Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*Wild has started a chat*

*Wild has added Four, Hyrule, Legend, Sky, Time, Twilight, Warriors, and Wind to the chat*

*Wild changed their name to FearMySpoon*

*FearMySpoon renamed the chat they call themselves the heroes of courage*

FearMySpoon: sup losers.

Twilight: Cub, why?

FearMySpoon: because I can

FearMySpoon: and also because it will be a good way for you guys to A. learn how to use the slates Flora gave us and B. get in contact with each other when we switch worlds

Legend: that’s actually… really smart

FearMySpoon: I can be smart!

FearMySpoon: smh you guys really have no faith in me huh

Hyrule: This is fun! Thanks Wild!

FearMySpoon: no problem!

Warriors: I don’t think it’s a bad idea. It’ll make keeping track of everyone easier. It will also act as an alert system if we are in danger.

Sky: Hey everyone! This is so cool!

Legend: hang on for a sec imma try something

*Legend has changed Warriors name to Proper Grammar™*

Proper Grammar™: LEGEND!

Proper Grammar™: Wild how do I change it back!

Wind: oh my gosh this is beautiful

*Wind has changed their name to Pirate King*

Proper Grammar™: WIND HOW DO I CHANGE IT BACK?

Pirate King: that sounds like a you problem

Proper Grammar™: LEGEND I’M GONNA KILL YOU!

Proper Grammar™: WIND, YOU’RE NEXT!

*Legend has changed their name to betterthanwars*

Proper Grammar™: SQUARE UP RAT!

Sky: what have I walked in to?

Proper Grammar™: No seriously, someone tell me how to change it.

*Four has changed their name to 4braincells*

4braincells: that sounds like a you problem

----------------------------------------

Private chat between Four and Wild

Four: hey Wild, can I ask for a really weird favor without you asking any questions?

Wild: isn’t that the bedrock on which our friendship is formed?

Four: Thanks Wild! I knew I could count on you (:

Four: could you ask Flora to make me four more slates? Four: I’ll pay her of course!

Wild: No problem! I’ll get them to you tomorrow

Four: thank you! You’re such a good friend! <3

Wild: aww thx Four Wild: <3

Chapter Text

they call themselves the heroes of courage

betterthanwars: @FearMySpoon Time just broke his slate and I don’t know how to fix it. 

FearMySpoon: oh thanks, I’ll take it to Flora!

Hyrule: why did you do that?

betterthanwars: what? @ him?

Hyrule: Yeah!

betterthanwars: It summons him for me. 

Hyrule: thanks Legend!

betterthanwars: no prob Rule

FearMySpoon: what the heck??? I didn’t know I could do that and I’ve had this for years??? 

betterthanwars: lol moron 

FearMySpoon: you weren’t this mean to Hyrule

betterthanwars: that’s cause he’s better than all of you

Sky: @betterthanwars Okay but how are you so good at operating this thing 

betterthanwars: do you know how many gadgets and gizmos I’ve operated?

Twilight: Shouldn’t you be able to fix Time’s slate than?

betterthanwars: it’s going to take divine intervention to fix whatever he’s done to that thing 

——

*Vio created a chat*

*Vio added Blue, Green, and Red to the chat*

*Vio named the chat Idk name this something I’m busy*

*Green named the chat four heroes in a trenchcoat*

Vio: …you know what I’ll allow it. 

*Vio changed their name to the_braincell*

*Red changed their name to cookies&arson*

*Blue changed their name to dabadedabaDIE*

dabadedabaDIE: Thanks, I hate it here already. 

Green: A moment of heartfelt gratitude to Red, for making this chat so we don’t fight over Four’s slate. 

dabadedabaDIE: Thanks Red

the_braincell: we owe you our lives

cookies&arson: Of course! <3

cookies&arson: @Green why didn’t you change your name? ):

the_braincell: @Green basic

Green: I can’t think of one!

the_braincell: I’m disappointed

Green: hi disappointed, I’m Green!

the_braincell: I have the Cane of Pacci so you better start running 

——

they call themselves the heroes of courage

Proper Grammar™: Hey @Twilight @Hyrule @Four are y’all okay?

Hyrule: Yeah, we’re good, but Four isn’t taking the switch well. Twilight’s carrying him. 

Proper Grammar™: Okay. Legend says this is his Hyrule, do you see the weird rock that looks like a ladle?

Hyrule: yeah

Proper Grammar™: Meet us there

Hyrule: On our way!

——

betterthanwars: LISTEN UP HEREOS OF STUPIDITY 

Sky: Heroes of Courage

betterthanwars: THAT’S WHAT I SAID DON’T INTERRUPT ME

betterthanwars: WE’RE GOING TO MY HOUSE

betterthanwars: DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING! DON’T BUY ANYTHING FROM RAVIO! AND IF RAVIO SEES ONE OF YOUR SLATES I’M THROWING YOU OUT!

Proper Grammar™: Sheesh, Legend, why are you yelling?

Hyrule: Why can’t Ravio see our slates?

betterthanwars: @Hyrule he’ll want one, or he’ll steal mine. 

betterthanwars: @Proper Grammar™ I'm trying to bypass your short attention spans.

Father Time: He isn’t wrong. 

Pirate King: Yooooooo Time figured out how to chat! @Father Time I’m so proud!

Father Time: I’ve known how for a while, I just didn’t need to say anything. 

Proper Grammar™: Wait Time how did you change your name?

Proper Grammar™: @FatherTime

Father Time: (:

Proper Grammar™: MASK!

——

FearMySpoon: I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?

betterthanwars: I SAID NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING!

Pirate King: RIP Wild, the year 1488, he will be missed. 

Sky: press F to pay respects 

Pirate King: @Sky looooool

betterthanwars: I LET HIM IN MY HOUSE!

——

FearMySpoon: I LIVED

Hyrule: and you had SEVERAL second degree burns!

FearMySpoon: but I lived!

Hyrule: why are you like this?

*Hyrule changed their name to why y’all aren’t dead*

4braincells: not that I don’t agree, but what’s with all the contractions?

why y’all aren’t dead: I’m channeling my inner Twilight 

4braincells: ahh lol

Twilight: This is bullying.

——

4braincells: what would happen if we made a double-edged sword with fire and ice edges? Would it burn and then rapidly freeze? Would it freeze and then thaw? Would the change in temperature cause it to explode? Can we made an exploding sword and paint the trees with the guts of our enemies?

4braincells: oops wait wrong chat

betterthanwars: WHAT is the right chat!?

4braincells: …the council is deliberating

Twilight: Four what is the right chat?

Proper Grammar™: Four?

4braincells: the council has decided not to answer. 

——

betterthanwars: @Pirate King want to explain to me why Ravio is complaining that you stole all his jars?

Pirate King: He agreed to give them to me!

4braincells: Can confirm. I was there. 

betterthanwars: are you saying you scammed Ravio?????

Pirate King: I didn’t scam him! I just… persuaded him. 

4braincells: yep and it was glorious

betterthanwars: …@Pirate King Congratulations! I’m now afraid!

Pirate King: I need them for Grandma’s soup!

——

four heroes in a trenchcoat

*cookies&arson has changed Green’s name to chaos mom*

chaos mom: …you know what I’ll allow it. 

Chapter Text

they call themselves the heroes of courage 

FearMySpoon: I have been cooking my whole life and I have NEVER tasted soup this good

FearMySpoon: @Pirate King tell your Grandma that she is a goddess 

Pirate King: now you know why I scammed all those bottles off Ravio

FearMySpoon: I’m crying this is so good

Twilight: For those of you who are wondering he is in fact crying actual tears.

Father Time: [image of Wild crying while cradling a bowl of soup]

Sky: honestly same

why y’all aren’t dead: I am Not Questioning how Time knows how to use pictures before most of this chat

why y’all aren’t dead: and by most of this chat I mean everyone but Wind, Wild and Four 

betterthanwars: I can ABSOLUTELY take pictures idk what you’re talking about

why y’all aren’t dead: …you took like, 20 pictures of your thumb before you could get it to work and then the flash startled you so badly you dropped it.

4braincells: @why y’all aren’t dead SPILL THE TEA RULE

Twilight: RIP Legend, the year 1488, he will probably be missed.

FearMySpoon: TWILIGHT USED A MEME

Proper Grammar™: So, Legend, what are you feeling after that brutal murder?

betterthanwars: Pride, mostly. 

——

Pirate King: hey guys, gotta go take care of something real quick. I’ll be right back

Proper Grammar™: Wait, what is it? Do you need backup?

Pirate King: ocean’s haunted. 

PropterGrammer™: What?

Pirate King: haunted. 

Proper Grammar™: Wind?

Proper Grammar™: Wait Wind come back, what does that mean?

Proper Grammar™: @Pirate King

Father Time: Let him go. He knows this island better than any of us. 

——

Pirate King: Good Morning everyone! I can safely say that the only ghosts around are the ones that are supposed to be here (:

Proper Grammar™: WIND WHAD DOES THIS MEAN?

Pirate King: @Proper Grammar™ WHAD

FearMySpoon: @Proper Grammar™ WHAD

Father Time: @Proper Grammar™ WHAD

Sky: @Proper Grammer™ WHAD

4braincells: @Proper Grammar™ WHAD

why y’all aren’t dead: @Proper Grammar™ WHAD

Proper Grammar™:  Twi please don’t do it 

Twilight: @Proper Grammar™ WHAD

Proper Grammar™: I trusted you country boy

Twilight: your first mistake 

Pirate King: WAIT A SECOND

Pirate King: where on earth is Legend??? 

Pirate King: usually he has a sixth sense for when we’re making fun of Warriors 

Sky: [image of Legend standing next to Aryll, Legend is completely covered in seagulls]

Sky: he is upholding my bloodline and becoming one with the birds 

why y’all are alive: he looks so SOFT I can’t-

Proper Grammar™: PLEASE tell me someone is saving this. 

4braincells: done. 

FearMySpoon: guys I can’t believe Vet is a seagull whisperer

4braincells: Wild you’re a genius

FearMySpoon: I am?

*4braincells changed betterthanwars’s name to seagull whisperer*

FearMySpoon: oh my gosh I am

Pirate King: YO @everyone MEET ME AT THE DOCKS I SEE TETRA’S SHIP!

——

*Wind has created a chat*

*Wind changed their name to rich gremlin*

*rich gremlin has added Wild to the chat*

*rich gremlin has added Hyrule to the chat*

*rich gremlin changed Wild’s name to arson gremlin*

*rich gremlin changed Hyrule’s name to fairy gremlin*

rich gremlin named the chat gremlins, unionize!

rich gremlin: welcome brethren, to our domain. I hope for a long and prosperous partnership of chaos. 

fairy gremlin: wait how do you know I’m a fairy???

rich gremlin: I know all. Next question. 

arson gremlin: why are you the rich gremlin?

rich gremlin: because I’m freaking loaded of course

rich gremlin: also I have a private cabana, now who wants to paraglide off a cliff with glitter bombs?

arson gremlin: hell yeah

fairy gremlin: …I’m listening

——

Proper Grammar™: @everyone SOMEONE HIDE ME SHE’S COMING

seagull whisperer: who?

seagull whisperer: wait who changed my name!?

Father Time: Tetra’s still mad at him for some stuff he did in the Great War, don’t worry he’ll be fine. 

Proper Grammar™: Please, someone save me. I’ll do anything!

4braincells: @Proper Grammar™ then parish. 

seagull whisperer: RIP Warriors, the year 1488, he will not be missed. 

——

Twilight: WHAT IN THE NAME OF HYLIA????

why y’all are alive: (:

Pirate King: we’ve unionized. 

FearMySpoon: GREMLIN RIGHTS 

Chapter Text

they call themselves the heroes of courage

Twilight: [image of Sky laying face down in a meadow, covered in comfy looking birds]

Twilight: was anyone gonna tell me Sky was a bird magnet or was I supposed to find him buried in birds myself???

FearMySpoon: the lowercase letters, the memes, the multiple question marks, is this what it means to be a mentor? is this pride?

Father Time: @Twilight Please send me that. 

——

four heroes in a trenchcoat

chaos mom: don’t get lost, don’t go to prison, don’t die, and meet back by sundown

the_braincell: yes mother

cookies&arson: yes mother

dabadedabaDIE:  Yes, mother. 

chaos mom: why do I put up with you again?

the_braincell: @chaos mom give me Four’s slate, it’s important. 

——

they call themselves the heroes of courage

4braincells changed Sky’s name to hero of birbs 

hero of birbs: thank you my friend, I will wear it with pride 

Twilight: wait

Twilight: now I’m the only one without a nickname

Twilight: …I’m not sure whether this is good or not. 

Father Time changed Twilight’s name to cat person

FearMySpoon: *wheeze*

cat person: @Father Time I hate your sense of humor so much

seagull whisperer: ????

why y’all aren’t dead: but he likes cats???

4braincells: this is funny y’all are just uneducated 

why y’all aren’t dead: rude

cat person: WHY is it that when Four says y’all y’all sleep but when I say y’all y’all bully me!?

Proper Grammar™: @cat person Because you just said y’all y’all twice in one sentence. 

why y’all aren’t dead: and while we’re on the subject 

why y’all aren’t dead changed their name to why y’all?

why y’all?: it’s shorter and it still fits 

——

gremlins, unionize!

arson gremlin added Legend to the chat

arson gremlin: can we borrow some of your rings? 

Legend: no. 

rich gremlin: it’s for the forces of chaos!

Legend: no. 

fairy gremlin: pleeeaaaeeee? for me? I’m Hyrule!

Legend: …tempting, but still no. 

rich gremlin: it will really annoy Warriors

Legend: why didn’t you open with that!?

Legend changed their name to temporary gremlin

temporary gremlin: I’m at camp

——

private chat between dabadedabaDIE and the_braincell

dabadedabaDIE: Hey, I noticed you were kinda off today. Is everything okay?

the_braincell: oh my gosh! Blue! You do care!

dabadedabaDIE: Stop.

the_braincell: this is a truly historic day, I will mark it down as an official Four Sword Heroes Holiday

dabadedabaDIE: See if I ever try comforting you again. 

the_braincell: the day Blue lowered himself to the level of the rest of us mortals and admitted… that he cares for our well-being. I’m so honored. 

dabadedabaDIE: Vio?

the_braincell: yes???

dabadedabaDIE: Quit changing the subject. It won’t work. 

the_braincell: fine. 

the_braincell: I guess I’m just feeling off today.

dabadedabaDIE: Why?

the_braincell: do I have to have a reason? sometimes people are just off you know. 

dabadedabaDIE: Well do you have a reason?

the_braincell: you know, you’re not very good at this

dabadedabaDIE: You’re not making it any easier! Now stop changing the subject!

the_braincell: …fine. 

the_braincell: I mean, I know everyone likes Four, but whether they’ll like us as individuals is another matter. 

the_braincell: of course that assumes that they’ll still like us once they figure out we’re kind of crazy

the_braincell: and that we’ve been lying to them

dabadedabaDIE: Okay, I’m not leaving you alone right now. Meet me at the apothecary. 

the_braincell: don’t be ridiculous, I’m fine 

dabadedabaDIE: I’m on my way. 

the_braincell: okay

——

they call themselves the heroes of courage 

Pirate King: [image of the heroes fighting] tag urself I’m Wild attacking monsters with a spoon 

why y’all: I’m Warriors throwing his shield at a bush 

FearMySpoon: I’m Four swinging the Cane of Pacci around like a tornado

4braincells: I’m Legend electrocuting a Lynel while looking completely dead inside

Father Time: As amusing as this is, why were you taking pictures in the middle of a battle?

seagull whisperer: I’m the redead

——

four heroes in a trenchcoat 

chaos mom: @the_braincell why is the person in the general store glaring at me?

the_braincell: why do you always assume it’s me?

dabadedabaDIE : Because it’s always you.

the_braincell: you’re sitting right next to me! 

cookies&arson: oh sorry Green, it was me

chaos mom: oh okay, are you alright?

the_braincell: so when someone’s mad it me it’s “what did you do” but when someone’s made at HIM it’s “are you okay?”

cookies&arson: yes I’m fine (: I accidentally blew up his shed but I paid for it!

dabadedabaDIE: lol.

the_braincell: WHAT A PLOT TWIST

chaos mom: @everyone please, just come back

——

they call themselves the heroes of courage 

FearMySpoon: do you ever feel unable to live up to your heroes?

Pirate King: no, my heroes can’t live up to me

cat person: Don’t say that Cub! You ARE a hero!

FearMySpoon: @cat person thanks Twi, that means a lot (:

why y’all?: yes, all the time. 

FearMySpoon: @4braincells this was about Time conning a man into giving Wind a child’s discount but now I’m curious

Proper Grammar™: But Wind is a child?

Pirate King: the discount was 12 and under

why y’all?: @FearMySpoon I mean Sky killed a god and I fell face first into a Chuchu yesterday

seagull whisperer: Sky did what!???

hero of birbs: Hyrule, you are the one of the most wonderful people I have ever met! I am so honored to know you and I know everyone else here feels the same way. Don’t you EVER put yourself down! Comparison isn’t realistic or healthy, we love you just the way you are! <3

why y’all?: @hero of birbs this was a joke but I’m about to cry oh my gosh Sky

FearMySpoon: @why y’all? and I are over here making dumb jokes only to be smacked in the face by Twilight and Sky’s unstoppable love and acceptance 

seagull whisperer: @hero of birbs please explain about the god thing

Father Time: I was a god, briefly. 

cat person: @hero of birbs Hyrule is crying

hero of birbs: on my way 

FearMySpoon: @FatherTime nice. 

Chapter Text

they call themselves the heroes of courage 

cat person: Alright, y’all know why I’m here.

cat person: [uncomfortably close picture of Legend’s face]

cat person: opinions on Legend’s new hairstyle: go

Pirate King: it’s awesome 

why y’all?: …an interesting way to have a midlife crisis but who am I to judge?

FearMySpoon: caught between delighted and horrified 

Proper Grammar™: ugly. 

4braincells: @Proper Grammar™ that is Not Correct. 

4braincells: it’s absolutely fabulous and anyone who says otherwise is wrong

hero of birbs: Legend can choose to express himself however he pleases. I’m proud of him for being brave enough to try something new! (:

seagull whisperer: how many times do I have to tell you, IT WAS NOT MY DECISION 

seagull whisperer: THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT 

seagull whisperer: @hero of birbs AND YOU KNOW THAT!

Pirate King: wait does this mean Sky knows why Legend has pink hair?

Proper Grammar™: @hero of birbs

4braincells: @hero of birbs 

FearMySpoon: @hero of birbs give to us the forbidden knowledge 

why y’all?: he’s asleep

——

hero of birbs: oh my gosh guys

4braincells: Sky it’s 4 in the morning, why are you awake?

hero of birbs: I’m on watch

4braincells: go to sleep Sky

hero of birbs: …

hero of birbs changed seagull whisperer’s name to Legndizer Bunny

hero of birbs: good night everyone (:

——

Proper Grammar™: @Legendizer Bunny wake up 

cat person: @Legendizer Bunny wake up you have a new name

Father Time: What does it mean?

Proper Grammar™: I don’t know but Legend’s gonna hate it. 

Proper Grammar™: @Legendizer Bunny

Legendizer Bunny: WHAT?

Legendizer Bunny: …@hero of birbs sleep with one eye open tonight

4braincells: I feel like Legendizer is supposed to mean something but I can’t figure it out 

hero of birbs: inside joke with Groose

hero of birbs: batteries

4braincells: thanks that did not help at all

——

*Twilight has created a chat*

*Twilight has added Four, Legend, Time, Sky, and Wild to the chat*

Twilight: Sky asked me who knows about Wolfie so I made a chat

Four: @Wild I think you know what to do. 

Wild: I was born for this moment. 

*Wild has changed the chat name to the ones who know about our yeehaw doggo man*

*Wild has changed Twilight’s name to Our YDM*

*Wild has changed their name to YDM’s Protégé*

Our YDM: I have never regretted something so quickly 

Legend: since when has Four known????

Our YDM: He’s known since basically the day we met. 

Legend: @Four HOW!?

Four: @Legend bow down before my braincells peasant

*Time has changed their name to YDM’s Mentor*

YDM’s Mentor: Does this mean we’re going to find out why Legend’s hair is pink? I’m curious. 

YDM’s Protégé: I KNEW you were lurking on the chat 

YDM’s Mentor: @Sky please give us answers. 

*Sky has changed Four’s name to an intellectual*

*Sky has changed Legend’s name to a prying ratbit*

*Sky has changed their name to buried the body*

buried the body: I promised Legend I wouldn’t say anything, this is all I can tell you. 

an intellectual: and once again, I am left completely baffled by Sky’s cryptic messages 

an intellectual: he’s my role model