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sorcerers die young. that, nobara has always known.
nobara knows, she knows very well of the dangers of a jujutsu sorcerer's world. of the young students bathing themselves in peril to compensate for the lack of manpower (shoko-sensei had said, the bags under her eyes bruised and heavy; and though strong, so strong, the strongest gojo-sensei might be, it was the strongest who could do nigh on nothing, and now he has been sealed and her world is crumbling to pieces). of the scars and the empty gazes, of funerals and dead people with no bodies left to bury, of the higher-ups and the death sentence hanging by a thread on the children's heads.
sorcerers die young. that cold, cruel fact came crashing down, ingrained into her memories when she woke up after that damned, disastrious mission only to hear that her friend has died (his heart was ripped out, fushiguro said with a blank face; and gojo-sensei explained that it was arranged by the higher-ups - a dirty, dirty trick).
sorcerers die young, that nobara knows. death, unknown time, unknown reasons. thats why she always lives with everything she got - shopping, dressing fancily, hanging out with friends, doing whatever she wanted, saying whatever she thought. sorcerers die young, and she wants to live to her fullest, so that she would be able to face death with no regrets when that day comes. she allows herself to be selfish, arrogant, wild - she is kugisaki nobara, and she always stays true to herself.
thats why, in that moment of silence, facing an itadori who is stunned (an itadori who is still living, breathing, an itadori who lost his heart, and now she's the one who's dying), nobara thinks she was ready to die without regrets. 'it wasn't that bad!' so she has said with a smile on her face, and that's what itadori would be telling others when everything was over. nobara has gone away with such peace and contentment - knowing that, would they feel less sad about her?
(the image of maki-san flashes through her mind, and she briefly wonders if maki would be sad when she was gone.)
nobara has no regrets. but in the five seconds it takes before her back hits the ground, she suddenly was reminded of the novel she still has not finished. it was good - so good, someone should really return it to the library for her, though she would never know how the story ends.
and she still hasn't seen saori again, and she just remembered that maki has invited her to the cinema this weekend, and she still feels sorry about the shirt she splashed her coffee on, and she still hasn't seen saori again, and she wishes she has knocked on inumaki's head harder for that skirt thing (and gojo-sensei too, her blood is still boiling about the incident), and she still hasn't been to the real roppongi, and she wants to have a rematch with that mai and the kyoto students, and she still hasn't seen saori again.
seems like nobara still has more regrets than she thought. but it really wasn't so bad, because she is a sorcerer, and sorcerers die young. she knowingly put herself in danger the day she went to tokyo. she just wishes that she managed to get fushiguro to an actual hair salon - really that sea urchin hairstyle is the ugliest thing in the world - and she still doesn't know if itadori will get into a relationship before her, and she wishes she has practiced more with maki-san, and she is going to get promoted to grade one soon, she still wants to become a special grade, she needs to get stronger, and she still wants to make the most of this life far away from her hometown.
home, with its crazy people. home, where she walked away from and never looked back at. home, and fumi is still there.
small, gentle fumi sitting in the chair, looking at her with eyes that glistened with unshed tears. looks like the three of us can't see each other again, nobara has said - floating between reality and darkness, her body falling backwards, her flesh and blood forward, towards itadori still standing there dumbfounded.
itadori and fushiguro are also getting promoted soon. grade one, isn't it? nobara wants to stand by their sides, shoulder to shoulder, to get even stronger and stronger. how sad, that she wouldnt hear the fighting outside of her dormroom every morning anymore. how sad, that she wouldnt be able to tease fushiguro with itadori until he snapped anymore. how sad, that she wouldnt laugh with them anymore. and maybe, just maybe (nobara would never actually admit it, because admitting is weak. kugisaki nobara is not weak, even when itadori's face freezes in stunned horror - she wonders what kind of expression fushiguro would make), nobara still has so, so many regrets.
but this world has never been fair, however truly, burningly, desperately nobara wanted - still wants, to live for another day.
sorcerers die young.
kugisaki nobara died at the age of sixteen, in the shibuya incident on october 31st.