Archive of Our Own

It had been three months since the company staff told the members to prepare for their fourth album. It had been two weeks since they finalized most choreography changes and vocal recordings. However, despite all their prep time, it had been four days since Jeonghan slept through most of the night.

Music Bank, Weekly Idol, podcasts, and filming for Going Seventeen were part of a regular schedule of the group's activities. Sometimes they would return to their dorm exhausted from dancing or singing the entire day. Jeonghan nevertheless wanted to stay in good spirits for his members, so he wouldn't let them know that he had recently been having sleepless nights. The upcoming release of Be The Sun seemed far away, but it would creep up on the group steadily like a shadow that grows in the light. Yet, they were all thrilled and eager for the release. The pent-up energy from not being on stage or seeing fans made this comeback even more special. Together and individually, they worked tirelessly to create the perfect selection of songs.

But, Jeonghan began to struggle the last few days because of how crazy the dorm was late at night. Joshua would leave early for his run, while Jun, Minghao, and Seokmin usually stayed late at the company and returned at awful morning hours. Woozi would be locked up in his studio, most times bringing his work home without noticing or caring that the walls were not as soundproof as they appeared. Or how Seungkwan and Sooyoung bickered loudly in the dorm over trivial disputes. Jeonghan thought Seungcheol was lucky. Instead of being at the dorm, he attended meetings with the staff or was couped up at the recording studio. Even with all those responsibilities, Jeonghan thought anything would be better than listening to the hectic commotion all the time.

Recently he started to use more makeup than necessary to conceal the dark circles and eye bags. He shot straight to the washroom when the boys arrived home from practice. Once the door closed, he removed the layers of concealer and foundation packed onto his face and pores. Revealing dark bags, Jeonghan sighed and applied lotion and a light cream so no one would suspect anything when he walked out. Jeonghan stared at his reflection. When did it get so bad? There was a heaviness in his gaze that aged him. Soon a knock came breaking him momentarily out of his tiredness.

"Hey, hyung, could you help me with something? I need some advice during the chorus. Does tomorrow work?" Vernon spoke through the door as Jeonghan saw his shadow move under the crack of the doorframe.

He didn't want to since his voice was overused, but he always wanted to be available for his younger members. With Seungcheol sometimes preoccupied with leadership roles, he was, by default, the second in charge.

"Sure, what time?"

Vernon replied, "Early. I need to meet with the choreographer and head back to the studio to record. Maybe 7:30?"

Jeonghan mentally checked his schedule to see if anything over crossed, and to his (un)luck, he was free during the morning and had plans nearing 10. "I can make it; just knock on my door tomorrow morning, and I'll head out with you," Jeonghan replied from his side of the door. The shadow moved away, and Jeonghan felt like he could relax once more. Last night he was awoken by a door closing and, hours later, the shuffling of a member walking to the kitchen. Tonight Jeonghan needed at least 8 hours of sleep to be there for Vernon.

"Hyung!" Another voice broke his small moments of silence. There were few moments, anyway. "You've been in there for a while. Are you okay?" Seokmin asked as he cracked the door open, checking if Jeonghan hadn't fallen or felt ill. "I'm fine." Jeonghan smiled back.

"Great to hear, but can you hurry it up because I kind of need to--" Jeonghan, more alert, quickly finished the rest of his nightly routine and exited. He apologized, but Seokmin could tell something was wrong, but he was too late to ask as Jeonghan turned and walked to his room. Seokmin would have to ask Seungcheol about it when he returned to the dorm.

Jeonghan checked his phone for the time, signaling it was almost 11, so he could be ready before 7 in the morning and drive with Vernon to the company if he got the needed hours. It could work if he doesn't get woken up by anyone or any noise. Jeonghan started to get ready for bed, changing into a loose t-shirt and sweats and tidying up, putting away his other clothes from days past. Jeonghan always prepared to sleep at a decent time but never managed to sleep through the night. He blames how sensitive a sleeper he was, but it's not like that could ever change.

It was two hours later that Jeonghan woke up for the first time.

"Shh, you'll wake the others. Careful when taking off your shoes- don't kick them off!" Jun hushedly yelled. "Sorry," Minghao replied. Jeonghan's eyes slowly blinked open as the light from the hallway bled from under his door. He maneuvered and turned over, so now he was facing away and towards the wall, hoping he would succumb to sleep quickly. Thankfully, he fell back to sleep and was glad that Jun and Minghao had retreated to their rooms.

The second time Jeonghan woke up was three hours later. He got alarmed since the noise that woke him sounded like a lamp or heavy object falling to the ground. Jeonghan peered at his alarm clock, glowing the numbers 4:32

The culprit of the noise came from the main living area, where Chan accidentally knocked Mingyu's cup to the floor, sending glass flying everywhere.

Everything sounded muffled, but he heard loud and clear when the glass broke and when Mingyu began scolding Chan. "I'm so sorry, hyung, let me help you," Chan quickly bent down and began to pick up the glass when Mingyu stopped him. "Chan, you'll get cut. Stop. I'll get the garbage bin, and can you grab the broom?" Mingyu grabbed Chan's arm before he could pick up any shards and pointed to where they kept the broom.

Jeonghan knew after a loud noise that it was more troublesome for his brain to go back to sleep now that it had been shocked awake. He decided it was best to go out to the kitchen, make himself tea, and try to soothe his stress. He got up and made his way seeing Mingyu and Chan. "Sorry, hyung, did we wake you?" Mingyu peered up, dumping the shards into the garbage as silently as he could, which didn't prove to work as the fragments rattled and clinked on the other trash. Jeonghan rubbed his eyes and shook his head, but Mingyu glanced at Chan suspiciously. Jeonghan started making his tea with no other words, sitting down to enjoy the warmth spreading across his body.

It was a suitable supplement for the moment and helped lull Jeonghan back into a sleepy state. But that was not the final time Jeonghan would wake up.

It was 6:45, the third time Jeonghan broke out of his sleep. He gave up looking over at the clock and decided to get ready since it was useless to try and get any more sleep. He changed and tried to look as presentable as possible but being the fourth day of no solid rest. He was nowhere near cognizant. Jeonghan sat in the kitchen waiting for Vernon so they could head off to the company building.

Seungcheol was already in the kitchen having some coffee which caught Jeonghan off guard. "It's pretty early of you to wake up? What is this, the third day?" Jeonghan spun around, taking in his surroundings, "You're right, third--No fourth? Wait." Seungcheol looked at him strangely and felt sorry for his friend.

"Jeonghan, are you okay? You don't seem like yourself, and you look awful," Seungcheol walked closer, checking Jeonghan out and placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. Jeonghan backed away, "You know, for someone who is usually up at five to six in the morning, you sure do have a lot of quick remarks. I'm fine, though, thanks for asking." Jeonghan tried flashing a grin but faltered. He also grabbed a cup of coffee, praying Vernon would walk out so Seungcheol couldn't ask any more questions.

Vernon exited his room soon enough to Jeonghan's prayer, and Jeonghan called out to him, telling Vernon that he was ready early. Before Seungcheol could press on, Vernon and Jeonghan collected their belongings and were out the door. The car could have been a better place to try and catch up on sleep. However, Jeonghan's head kept bumping into the window, and the noise outside didn't help. He was shaken when Vernon nudged him that they had arrived at the company building. So the two make their way to the recording studio, Vernon in the booth and Jeonghan sitting outside waiting for their soundboard operator to set up.

"So Jeonghan hyung, here in this verse, should my tone be softer, or should I keep it airier?" He glanced over at the lyric sheet and notes, "I suggest you keep your voice steady here and, with the last few syllables, raise into a softer falsetto. Try it, and if you don't like it, we can keep working on it." So with a thumbs up, Vernon began singing his verse. It sounded perfect, and it was finalized with a few more recordings.

At the dorm, Seungcheol was relieved that today was one of his less busy schedules. All he had to do was a magazine shoot with Jeonghan, Mingyu, and Wonwoo. He spent most of the week talking with CEOs and representatives of music shows. Discussion topics about when they would come into the record for their new song and other promotions. "Oh, Seungcheol hyung, I was looking for you." Seokmin came around the corner. Seungcheol's head turned and asked if Seokmin needed anything. "What's up?"

Seokmin leaned against the wall, "Have you noticed anything going on with Jeonghan recently? Every time I talk with him, he doesn't seem fully there, you know?" Seungcheol nodded, taking in what he had to say. "He looks so tired I'm afraid I might have to catch him mid-conversation if he stumbles over."

This worried Seungcheol. He saw that Jeonghan had been visibly more tired but wasn't completely aware of his friend's plight, worsening the guilt forming in his stomach. He would like to think he was always in tune with his members. They spent years together and, at this point, would know who was sneezing just from the sound. Seungcheol was incredibly close with Jeonghan. They always supported each other in the early days. He thought back to the times he caught Jeonghan softly swaying, but he didn't think much of it at the time.

Yet it hurt Seungcheol knowing that Jeonghan didn't come to him if he had a problem, even something as simple as sleep. Hopefully, when they get together for the photo shoot, he'll be able to probe Jeonghan for answers.

Vernon came out and thanked Jeonghan for coming and for his advice for singing, as the rapper was still insecure about his vocal talent. Checking the clock, it was only 8:25. That gave Jeonghan plenty of time to go back and begin preparing for his following schedule. Jeonghan was yawning so much in the car and struggling to keep his eyes open. He told himself that he just needed coffee to carry out for the rest of the day and to get sleep again later.

"Hyung, are you alright?"

Jeonghan jostled, "Oh-what was that, Vernon?" He didn't want the younger to worry, so he feigned his best smile. "Are you okay? You could have told me you were tired. I could have asked Seokmin to come with me today." Jeonghan waved Vernon off and told him that Seokmin was busy and it was no issue. He hoped that satisfied Vernon as he turned back to watch the city pass by out the window. But Vernon could tell something was wrong.

"Again, thanks for all your help today, hyung. You should get some rest." Vernon patted his back and gave him a sympathetic smile. But it was already close to nine, and the magazine shoot was soon. Jeonghan had no time and hurried to his room and packed his bag with some clothes to leave for the set. As soon as he returned, he was out the door with Seungcheol, Wonwoo, and Mingyu. Jeonghan was thankful no one mentioned his sleepiness and prayed he was first for makeup. Although his incognizant behavior did not go unnoticed by his members, if anything, they became more concerned as the day went on. But still, no one said a word.

When they reached the set, many people were preparing the site, from hair stylists, makeup artists, and the camera crew. It was a collage of people and props, making Jeonghan's head spin. Soon the manager dragged them over to the changing area. His head began to pound from all the noise as he tried to stand up straight for the woman to work on his clothing. Seungcheol stood next to him and reached out his hand to hold, giving a comforting squeeze, concerned about his health. Seungcheol, about to ask him if he was doing okay, was cut off by the staff dragging Jeonghan to the makeup chairs.

Jeonghan's eyes fluttered shut as he willed his head not to roll back and forth. It was challenging to stay still, but he kept telling himself to push through. Before he knew it, the four men were being called to get placed in their poses. The first ones were with Seungcheol and Mingyu; they were wearing all white and told to sit on the floor with their legs extended. The next shot was stand-alone, and Jeonghan was asked to pretend to walk under red and blue lighting.

By now, his body felt like a rag doll. His head ached beyond belief, and he felt like his eyes were tricking him under the lighting. The other boys had their photos taken, and soon again, they were asked to change for group shots. They were quickly ushered to change into black and neutral colors and were placed on a small bench. Finally, in the last group shot, they wore different shades of green. Mingyu was lounging on the chair provided, and Seungcheol was to sit behind with his arm over Jeonghan's shoulder. Jeonghan prayed and basically willed time to move forward. He was hungry and felt like he was about to pass out. The flash of the camera did nothing to help his nausea.

"Jeonghan-ssi, can you bend your leg, step, and lean forward a bit?" Just as Jeonghan moved, he misplaced his foot and unsteadily fell forwards but just in time for Seungcheol to catch him by the shoulders to pull him back up. The camera flashed again.

Seungcheol was careful but tilted closer to Jeonghan's ear, "Are you okay?" Flash.

"You don't seem well these days." Flash.

"I've seen you up earlier than me." Flash.

"Are you sure you're oka-" Jeonghan losing his composure and tired of being tired, snapped. "Yes, Seungcheol, I'm okay! As I've told you before, Vernon, and anyone else who's asked me, I'm doing fine!" The air became frigid, and the magazine staff froze.

Jeonghan didn't care if this would cause an issue, and some article about him losing his temper would be released. He just wanted to go home. The shoot continued. The atmosphere was still tense after his breakout, but they were able to finish and started wrapping to go home. As Jeonghan began to change into his regular clothes, he saw Mingyu and Wonwoo talking with staff and Seungcheol walking in his direction. "I don't want you to get mad at me. I just want to know how you're doing. You don't seem like yourself, and I want to check in with you. Please don't lie to me, alright? I've noticed the bags under your eyes the last few days." Seungcheol placed his hand on Jeonghan's shoulder gently.

So he did notice.

"What are you talking about?" Seungcheol sighed, growing more frustrated with Jeonghan's behavior. He was awake in the early hours and seemed more sluggish. His worries were confirmed when he did remember seeing Jeonghan two days ago, talking to Seungkwan, almost wavering and losing his balance.

"Please, Jeonghan, I'm not mad. Just tell me what's going on." So what Jeonghan hasn't slept in the last few days, he doesn't owe it to Seungcheol to explain every problem. He had more important schedules than Jeonghan. "Seungcheol hyung, I told you I'm fine. It's been busy with the comeback. It's no different than any other time. You shouldn't have to be worried. Vernon doesn't have to be worried. No one has to be worried, for my sake. I'm just tired, that's it, so please let it go! Please, hyung."

Jeonghan's voice grew louder with each remark, and Seungcheol could see the frantic plea in his eyes. It wasn't until Jeonghan realized his voice got louder and louder that he gasped for air. Wonwoo and Mingyu's conversation had stopped to look at him. Embarrassed for causing a scene again, he shook off Seungcheol's hand but felt dizzy. Jeonghan's head was pulsating beyond belief. With every step to his bag, his vision became spottier and blurred.

Thud.

Jeonghan's body collapsed to the floor. Seungcheol immediately rushed to pick him up as Wonwoo and Mingyu came racing over. "Hyung, what happened?" Seungcheol explained how Seokmin noticed Jeonghan's odd behavior as the two received the new information. He was retelling how Jeonghan seemed tired but wasn't letting people help him and how the exhaustion and fatigue must have overworked his body to fainting. The three help the lifeless-like body off the floor, throwing Jeonghan's arms around Seungcheol and Mingyu's shoulders. Wonwoo stayed behind with their staff to apologize for the outburst and scene they caused. Once the other two reached the car outside, they carefully sat Jeonghan down. They promptly ran back inside to collect his and their belongings. The car ride back to the dorms was hushed. The three men looked at their friend from time to time with concern.

"How did we not notice?" Mingyu wondered. "I'm sure he was hiding it well from us to have gone on so long like that." Wonwoo supplied. Seungcheol said nothing the whole ride, barely listening to the other two and their unease. He kept watching over Jeonghan, disheartened that he never shared how he felt. Before they knew it, the car stopped, and they had arrived back home. Seungcheol asked the two to help Jeonghan to his room as he stayed outside to call the rest of the members back to the dorm as soon as they could. He was even debating asking the company for pushback on the release.

Once everyone returned, Seungcheol gathered everyone in the main living room. Seungcheol turned on 'leader mode' and informed everyone of the situation, answering as much as he knew. Minghao and Dino wondered where he was and if they should have a doctor come to check up on Jeonghan. Jun and Joshua felt bad they didn't notice sooner, something everyone in the room expressed. "Did anyone notice anything?" Seungcheol asked the group. Vernon and Chan turned to each other, looking at Seungcheol as if they were guilty. "Vernon? Chan? Do you have something to say?"

"Jeonghan hyung was acting weird today at the recording studio. I asked if he could help with this verse I was stuck on, and he seemed fine, but when he came home, he seemed so out of it in the car. I thought it was because it was early." Chan nodded in agreement, "Yeah, and last night, I accidentally broke a mug. Jeonghan came out of his room due to the noise and acted sluggish. His eyes looked droopy, and he looked a lot skinner." Soon everyone was trying to recall their interactions with the second oldest.

"And neither of you thought to tell me?" Seungcheol broke the tension in the room. "I was going to, but you were busy, and then I forgot," Chan replied. Vernon excused that the incident happened earlier that day and didn't think much of it beyond a typical 'tired because it's really early' behavior. Everyone was dismissed, but Seungcheol sat pondering how he didn't notice and his failure to do more.

Opening his eyes, Jeonghan slowly looked at his surroundings. He still had a headache and was confused about why he was back in his room. He needed to remember when or how he and the others returned to their dorm. The last thing he remembered was yelling at Seungcheol. He cringed. His thought was cut short when he heard voices from the living room. Jeonghan lay in bed, embarrassed by his actions at the set, and felt like a child hearing their parents discuss their punishment. Soon the voices tapered out, and the sound of the front door closing settled his nerves. Gradually he got up, still feeling unsteady, but he made his way to his door and slowly cracked it open to peer down the hall. He didn't see anyone and deemed it safe to leave his room. His plan was to eat a small meal and then figure out what to tell the rest of his members. As he crept into the kitchen, a voice stopped him.

"I see you're up. Are you feeling better?" Jeonghan turned to see Seungcheol lying on the couch as he moved to sit up. Jeonghan didn't know what to say. Should he apologize or continue to lie? Cautiously, "I'm feeling a little better, just a tad light-headed and hungry." He walked over to sit across from Seungcheol, sensing the leader wanted a real conversation. "So. Will you lie to me again, or will you be honest so I can help you?"

Jeonghan didn't know what to say. He could tell the truth, but he worried it would affect their comeback and didn't want to be pulled out from activities. Not getting sleep wasn't even that bad of an issue to be taken out for a few days. But it could force the members to relearn his parts which Jeonghan did not want to happen. With the comeback looming over his head like a sword, he decided to come clean.

"I'm tired from practice and shootings we had the last few days, that's all." Sort of. Jeonghan hoped Seungcheol would believe him, but they'd spent too many years together, and the leader could see through his blatant lie. "Jeonghan-ah, you can't ask me to believe your fainting today has anything to do with our practices. I can clearly tell that you've been utterly fatigued as of late. There has to be more than just our daily schedules." The way Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan was a mixture of hurt, and his voice held a gentle tone.

He was sure there was no way to flee the conversation until Seungcheol got the truth. With an honest sigh, Jeonghan sat down and began to tell Seungcheol the truth. He explained that for the last few days, every sound the members made during the night, whether it was coming home, making late-night snacks, or working in their rooms, Jeonghan could hear every noise. It always managed to wake him up with little promise of falling back asleep. It got to the point where Jeonghan gave up, and around the second or third time he woke up, he would stay awake.

He deemed it pointless to try to sleep again and prepared for the day as usual. Seungcheol's gaze softened when Jeongan was finished, and he moved closer to Jeonghan, who was tearing up a bit. "I didn't even realize I started crying. Sorry." He turned away from the elder to wipe his tears with his sleeve.

"Don't be sorry. If anything, I'm sorry I didn't notice you were having a hard time. You could have told me. I'm sure the kids wouldn't have minded trying to be quieter at night." He offered Jeonghan a small smile reaching to wipe his tears this time. "I know. I just didn't want to bother everyone for my sake. I know that everyone is busy also preparing for the comeback." Seungcheol laughed and lightly chided Jeonghan for thinking the members wouldn't have at least tried to be less noisy at night for his sake.

It felt like a weight had been lifted from Jeonghan, which finally allowed his body to relax and feel drowsy without worrying about keeping up his facade. Later that night, when almost everyone was back at the dorms, Seungcheol called them to discuss the night. A chorus of 'are you okay' and 'feel better, hyung' was directed at Jeonghan, who made the promise to his members that he was fine.

After everyone calmed down, Seungcheol requested to the group that if tonight, everyone could try to be asleep or be quiet by 12. Not just for Jeonghan but for everyone's sake; because of the comeback, he couldn't have any more drained members. He shot Jeonghan a quick nod to let him know he had his support. And Seungcheol could also do with less noise late in the evening.

As the sun began to set, the warm hues of pink and orange seeped through the windows, finally allowing the day to end. Jeonghan couldn't wait and looked forward to finally sleeping through the night. After playing some games, he said goodnight and went to his bedroom. His phone read 11:30, so he deemed it a perfect time to prepare for sleep. Everything went smoothly. There was barely any noise from their main living area, only if you focus on soft background sounds resonating from one or two rooms.

It was the perfect environment for Jeonghan to get a consistent night's rest. As he lay in bed, he reminded himself to thank Seungcheol. If it wasn't for him, Jeonghan would be worse for wear and could have seriously injured himself on stage. He settled under the covers and felt light as he closed his eyes.

It was 12:56, and this time it was Soonyoung, and from the sound of knocking into furniture, he was drunk. Jeonghan's eyes fluttered open as his consciousness began to tune into his surroundings. He sighed, vaguely remembering that Soonyoung was filming for that drinking Youtube show. Moments later, Seungkwan was heard shushing, and overall loud whining noises followed. Jeonghan hoped it would end quickly because all he wanted was one good uninterrupted rest.

Soon it became two in the morning again, and Jeonghan truly believed he was cursed to never properly have an undisturbed sleep. After slowly opening his eyes, he went to the kitchen to make tea like he always had. He boiled the water, got his favorite tea packet out, and quietly set his mug on the counter. Jeonghan was exasperated as he let out a resounding sigh. He loved his members but didn't remember it always being this hard. It has been busier, and he cites his tiredness to all the preparation and plausible nerves from the company alerting them of the connected tour. But he highly doubted it.

Then he heard the floor creak.

"Who is it?" He asked with his back faced away.

"Jeonghan, what are you doing up? It's two in the morning." Seungcheol's husky early-morning voice came from behind. Out of all people, Jeonghan had hoped it wasn't him. He didn't want Seugcheol to feel bad knowing that he still hadn't surrendered to any semblance of sleep.

"I know. I'm just making a quick cup of tea and hopefully going back to bed." He answered with his back still to Seungcheol, not even believing his own words. However, he was swiftly turned around. Having been made to face the leader with the lumbar of his back flush against the counter. It was awkward. The faint sound of boiling water whispering and bubbling on the stovetop. "Jeonghan, I'm worried for you," Seungcheol stated, solemn in his tone and gaze, unmoved. "It's not good to be sleep-deprived like this."

It made Jeonghan feel guilt-ridden all over again. So he tried to avoid looking Seuncgheol in the eyes. "If anyone should know, that should be me." He deadpanned because he, too, was sick of the constant waking. But there is nothing he can do about the problem. He can't ask everyone to stop their activities for a few days just for him. Then he'd feel even more awful about inconveniencing others' personal schedules. So he would learn how to deal with it and suck it up. Seungcheol, however, refused to imagine letting Jeonghan struggle any longer. And soon, Jeonghan felt a pressure of weight added as he realized that Seungcheol had pulled him into a hug.

Instantly all of Jeonghan's pent-up frustrations melted away. He felt like he had been holding in every emotion, and letting Seungcheol hug him was like sharing his troubles. They stood like that for a while. The tea was long forgotten, bubbles coming to low steam. It was nice to feel supported and comforted physically. Jeonghan gasped when he heard Seungcheol smell the tufts of his hair at the nape of his neck.

He pulled away. "Sorry," he glanced, "your hair smelled good." This time his voice was barely above a whisper, emphasizing the early morning. It made Jeonghan remember the early days of their careers, standing on stage or being interviewed and Seungcheol leaning in to play with or smell his hair.

"Reminds me of when you always used to do that. Back then." Seungcheol was confused. "When you played with my long hair or smelt the top of my head." Jeonghan laughed. The memory shortly permeated the other's head as his smile grew. "You used a good shampoo, then too." It was quiet. "Why don't you tell me things anymore." Jeonghan was pulled back into the room. It was his turn to be confused. "What do you mean?"

"We used to tell each other how we were feeling more often. I remember telling you how I felt like I wasn't the right fit to be a leader, and you told me when you wanted to quit. I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell me about having a hard time sleeping." He looked hurt.

Jeonghan didn't want others to worry for him because he thought he could handle his own problems. He didn't want to involve others in something almost childlike. "We grew up. Telling everyone, I was having trouble sleeping? We're not teenagers anymore, Seungcheol. I thought I could fix it, or it would go away somehow."

"There would have been no problem with telling me, though. Minghao also is a light sleeper. You should have seen him when he was sleep deprived." Seungcheol laughs at his own memory. "Really? But he always comes back from practices late, and I never see him up."

Seungcheol smugly cocks his head, "That's because he told me, and we worked it out." Jeonghan playfully rolled his eyes in return, "Hyung. I just didn't want to concern you or any of the dongsaengs." Seungcheol let out an indignant huff, "But you did concern me and everyone else. When you fainted at that shoot today, everyone was worried for you. I was worried for you." They stared at each other, "I didn't even care about what would happen after."

Jeonghan pondered for a moment because he didn't think that his lack of sleep bothered the leader that much. He moved to rest his hand on the side of Seungcheol's arm.

"Hyung. I'm sorry." The tension dissipated, and the two eldest came to an unspoken understanding. Jeonghan finally poured himself a cup of tea as Seungcheol waited for him. As they walked back down the hall, Seungcheol stopped, "Do you want me to wait with you till you fall asleep?" He asked hesitantly.

"Seungcheol, I am very well capable of falling asleep on my own," Jeonghan scoffed jokingly, bumping his arm against the other. Before he could enter his room, the look on Seungcheol's face had no sense that it was only a joke. "You're kidding, right?" But Seungcheol wasn't joking.

So Jeonghan stood still as the seconds felt like a crawl to the next minute. Internally he debated if he wanted Seungcheol to actually wait for him to fall asleep. But wouldn't that be weird? "If you're that worried...I guess you can." Seungcheol gave a curt nod as they two headed for Jeonghan's bedroom. It was strange. What would he do, just watch Jeonghan until he fell asleep like a stalker? So, Jeonghan trying not to focus on his apprehensions, crawled into bed and found a comfortable spot rolling to his side.

The bed soon dipped when he felt Seungcheol sift beside him. "Uh, what are you doing?" Jeonghan shot up, sitting upright, twisting his head in puzzlement. Seungcheol gave him the same look, "Going to sleep. Did you expect me to watch you?" Jeonghan scoffed and sheepishly shook his head, "Well, you're only staying until I fall asleep." Seungcheol nodded.

It was strange. Jeonghan turned and stared at the ceiling, listening to Seungcheol's breathing pattern. He was unsure if the other was awake or had actually fallen asleep. He wondered if the two of them could fit on his bed throughout the night. Soon enough, the steady sound of Seungcheol's breathing lulled Joenghan into a weary state. Before he knew what was happening, his eyes began to feel heavy, and he felt himself falling asleep. Just for a bit, he thought. There was no activity for a while until a little after three, when movement started in the dorm again. It was the sound of Seokmin and Woozi coming back from, most likely, the company.

The vibration of them kicking off their shoes and the rustling of their bags stirs Jeonghan. He rolls over but jolts awake when one of them accidentally slams the front door shut. Jeonghan felt like walking out and cursing at them. Just as he could sit up, the grating of the bed woke Seungcheol a little. Thankfully he only groans and rolls over. Jeonghan reaches for his slippers as swiftly as possible when the bed's spring rattle wakes Seungcheol.

"Jeonghan?" Jeonghan shushes the other, "Go back to bed. I'll come back soon." But Seungcheol reaches out and holds Jeonghan's wrists, blocking him from leaving. Seungcheol had a strong sense of awareness for being asleep as Jeonghan tried to shake off his hold. "Come back to sleep...please?"

Knowing it's for the best Jeonghan stays, slipping off his singular slipper and tucking back under the covers. It was like starting at square one again. Gazing at the wall. Trying to count sheep or pacing his breathing usually took Jeonghan a long time before he would doze off. He didn't want Seungcheol to know that he had once again stayed up. He'd instead leave him to believe that he slept soundly through the night. He was shaken when unexpectantly, Seungcheol rested his hand on Jeonghan's head. He was about to remove the other's hand until Seungcheol's hand began combing through Jeonghan's locks.

Jeonghan didn't want to wake his friend, but he was perplexed to know if Seungcheol was aware that he was petting Jeonghan's hair. Even though he felt tense, the repetitive movements soon felt pacifying. "Feels nice. Your hair," Seungcheol replied rhythmically. Jeonghan hummed. They stayed in that position for a while, Seungcheol using his fingers to brush through Jeoghan's strands of hair. Skimming it back or gently touching the top of his head. It soothed Jeonghan back into a hazy state, feeling drowsy once again. Then the carding of his hair stopped. Falling asleep, Jeonghan felt Seungcheol get up to leave. He whined a bit, wanting the elder to play with his hair again. Seungcheol came back. "Don't go. I'm not asleep yet."

"Do you want me to leave?" Seungcheol yawned a bit in response. "No," Jeonghan whispered back.

"Good, then I'll stay."

"Hey, Ddaddu?" Jeonghan slipped out but was too sleepy to care. It was a nickname Jeonghan made up not too long ago. "Yeah?" Seungcheol hummed, laying back down. Jeonghan closed his eyes and quietly said before falling asleep, "Thanks for staying with me." Finally, allowing the tiredness to take control of his body and mind for once. Jeonghan was asleep. "Anytime, Hannie." There was nothing but silence for the first time.