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“This one looks like you,” said Aled, pointing at the page of so-called “Terrifying Sea-Demons.” They were waiting for the layer of paint to dry so they could add constellations to Aled’s new galaxy ceiling. Aled had grabbed a book from beneath his bed about the monsters of the deep and was commenting on how each one looked a bit like Dan. Daniel, watching Aled flip through the pages, looked up in mock offense. They were both lying on their stomachs, so Daniel used the arm closest to Aled to grab him, rolled a bit and wrapped him up like an octopus.
“I’m going to eat you, shrimp! Mwahahahaha, pretend I’m saying something an evil Octopus would say,” Daniel said, trying to emulate an octopus.
“Just because you look like one, doesn’t mean you have to act it!” Aled was doing his little breathy giggle and Daniel’s heart just about stopped. This was the happiest Aled had been since Carys left and Daniel was about to end the world if it meant Aled could keep smiling like this.
“Oh, so you’re saying I’m a changed man? An octopus that has realized the hurt it’s caused and is trying to repair it? Did this octopus get a therapist?” Daniel was still holding on the Aled, tickling all the spots only he knew were ticklish. Aled was laughing as hard as he could, which wasn’t very hard. Even his laughs were subdued, something Daniel envied, though he wasn’t sure why.
Aled managed to wiggle his way out of Dan’s arms and rolled over so he was facing the ceiling. Daniel treated himself to a millisecond of admiring Aled’s side profile. His soft jawline and nose, cheeks rosy from messing around. His hair was a wreck as well, but Daniel would never tell him that. If he found out, he might fix it and Daniel wanted it to stay that way forever. Aled was so beautiful. There was no other word for it. And Daniel knew exactly how lucky he was to get to see this side of Aled. Daniel drank in these moments, writing down an exact play by play afterwards so he would never forget. He would never tell Aled he did this though.
Aled was still looking at the ceiling. Daniel pushed himself up and moved closer. Aled absentmindedly grabbed Daniel’s hand, rubbing small circles with his thumb on the bit of skin between the thumb and pointer finger. Daniel wanted to cry. He loved Aled so much, so much it hurt, it physically hurt him to keep it to himself. They were so close, shoulder to shoulder on his bedroom floor. The ceiling was dark blue, just waiting for the addition of stars.
“Hey, Aled?” Daniel said.
Aled turned his head.
“Hi.” His face. Daniel wanted to run his pinky finger down the bridge of Aled’s nose.
“Hi,” was all he could manage.
Aled smiled.
“I’m pretty sure we went through the ‘Hi hello’ thing already.”
There was no chance Aled couldn’t feel Daniel’s heartbeat right now. It was thundering so loudly in his own ears he wouldn’t have been surprised if everyone in the whole world could hear it. It was also probably true that the whole world knew Daniel was in love with Aled. Maybe not the whole world, but Daniel hadn’t exactly been subtle. He saw the looks Carys had thrown at him. It still felt like she could read his every thought, every move, even though she had been gone for a month now. He constantly felt like she was looking over his shoulder judging him, even now. She was all knowing. A stark contrast from her brother, who was currently looking directly in Daniel’s eyes and didn’t know a damn thing. He was so beautiful Daniel could hardly breathe.
“Nothing to say for yourself, Octopus?” Aled poked Daniel on the cheek. The touch left a faint tingling. Daniel breathed out quickly, creating a noise that sounded like a laugh, or maybe it didn’t but Aled took it for one.
“Come on,” he sang, dragging Daniel to his feet. “We need to get to work on the constellations!”
An hour later, Daniel was once again sitting on the floor while Aled wobbled up the ancient ladder they unearthed from a closet. For some reason he had been holding his breath every time Aled climbed the ladder, as if that would save him from a fall. Daniel would never admit this, but he almost wanted Aled to fall, just so he could catch him. This was a fantasy Daniel had explored many times before and the endings were progressively getting less PG.
“Daaaaaan,” Aled was waving from the ladder. Daniel realized he’d been asked a question at the same time he realized he hadn’t taken a breath in an undetermined amount of time and all he could do was stare, red-faced, at Aled.
“Is this constellation correct?” Aled asked, not noticing anything.
Daniel snapped back into focus. He managed a shallow breath and looked down at the paper they were using as a map for the ceiling.
“Uh yeah, that one’s correct but the previous one is a bit far to the left.”
Aled’s face immediately fell. Daniel scrambled.
“But that’s okay! It doesn’t have to be perfect, however it ends up will be absolutely wonderful and I’ll love it because you made it and you’re absolutely wonderful and I love you, so that carries over and…” Dan was once again out of breath. He didn’t even register what he had said because Aled had scrunched up his nose and giggled. He giggled! Then it hit him. Jesus Christ, he’d just basically confessed his love for Aled, all because he was stupid and dumb and didn’t want Aled to be upset just because the constellation was a bit wonky, which wasn’t even an issue in the first place and…
Suddenly, Aled was next to him. Daniel saw only his eyelashes. How light they were. How delicate. How entrancing. He never knew eyelashes could be so pretty, until he met Aled. Every part of Aled was so beautiful it hurt.
Aled leaned up against Daniel and was intensely staring at the star map. Daniel took this time to watch Aled intensely. And also feel the warmth of Aled’s shoulder intensely. And oh my god, their faces were so close. Daniel breathed and brought himself back down to earth. Aled had rolled his sleeves up for painting, but now he rolled them back down, covering his hands in the fabric. Looking up at Dan, he smiled. Daniel swooned. Then Aled crossed his eyes, which startled Daniel more than he’d like to admit. Aled giggled again, falling back onto the carpet. Daniel joined him. Only half the constellations were finished, but they silently agreed to take a break, that the ceiling would still be there tomorrow and that they should take this moment to exist quietly. Thank god for this seemingly endless summer holiday. Daniel’s notebooks would be full of moments like these by the end. Perfect, quiet moments.
“Hey, Dan?” Dan. Only Aled called him Dan.
“I thought we were done saying hello,” he joked. Aled giggled.
“I’m being serious, shut up and listen for a moment.”
They were once again lying on their backs. This moment resembled the moment earlier where Daniel almost confessed his feelings. He had a brief fantasy where Aled confessed his love right then and there, but then Aled continued talking.
“I just wanted to say…” Daniel’s heart sped up. Was his fantasy real?
“... I’m really glad you talked me into making a Podcast.” Ah. More Universe City talk. It seemed like the hottest topic of conversation these days. Daniel secretly loved hearing about Universe City, even if he didn’t understand half of it.
“I’ve really enjoyed it. I didn’t know how many stories I had to tell. I knew I had these characters, or I guess, one character, Radio, but opening up the world for them has been so… freeing.” Aled was speaking in choppy sentences and getting quieter by the second.
“I’ve just really enjoyed making it and I know I already said that, but I guess what I really wanted to say was I’m really glad you exist.” During the speech, Aled’s hands had found themselves gravitating towards his face to cover his eyes. Daniel reached over and picked up both hands, holding them close to his chest.
“I’m really glad you exist too, Aled.” Daniel needed to be closer to him. Needed to melt into him, needed to become one living breathing creature. Daniel wanted to be dissolved and injected into his bloodstream, wanted to lie next to him until they both rotted away, leaving only their bare bones, still holding hands, even after all this time.
They just looked at each other for a while. It wasn’t uncomfortable at all, in fact Daniel couldn’t remember a time he had ever felt this content. He briefly considered confessing his feelings, but decided against it for today. It had been such a lovely day, it wasn’t allowed to be ruined. Someday soon though. He knew if he bottled it up for too long, he would eventually explode and scare Aled off. This was going to be a delicate process and Daniel was determined to do it right. Even if Aled didn’t like him like that, he wanted to ensure they would continue being friends, that things wouldn’t be awkward. He loved Aled. The whole of Aled. He could learn to put aside the romantic love if it meant they could still be close.
Aled suddenly leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Daniel’s cheek. Giving him no time to respond, he hopped up and climbed the ladder again to work on the next constellation, this time star map in hand. Daniel can’t tell if he’s not breathing because he doesn’t want Aled to fall, or because of that simple kiss on the cheek. It felt like a million years had gone by at that moment, but that was too short. Daniel wanted a million more.
He pushed himself up and stood near the ladder, watching Aled work. As he watched, Aled glanced down and smiled. Again. There were so many smiles today and Daniel needed to collect every one. He leaned towards the ladder to stabilize it so there was no chance Aled would fall. While the act of rescuing Aled was appealing, Daniel simply wanted to keep him safe. To prevent any bad thing from happening. To keep the smiles.