed bumps and the overall mood was just…pretty sad. It represented all the struggles we’d had in our relationship. I told her someday I wanted to draw her a smoother road, but I heard this Tom Petty song not long ago, I think when Dad was playing an album, and it made me think of Mom and I got the inspiration for this piece. Listening to that song helped me understand how trapped or insecure she’s probably felt over the years, and now that I’m supporting her and we’re trying to love each other and get along again, I don’t want her to feel lost and struggling. I want her to have a good life and feel she can put our past behind her.”
“Damn, that might make me cry,” Ellie laughed, and she put her arm around Caitlyn. “Gosh, I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve grown so much in the last few months, and you’ve committed to becoming a real ally for your mom. I’m even excited to see her again and tell her how happy I am for you guys. I know it’s not about me, but I am your best friend and she should know that your BFF is cheering for both of you.”
“No, I appreciate that. I’m going to write her a note to go with this, too. I’m afraid to surprise her, though. Surprises just aren’t her thing. I don’t think she’ll be mad at me, but she hates the whole idea of someone planning something without her input and then sneaking up on her. So, when her birthday comes in March, I definitely can’t just make a reservation for dinner or cook for her without asking what she’d like. And no, you and I cannot sit here in the dark and yell ‘surprise!’ Unless you want a death stare.”
“From her? No, definitely not.”
Caitlyn’s phone buzzed, and she looked over and saw a text from her mom.
“Hey Elle, can you give me a minute? I just need to see what Mom wants.”
“Sure.” Ellie put a hand on her shoulder and left the room, and Caitlyn looked down at Janet’s text:
You know what I was just thinking? I haven’t cooked for you yet. I mean, making you coffee and a sandwich doesn’t really count. How about you come over for dinner one night?
That sounds nice, Caitlyn typed. There’s something really comforting about you making a meal for us. Makes me feel at home.
Sounds great, and that's very sweet of you. When are you free again? Still Sunday through Tuesday?
Right now, no. Monday through Wednesday. I’m still covering for a maternity leave.
You’re a hard worker just like your mother. :) This Wednesday work? Tuesday is AA.
See you then. Love you.
It felt like Janet had read Caitlyn’s mind and knew she was hoping to see her soon. Now Caitlyn could make a plan. Wednesday was nearly a week away. That would give her plenty of time to figure out what to do with the painting and make final touch-ups, as well as write her note. She grew even more excited to hear and see Janet’s reaction.
On Wednesday, Caitlyn arrived at Janet’s condo around 6 and noticed she was already putting dinner in the oven. “Didn’t you just get home?” she asked, giving her a hug.
“Yes, but I like to spend my Sundays making stuff ahead of time, and then I store it until I’m ready to eat it. I took this out of the freezer last night to thaw it so I could put it right in the oven for us when I got home. Believe me, if I didn’t meal prep, we’d be having Chinese food…which I have had in a pinch.”
Janet smiled at Caitlyn and linked an arm with hers as they headed to the living room. “So, now that that diatribe is out of the way, I hope you like breakfast for dinner. I’m making a bacon and spinach breakfast casserole, and I even bought cherry turnovers for dessert, so I hope you’re staying for coffee too.”
“Sure. I just want us to keep spending time together. Thanks for inviting me.”
“You’re welcome. You can come over anytime, even if I’m not here and you want to let yourself in to wait for me. Just call me first.
“So, how are you, dear?”
“I’m good. This maternity leave cover is tough. My schedule may not go back to what it was for a few more months. But on a happy note, Tori brought her baby in the other day….a little boy named Aiden. He is so sweet; I even got to hold him for a minute. It made me even more excited to have one of my own. Just pure joy, you know?”
“I know that feeling,” Janet smiled at her again. “I love when my former patients bring their kids for a visit. And I know you’re dreaming of a baby. Don’t rush this time you have for yourself, though, or settle for someone less than ideal so you can be a mom. Be sure of yourself; that’s all I want.
“How’s everything else?”
“Not bad. I forgot to tell you, but I met Dad’s new girlfriend, Melanie, not long before my birthday. We all went out to dinner. She has two daughters from her first marriage who came along; her first husband died unexpectedly about five years ago. She talked about how meeting Dad made her believe in love again, and she was so supportive of me mending my relationship with you. I guess he told her what happened when you and him were married, so she knew about that, but he didn’t tell her that you and I were working on things and rebuilding, so I explained that part.
When we got back to Dad’s house, she asked me if we could talk privately, so we went out on the porch. She told me she does not want to replace you in my life, and she was sorry to hear how hard things had been when I was younger, but she was impressed with my ability to be honest and work on myself. She seems great. They met at a wedding vendor show; she’s a salon owner, so wedding season is so chaotic for her too. But I’m sure that’s part of what makes them a good match.”
“Good for your father. She sounds like a nice lady.” Janet said. “I do mean that. He and I are no longer bitter towards each other and I’m glad he’s moved forward.”
“Me too.”
Caitlyn then decided to change the subject. “What about you, Mom? How’s your week been?”
“Pretty solid. I may be going to Boston soon to visit Abby and Luka, but we want to plan it before winter hits. I haven’t been there since they moved. Abby said she’ll take me to her AA meeting, but of course they’ll show me the city and I’ll get to hang out with Joe; he’s my godson, after all. So I was talking to her over the weekend to start planning. She just has to make sure I’m not there when one of their other family members or friends is visiting. Abby only likes one house guest at a time.”
“How old is Joe?” Caitlyn asked.
“Three. It’s hard to believe. I remember when he was a preemie in the NICU. Long story, but he’s doing well now.
Abby asked about you too. It’s so nice to tell her you and I are thriving and getting on the same page; all she and Luka have heard about are our problems so it’s a nice change of pace. I’m really grateful for your forgiveness. I just started crying the other day during some downtime because I’m still overwhelmed by the whole thing.”
“Well, don’t cry,” Caitlyn laughed and held her hand. “Unless those are tears of happiness. But we have a new bond now, and you’ve worked hard and done your part to help us get there.”
She looked over at the bag she had set down by the door, surprised Janet hadn’t acknowledged it by that point. But she knew that sometimes her mom got stuck in her own world and priorities, not necessarily focusing on minute details like what someone had in their hand unless she needed to know about it at that moment.
“Hey, if you don’t mind, I have something for you,” she told Janet, her voice a little shaky.
“For me? What’s the occasion?” Janet tilted her head in confusion.
“Me deciding that our old ways were over and that I wanted a new way. Being thankful that you celebrated my birthday with me. That kind of thing. Do you want to see it?”
“Absolutely.”
Caitlyn picked up the bag and then pulled an envelope out of her purse, bringing both things to Janet. “You can open the bag and look at what’s inside. Then once you’ve had a minute or two, I’ll read you the note in the envelope.”
Janet opened the bag and pulled out the canvas, which was now in a gold frame. Caitlyn had also since filled in the sky, light blue with sunshine beaming down on the field of flowers, without a cloud to be found. She’d even signed the bottom and dated it to make it more authentic.
“Oh…” Janet started to say before struggling to find her words. “It’s beautiful. Tell me more about it. Art appreciation isn’t one of my strong suits just yet, but I want to try for you.”
“OK,” Caitlyn said. “So as far as what this scene symbolizes..I really like this song called, appropriately enough, Wildflowers. It’s a song of hope and inspiration, basically going on a journey of self-discovery and finding your place in the world. I know there’s probably been times you haven’t felt a lot of hope, and you still seem to believe that you don’t deserve me in your life, but trust me, you do. I wanted to repair the past and find a new way, and you’ve gone all in with me. And when you look at this…I want you to feel strong, like the flowers growing tall, and that there is hope; that’s why the sun is out.
And then…I wrote you this note too.” She opened the envelope and began to read its contents to Janet.
“Dear Mom, the last time I wrote you a letter I was feeling really hurt and wanted answers. You and I may as well have been living on different planets. We had barely seen each other in person over who knows how many years, unless we were forced to, but we both wanted to change. I feel like we’re starting to come full circle and are working hard to understand each other and find acceptance of where the other is at, and we’re learning to love again. I can’t wait for all the new memories we’re going to make and all the conversations we’ll share, and I want to be there for you whenever you need it, just like I know you never stopped loving me and wished you were there for me no matter how distant we were. I can now say that I love you, and it feels good to write and speak those words.
“I hope you like this painting and that it makes you feel the same way I do: like we can get through anything. Display it wherever you want, or just keep it somewhere private until you’re ready to hang it.. Love, Cait.”
Caitlyn reached for her bottle of water to take a quick drink, and she noticed Janet had her head down and was crying quietly.
“Oh, Mom…” She reached out and gave Janet a hug. “Please don’t. I know you hate surprises. Is it that? I just didn’t want to hold on to this for months.”
“No, no…by surprises I mean more like, I hate when people jump out at me and try to give me parties. It’s just you and me here, so no that’s not the problem. I’m just…overwhelmed. And touched. I haven’t cried as much in my life as I have over the last few months from all the emotions. There’s something about hearing you say you love me and how bad you want this that tugs at me. I’m not mad, sweetie; just grateful, and the tears are how it’s coming out.
“It’s overwhelming too…thinking of you working so hard on this project for me. I know your art is important to you and you’re so talented. I…I’m speechless. I really am. But it’s beautiful and the field of flowers looks so alive. I don’t even know what to say…thank you doesn’t feel adequate.”
“It’s enough for me.” Caitlyn reassured her. “I do feel like I am your mom, though, since I’m sitting here rubbing your head.” That got through to Janet, and she laughed a little while drying her eyes with her hand.
“Here.” Caitlyn stood up and went to get a box of tissues. “This is better. And I think I may need a couple too. Look at us…crying and laughing and talking together. Seemed so unreal this time last year. This is the kind of bond I wanted with you.”
“Well, I’m happy I can help us build it. I know I have my walls up, but I’m trying to tear them down. I feel very loved this last month or so. I even cried when you and I got off the phone the night you forgave me and you said how much you wanted to support me. I’ve gotten a lot of help in my recovery over the years, but it hits differently when your child says she’ll stand by your side.
“And by the way, I am going to find a spot for this,” she added with a smile. “Not sure where yet as far as here or at my office. But I don’t want this in the back of my closet. You’re still my daughter, and you damn well better believe I’m going to show off your artwork to as many people as possible.”
“Sounds good to me. Put it anywhere it makes you feel happy. I was hoping you’d appreciate the sentiment; the display is secondary.”
“Mission accomplished.” Janet gave her another hug, and this time, Caitlyn couldn’t help but lean into her.
“I just hope you’re still hungry. I didn’t go through all this effort on Sunday for nothing, you know,” Janet joked. “Dinner still needs about 20 minutes, so we have time to dry our eyes and talk a little more, but once it’s on the table, no more tears. Or at least try not to. You hear me?” With all the struggles they’d been through the last few months, they were aiming to keep their time together light and fun rather than filled with stressful conversations.
“Agreed.” Caitlyn stayed in her mother’s arms for a few more minutes. She was getting used to their new foundations of love and understanding, and she wanted to savor every hug and display of affection. And Janet didn’t disagree.