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Zoro’s captain is one of the most infuriating people on the planet.
This is not an understatement.
“You're moping,” Usopp snickers. He gestures to Zoro, splayed across the lounge’s booths next to the huge aquarium. “Look at this— no, seriously. I’m laughing.”
“I am not moping,” Zoro mutters. “Look at the cook. That’s moping.”
The sniper crosses his arms. “Sanji getting turned down on-sight by a girl at our last stop and whining about it is at least a reasonable excuse to mope. You're just a loser.”
“Why are you still speaking to me.”
“Ugh. Shut up.”
There's a few moments of them glaring at each other. Nami pokes her head in through the doorway. “Hey, guys, we’re stopping for a few hours so Franky can fill up. Anyone wanna go with him?”
Zoro doesn't grace her with a response. Usopp considers her. “Who all is going?”
Nami pauses. “Luffy, me, Franky, and Chopper. The three of us need to grab some things. Luffy’s just coming ‘cause he feels like it.”
Zoro opens an eye, and uncrosses his legs. “I’ll go.”
Her expression goes from inquisitive to judgeful. She cocks an eyebrow. And that's very rude of her, because he knows she knows, and she knows he knows she knows. God help him. Devil woman.
“Shut up.”
There's a smirk tugging at the edge of her lips. “Okay. I didn't say anything.”
Usopp pats Zoro on the head—a little tentatively, like he's worried Zoro is going to lean up and bite his hand off. And he's a little tempted to. “It's okay, buddy.”
“It's okay what?”
“Nothing,” Usopp smiles.
“You're coming?” Luffy wonders. He's always been a little fidgety, constantly bouncing off the walls with his thoughts (almost always voiced-aloud thoughts) alone, but even more so now, and Zoro can tell just by looking at him.
Zoro grunts, a half-shrug.
“You're coming.”
A statement this time. Zoro sighs, because he expected this. “You just want me to come so you can make me buy you some dumb shit.”
Luffy grins.
“Well, I’m not.”
“I want you to, though,” Luffy’s nose scrunches. Like the concept of him not going isn't even conceivable. “Usopp would do it.”
“That's because he's a weak man.” Zoro says. Then, just out of spite, “And a loser.”
(Zoro wishes he could bring himself not to be as petty as Usopp, or Luffy even, but he has a feeling they're rubbing off on him.)
But— weak when it comes to Luffy specifically. Usopp folds like an omelet- and Zoro has to be fair- it happens to the majority of the crew, anyway. If he had to name someone who doesn't fall victim to Luffy’s charm and his annoyingly big puppy-dog eyes, it'd be Sanji. At least at first. Luffy knows how to work him down.
“Don’t buy him crap he doesn't need,” Sanji snaps to the boys. Then goes a little gentle, “Nami-san. Please.”
Sanji can probably tell by the lines of Nami’s shoulders that she's already resigned to getting Luffy something he doesn't need. “I’ll try.”
—
Zoro gets dragged around through at least more than half the span of the island by Luffy alone. He prefers this rather than carrying Nami’s bags around, though.
Being around Luffy is as easy as breathing. It comes so naturally Zoro doesn't even recognize he's doing it sometimes.
“Look at these!” Luffy says, “Look, they spin. That's so cool.”
He's pointing at these stupid little spinny tops that you get for too much beri. It is the most endeared Zoro has felt in the past week. “I'm not getting you one."
“But you have to.”
“No.”
He gets him a top. Mainly because Luffy said so, and stared at him with his bug-eyes and wouldn't leave him alone until he did.
While Zoro tries to solve a sudoku at this one booth, Luffy drapes himself over his back, muttering stupid things in his ear. He smells like meat and that hair of his hasn't been brushed in a week—but it's so Luffy. A disgusting and gritty teenager. Moron.
“One,” Zoro grunts. The old man running the booth puts in a one.
“Try a three for the next one,” Luffy murmurs in his ear.
He's oddly warm. Rubber isn't particularly cold, but Luffy’s like a human furnace at the moment, and this island is kinda chilly. He usually only does this with Sanji—the whole koala-cling to your back—but Zoro doesn't mind.
“Can’t. There's already two in a row.” He inclined his head at the two three’s.
“That's dumb,” Luffy says, child-like.
“Sure,” he allows, “But I’m almost done with it. Ossan, put a four there.”
Zoro ends up winning this little teddy bear thing that he gives to Luffy by muscle memory. But, Luffy’s gaze goes dough-eyed and Zoro blows a puff of air out of his mouth, a little satisfied.
Zoro watches Luffy wolf down the rice ball. “I fought a man to get that, Luffy.”
“Nice,” Luffy says with his mouth full. His fingers are sticky. There's this funny glare in his eyes.
“He wasn't strong,” Zoro adds. He went down in two punches.
“Course he wasn't,” Luffy blinks at him. “You're stronger!” Luffy swats him softly in the shoulder once he wipes the leftover rice ball on his pants. His eyes are big, even as he throws a rubber arm around Zoro’s neck and tosses up a stupid peace-sign that Usopp taught him. “Right? I think so. So I’m right.”
His hands fall to his sides. Zoro goes still, like a recorder on pause. It's like- it's like a synopsis. “Yeah, captain. I know.”
Zoro’s captain is an enigma. An unreachable anomaly that no one knows the definition of, and Zoro thinks that’s fine. It's fine if it's him. Don't get him wrong— Luffy is batshit insane. But that's fine. Whatever.
But he'd follow him anywhere. His point still stands.
They wander around aimlessly for a while, mindlessly chatting with each other. No one bothers them—probably because they're in the middle of nowhere (Luffy's fault), but Nami eventually stomps up to them with a nasty glare on her face.
Nami drags them back to the ship by the ears. “You shitty losers were gone forever!”
“Ouch,” Zoro grumbles. Nami tugs his earrings, before haphazardly tossing Zoro onto Sunny’s deck. Luffy bounces off the surface like a ball. “Ow!”
Usopp snickers at him from behind Franky’s legs.
“Sanjiii,” Luffy whines. Pulls himself to his feet. “Hungry.”
It's already hard to keep Luffy’s attention, but once Luffy has his mind set on food it's impossible to get him off of it. “Lost him,” Zoro fiddles with his katanas.
“Unfortunate,” Usopp teases, and makes a kissy face. “ Really unfortunate.”
“Shut up!” Zoro snaps, "I have half a mind to tackle your shitty—"
"You and Luffy went on a date—"
"Usopp!"