Chapter Text
My eyes refocused themselves as I looked at the clock on my bedside table. The numbers blinked in time with the insistent ringing. I drag my hand over the top, pressing every button, I never knew which one was the right one. Dad always turned it off when he would wake me up. I should really turn the alarm off, I had no use for it since I stopped going to school. The death of a parent can sometimes have that effect.
It had only been three weeks and my mother had already asked me four times if I had thought about heading back to school. For a moment let's forget that my father was dead, but I hadn’t finished a school year in the same place I started it since kindergarten. My brother, Henry, was doing better than I was. It was increasingly irritating that he was just moving on. He had a habit of being annoying, like now. I can hear my door being pushed open and the quick footsteps he takes as he launches himself into the air. Before I can even let out a warning, his body weight touches down sending a groan from my throat.
“Good morning, my lovely little sister.” He greets taking a bite out of a sesame seed bagel, littering my bed sheets with seeds. With his weight compressing my lungs, I take as deep of a breath as I can.
“Henry, If you don’t get off of me in five seconds I will actually-” Before I even have a chance to finish he is off of me, placing himself in my desk chair. He takes another bite and chews, but I can see in his eyes he wants to speak again.
“What?” I ask plainly, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I can only see the spots of black and white behind my eyes lids as he speaks.
“I think you should come to school this week,” He took another bite.
I wanted to tell him it was Friday, I was reasonably certain he didn't know. I let him chew in hopes he would realize. He seems to read my mind as he takes a swig of the glass of water on my desk. Not sure how long that's been there.
“I mean next week. Some guys have been sniffing around your locker and asking about you and us and our family.” He mumbled, looking out my window.
“Why don’t they just come a knocking on our door then?” I ask heartily ignoring the annoyance that laced his voice. He turned back to me, half-chewed bagel puffing out his cheek.
“Just please, at least think about it. Maybe mom would get off your case a bit.” He got up and stopped at my doorway, he spun and leaned his head on the doorway avoiding eye contact.
“Look, I know it’s not easy,” He paused between each word as if waiting for me to cut him off “But he's not coming back.” He waited and I closed my open mouth which seemed to be satisfactory enough for him to finally leave.
I sit up and swing my legs off the edge of my bed. The box fan still rattling away in the corner sends a trail of goosebumps up my legs and arms. I stood shakily and turned the fan off, retreating to my closest in hopes of finding a sweater or crewneck to raise my temperature again. An old one, two sizes too big, and his favorite color caught my eye. Matching crewnecks were the first thing he had always bought me when we moved to a new state. The once bright white letters read North Carolina. It had been my favorite state and the first time I had really gotten angry about moving. I had met a boy and I was 14, so what else in the world could possibly be more important? I had screamed at them, I still remember the hateful words that I let slide off my tongue. I ran to my room with scissors and ruined the crewneck he had gotten me. A month later when I decided that, just maybe, I had overreacted he handed me the forest green crewneck that I knew he loved to wear.
Without a second thought of him, I slipped it on with a pair of black leggings that were laying on the floor from my previous outfit the day prior. Exiting the room I slid the hair tie from my hair and re-did the bun that had nearly fallen out in my sleep. I didn't bother to stop at the mirror at the top of the stair to smooth out bumps, it’s not like I was going into public. Descending the stairs I could hear the kettle scream for a moment before it was removed from the torturous heat.
“Oh look who decided to join us for breakfast.” I would like to say that she meant that as some sort of praise for actually getting out of bed, but I knew my mother. Her cheery tone and smile were not fooling me. I still saw the darkness that surrounded her eyes. I thin my lips into what some might call a smile. I sit next to Henry who is miraculously swiping on a dating app at 8 in the morning. I pour myself a glass of orange juice in the hope it will cure any sickness or despair that resides in my body.
“Henry tell me you are thinking of heading back next week.” My mother chimes turning away from her tea, looking at me ever so eager for an answer. I glance at him as he slurps down the milk from his empty bowl.
“Yeah, maybe just one day to start off.” I nod grabbing a browning banana to take upstairs. I won't eat it but my mom would say something backhanded if she thought I wasn't eating. She smiled and returned to her steeping tea. Henry refused to meet my eyes as he checked his phone.
“I’ve got to go, love yall.” He grabs his backpack off the floor and picks his keys from the clattered bowl by the door.
“Bye,” I say plainly, heading back to my room. As if the door shutting was encouragement, my mother spoke again.
“I’m going to drop you off at the school on my way to work today, I set up a meeting with the principal to discuss your workload going forward so you can still graduate on time.” I opened my mouth to utter something like thanks for the heads up but figured I would end up with a headache if we argued this early in the morning.
“Yes ma’am.” I acknowledge as I ascend the stairs. Taking a deep breath, I collect myself and locate my bag, still full of the book and assignments from before. I figured I might need some of it and headed downstairs to slip on my converse. I still remember the last time I was in school. I had actually had a really good last day, I had said goodbye to friends and promised to call-even though I wouldn't-and I arrived home to my mom and dad having an argument. They were using a langue I didn’t understand and I loudly shut the door in hope that they would finally notice me. They did and my mother stormed upstairs. That night I went to bed early, not hungry enough to sit through a tense dinner. I woke up in the middle of the night, a vivid nightmare imprinting itself on the back of my eyelids. I was going to go back to bed but my mom walked into my room and told me he was gone.
“Natalia, are you coming?” My mom asks, waiting by the open door. I nod and follow her. The ride to the school is nothing special, the dying leaves from fall still lay on the ground somehow drier and more dead. The winters of California were never pretty. The ride was over too soon as my mom pulls the car around front
“You’ll have to stay on campus till Henry is done, I don’t want you wandering around the woods.” Her tone was stern and I held back a groan of inconvenience.
“Okay,” I say sweetly as I grab my backpack from the backseat and shut the door muttering a love you, hoping she mutters one back. I walk away too quickly to hear if she does or not. My breath is caught in my throat as I reach the entrance doors and buzz the door, an older lady who works the front office buzzes me in
“How can we help you?’ The lady doesn’t even look up from her desktop.
“I’m here for a meeting with the principal, I’m Natalia Casey.” I smile as she finally looks up, but her copycat smile doesn't reach her eyes. She looks back to her monitor and types away at her computer before another pause.
“She will be back soon, you can wait in her office.” She points to the clearly labeled door, I nod and thank her before entering the room. Apparently, this principle was the longest-running in the past few years. She seemed kind enough, I only met her once or twice at the beginning of the year. A lot has changed since then.