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One day, it was late at night for some reason.
Peter Parker was at the Avengers tower.
"Heya, Mr. Stark!" Peter said.
"Gah!" Tony said. "Peter, what are you doing here so late?"
"Well, my friend Hawkeye really needs me here right now!" Peter said. "He's really sad!"
"Uh…. okay… I guess," said Tony.
Hawkeye, who had previously been standing around outside in an alleyway, entered the room.
"I'm not sad!" Hawkeye said. "I just find it physically difficult to smile!"
"Don't worry!" Peter said. "I'll always be there for you!"
"No!" Hawkeye said. "I don't need anybody to be there for me!"
"Yes, you do!" Peter said. "Come on, let's have a sleepover!"
"If we have a sleepover tonight, will you leave me alone tomorrow?" Hawkeye asked.
"Sure," said Peter. "Let's go!"
Peter had already set up a sleeping bag in Hawkeye's room earlier that day.
"What the heck, dude," Hawkeye said, looking at the sleeping bag that Peter had set up in his room earlier that day.
"I knew that you'd say yes, so I got ready in advance!" Peter said.
"Okay, whatever," Hawkeye said. "Good night!"
"Good night, best friend!" Peter said, getting into the sleeping bag that he had set up in Hawkeye's room earlier that day.
Hawkeye was about to fall asleep, when he found a wig in his bed! The wig was long and dirty blonde, just like Thor's hair.
"WTF!" Hawkeye said, getting out of bed and running off to find Thor.
Thor was in his room, doing butt exercises
"Oh, hi, Hawkeye! What’s up?" Thor said, as Hawkeye barged in.
"You left your wig in my bed!" Hawkeye said. "Why?!"
"I didn't need it anymore. My real hair grew back, " Thor said, continuing his exercises.
"Okay, but why did you put it in my bed?" Hawkeye asked.
"I thought you might want it!" Thor said. "Didn't you want it?"
"NO!" Hawkeye said. "Why would I want it?"
"Because your hair is short," said Thor. "If you wore it, you could have long hair like me!"
"I don't want to be anything like you!" said Hawkeye. "You're a self-obsessed, manipulative, alcoholic, spoiled rich boy!"
"Oh, boohoo," said Thor. "You hurt my feelings. How will I ever recover?"
Hawkeye sighed. "Come get your wig back."
"Ugh, fine," Thor said. He stopped exercising and went to go get the wig.
The next day, Peter woke up to find that Hawkeye was gone.
"Oh, no! Hawkeye's dead!" Peter cried, running through the halls.
As he was crying, he bumped into Thor.
Thor was skipping through the halls and twirling his purse.
"What's wrong, Man of Spiders?" Thor asked.
"I can't find Hawkeye!” Peter said. “I think he died!"
"He's not dead," said Thor. "He went to go stand outside in an alleyway again, for some reason."
"Oh, yeah!" said Peter. "He was doing that a lot yesterday, for some reason."
"Who was doing what yesterday, Peter?" Captain America asked, approaching them.
"Hawkeye was standing around in an alleyway," Peter said. "He did it lots of times, sir!"
"Oh, no!" said Cap. "That's no good!"
"Why not, sir?" Peter asked.
"He's probably going out there to smoke!" said Cap.
"Oh, shoot!" Thor said. "That's unhealthy!"
"Well, you only shower every other week," Cap said. "So, you're not really in a position to say what's unhealthy."
"Thor is right, though," Peter said. "Smoking will damage Hawkeye's health! We have to stop him!"
"I know, and I have an idea!" Cap said.
"Ooh!" Peter said. "Tell us, tell us, tell us!"
"The next time he wanders off, somebody has to go after him!" Cap said.
Meanwhile, Hawkeye was sneaking down the alleyway with a piece of bacon in his hand.
"Here, doggie!" he said.
A black dog emerged from the shadows. "Is that for me?" it asked.
"Yes!" Hawkeye said. "Come and get it!"
The dog cautiously approached the bacon, but then Thor charged in.
"EYE OF HAWK, YOU HAD BEST NOT BE SMOKING!" Thor shouted.
The dog got scared and ran away.
"Aw, man!" Hawkeye said. "I almost had him!"
"That dog is evil!" Thor said. "You shouldn't mess with him!"
"No, he's a nice dog!" Hawkeye said. "He's just scared!"
"HE TRIED TO DROWN ME ONCE!" Thor shouted.
"You're just being ridiculous!” Hawkeye said. “Go away!"
"Fine! But don't say that I didn't warn you, if you get bitten!" Thor said, heading back indoors.
"So, was it true?" Cap asked. "Was he smoking?"
"Oh, yes!" Thor said. "He was smoking a big, smelly, cigar!"
"Ooh! I am going to confront him about this later!" Cap said.
Later, Cap confronted Hawkeye about that.
"Hawkeye, can we talk?" Cap asked.
"I have an appointment to go to right now," Hawkeye said. "Can it wait?"
Cap sighed. "Yes, it can wait. See you later, Hawkeye."
"Ooh, an appointment!" Peter said. "Is that because you got sick from smoking?"
"What? No! I'm not sick! And I don't smoke!" Hawkeye said.
"Really? Then why does your voice sound so scratchy?" Peter asked.
"I was just born that way," Hawkeye said.
"Why do you look so old?" Cap asked. "Smoking ages you faster, you know!"
"I'm in my 40's," Hawkeye said. "Of course I look old!"
"So? I'm 100!" Cap said.
"Well, not everyone can be a super soldier," said Hawkeye.
"Everyone, calm down!" Nick Fury said, entering the room. "I'm just making Barton go to therapy because he's having trouble smiling."
"You didn't have to tell everyone," Hawkeye said.
"Well, I already did," Nick Fury said. "Now, hurry up, before it's too late!"
That evening, Tony threw a birthday party for Pepper, because it was her birthday for some reason, and he forced all of the Avengers to attend the party for some reason.
"It's time to light the candles," Tony said. "Who here has a lighter?"
"I do!" Hawkeye said, pulling a lighter out his pocket.
"Ha! I knew it! You do smoke!" Thor laughed.
"What? No! This is for… uh… making flaming arrows!" Hawkeye said.
"That's stupid!” Peter said. ”I don't believe you!"
"Neither do I!" Tony said. "No cake for you, Hawkeye!"
Hawkeye ran away crying.
"I will be praying for him," said Cap.
The End!