Work Text:
Original Drabble by Mousapelli
"I like girls."
Remus cracked an eye and peered at James.
"Quite the announcement for someone who's naked in my bed," he replied. He would've gone back to napping, but he could tell by James's scrunched brow that James was Thinking Hard about this, and resigned himself to further explanation.
"They're pretty, and we should start liking them," James chewed his lip, "don't you think?"
Licking a palm, Remus leaned over and took a firm grip on James's cock, stroking him to hardness and tugging until James spilled over his hand.
"It's only because of the broom calluses," James groused.
i. Seven Minutes
He couldn't believe what he was watching. She…she couldn't like James, she couldn't. For the past six years, Lily Evans had looked down her nose at James, never giving even a hint that she thought he was above the mud splattered on her shoes. And yet, Remus was watching this. Lily leant back against the wall of the greenhouse, the waxing moon making her red hair shimmer in between the shadows of the leaves dancing overhead. And James—his James—was next to her, elbow propped next to her head, fingers tangling in her slight curls.
Remus's breath came in fast gulps, and he moved back toward the tree line of the Forbidden Forest so they wouldn't hear him. Remus hadn't thought this day would ever come, and he certainly hadn't thought that it could hurt him this much. Girls are pretty and we should like them muttered between hand-jobs two years ago, but nothing had ever come of it. James still crawled into his bed at least once a week, and sometimes, like this morning, didn't crawl back out until Peter and Sirius were about to wake up as well.
Yet Remus was clearly watching James kiss Lily Evans, and not for the first time, if her spread legs and his hidden hand were anything to judge by.
"Which one are you watching, Lupin?" Remus stiffened at the voice in his ear, berating himself for being so caught up in his shock and jealousy that he hadn't heard Snape—of all people—come up the path behind him.
"Piss off, Severus. Leave me alone." He tried for a nonchalant tone, but knew he'd failed when Snape pressed himself closer. Remus could feel the bony body, from his shoulders down to the hardness pressing against his arse. He shuddered, eyes locked on the couple in front of him, but didn't dare move away for fear of making noise.
Snape snorted softly. "Potter doesn't deserve to have you mooning over him. Why haven't you learned that yet?"
"Perhaps, Snape," he growled, "for the same reason you haven't learned that about yourself."
"Don't kid yourself, Lupin." Snape took a step back, but none of the tension left Remus's body. "Potter is just using you. You deserve better."
By the time Remus turned his head, Snape was gone. He wondered if Snape was right, but then shook his head. James wouldn't do that. They were mates. That meant something.
James's low moan echoed through the forest.
Or maybe it meant nothing at all.
ii. Six Minutes
"They look awfully pretty up there, don't they, Moony?" Sirius crooked his arm around Remus's neck, pulling him close. "Pretty robes, pretty decorations, pretty wedding, and you're here in the corner wearing black!"
Remus slipped out from under the heavy arm but didn't move away. "Yes, Sirius, everything is very pretty." He paused, taking in the wide, manic look in the gray eyes. "Are you drunk or stoned?"
"Li'l of both, really. Why? Want some?" Sirius started to dig through his pockets, no doubt looking for whatever drug he'd brought for the occasion. "I know I've got more in here somewhere…"
"No, thanks."
Sirius stopped fumbling with his robes, instead playing with the clasp on Remus's. "What's with the black, Moony? Startin' to look like Snivellus."
James is just using you. Snape's taunts ran through his mind for the hundredth time that day. He'd been right; James had used him for years, and now Remus was supposed to celebrate the bonding of Lily and James Potter.
"Ow!" Remus pushed Sirius's hand away from his nose, but didn't drop it. "Stop waving your hand around like that." He looked at Sirius, untamed and disheveled; felt his other hand resting on his chest where it had been toying with his robes. Their eyes locked and their bodies moved closer together.
"How drunk are you, Sirius?" Remus whispered.
"Not enough that I'll regret this." Sirius tightened his grip on Remus's robe. "There's a closet right there." Sirius tilted his head to the left, indicating the perfect hiding spot.
Remus nodded and the two moved quickly and silently along the wall, hoping their passage was going unnoticed. As soon as the door was shut, however, their gasps and sighs started to bounce off the walls of the tiny room. Fingers scrambled with clasps, hips pressed against each other, reaching for that perfect blend of pressure and friction. Suddenly Remus threw his head back, and wrapped his hands in Sirius's long black hair, cock pistoning in and out of wet heat. Fingers slid behind his balls and he started shaking. He heard a voice chanting "Moony, Moony, Moony." and he came with a shout.
"James!"
iii. Five Minutes
He prowled the streets of Muggle Dublin, trying to ignore that this was Samhain, and finding it impossible to do so. Little girls ran around with pointed witches' hats and brooms, chased by boys dressed up as goblins and ghosts. Remus kept walking, leaving the residential neighborhood behind as he made his way to the heart of the city. He craved the noise, the ability to blend in, where people wouldn't look twice at a man with scars on his face. Unless he wanted them to.
And tonight of all nights, he wanted someone to look twice.
Tonight he needed to forget. Needed to forget the look on Sirius's face after he had called out James's name. Needed to forget Sirius completely, really, because he was the reason James was dead. Sirius was the reason little Harry had no one. He hoped that Lily's family had taken Harry out tonight, dressing him up and showing him off around their street. James would have done that, he thought.
On the longest of nights, nights that were the brightest with the moon hanging low and full in the sky, Remus wondered if it was truly his fault that James was gone. Had he pushed Sirius into a jealous rage? Was that the reason Sirius betrayed them all? It had never been the same between them after that day. The hurt looks from Sirius; the confused glances from James and Lily, trying to piece together what was wrong.
Remus cleared his mind as he approached the first pub he saw. He knew what he was looking for, and it was only a matter of time until he found him. There, sitting in the corner nursing a pint of stout. Dark, messy hair framed his face, wire glasses sitting on his nose. He'd do.
iv. Four Minutes
Remus was unnerved by Harry's resemblance to James. He found himself behaving as though they were friends, not student and teacher. Harry wasn't like James, though. He wasn't mean like James had been. He didn't use his friends like James had. Harry was not James, Remus kept telling himself.
He started teaching Harry how to defend himself against Dementors, choosing carefully the stories he told the young man about his parents. Admittedly he invented a few details about Lily…it had taken him more than a few years for him to stop thinking of her in unfavorable terms, even after her death, and he didn't know too many private things about her. But, Remus rationalized, he was the last of their little gang still around, and Harry would never learn different.
It wasn't much easier to share memories of James. Remus could tell Harry all about James's success on the Quidditch Pitch, and how he was bollocks at potions, but that only whet Harry's appetite for more. When Harry asked if they'd played pranks on each other in the dorm room—no doubt to retaliate against the twins or Ron—Remus just laughed and pushed Harry out of the Defense classroom, rather than telling him about the time James blindfolded him and led him to believe that Peter caught them wanking each other.
He was glad Harry hadn't asked for his favorite memory of James. Remus wasn't sure he could choose.
v. Three Minutes
"I'm sorry, Sirius. More sorry than I could ever explain." Remus sat on the floor, staring into the fire. He could hear Sirius moving around the room behind him, picking up books and discarding them immediately. Too much pent-up energy and too exhausted to do anything with it.
"You've said that already, Moony." Remus didn't turn his gaze as Sirius settled next to him, feet close to the flames to capture the warmth. "But thirteen years are long enough for regrets, don't you think? You've made up for it."
Remus kept silent, his eyes firmly on the dancing orange and yellow flames in front of him. Had he? And what was it, exactly? James and Lily? The debacle that took place in a coat closet long ago? Not letting go of a fantasy he'd developed in third year?
"Did you love him?"
Remus looked up at that, startled. Opened his mouth to answer, but no sound came out. He closed it again, looking at this man with his black hair and gray eyes, this once beautiful man.
"No," he lied.
vi. Two Minutes
It wasn't fair.
He'd just got Sirius back, damn it, and he was gone again. The only reason Remus had held Harry back from running through the veil was so he didn't do it himself. He was the only one left, again, and he felt more alone than he'd ever felt before.
Remus sat in front of the fireplace, but it was cold, and he never thought he'd feel warmth again. He rocked back and forth, reliving snatches of his life in his head.
The bite. Hogwarts. James. Sirius.
James.
He needed to let go of the past. He was still alive, even if few of the people he loved were. Maybe it was time he started acting like it.
vii. One Minute
The night before the full moon, Harry fulfilled the prophecy and the Light prevailed. Too many dead, even more injured. People surrounded Harry and Snape, offering them help where they lay, but Remus stood back, alone. Harry turned his head and smiled weakly at him.
Time for a change, Remus thought, slowly making his way to Harry.