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Allison had always been the planner. After practice one day, she corralled the rest of the team in the locker room. “School is done in two weeks. After Riko and all the shit this year, I’ve decided we need a vacation.”
Her hands weren’t on her hips as she spoke but they might as well have been. Neil knew she meant well and it was maybe a product of being from wealth, but when the girl had a point to make, she always came off extra bossy.
“Wouldn’t we all? But with what money?” Aaron’s sarcasm laced his words like poison and Allison’s eyes flashed dangerously. Her look strongly reminded Neil of Lola Malcolm and he made a mental note to stay on her good side.
“You keep that tone and you can stay behind. My parents have some unused beach house on Isle of Palms and we’re going. It’s a quick and easy drive and then all we need to do is buy groceries. It’s an entire house with its own private beach and we can stay there for a week. What do you all say?”
The last question was rhetorical based on her finite sounding words but nevertheless she scanned the room. Dan and Renee started squealing excitedly and nodding their heads. Matt just grinned as he stood behind the girls. Nicky immediately clasped his hands together. Neil turned to Andrew whose face was unreadable as always. He wanted to ask for his opinion but he knew it would come later, not here in front of everyone. He looked up to the rest of the group already excited and making plans. The girls had already left the room, planning as they went, and Nicky was chiding Aaron, trying to chip away at the icy twin’s cold exterior.
“Come onn…it will be fun. Allison said you could even bring Katelyn.” Nicky zipped up his track jacket and picked up his duffel.
Even Kevin, who after Riko, had seemed like the weight of the world was off his shoulders, couldn’t help chime in. “What else is there to complain about? FREE vacation, dude.”
As the trio walked out of the room still bickering, Neil and Andrew remained as the last two in the suddenly deafeningly still changing room. Neil slammed his locker shut. “Cigarette?”
Andrew didn’t reply verbally but grabbed his bag and headed out. By now, Neil knew that anything but a direct no basically meant yes. Neil followed him, weaving through campus and back to their dorms. They didn’t go to the rooms but headed directly up to the roof. He liked that it had become their private space. Neil strongly suspected that most of the Foxes knew about it but they all had the good sense to keep it an open secret and avoid that space.
The mid afternoon was bright and a little breezy. The light wind blew pleasantly and it wasn’t too hot. After dropping their gear by the stairwell entrance, they headed for their usual corner. It wasn’t until Andrew had lit two cigarettes and handed Neil one, before Neil spoke.
“So,” he asked tentatively, “what do you think?”
Andrew sat against one of the cement walls that fenced in the air conditioning equipment. A leg was propped up and his smoking arm was outstretched, resting across his knee. He exhaled a long drag before replying.
With a shrug, he answered, “Could be ok.”
Neil breathed a sigh of relief. He had been braced for a long negotiation. Coming from Andrew, those words practically meant an enthusiastic assent. More relaxed now, he leaned against the railing, both elbows on the edge and turned to look at Andrew. He wished had brought his sunglasses up. Andrew’s blond hair shone like a beacon of white light in the sun. Neil took a deep drag, letting the nicotine hit his receptors, immediately creating a pleasant buzz. Andrew, in turn, squinted toward Neil and a small smile crept up across Neil’s mouth as a thought crossed his mind.
“Our first vacation,” Neil remarked, “It could be more than ok.”
While it had been and continued to be a slow process chipping away at Andrew’s solidly cemented shield, they had made significant progress over the past months. His guard had slowly eroded and Andrew had even started making a slightly more and unprompted effort with the upperclassmen. For Neil, he couldn’t ask for more. When the year had begun, he had no idea how well things would have turned out. How happy he could be.
“Wait,” Neil added, suddenly. “Do you even own swim trunks?”
Andrew’s nose crinkled as he narrowed his eyes at Neil, annoyance spread thinly across his face. “Of course I do. I grew up in California, you know. I’m not a complete heathen.”
Neil’s initial small smirk broke into a wide grin and he threw his cigarette butt over the edge. He reached a hand down to pull Andrew up, who took it without a fuss. “Come on, they’ll be waiting for us for dinner.”
——
The drive to Isle of Palms was permeated by Nicky’s constant stream of excited chatter. He sat with poor Kevin in the back and listed off all the activities he wanted them to try. Aaron drove separately so he could bring Katelyn. The upperclassmen were together in Matt’s truck, as usual.
“Wonder if the water will be warm at night? We can do bonfires and night swims and I brought board games. Do you think three decks of cards are enough??” Nicky asked, to no one in particular.
No one replied as they were all used to his steady stream of consciousness and Nicky didn’t really need it. Neil sat in the front as usual and despite his own best efforts, he couldn’t help but feel a spark of excitement ignite within him and tingle in his core. It was his first vacation with Andrew. No drama, no threats. Just them. He slipped a hand over to rest on Andrew’s leg who didn’t look up from the road but, Neil noticed, whose corner of his mouth involuntarily bent slightly upward.
Completely unsurprisingly, the ‘modest’ house that Allison touted was, in fact, a pretty substantial mansion. In general, Isle of Palms was a mostly gated island that was considered the Hamptons of the South, or so Nicky explained after his deep Google search. They drove past mansion after mansion, with the azure ocean spread like a painted backdrop behind, until they arrived at one end of a quiet court. The three story house was a soft cobalt blue shade with white trim. There was manicured landscaping leading up to a large drive and a four car garage. The Foxes tried to keep their mouths closed in their awe as they walked up the wide whitewashed steps into the main entryway. Setting her keys on the beech side table, Allison turned to them matter-of-factly.
“Well, here we are. Let me show you around.” Allison proceeded to lead the Foxes through the maze of the house. Although Neil didn’t know much about these things, even he could see it was well-decorated. The design was also very subtle and not overly gaudy for its surroundings. It was a bright and airy house full of light wood and muted colors. The whole back of the house sat on the private beach that consisted of low sand dunes with a fine-looking pale sand dotted with abundant patches of beachgrass. The sound of the tide washing up created a pleasant ambient noise.
The kitchen had a large center island in a pretty dove gray tone and a giant skylight above it. It was an open plan living space and looked out to a large sitting room with comfortable squishy sofas in warm taupes and robin egg blues. “I’ll show you all to your rooms and then let’s meet here to sort out errands.”
As they wove through the house to the bedrooms, Neil’s immediate thought was that they had severely underestimated Allison’s wealth. He looked over at Andrew who seemed as unimpressed as usual but Neil could see his eyes roaming around just like his own. Renee and Allison were in the first bedroom. It was as light and airy as the rest of the house with two full-sized beds and a seashell theme. Dan and Matt were given one of the larger rooms on the lower level that had its own private path to the beach. Katelyn and Aaron hadn’t arrived yet as they left after her practice but their room was the first on the landing of the second floor. Nicky and Kevin would share one on the topmost floor with rounded windows and a nautical theme.
Throughout this tour, Neil’s heart quickened at the anticipation of his room. With each door opening, he half expected Allison to assign it to them. He wasn’t sure if it was purposeful that Allison saved theirs for last. Although he and Andrew frequently shared a bed now, they were still in a dorm and there was always someone else annoyingly near. Even if Dan and Renee pulled the other monsters away for a few hours to give them some space, it would never be the level of privacy they would have here in this giant edifice.
“OK, this is the master. We all voted and decided you guys should get it. You had a tough year and you did a lot for us.” Allison swung open the double doors to the main suite, waving her hand like a game show host and Neil and Andrew walked in.
“Shit,” Neil said, finally unable to contain his awe. The room took up most of the second floor and was bigger than most of the places Neil had lived. It was in calming beiges and had a private balcony that looked out to the beach. Each of the rooms had been en suite but this one in his and Andrew’s room was next level with a sunken tub facing the sea and a giant glass walk-in shower.
As they checked it out, even Andrew couldn’t hide looking impressed as they meandered around, surveying the view and other amenities. “Thanks,” Neil mumbled, unable to string any other words together.
Allison smirked evilly. “Well, I’ll leave you two to ‘freshen up’. See you downstairs in an hour.”
She left, leaving them alone.
“Well, this is nice,” Neil remarked, grinning and looking to Andrew for his reaction. He plopped on the edge of the California King, continuing to scan the room. His hands found the top of the Egyptian cotton bedspread and in a sweeping motion smoothed it unconsciously, though it was already pristine like the rest of the place.
“So what do you want to do for an hour?”
“Shut up for once,” Andrew murmured, purposely walking over from the open French doors that led out to the patio. He grabbed Neil’s collar and pulled him down to the bed.
——
After that brief interlude, Neil barely saw Andrew for the rest of the day. After a quick late lunch, they had all split up to run errands. Andrew had to drive Renee to the liquor store so they could get drinks for the week. Matt, Dan and Allison went down to get all the food supplies from the big grocery store. The others cleaned and prepared the outdoor space, taking out the furniture from storage and getting beach towels and various beach accoutrements prepared.
Neil and Nicky were tasked with building the bonfire and setting it up for later. They stacked various dry driftwoods into the stone pit that Allison’s family had undoubtedly installed. The charred remains of its last fire were still visible. As the sun waned lower into the sky, the spreading rays cast a golden glow over the beach.
“Dude, how insane is this view? And that we are actually here?” Nicky marveled.
Looking out to the water, the reflection in the sun prickled his vision with white spots, Neil paused and thought for a moment. It was true, since Riko, it had been a whirlwind. It was all good: a lot of time with Andrew and the Foxes, but he hadn’t truly had a slow moment to reflect. Even after the drama, his focus had always been on Andrew and helping him heal. But Neil needed to acknowledge his own transformation. He had come so far from the Neil Josten that had washed up to Palmetto a year ago.
“Yeah,” he replied softly. “It somehow all worked out, hadn’t it?”
Neil had found a family and built a life. The true impact of that hit him suddenly as squarely as the summer sun in front of him. It was so bracing that his knees buckled and he almost was knocked off his feet.
Nicky put an arm around Neil, steadying him, as they both continued to look out. “I’m so happy you’re with us, Neil. Did I ever tell you that?” He grinned broadly.
Pulling his gaze from the sea, he turned to his close friend. “Me too, Nicky. Me too.”
——
“Bonfire starts in 10 min. Grab a hoodie and come down,” Dan announced after the dinner clean-up had been done. It was quick and pretty easy as they had barbecued on the fancy grill Allison’s dad installed.
Neil was looking forward to the evening but he had something to do first. The weight of his realization earlier had fueled a desire for a moment alone with Andrew and that trumped any socialization.
“Will be right down. Need to grab a new pack of cigarettes,” Neil stated, convincingly. Andrew raised an eyebrow at him from across the kitchen island where he had been drying dishes with Kevin. Andrew always kept the cigarettes in his pocket, not Neil, so he easily took the hint and knew something was up.
With a promise to Kevin to be quick, Neil and Andrew headed upstairs. Dutifully, he closed the door behind him. The room was aglow in vermillion as the late summer sun finally began its deepening descent. The wall of window across one side of the room appeared to be on fire. A gentle breeze blew in, lightly rustling the sheer curtains that framed the ajar french doors.
“What’s up?” Andrew inquired, pointedly. “I have a full pack right here.” His hand gestured to his jeans pocket without pulling them out. His brow furrowed at the worried gaze he threw Neil.
A powerful feeling swept through Neil, overflowing so much that it almost overwhelmed him. It was indescribable. Part unbridled happiness, part consuming love, he couldn’t pin it down. He breathed out, calming himself and then Neil approached the puzzled Andrew and grabbed him by the hand. Wordlessly, Neil led him out to their balcony where it hung over the sand. He fished the cigarettes from Andrew’s pocket and pulled him to sit down with him, their legs dangling through the railing. Out on the beach, Neil could see the dimming silhouettes of the Foxes, bathed in a Palmetto orange, as they stoked the bonfire alive and settled in with chairs and drinks.
“Nothing. I just wanted a moment with you. Alone.”
Neil put both cigarettes to his mouth and lit them easily before handing one over to Andrew whose confused and now slightly concerned look remained unmoved on his face.
Sighing, Neil looked out to the water and exhaled. “I swear it’s nothing. I just wanted a moment.” The conversation with Nicky and the thoughts that arose bubbled to the surface, bouncing on the tip of his tongue and threatening to reveal itself on its own.
He laid down on the decking, his whole body relaxing. The wood was still warm from a full day of absorbing the sun and it seemed to envelope Neil’s entire back in a warm blanket. Neil continued to smoke with a false casualness that was easily betrayed by his shaking hand and quivering heart. Andrew laid down with him, their shoulders just barely touching and their mutual gaze landed upward toward the first few faint stars that broke free from within the mauve sky. For a second, it was just them, the only sound their synchronized collective breathing. Neil wanted to lie here like this, in the peaceful dusk, forever. However, like the stars, his thoughts were clawing through to be freed.
“During the errands earlier, I was just thinking about this year and how so much had happened. Until today, I hadn’t really thought about it all. And how my life has changed.”
The vague sentences that came out were not what Neil had wanted to say at all. In his mind, it was way more articulate and there was much more to say. How much better his life was now. How much better his life was with Andrew. How much Andrew meant to him. But he couldn’t verbalize it. As he tried to construct coherent sentences, the words and thoughts jumbled together in a haze of emotion.
Andrew exhaled thoughtfully and sat up with his chest resting on the middle railing and his arms dangling over. His back now faced Neil, his black T-shirt rustling slightly with the breeze. The strip of steel was the perfect height so when sitting, a person could look out perfectly in the gap to the churning sea. He took another drag of the cigarette, not saying anything. Neil didn’t know what he expected from Andrew. He was never going to be effusive, no matter how much Neil opened him up. Neil decided to try again. He realized he didn’t really need a response. Neil just had to say what he had to say for his own sake. He sat up, sitting next to Andrew, their thighs now touching. Low tide had calmed the water and Neil focused on the lightly breaking waves as they hit the beach.
“I told you at the end of the season that I was sticking around. And I meant it. Riko is gone and we won the championship. Now, we deserve something for ourselves. Let’s make a new deal. Let’s do better for ourselves. We’ve been looking after other people for long enough.”
Neil turned to face Andrew whose darkened side profile continued to smoke as he gazed out toward the ocean. He hoped phrasing it in this way would make Andrew understand better. The threats were gone. Aaron was with Katelyn now. Nicky and Kevin were safe. Andrew and Neil had this rare opportunity with each other. They owed it to themselves to give it a chance.
After what felt like hours but was mere seconds, Andrew slowly moved a hand onto Neil’s, the clasped pair resting on the cool metal railing. For not the first time, Neil breathed a sigh of relief. It didn’t seem like much but for Neil, it was enough. In that shared silence, he knew that they were going to be ok.
They were here. Together. Right where they were supposed to be.