Chapter Text
Sirius Black can see the future.
This is an entirely new development in his life, at least, it probably is. Usually, when you gain the ability to see the future, you notice it pretty quickly.
For example, when Sirius has a vision that his brother, Regulus Black, was going to accidentally spill his lunch all over himself in front of the entire school, he at first assumes it was nothing more than a pleasant dream.
That is, of course, until Regulus actually does spill his lunch all over himself in front of everyone, and James Potter just has to help Reggie clean himself up. James is too kind for his good.
Sirius does it again in math, when he has a vision that James will accidentally fall over himself staring at Lily Evans. It's hilarious when it actually does happen, but also kind of disturbing. Sirius isn't usually the "predict the future" type of guy, and he honestly isn't thrilled about this new facet of his life. When he has a vision that he'll get hit in the face with a soccer ball during practice, he's too busy being confused about the whole situation to notice the ball careening towards his face. And the next day at practice, he's too busy thinking, "why did I just get another vision about being hit in the face with a soccer ball" to notice when Marlene Mckinnon has accidentally kicked the ball a little too forcefully. Let's just say that two concussions in two days isn't anything to laugh at.
Sirius Black seeing the future is just the start of a long series of events he likes to call, "How I went completely fucking mental in 1 week and discovered that I've been living my whole life in a terrible fanfic." It's a mouthful of a title, sure, but it gets the message across at least.
Anyways, the next development in the life of Sirius Black is the random teleportation. You see, teleportation wasn't previously a skill that he had. And it's not exactly much of a useful skill, considering the whole teleporting thing isn't even something he can control. He'll be in the common room one minute, close his eyes, and find himself in the dining hall. He'll be on the soccer field, talking shit about the Slytherins with his friend and getting hit in the head with soccer balls, and be in his dorm the next second.
I must be going crazy, Sirius thinks to himself. Magic isn't real, I can't actually be teleporting, these visions I keep having are probably just deja vu. It isn't very convincing, especially since the visions and the teleportation keep happening.
He tries to talk to James about it in class one day. His best friend arrives late to class, as always.
"Hey, what time is it?"
"Hm?" Sirius looks down to the watch on his wrist.
"It's 11:26. Isn't it about time you get a watch, Prongs?" James chuckles to himself.
"Yeah, whatever, Padfoot." James is kind of like the sun. It's a cliche thing to say, but it's true. He lights up a room just by existing, but he's James Potter, so of course he does.
"Hey James, I've got a question for you."
"Everything alright, mate?"
"Yeah um, have you ever… had visions? Like creepy visions of the future and shit. Cause I've been hit in the face with a soccer ball more than once for the last few days and it's getting really fucking annoying-"
Sirius hears a loud clicking noise before he blinks and James disappears. He has half a mind to wonder what the hell is going on before James sits back down in his seat.
"Hey, what time is it?"
"What? Prongs, I just told you. It's…" It's 11:26. Still. Which is weird because it's definitely been at least a minute.
"What do you mean you just told me? I just got here. You doing okay, Padfoot?"
"Did you hear that clicking noise earlier?"
Almost on cue, Sirius hears it again. And James is gone.
"What the hell."
"Hey, what time is it?"
"What the hell."
"Sirius?"
Sirius looks down at his wrist and… his watch must be broken… yeah, that explains it.
"Time for you to get a watch, James."
"God, what are we, twelve?"
Hogwarts is a nice enough place. Sure, it's the most prestigious high school in the area, but it's not always the greatest. The school is divided into two dorms, both named after the two school founders, Gryffindor and Slytherin. Sirius Black is a Gryffindor, and so are all his friends, and everyone he loves, except for…
Anyway, even with all its flaws, the most prominent being (in Sirius's opinion) all of Slytherin, Hogwarts is still his home. A home filled with blood sucking snakes, sure, but he can't say that his "real" family isn't like that either.
How could he not love Hogwarts? He had soccer, he was one of the most popular guys in Gryffindor, and all the girls were falling over themselves for him (he's gay, unfortunately for them). Some of his favorite people were there, James, Marlene, Lily, Mary, even that Pettigrew guy that serves food in the Cafeteria.
"Sirius!" he hears Mary scream to him, "Come save James from embarrassing himself any more. I can't stand looking at this shit."
"Me neither," says Marlene, her eyes refusing to leave the back of Meadowes's head. Marlene is glaring daggers at that Dorcas girl. The usual business, then.
"Hey Lily, are you French? Because eiffel for you."
"Jesus Christ."
This is the exact moment that Sirius Black's vision starts to… glitch. This is the exact moment that Sirius Black loses his patience.
Because he sees a chair. A chair floating in the air (hey that rhymes!). And no one is saying anything about it.
"Hey, so is anyone else noticing the floating chair or is it just me?"
Click!
"Sirius!" he hears Mary scream to him, "Come save James from embarrassing himself any more. I can't stand looking at this shit."
Sirius runs.
See, the bathroom should be safe! Nothing bad can happen in a bathroom. That's why he decides that the perfect place to hide would be the nearest restroom. Plus, the sink is perfect for splashing his face with water and praying that'll somehow bring him to his senses.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" A lot of shit is wrong with you, man. Sirius thinks to himself. It all started when you were born…
And of course, the peace is interrupted, because the door opens and in steps Regulus Black. Emotionless as ever, Reggie only glares at him before he starts to wash the blood off his hands.
Wait, blood? On his hands?
"Regulus-"
"Don't say a word."
"Why the hell are you bleeding?"
"None of your fucking business. It hasn't been your business for a long time."
"What the hell does that mean? You don't get to be an asshole to me just because I'm wondering why you're fucking bleeding-"
"God, it's not a big deal, okay? Mulciber got…upset… about something, so he hit me. There was a fight, I defended myself. No need to have a temper tantrum about it."
What? Since when has Regulus let himself get beat up?
Sirius attempts to walk closer to his brother but for some reason his legs just won't move…
Move you moron, comfort him or something, he's still your brother…
"I'm sure you're plotting your revenge as we speak, huh?" Sirius says.
Why the hell would you say that, dumbass? Go threaten to beat Mulcibers ass or something, don't just stand there.
Regulus doesn't say anything, he just dries his hands and looks back at his brother one last time.
"There's no point. And stay out of this, Sirius." He slams the door on the way out.
Sirius Black and Regulus Black. Two peas in a pod, huh? One is from Gryffindor, one is from Slytherin. One is a rebel, the other is a perfect carbon copy of their parents. Sirius and Regulus haven't had any sort of positive feelings towards each other for a long, long, time.
Well, it's honestly kind of hard for Sirius to remember anything that happened before a couple weeks ago, when Regulus and James officially started their rivalry…
Huh.
But anyways.
Sirius, Marlene, and a whole bunch of other people Sirius can't seem to remember the names of, are all on Gryffindors soccer team. James is their captain, and he's a bloody good captain at that.
Bartemius Crouch Jr is a member of Slytherins team, and even though he's an annoying git with an ugly name, you can't say he's a bad player either. Dorcas Meadowes is the captain, and she's honestly a brilliant player, even though Marlene isn't too happy about it. And then there's Regulus…
Reggie has been the star player of Slytherin since he joined the team. Because of course his perfect brother is a perfect soccer player. And since James is so damn competitive, he just had to choose the best Slytherin player to start a "friendly" rivalry with. Well, even if James is under the impression that Regulus feels "friendly" towards him, that is obviously not the case. At least judging from how Regulus glares at poor James from across the lunch room every day.
Regulus' other friends are the twins, Pandora and Evan Rosier. Both painfully beautiful, but the similarities end there. Evan, like Barty, is an annoying fucking git, but Pandora is just weird.
Almost On cue, Sirius turns to see Pandora standing behind him, creepy as fuck, staring into his soul.
"Let me guess, teleportation, seeing the future, floating chairs, not being able to move every now and then, those are your symptoms, yes?"
Holy fucking shit this girl is creepy.
"I suggest you go to the library, perhaps you can find your answers there." Pandora says, in the airy, carefree way she always says things. And then she's gone, poof, disappeared. And Sirius Black finally decides that he has lost his mind.
So he goes to the library.
Hallucinations. Amnesia.
That's the only explanation. The only answer to whatever the fuck has been happening to his brain.
That's why he doesn't say anything when he picks up a random book from the shelves and he sees a fucking wormhole behind it, because it's obviously just a hallucination.
Now that Sirius Black has officially lost his mind, he shouldn't spend his remaining moments mourning his dead brain. Reading makes your brain happy, right? So he should read! Yep, he thinks to himself, nothing better to do than read. Especially when the book he's reading has such a profound and meaningful title like "2 Baddies (But Only One Porsche)." Real tearjerker, huh? This has to at least be funny.
He opens it.
2 baddies (but only one porsche)
by rizzulusblack127
T rated
Harry Potter- J.K Rowling
Major Character Death
Summary: omg hi guys please don't be mean this is my first fic in this fandom so I'm sorry if it's ooc 💚💙💛🩵💛💜💚🤎💚❤❤❤💘💓💘💓💘💓💝💞💝🩷💝💓💖💓💝💋💋💋🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘
Regulus is so cute and innocent omg
DONT LIKE DONT READ: Dont read if you hate gay people!!! If you don't like gay ppl I understand because theyre all kind of annoying (I only support fictional gays) but please read smth else if it makes you uncomfortable 🥺🥺🥺
Notes:
Even though I am a man and I am writing gay fanfiction that does NOT make me gay. I have only been attracted to women in my life, Regulus Black and Shadow the Hedgehog do NOT count!!! I listen to Twice and Loona and they are all women which means I am straight
The first thing Sirius notices is the author's name. Rizzulusblack127. It's kind of similar to his brother's name, and also a really weird name for a published author. The second thing he notices is that the book is formatted the same way that an ao3 fanfiction is formatted, which he knows because he's used the site once or twice (for entirely innocent reasons, of course). And the last thing he notices is that at the very start the names of himself and all his friends are right here, like they're tags or something. They're just sitting there, in some book, and he has to take a second to stare at it before he's suddenly not in the library anymore.
Fucking teleportation.
He's on the soccer field.
Wait.
Hold on.
Why is he calling it soccer?
It's football.
He's British.
He's supposed to be calling it football.
So why would he be calling it soccer???????
Sirius has a minor mental breakdown before he is hit in the head with a football.
As he feels himself fall to the ground, Sirius Black looks to the sky, and right there, covering the sun, is another one of those goddamn wormholes.
His head rolls to the right, towards the stands. He sees Mary and Lily yelling at Marlene for hitting him in the head again, he sees Pandora, shaking her creepy ass head, and he sees Peter Pettigrew… staring right at the wormhole.
Sirius Black blacks out.