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Keeley had always been free expressing her love to people. It was easy. She loved almost everyone in some way so it wasn’t reserved for serious long-term relationships (which, honestly, she’d never had before Roy) or for family or friends. She told people she loved them on a regular basis.
But when she started dating Roy, she dialed it back. Indeed, she was radio silent. She would not and could not just throw that word out to him without a lot of thought. This was different. It meant more than a casual feeling. Her mind and body physically and emotionally reacted to him like nothing she’d ever experienced; tsunami-like.
The memory of him pulsed through her blood, the thought of their next encounter made her gut clench tightly in anticipation, and that first look at him when they’d been apart for a day or two made her lightheaded and tingly. The fierce ache and warm devotion she had for him was so much more than she’d ever felt, and thinking back to all the times she’d told previous boyfriends how she loved them, she blushed at the superficiality of it all.
Beyond her own need to make that word have more depth, there had been an infamous story that flew through the text trails of the football WAGs. Katrina, former glamour model and current mother of three, uttered that meaningful four-letter word to Roy after they’d been dating for a couple of months. Apparently, she was a bit daft and Roy’s personality kind of went over her head, but she liked his money, his fame, and his attentiveness in private. She didn’t notice they’d hardly interacted outside the bedroom. That word, combined with “I” and “you” led to him ending things; she did a “poor me” tour amongst her friends, and promptly met and married her current, equally flighty footballer husband. Occasionally, Keeley caught wind of stories through the grapevine that Katrina still claimed Roy was the love of her life.
While she knew Katrina’s experience had everything to do with the woman and very little to do with Roy, it still created uneasiness at the idea of expressing that emotion to her hard-shelled man. She didn’t care if he said it back right away, she just didn’t want him to run away once she did say it.
She especially wanted to tell him she loved him because not only had he impacted her deeply, she also felt he needed to hear it. Roy had been so lost since his career-ending injury. He needed her and had leaned on her shoulders, literally and figuratively, but not completely. She wanted him to believe her, trust her words and her commitment, and ironically, saying it too soon could do the opposite. So, she kept quiet.
She said all the right things otherwise, how amazing he was, brilliant, hot, fit, funny, clever. Her actions showed her commitment – massages, icing his knee, helping him with his physio exercises, making sure he had pain meds handy, threading her fingers through his chest hair and giggling with delight, meeting and charming the rest of his family after his sister insisted they do so. She’d shown him she loved him, hadn’t she? Was that enough for him? He seemed utterly delighted with her, so she reckoned he was okay with their relationship status as it was.
There were even other big and small details that pointed to her utter devotion to him and him alone. He must have understood her affection for him at his final game and during his retirement speech, when she wore his kit. She’d never done that with anyone before – even some obsessive gossip bloggers had noticed and made the connection (they jumped to wedding bells rather presumptively).
Once it was confirmed Roy wouldn’t play again, she ensured she laid her hands on his full-sized decal, and insisted it be moved to her office. She also took Roy’s AFC Richmond promo photo - the one with him standing in front of his decal - had it framed, and kept it right next to her on her desk, right in front of the life-sized decal on her wall. She didn’t care if that ventured into fangirl territory. She’d unashamedly admit – who was she kidding – she would proudly and loudly admit that she was his fangirl, but for very different reasons than everyone else.
Roy wasn’t always one for details; it sometimes took him a moment to catch on, but she was overjoyed when he noticed her hair clips before they even walked out the door for their double date with Rebecca. The sparkly clips were subtle for those who didn’t understand, but she saw Roy’s lips curl into a shy smile and he bowed his head slightly when he caught the meaning of the RKJ letters in her hair.
So, the four-letter word? She held on to it tight. It needed to be the right time. It needed to be an occasion where she could tell he was ready, listening, alert, so that he truly comprehended how profoundly he had touched her and how much she meant it.
Funnily enough, all her care and consideration was for naught. Roy was the one who professed an “I love you” first. It was an accident. He didn’t even realize he’d done it. It wasn’t some grand pronouncement, some planned picturesque moment where he wanted to impress her. Nor was he feeling forced into action, as if out of frustration or obligation. It took them both by surprise, and when they clued in, both fought back emotional tears.
And that slip of the tongue, that casual drop of the L-bomb was perfect.
It meant he trusted her, he was at ease and relaxed when they were alone and cozy, he could let his guard down. The words were important, yes, but the manner he said them squeezed Keeley’s heart. It told her she’d been able to peel away his layers to the point that she had climbed inside them, behind the fortress walls he’d built for the world, and when she reciprocated, he not only appreciated it, he believed her. She knew that Roy trusting that someone loved him was rare, and because of that, she’d work her whole life to ensure he felt it every day.