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In the editing bay, Oluwande screens a cut of Team Kiwi’s first leg for Lucius. “Best Friends,” the chyron reads beneath footage of them running through the airport in the most impractical footwear Lucius has seen since he started working on The Amazing Race—motorcycle boots (Ed) and designer hiking boots (Stede).
“We could tell them?” Oluwande says. “We should tell them.”
“Um, no?” Lucius says. “Are you serious? I usually have to work overtime to manufacture drama this juicy.”
“They’re going to look like idiots.”
“Yes! It’s fantastic, I’m already popping corn.”
“Frenchie’s going to give them the ‘look at these fools’ sting,” Oluwande says. “I hate that.”
“Olu, maybe you should see if Frontline’s still hiring.”
“That’s not exactly less upsetting.”
Lucius frowns at the screen. “Oh my god. Did they just?”
“Yeah.” Oluwande buries his head in his hands. “They just.”
Onscreen, Ed and Stede exit an airport restroom grinning like naughty kids and wearing each other’s clothes. Of course, they’d been wearing matching clothes already, black track pants and running shirts swirled with blue and purple, but now Stede’s sports an E on the pocket and Ed’s an S. Ed totters in the Balenciaga boots, clutching Stede’s elbow for support.
“Although…” Lucius says slowly. “It would be a nice fuck you to every critic who uses the word ‘bromance’ unironically.”
“Yes! That!” Oluwande sounds relieved.
On monitor one, Stede says, “Ed and I have been friends for ages. Isn't he just lovely?”
“Sure, I’ve thought about it,” Ed says from monitor two. “Who wouldn’t? He’s funny, and he’s weird in all the best ways, and, I mean, you’ve seen his legs.”
“He’s just not interested in anything more,” they say in unison in their respective interviews.
“Oh god.” Lucius sighs. “We have to help them.”