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“Khalid.”
“I beg your pardo-“
“I want you to call me Khalid.”
The quill within Dimitri’s grasp bends dangerously as he casts a look over his shoulder, hoping to receive some sort of explanation. However, he is only met with the sight of a lithe body draped over the couch on the far side of the study. A book is held in one hand while the other acts as a cushion behind a head full of thick brown locks. There is a tremble in the hand that holds the book. Dimitri pushes his papers aside to turn around fully.
“I… okay, I can do that for you.”
“Good.”
“I-Is there anything else?” The desperation in his deep voice causes the other to crack a sad smile. An uncommon sign of vulnerability. He has only seen this look one other time before. Before-
I surrendered to the Kingdom army only because I am tired, your Kingliness. I am so tired…
“That is all for now.”
“Very well then.” The tension that clings to the air is uneasy. The king knows that if he turns away from this, it will only mimic every other encounter his partner has experienced. Dismissal, betrayal, neglect…
The creak of a sturdy wooden chair draws Khalid’s attention away from the book he was not reading, his weary green hues searching for a reason why the king was approaching him. Next thing he knows, that otherwise looming figure is kneeling by his side. He purposefully makes himself smaller whenever the two of them fight and he is admitting defeat. The young Almyran prince raises a brow.
“Your Kingliness, what-“
“You are not okay.” A declaration rather than an inquiry. This causes Khalid to put his book down and sit up straight, nestling the king between his legs. Before the prince can offer a rebuttal, Dimitri speaks again. “Please tell me what is on your mind.”
“It’s nothing, I…”
“I do not wish to argue with you, stop lying to me.” A plea. A plea that Khalid has heard many times before yet-
“It’s hard to lower my defenses.”
“I’ve heard that before and I will tell you once more, there is nothing to be afraid of. I am devoted to you, my beloved. And it hurts me when you do not speak your mind.”
“I…”
I am sorry. I cannot share everything with you. I don’t want you to worry.
“I will keep that in mind.”
“Clau- Khalid.” Dimitri nearly growls while he stands up, his brow furrowing as he casts a harrowing look upon his partner. This look ignites the short fuse in Khalid, one that has grown shorter throughout the years.
“This isn’t easy for me! You grew up with people you could trust, I didn’t!” The shift of anger in Khalid’s voice matches the intensity of the look he was receiving. This is a recurring fight between the two young royals. The one thing that causes a rift between them.
“Stop throwing that in my face, that’s not fair!”
“I trust you enough to share my name, why isn’t that enough?” Pain causes the prince’s voice to crack. He would not dare to let the tears welling in his eyes to spill onto his flushed cheeks. This catches both of them off guard.
“Khalid, I just…want you to be okay. That is all I ever want.”
“Well…” Khalid sinks his teeth into his lower lip for a moment. “I never will be. Not fully.”
This realization silently brings Khalid to a breaking point, and drives a dagger through Dimitri’s heart.
“Am I a fool for desiring to help you feel okay?” The king more so asks this to himself.
“Maybe you are.”
“Hm.” Khalid does not miss the slight tremble of his majesty’s lip. With that, he turns away to go back to his desk. He sits down and returns to his work without a word. He is still. Khalid turns away and lets a sea of regret wash over him.
Another connection blocked by his own mind.
The fuse has finally burnt out.
In an unusual display, Khalid allows the dams to break.
He cannot control how his face distorts before he releases the loudest sob he ever has. He was not this disturbed by the attempts on his life. He was not this disturbed by the nasty looks he has received. All at once, the realization that he could lose the only person he has ever trusted hits him where it hurts the most.
He could not imagine his life without Dimitri. He never got the chance to properly address his demons. He did not have his house members around him in that capacity. They did not care for his well-being because he did not care for theirs. He used them for their strength. Once he was done, they left him. He left them. Dimitri never did.
The king visibly tenses in response to the sound before knocking the chair over to return to his prince’s side. His hands gingerly cups red cheeks, his thumbs roughly brushing any and all tears that fall. They don’t stop falling.
For the first time in his life, Khalid is comforted. He is seen and heard. His pain is visible. And Dimitri wraps strong arms around his smaller frame, encasing him in an equally painful embrace. They both have demons. Khalid has just been better at hiding them until now.
With a choked breath, Khalid manages an apology, to which Dimitri silences. They remain in each other’s arms for a long while, the pain within Khalid shifting into numbness. A numbness that is learned and relied upon to avoiding breaking down daily. A strong hand cups the back of his head and draws him in closer, reminding him that he is not alone in this moment.
“I never want you to apologize for feeling, my love. This is all I’ve wanted from you.” Dimitri speaks softly into the prince’s ear.
“I don’t want you to see me like this. It feels too harrowing, too…”
Real.
“Is that not what I am here for? To be there no matter what you are experiencing?”
“You are too kind to me, your Kingliness. You truly are.” Khalid nearly laughs.
“I cannot imagine being any different toward you, beloved.”
While Khalid does not fully understand where this comes from, the declaration brings ease to his heart. Dimitri is kind to him, no matter how foul his mood or how happy he appears to be. It leads him to realize something he had long forgotten was a possibility.
He loves him. Is in love with him.
He dare not speak it.
But it is true, truer than anything in the world.
Khalid does not speak.
He silently loves his partner and is grateful that he shared his name.