Work Text:
If you smile at me like that
It’s hard for me not to feel anything
I’ve already had several cups of coffee, baby
But why do I feel like I’m in a dream?
- Unfair, EXO
Nakajima Atsushi is many things—a 28-year-old with an undiagnosed caffeine addiction, holder of the highest score in Piano Tiles among his coworkers, and self-proclaimed cat whisperer of the Yokohama City—but a masochist is not one of them.
It is not that he is against it or anything. No kink-shaming allowed here! He just really hates pain, okay?
Although that does seem questionable when he thinks about the fact that he did choose to pursue a career in medicine despite knowing about the endless sleepless nights accompanying it and the terror professors popular for serving surprise quizzes for breakfast. There were times when he missed his stop due to falling asleep on the bus on his way home and there came a point when he started reciting the parts of the body systems in his sleep. Anatomy and physiology were a bitch, but it was his best subject, so he really can't complain, especially when he received an A for his caffeine-induced efforts. Overall, it was a traumatizing experience, 10/10 would not recommend it.
Fortunately (or not, depending on how he sees it), he graduated with flying colors out of sheer spite and stubbornness because he was not about to waste his adopted family's money when it could have gone to their business instead. (Though one can argue that his main reason for “working his ass off” was to impress his university-crush-slash-academic-rival who, by the way, still has an incurable bad taste in men because why the fuck is he still not asking me out?!)
Right now, he is in his second year of residency at the Yokohama Medical Center and he wants to smack his younger self for thinking that this is a good idea, but yeah, no disappointing your adoptive family because we are Asians. Every time he thinks his day cannot get any worse, he ends up being assigned to the ER for the rest of the week or assisting Mori Ougai—the terrifying devil and bane of his existence—in a six-hour long spinal infusion surgery (which he did not even sign up for). Yesterday, he had to accommodate a man who had a cucumber stuck in his ass and when he asked him how he got it stuck there (let’s be honest, we all know why), he seemed to develop temporary amnesia. What a fucking dumbass if you asked him.
To cut it short, Atsushi wakes up every day at 5 am to die.
The only saving grace in this entire joke he calls life is god blessing him with the same shift as the Akutagawa Ryuunosuke aka the only doctor he would kneel for (in a wholesome way like, you know, marriage proposal) despite his bitchy attitude that can rival that man with a stick up his ass. Maybe, he is the one with a bad taste in men because it has been years and he still has not moved on even though he is pretty convinced that Akutagawa is not interested in him. Although he did offer to drive him home during a heavy downpour last week, which he gladly accepted since he had forgotten to bring his umbrella, but then again, he had also called him an irresponsible dumbass because of that. How sweet.
And speaking of a stupid unrequited crush that has been continuing for several painful years, his enigmatic trauma surgeon mentor probably has it worse compared to him. Not that he thinks that the most eligible bachelor in the entire Yokohama has no chance with their short-tempered yet devastatingly beautiful pediatrician, it is more of how he turns into a lost puppy every time the latter is around. It is pathetic how obviously smitten he is. A certified simp for Nakahara Chuuya. Stamped with approval.
“Chibi, come on. Stop ignoring me!” Dazai whines while clinging to the ginger like an octopus with his disgustingly strong suction cups wrapped around the other’s waist to the point where it almost looks like he is being carried. “ So get out, get out, get out of my head, and fall into my arms instead. I don't, I don't, don't know what it is, but I need that one thing, and you've got that one thing~! ”
Atsushi has no idea that his mentor can sing (though he did not expect a One Direction song to come out from his mouth), but he is more amazed by the look that Chuuya is giving the brunet, which screams dumbass (affectionate). Wow, that speaks volumes about the pediatrician’s feelings about Dazai. Should he take Cupid’s job and set those two up or forever remain bitter about his feelings for Eyebrows-sensei?
Akutagawa can be sweet sometimes even though he always looks constipated every time he does something relatively nice toward him. For some reason, he knows that he prefers tea over coffee and that he loves to rest on that old red couch in the call room on the second floor. One time, he even offered him his sweater to stop him from shivering every second. But, of course, there is always an insult attached to those gestures like when he told him, “You’re pretty stupid,” but he is a simple man who focuses on the positive things, so he only heard “You’re pretty” and he was not the same ever since. So, yeah, Akutagawa has some redeeming qualities if you ask him.
“Stop staring at them, you weirdo.” Actually, you know what? Nevermind. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke is a heartless bastard who has no consideration for his very fragile heart. He would very much like to kick his ass and strangle him until he begs for his forgiveness, but it is not worth losing his medical license just because he couldn’t handle a few jabs from the love of his life.
“Mind your own business, asshole,“ Atsushi quips as he hands over the tablet to his fellow resident doctor before walking towards his doom—another day of assisting Mori in operating his patients. He could only hope that his mentor would remember his existence and save him from the hands of his adoptive father or that today’s procedure is a simple biopsy, which lasts for only about one to two hours. His capacity for handling Mori is limited to once per week, okay?
“Very clever, Jinko.”
Why does he even like this guy?!
*
“Did you see them at the cafeteria? They are so cute together!”
“I wish someone would look at me the way Snow White looks at his Prince.”
“Oh, do you want me to set you up with Tachihara?”
With only two hours of sleep and an unhealthy amount of caffeine in his system, Atsushi is barely functioning and running on auto-pilot. There had been a large-scale accident right before he clocked out ten hours ago, but because he is an outstanding citizen who cares about the lives of others, he chose to stay to help out the staff (and impress Dazai who has been stuck in the ER since the ambulance arrived).
He would usually perk up upon hearing this so-called power couple that the nurses refer to as Snow White and his Prince for some unknown reasons, but he could not bring himself to care about today’s gossip especially if it does not concern him (or Akutagawa’s relationship status or the lack of progress between Dazai and Chuuya’s possibly mutual pining). Besides, everything just feels like a terrible hallucination that he badly wants to end already. Thank you very much.
There was even a point wherein he thought that he saw Chuuya bringing two cups of coffee to the ER, but he blamed it on the buzz of the caffeine. He is so damn tired. Only god knows how he can stay up on his feet and not topple over (preferably into Akutagawa’s arms, but he does not mind the floor either).
Later on, he finds himself laying on the rooftop, gazing at the night sky while having an existential crisis for the third time this week. Why am I even doing this? Don’t get him wrong. He loves his job, but sometimes, it feels like he could have taken an easier path —maybe, a job at his uncle’s detective agency or he could probably survive in the corporate world. Anything but this! But it is too late to give up now, not when he had invested so much time and effort to get where he is now. Right. He can do this. You are amazing, Atsushi! You just need a nap and everything will be alright —
The coldness of metal against his forehead jolts him out of his musings, prompting him to look up, meeting Akutagawa's gray eyes that remind him of the stones he used to collect along the river banks of his childhood home and the Scottish Fold cat living next door that never fails to meow at him every morning. It feels familiar and comfortable like puddle jumping under the summer rain and warm socks during the cold winter nights. He knows it might sound cliché and out of character, but sometimes, Akutagawa reminds him of sunshine after stormy nights and love poems written in braille. It feels like coming home.
"You okay there, Jinko?” Akutagawa asks, handing him the can of Pocari Sweat before sitting right next to him. Regular Atsushi would have internally screamed inside because his longtime crush is with him alone on the rooftop. They should be kissing right now like, you know, some shoujo manga bullshit. He could be the Ayuzawa to his Usui! Unfortunately, regular Atsushi is temporarily dead right now, replaced by tired Atsushi who could not care less even if the other starts to cuddle him at this moment.
“Why? Worried about me?” He turns to face his companion who seems to have taken interest in watching the stars, mumbling the names of the constellations, which is pretty damn cute. Though he would probably say “What a fucking nerd” if anyone asks him what he thinks of Akutagawa right now. It is hard to be honest with his feelings when he has only been interested in an emotionally constipated gremlin all his life. Feelings suck, okay?
“You wish,” his crush protests, smacking his shoulder playfully. If he knew any better, he would say that Akutagawa is flirting with him, but we cannot all be pretty like Chuuya, so it is better to not get his hopes up. It's not like confessing would solve any of his problems. Besides, it is just a simple, harmless crush, right? “What got you so quiet anyway?”
Atsushi stares at Akutagawa, trying to decipher the barely concealed worry in his voice. As if he could possibly mean something more to the other, which is not exactly a great line of thought when it is taking all his brain function to keep his eyes open and continue this conversation. What are the chances of seeing Akutagawa this vulnerable? But then again, it's just a crush. Why do I care so much?
“You awfully have a lot of questions tonight, huh?” He almost missed how the corner of Akutagawa’s lips quirk into a smile and oh, he has never seen him smile so close that he could almost taste the amusement in the twinkle of his eyes. I could drown in those eyes, he thinks and a part of him just clicks, panic surging through his body as he unravels before himself.
He remembers every firework, every birthday party, and every hospital visit—all the times he has watched Akutagawa fall and pick himself up. The way his touch would linger a few seconds longer than necessary on Akutagawa’s back whenever he tries to comfort him, the way, despite being rivals, he stayed up all night with him to study Anatomy and Physiology because Akutagawa is so damn afraid of failure even though he can easily ace the test, and the way he is laying down next to him right and all he can think about it how perfect their hands would fit together. And oh, oh, I am in love with Akutagawa. “Just… you know… thinking.”
He is my rival, but he is more than that.
Thank god for the silence that followed after he utters those words because this is the worst time to have this kind of realization (but a good story to tell his grandchildren if they end up together). What the fuck, Atsushi? How did it take him so long to figure out his own damn feelings? This is not what he expected after he decided to work overtime. He deserves at least eight hours of sleep and five bowls of chazuke courtesy of his mentor.
Too tired of hearing his thoughts, he decides to break the silence by asking “Hey, do you think we should set up Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-sensei?”
“Are you insane? That won’t work,” Akutagawa exclaims, eyes searching for the joke or punchline that came with the other's words.
“Wanna bet?” Atsushi smirks, fully knowing that his rival would never back down from a challenge, especially one coming from him. And that's one thing I like about him, his brain supplies before he mentally smacks himself in the head because this is not the right time to think about this. “They are so hopelessly in love with each other. It’s disgusting. Or, well, at least Dazai?”
“What do I get out of this?” Akutagawa inquires as if he has any reason to decline a bet he has an equal chance of winning.
“I guess anything you want as long as it is safe.”
“Anything, huh?” His rival inquires, an unreadable expression plastered on his face, and with a nod of confirmation from Atsushi, a smirk makes its way onto his lips. He reaches out his hand to him and declares, ”You got a deal.”
(Years later, he will look back at this fateful day and thank his competitiveness for changing the course of his life.)
*
Atsushi is pretty sure that hate at first sight is real. Fuck being in love with Akutagawa. He hates that man. How dare he look so good after assisting Fyodor Dostoyevsky in a nine-hour-long heart transplant surgery? It makes his blood boil how he retained his calm composure despite the grueling procedure that he had just witnessed. (He is so cool!) It’s annoying!
Maybe, he can bribe his neighbor Kajii to build him a time machine as payment for the explosions he had caused last week. He would like to strangle his younger self for falling for Akutagawa. Thank you very much. How did he even end up simping for this man when his first words to him were “You smell like sewer water”? That shattered his self-esteem, okay? He even started buying expensive perfumes after that.
Anyway, Akutagawa is illegally hot and smart at the same time (How is that even possible?) and Atsushi is fucking hopeless. But at least, not as hopeless as the older man beside him.
“Dazai-sensei, you have already told me this story before,” he says halfway through the said doctor’s story, but it seems that Dazai did not hear what he said or he refuses to listen to him, which is nothing new to him.
Atsushi can only sigh as the other continues to recount his secret rendezvous with Chuuya back when they were in university and living in the dorms. Apparently, his senior's favorite pastime is to break every single rule that can be found in the student's handbook because, in his mentor's words, "Why not?" He thought that Chuuya will be the voice of reason between the two of them, but he should have not doubted Dazai's ability to annoy the former into agreeing. So, yeah, don't be like those two, kids! Study well!
"There was this one time when Hatrack wouldn’t come back to our dorms until I agreed to take the cat we found in the streets,” Dazai recounts while fumbling with what appeared to be a circular pendant hanging from a silver chain around his neck, a faraway look crossing his face with a small smile tugging his lips upwards as if he is there at that moment. “Do you know how hard it is to make excuses about the meowing in your room?”
Not to sound like a jealous bitch, but why are Dazai and Chuuya just ticking every box in his list of fanfic troupes that he wants for himself and Akutagawa? Childhood friends? Check. Roommates? Check. Enemies to friends to… lovers? Check? Maybe. He is not entirely sure about that, but from what he can see, they are basically a slow burn, awkward flirting, idiots in love, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, and 250k words of ongoing fanfic.
“Ah, Chibi cried after we found the cat’s owner. I ended up buying him a cat plushie to make him stop crying. He’s an ugly crier, you know? But don’t tell him I said that,” Dazai laughs, but the younger one does not miss the flash of fondness in his eyes, and oh my god, he is so in love with Chuuya-sensei. (How disgusting.)
By the way, why did Dazai call him again? He cannot remember why he was called into his office before he started following the other around to check on the patients on the 3rd and 4th floors. Come to think of it, they had been walking for a while until Dazai led him back to the elevator and pressed the button that would lead them to the ground floor.
Dread washes over him. There is something wrong and he cannot figure out what it could be. Maybe Dazai is testing him and he has already failed it, or is he going to be assigned to a new mentor?! Oh, no. His mentor may be lazy, loud, and occasionally pathetic, but he is the nicest man he knows!
Once they are out of the elevator, he is ready to beg Dazai to not give him away to another doctor or, worse, Mori Ougai while they walk through a very familiar set of walls. Wait a minute. This hallway leads to—
“Why are you dragging me to the ER again?!” Atsushi exclaims, ready to bolt away because, holy shit, he is not spending a week in the ER again when he was already assigned to that hell hole last week. He needs to recover from that trauma first before he comes back there, okay?
“Because I am a trauma doctor and you are my cute little resident~!” Dazai beams, thwarting the younger's plan for escape by wrapping his lanky arms around the other. "Let's go, Atsushi-kun~!"
“I want a new mentor.”
*
At this point, he is pretty sure that his past self started a war and committed genocide, so god decided that in his current life, he will give him a mentor that takes pleasure in throwing him into the lion’s den—aka the one and only emergency room. Most of the time it is manageable with the right amount of confidence and an unhealthy dose of self-delusion, but oh, boy, no one prepared him for this.
“Jinko, did you attend to that patient with a broken arm?” No one prepared him for working together with none other than Akutagawa Ryuunosuke in the hospital’s very own hell. Though they did take a seminar on how to interact with your coworkers and patients, which typically helps him in this kind of situation, but ma’am, how can I possibly survive this when I just realized I am in love with Akutagawa a week ago?!
“Yeah, I did. Bye,” he mutters before walking back to the same man as before, but this time, with a different object stuck in his ass. Interacting with his weird patients seems to be a better option than being in Akutagawa’s presence longer than necessary. He is pretty sure he would have blurted out “I love you” to him a while ago if that kid from behind them did not start screaming bloody murder from the pain he was experiencing.
Atsushi prays that this day can end without any hiccups because he badly wants to go home already and sleep for the rest of the day. Morning shift sucks. At least, they are kind enough to give them breaks once in a while even though their pagers beep once in a while.
He is halfway through his cup of ramen when Akutagawa barges into the on-call room and drags him out. “Hey! Where are we going?” No answer. Okay, Akutagawa. You are not the boss of me! He looks at his best friend, Lucy, and pleads for her help as he tries to struggle out of the man’s grip, but she only waves at him with a smirk on his face, mouthing “Good luck with your boyfriend.”
As soon as they reach the garden, Akutagawa drops his hand before turning to him and asking “What is wrong with you?” while glaring at him like he had committed an atrocious crime against him and the entirety of the Akutagawa clan. This feels like some sort of Korean drama bullshit where the lead actor is taking his love interest into a secluded place to kiss her because he could not stand the thought of her with someone else. Except, well, Akutagawa is more likely to punch him right now than kiss him, and he does not even know what he did!
“Excuse me? You’re the one who dragged me away from my ramen,” Atsushi exclaims while poking the other’s chest for emphasis. He never lets anyone get in his way between himself and his food, and this man had the gall to take him away from his beloved ramen. “Explain yourself or I am reporting you to HR.”
“You’re acting weird around me and I don’t know what I did that made you feel uncomfortable or something. It’s been bothering me, okay?” Oh. He does not know how to react to that. It never occurred to him that Akutagawa would care about such trivial things —would care enough to ask him what is wrong. Warmth spread through his cheeks, his heart filling with an unexplainable burst of fondness towards the man in front of him. “Is this about the bet? Because if you want to take it back, I am okay with it.”
“No. No. It’s just…” You’re really pretty and it’s very distracting, he wants to say, but he is not ready for the rejection that comes with confessing. Someday. Maybe. But right now? He is content with whatever they have. A weird kind of friendship that they could not attain back then because they were too busy seeing each other as rivals rather than a companion who are both just trying their best to get by. “I have a lot on my mind right now, and besides, I already have a great plan to set those two up.”
“Trapping them inside the staff room won’t work, Jinko.”
“I did not think of that!” Atsushi argues as the Akutagawa hands him a piece of onigiri, which seems to be compensation for the ramen he made him abandon back in the on-call room. But if you ask him, he is pretty sure that Lucy had already finished it by now. He gives him a silent thanks before registering what the other doctor had called him. “And stop calling me Jinko!”
He would never forget the embarrassment he felt when he saw Akutagawa on his doorstep, holding stacks of paper and staring weirdly at him because, of course, the hospital sends him to his house to deliver documents just when he is having a sleepover party with his little sister. Nevertheless, Akutagawa saw him in his favorite white tiger onesie that his sister had chosen for him two years ago, and since then, he started calling him Jinko. The end.
“Okay, Jinko.”
“Akutagawa!”
*
This plan better work or he would never hear the end of it from Akutagawa.
Atsushi had already talked with the old lady manning the flower shop near his neighborhood and asked her to prepare a bouquet of flowers for Chuuya on Friday. The tricky part is choosing the right ones to convey the meaning he wants (Well, what he thinks Dazai wants because, come on, he could have saved the time and money he spent on this if only his mentor is not an emotionally constipated idiot like, you know, coughs, Akutagawa), so he just lets the old lady decide for him and hopes for the best. And with his mastery in forging signatures, he prepares a simple card that contains the phrase "You light up my dark side” with a cute drawing of Darth Vader before signing it with Dazai’s name at the bottom.
By the time Friday comes, everything is ready and the only problem that remains is how the fuck am I supposed to leave this in Chuuya-sensei’s office without anyone noticing it? The old lady really went out with the bouquet—a beautiful canvas of varying shades of pink flowers with an occasional splash of white. He does not know what the flowers were and what they meant, but he hopes that is enough to convince Chuuya that Dazai is a decent man who is very much in love with him.
Once the coast was clear, Atsushi hurriedly went inside Chuuya’s office, praying to any god out there to help him get through this without anyone catching him in the act. A picture of Dazai and Chuuya posing together in their academic regalia greets him upon reaching the table. His mentor’s arm is wrapped around Chuuya’s shoulder, his other hand holding onto his diploma, while Chuuya is hugging him by his waist. He could not help but reflect on the big smiles on their faces, reminding him of the relief he felt after reaching his first destination of becoming a general surgeon.
“Damn. Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-sensei really are checking all those fanfic tropes,” he muttered before carefully placing the bouquet on the table and slipping the card inside it. Not wasting another second, he quickly bolts out of the room, reminding himself to steal the CCTV footage later to erase all evidence just in case. Better safe than sorry.
To take his mind off his recent mission, he drowns himself in his work, sending a thankful look at Dazai for assigning him to the ER again. Akutagawa has been sending questioning glances in his direction since he came back from his short expedition with how clumsy he is today. He cannot stop the anxiety creeping on him, okay? What if he gets caught and causes a big misunderstanding? Chuuya might think he likes him. Oh my god. Yes, he thinks that Chuuya is pretty but he is no Akutagawa.
Atsushi was in the middle of inspecting the blood chemistry analyzer in the laboratory when he heard bickering near the end of the hallway. He tries his best to ignore it because he is a good person who does not eavesdrop despite his incredible hearing, but their voices started growing louder and he is a simple man who loves drama.
“Dazai, you are being unreasonable. I already told you that I have no idea about that!” It sounds like the argument is starting to heat up with how strained the voice sounded. Ah, this kind of thing is so complicated. He hopes that they can resolve their issue without sacrificing their relationship. He really does not want to hear people break up when he has not yet recovered from the realization that his unrequited crush is actually an unrequited love.
“So it’s just Dazai now, huh? Just because someone—” Dazai-sensei sounded so angry. I wonder what happened. Wait a minute. Dazai-sensei?! He takes a peek through the small window that separates the laboratory from the halls right in time to see Chuuya snatching the very bouquet Atsushi left in the ginger's office out of his mentor's hands. And fuck, did he cause this fight?
“We’ve talked about this! Stop being a bitch about it!" Chuuya exclaims, obviously seething in anger as he hits the brunet on the chest with the bouquet. Ouch! That must have hurt with how loudly it echoed through the walls. What should he do?!
“Wow. And now, it’s my fault? Chuuya, I hate it when he thinks he still has a chance—”
Atsushi cannot take it anymore. He decided to just ignore them and exit through the other door without any of them noticing. Why are they fighting? They should be making out! Just when he is about to make a turn, he sees one of the hospital’s chief executives listening in to Dazai and Chuuya’s conversation without any sign of shame. And here he thought he already got it worse.
“Ah, no wonder Dazai-sensei has been insufferable today,” Kunikida fills him in as he stands up from his crouching position, which, if you asked him, can be clearly seen from any angle. Does Kunikida really think he is sneaky? He bets that Dazai has already seen him and is planning his revenge for his nosy superior. “Whoever gave that ‘let’s have sex’ bouquet to Nakahara-sensei is in so much trouble.”
(Later on, he researches the flowers that are in the bouquet and oh, god, he is so embarrassed. With burning cheeks, he reads through the article that explains why Kunikida called it a ‘let’s have sex’ bouquet. The mauve carnations, which make up a large percentage of the bouquet, represent dreams of fantasy while the coral and orange roses decorating it are said to symbolize passion and desire. And, of course, the most damning one is the small white corianders that express one’s a guilty pleasure for feelings of lust. God. What has he done?)
“I kind of, uh, did that?” Atsushi supplies, earning him a surprised look from the other. Maybe, he should have not freely given that information, but Kunikida does not look like the type to tattle without a valid reason. Unless, well, he has caused the world without those two fightings again. “I mean, I am trying to set them up together, but I did not think that they would end up fighting.”
“It is a misunderstanding then,” his superior concludes before he starts walking back in the direction of the elevator. Sometimes he thinks that Kunikida will be better off with HR with how concerned he is with his coworkers’ relationships, but he has already proven himself countless times as a board member. “Either way, it is no use. Just let them be.”
Just let them be? Sorry, Kunikida-san, but there is no way that is going to happen. No. Nien. Non. He can do this. Operation Double Black will be a success. And most importantly, he will not lose to Akutagawa!
What does Kunikida know anyway?
*
Atsushi felt bad. He would rather endure the shouting matches between Dazai and Chuuya—that, in his colleagues’ opinion, is better than any afternoon drama—instead of the silent treatment bullshit they are going for. His mentor has been sulking since his fight with Chuuya and he wouldn’t be that concerned if it weren’t affecting his work because damn, Dazai-sensei, I don’t deserve this! For some reason, Dazai thought that it was a good idea to dump his work on him just because he is fucking heartbroken. You’re not the only victim of love here!
Even the nurses in the lobby said that Snow White and his Prince are not on good terms due to a recent fight that no one was privy to. Is it that time of the year again when couples start breaking up? This is bad. But then again, Dazai and Chuuya are not even a couple… yet.
Obviously, his ship is yet to sail, but he will not stop until his fanon becomes canon. Call him insane or weird, but he is sick of the queerbaiting in his favorite shows, and he would very much like to have one (1) canon ship (excluding his beloved BL manhwas and danmeis, of course).
Time for some reinforcements. Well, Akutagawa never mentioned anything about asking for someone’s help, so might as well use that to his advantage. And who better to ask than Yosano who has been in a very loving relationship for five years now? She is practically married to the actress Ozaki Kouyou who also happens to be Chuuya’s adoptive sister even though they could pass off as biological siblings due to their uncanny similarities.
Atsushi quietly enters the on-call room, eyes searching for the ER doctor in case she finished her shift early since the ER seems to be rather quiet today (Hopefully, he doesn’t jinx it like last time because he doesn’t want a repeat of what Dazai likes to call “The Pool Incident”). Once he sees her signature butterfly hairpin, he does not hesitate to approach her. “Yosano-sensei? Can I ask you for advice?”
“Are you finally confessing to Akutagawa-kun?!” Yosano exclaims as if he said something so exciting yet so unexpected that she has to shake his entire existence to wake up due to the disbelief. Woman! You are insane for even thinking that!
“What? No! What even gave you that idea?” Atsushi asks in disbelief while trying to pry off the other’s hand before she ends up suffocating him to death. There is no way he is confessing to that devil spawn without filling for insurance first because if he is going to face death at Akutagawa’s hands, he might as well get something out of it. “I don’t like him at all!”
The younger doctor does not even remember telling her about his happy crush (sure, happy crush , it is not like he did not end up eating a gallon of mint chocolate ice cream after he heard a rumor that Akutagawa is already dating someone two months ago). He wonders what other secrets she knows about him. Women are scary like that.
“Sure. Whatever you say, darling,” Yosano teases, picking up the magazine she dropped a while ago before turning her attention back to her junior. It seems that she would have to postpone her shopping for Kouyou’s birthday until she solves whatever problem Atsushi has (and hopefully it would be related to his mating dance with Akutagawa so she can win the ongoing pool for when they would confess their undying love for each other). “So, what do you need help with?”
“I want to set Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-sensei up.”
Silence engulfs the on-call room as Yosano processes the other’s words. Atsushi looks at her confusedly, her expression is both a mix of amusement and judgment. He wonders if he said something wrong unless it is prohibited to meddle with other people’s relationships in this hospital. Well, it is too late for that. He is far too invested just to give up now!
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Atsushi-kun. You have better chances of taking Akutagawa-kun out than making those two admit anything.”
“But I am pretty sure it’s mutual—”
“Just let it go. It’s nothing to be worked up for,” Yosano cuts him off before he could even argue that Dazai and Chuuya are perfect for each other and they should get married and adopt Atsushi (because he deserves to be spoiled by his favorite senpai) and make babies enough to form a baseball team. But just when he is about to plan their wedding in his head, the older doctor pulls him out of his thoughts by dragging him out of the room by the arm and starts talking nonsense about him dating Akuatagawa ( oh, may she have an angel’s tongue ).
“Come. I heard there is a new clothing store that opened near the hospital. Let’s get you something new to wear for your date with Akutagawa-kun.”
“We are not even dating!”
“Heh. Semantics.”
*
Atsushi has been assigned to help out Chuuya in organizing the vaccines for children when he spots a gold band on his ring finger. It was a rather simple ring lined with small encrusted diamonds on each side that could probably pay for his annual tuition fee with how expensive looking it is. Chuuya should really consider adopting him. He can cook, he can clean, and he is very much in love with the older’s best friend, but maybe he would give him his blessings the day he asks for Akutagawa’s hand in marriage. Or he could just ask Chuuya’s partner—
Uh oh. That explains the anger during the ‘let’s have sex’ bouquet fiasco. Chuuya is a married man and he just made it look like Dazai is trying to ruin his marriage because of that incident. Hopefully, he did not completely ruin their friendship. He is not ready to move to another city and leave the love of his life after confessing his crimes.
God, he really fucked up this time.
Atsushi finds himself again on the rooftop during one of his breaks (because, let’s face it, you can only stare at the white tiles and ceilings for a certain amount of time before you go insane ). He starts contemplating his actions towards Dazai and Chuuya and how embarrassed his mentor might have been because of the stunt he pulled. Maybe, he should have listened to the others when they told him that he should just leave them alone. Fucking stupid Nakajima Atsushi!
The press of cold against his cheek startles him out of his thoughts, prompting him to take the offending object away from his poor face. He stares at the can of green soda in his hand and wonders where they got it from when he is pretty sure they don’t have this in the vending machine. "What got you so upset this time?" A voice asks from his right, breaking him out of his thoughts.
Leave me alone, he wants to say, but as soon as he looks at the direction of the voice, the words get stuck in his throat because Akutagawa is staring right at him, eyes full of worry and concern. He looks at him as if he understands what it feels like to be a soaked bandage, trying to be something that he cannot be anymore. "Do you ever feel like your mistakes just keep on piling up?" Atsushi asks, eyes never leaving the other’s face.”
"All the time," Akutagawa admits as he gives him a firm squeeze on the shoulder before breaking his gaze away from him. And for some reason, he feels that force in his heart, reassuring him that maybe, just maybe, tomorrow would be a better day.
"I don't know how to fix them.” Atsushi quickly downs the green tea offered to him in hopes that it will drown the emotions bubbling up his throat. He knows that the other doctor wouldn’t judge him if he starts bawling his eyes out, but that would probably make him uncomfortable with how emotionally constipated he is. And, of course, it would be embarrassing to cry in front of his crush.
"Nobody ever really does."
The sadness in Akutagawa’s voice makes him stop his musing and stare at the other doctor. And at that moment, he thinks (hopefully) that he understands him too.
"But you can start by forgiving yourself and then, decide what you want to do—let them go, beg for their forgiveness, or whatever it is. As long as you mean it,” Akutagawa starts, voice sounding so far away as if he is not there on the rooftop with him, but in another place that he cannot see. And under the pale moonlight, Akutagawa looks so untouchable his heart breaks a little for him. “ As long as you try."
“Does it get any better?”
“Yeah, I’d like to think so.” A small smile forms in Akutagawa’s mouth as those words fall out of his mouth before meeting Atsushi’s eyes. “Because if not, the world is pretty fucked up then.”
They fall into silence as they process the conversation that had occurred between them. It is not like they always have such an emotional encounter with each other and most of the time, it is Atsushi who is undergoing a rough patch and Akutagawa just happens to be there to comfort him because, at some point, this rooftop became their comfort zone.
(Though sometimes he wishes that Akutagawa would confide with him too.)
"Thanks for being here today," he beams, just to conclude this therapy session or whatever this is. It feels lacking to leave like that without saying anything in return to Akutagawa.
He still can’t get over the fact that he gave him his favorite drink because there is no way he got that from the vending machine and that would mean he bought it somewhere with the intention to share it with him. Yes. Him! Let me be delusional. I am sad! God blessed him today with a caring and thoughtful Akutagawa and he will not waste this moment, okay?
"Atsushi?" Akutagawa calls out just when he is about to open the door. His pager has been vibrating for a while now and he doesn't want to be scolded by his seniors for being an idiot. He looks back at the other, raising an eyebrow in question when he feels his heart skip a beat when he sees Akutagawa smiling softly at him.
"Don't be an idiot. I'm always gonna be here."
(And if he walks into the ER with a skip in his steps, then no one can call him out for being just a little bit insane.)
*
Yesterday, Atsushi apologized to Dazai for the trouble that he had caused between him and Chuuya, but the older only laughed at him before walking away without saying anything. He feels a bit offended—he was very sincere about his apology, okay? No matter how much he respects his mentor, sometimes he just wants to hit him with an IV drip stand because of how annoying he is. He is pretty sure Dazai is aware of that, but he probably enjoys the anger directed toward him or something. Dazai Osamu is weird like that.
He is so confused. Dazai didn’t accept his apology, but he also didn’t reject it, so now, he doesn’t know what to do next. Should he direct it to Chuuya or, maybe, HR might be the better choice? After all, Chuuya can be scary when he wants to be and he doesn’t want to be under his scrutinizing glare. He would like to live another day. Thank you very much.
Days passed and it seems that Dazai and Chuuya are already back to normal. Well, as normal as they can get. They are back to bickering like an old married couple and Atsushi has never been so glad to hear them fight at the cafeteria again (despite saying goodbye to the peace and quiet that lasted for at least two weeks because of the incident). Even Snow White and his Prince are rumored to have overcome their differences and are now back to their old lovey-dovey selves. Truly a holiday miracle!
But not everyone can receive such miracles because Atsushi has to spend his New Year’s Eve in the hospital because “duty calls” and Dazai probably cursed him for directing Dostoyevsky to him yesterday. In his defense, he doesn’t understand anything that the doctor was discussing with him, so he made an excuse that maybe Dazai would have a better chance at giving him feedback. The glare that his mentor gave him still gives him nightmares.
Yosano invited him to the cafeteria, which is surprisingly decorated appropriately for the new year, to check out the foods they have ordered for the occasion. Although he complains a lot about his job (mostly because of Dazai and Mori), the hospital staff is like a second family to him and he is happy to welcome the new year with them (especially Akutagawa who also happens to be on duty today).
Atsushi is just about to taste test the datemaki from the osechi when he gets hit by a giant brown octopus running toward Chuuya and clinging to him with his lanky arms. He would have just ignored his mentor’s antics if he didn’t hear the words that came out of his mouth.
“My beautiful, beautiful, Chuuya~,” Dazai sings as he rocks Chuuya back and forth as if he were a baby that needs to be lulled to sleep or he will start screaming bloody murder. Sounds accurate if you ask him, but that is not the point! Is his ship actually canon? Are his delusional days over?! “Do you really want to start the year with us fighting?”
“You were being annoying, okay?” Chuuya argues, turning around to face Dazai while the latter’s arms are still wrapped tightly around his waist. Bro, is it gay to keep hugging your bro in public while you two are still arguing? Atsushi is sick and tired of gay people! When is his turn to be happy? “I told you that Fedya doesn’t like me that way anymore and you won’t listen to anything I say!”
“But you look so cute whenever you talk to him, I couldn’t help but feel jealous,” his mentor whines before trying to steal a kiss from Chuuya who dodges it by covering Dazai’s mouth with his hand. But Dazai simply takes no for an answer and takes the other’s hand away from his mouth and kisses his wrist. Atsushi wants to bang his head on the nearest wall because, at this point, he is going to run out of me and whos. “Don’t frown, Chibi. You’ll get wrinkles and then, people will call you ugly.”
“Actually, that sounds good. No one deserves my Hatrack~”
“Shut up, you waste of bandage.”
Atsushi just watches in disbelief as the two doctors continue to bicker while Dazai’s hands keep traveling to places he doesn’t want to know or see. For the sake of his sanity, they are in public! As much as he wants to see his ship being in love and all that jazz, he doesn’t want to hear about his mentor’s surprise for his partner. It would have been cute if only Dazai didn’t go into details about what they would do after.
“Are you seeing this, Yosano-sensei?” Atsushi asks the doctor just to make sure he is not hallucinating his future parents being disgustingly in love with each other.
“Ah, yes. A married couple being disgustingly in love.” Married?! If Dazai ends up marrying Chuuya, who arguably is the most beautiful person Atsushi has ever met, then maybe, he has a higher chance with Akutagawa than he thought. “With how dramatic Dazai-sensei is, I would think that the namesake Snow White and his Prince also came from him”
“Are you telling me they are the power couple that the nurses gossip about?” Damn. How did he not ever figure that out? It makes so much sense now! He has always thought that the rumors about Snow White and his Prince sound so similar to Dazai and Chuuya. God, he is so stupid! “And you didn’t think to inform me when I told you I wanted to set them up?”
“In my defense, I thought you would figure it out on your own”
“You know, I literally gave Chuuya-sensei a ‘let’s have sex’ bouquet to try and get them together.”
“So you were the culprit for that. No wonder Dazai was glaring at Dostoyevsky that day.”
Atsushi is just about to defend his honor when he spots Akutagawa inspecting the food and marches over to him. He will not let him get away with this! “Did you know that Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-sensei are married?” There is no way that the love of his life lied to him about his OTP. He cannot accept this betrayal!
“Yes,” Akutagawa answers without even looking at him, too busy looking at the tea selection on the table. This fucking bitch! Mark this day. This will be his villain origin story. The tragic tale of a matchmaker who was betrayed by the man he loves the most. He is gonna be the antagonist of the top-selling anime of the year. “I was even invited to their wedding...”
This cannot get any worse.
"As Chuuya's best man."
I stand corrected.
"I can't believe you!" Atsushi exclaims while his crush does not even spare him a look, finding his tea selection more important than him, but he doesn’t care because he will give this man a piece of his mind whether he likes it or not. “You agreed to the bet, knowing full well that you will win.” At least look at me when I am talking to you, coward! He is gonna be bald by the age of 40 because of Akutagawa at this point. And they are not even married yet!
“Well, I did try to give you a chance to drop the bet, but you were so insistent about it,” Akutagawa smirks before walking towards the water dispenser to prepare his tea, ignoring the way Atsushi is seething at him with every step he takes.
Atsushi can only sigh in defeat as he follows Akutagawa. He knows that he cannot argue with that since he has already told him countless times that it is not worth it to get into Dazai and Chuuya’s business because, apparently, they are already fucking married. Though he could have said that directly to him months ago and he would have stopped this silly mission of his. If he knew any better, he would have thought that Akutagawa actually enjoys seeing Atsushi make a fool of himself.
Well, a deal is a deal.
“What do you want?”
Akutagawa finally looks at him, hiding a smile behind his cup of tea, after he says those words. He wants to punch him in the face for deceiving him like this, but Atsushi is not evil enough to deprive the world of his crush’s beautiful face—
“Go out on a date with me.”
(Nakajima Atsushi is many things—a 28-year-old with an undiagnosed caffeine addiction, self-proclaimed adopted child of Dazai and Chuuya, and hoarder of the lavender tea in the cafeteria—but a single bitch is not one of them. Oh my god! I am dating the Akutagawa Ryunnosuke!)
Fin