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The week after his and Blaine’s honeymoon was more chaotic than Kurt had anticipated, especially since they had already lived together for a few years before they got married. But their house – Blaine’s old house– seemed to be overflowing with the love of their family and friends in the form of the gifts they had bought for the newlyweds.
They had spent days cleaning out cupboards and going through closets to get rid of old items and replace them with new ones. It was a never ending task that just kept on giving. They’d clean out one cupboard and before they knew it, they’d done the whole house.
Blaine was on one of several trips to the local thrift stores when Kurt found it. A box labeled to my husband's new husband. It was an unassuming, gray Jimmy Choo shoe box, the label attached to the top of it written in the handwriting of a man Kurt had heard many stories about, but had never had the pleasure of meeting.
Sebastian Smythe.
Sebastian had been Blaine’s first husband. They had attended Dalton Academy together and had a very stereotypical high school romance that had ended in a not so stereotypical manner with Sebastian's untimely passing due to an undiagnosed heart condition.
Kurt carefully lifted the lid and peered inside, puzzling over its contents. He noted a flash drive, a bowtie – a gorgeous Dior one if he wasn’t mistaken, blue with an intricate gold pattern weaved into the fabric– an intricately carved hand held mirror and a large organza bag with a christmas gift tag attached. Kurt studied the writing on the tag: Blaine’s Husband Survival kit. Curious, he opened the organza bag and smiled as he pulled out a folded sheet of paper and several items.
The paper was wrinkled with age but was still enough to send Kurt’s heart pounding as he skimmed its contents - a list with a handwritten note next to each item.
- Wrigley’s Freedent- This is Blaine’s favorite gum. Just in case you ever want to surprise him with a kiss
- Sewing kit - For the dancing…I know you know, I got sick of repairing the damage to clothing and sofas
- Marble - Just in case you lose yours
- Condom - for those ‘just got a feeling’ moments
- Mini packet of lube - We’ve all been caught with our pants down. I got you!
- Wet wipes - At least you can feel clean after doing the deed off the cuff
- The Best Of Roxy Music CD - I think this is the one album Blaine doesn’t own. He never bought it when I was with him though he used to stare at it longingly at the music store. So… a last gift from me to him, if you wouldn’t mind passing it on?
- Hair gel - You never know when he’s going to need an emergency tub. I always carry one with me anyway
Kurt laughed and reached up to wipe his eyes as they blurred, only to find his cheeks wet with tears he hadn’t realized had fallen. He had long ago learned that having emergency hair gel for Blaine was a must. Kurt even had some in his office at Vogue.
- Coffee - I swear Blaine has more of this stuff in his body than blood.
- Heart shaped candies - to remind you to, above all else, love him.
Kurt carefully folded the piece of paper back into the organza bag and placed each item carefully back in its place, except for the CD, which he put to one side to hand over to Blaine. He took a calming breath before walking over to the bedside table and grabbing his laptop and the box of tissues he kept there. He wasn’t sure how long Blaine would be gone, and given the nature of the box he had found, Kurt wanted to make sure there was nothing here that would trigger him. He placed the laptop on the bench at the end of the bed and seated himself on the floor before it as he reached for the box.
After Sebastian's death, Blaine had suffered from severe depression and Kurt had met him as he was coming out of it. Their relationship was purely platonic for a number of months before Blaine even felt ready to attempt to date, let alone be able to give his whole self to someone else. Even now, years since Sebastian’s passing, Blaine still suffered days where he felt lost in his grief. During the early days of their relationship Kurt had struggled to accept the fact that there was a part of his boyfriend that would always belong to Sebastian. A long heart-to-heart and many tears on both of their parts helped Kurt realize that, yes, Sebastian would always be a part of Blaine. But he had realized, too, that there wasn’t a piece of Blaine that wasn’t his and that he wasn’t sharing space. He was just loving all those same parts of Blaine and Blaine was loving him just as he had Sebastian. Wholly and completely.
Kurt picked the flash drive out of the shoe box and booted up his laptop. It seemed to take an eternity for it to boot and then to display the contents of the drive.
A video file labeled Hello stared back at him from the screen.
Not knowing what to expect, Kurt drew the tissue box closer and gently pulled his mother’s throw from the bottom of the bed, wrapping it around himself before double clicking on the file and waiting for it to load.
Kurt had seen pictures of Sebastian and felt a soft smile pull at his lips when the man's face appeared before him on the screen. Sebastian lay in a sun bright room with pale blue walls that was, unsettlingly, a perfect match for the sweater Kurt was currently wearing. A tray table straddled his lap.
“ Hello, hi… ” Sebastian smiled softly at the camera. “ God this is weird as fuck… ”
Kurt felt a laugh bubble in his throat. Weird as fuck was one way of putting it.
Sebastian shuffled on camera and pulled the tray table closer before he smiled again. “ So, if you found this when you aren’t actually married to Blaine then great. I assume, if you’re rummaging in the back of our closet then you’re special enough to him that he’s letting you use it or at least store things in it. Either way, husband, long term partner, whatever label you and Blaine have adopted, I just wanted to say thank you .” Sebastian paused and Kurt felt his eyes burn in response to the tears shining in Sebastian's eyes. The way Sebastian’s voice cracked on “thank you” broke Kurt’s heart.
“ Thank you for loving him the way you do, for making space in your life for a man I know is going to split apart at the seams. For accepting every little part of him, even when he damages the furniture with his exuberant dancing. ”
Kurt felt a laugh bubble through his tears as he remembered the many times Blaine had frantically apologized while Kurt repaired clothes or curtains or the upholstery on chairs because Blaine had gotten caught up in the moment.
“ You have got yourself the best kind of man. He has been with me through this entire thing, from the first time I collapsed, through the exploratory surgeries. He held my hand when the doctors told me my only chance was a heart transplant. He cried with me, cried for me, held me up when all I wanted to do was fall on my knees and scream at the world. He has been stronger than I ever knew he could be. He’s made me laugh and made me feel loved and carried the entirety of our relationship through this. I know from experience that he loves you endlessly. There isn’t anything that man won’t do for you, even if it means holding your dick for you while you pee. ”
Sebastian’s tear-choked laughter caused Kurt to bite back a sob. He hadn’t known much about Sebastian, just what he had learned from Blaine and the people around them. He had been sad to not know him, but listening to him now, Kurt thought, maybe he knew him more than he realized.
“ I’m sorry that I am jealous that you get to spend a life with Blaine, grow old with him, have some kids, see the man he will become, the actor, the singer, the life of the party that I will never know. You’re getting the life I always wanted with him and I am jealous of that. But I am not sad for him, because I know or at least I hope, that you will wring every last drop from this life that you can. Treasure it, treasure him. Give him your world so he can give it right back. ”
On the screen, Sebastian reached for a tissue and ran it down his face, wiping the tears and taking a sip of water before he looked back at the camera. “ You have no idea how much I wish that was vodka… ”
Kurt sobbed, though a laugh tried to break through, then reached for a tissue from his own box and blew his nose.
“Let him have his Star Wars fanfiction, his smutty romance books. Let him sing and dance and love you because I guarantee for a while before he met you, he didn’t do any of it… and I think a lot of it keeps him sane. "
The tenderness in Sebastian's voice caused a soft smile to break over Kurts lips, despite the tears. How kind and earnest he was in his adoration of Blaine.
" I'm not really sure what I wanted to achieve in this video." He shrugged and Kurt smiled again. "There's a Dior bow tie in the box along with a gift for you both… he wore the bowtie the day we got married. It's my favorite and I knew that he'd get rid of it when he cleared my stuff out, so I hid it away in the hopes you'd find a way to honor the love Blaine and I shared as you live the life… the best life. The life I wanted with him. "
Kurt lifted the bowtie from the box and ran the material through his fingers, biting his lip to keep more tears at bay.
" Don't be sad for me… well… maybe a little? But I'd rather you just let Blaine love you. Be happy and have everything life deserves. Because he is the best kind of man. Tell him I love him for me? And if our lives had to be this way, I'm really happy it's somebody like you he's found… "
Sebastian paused for a moment then winked. " Unless you’re Tom Hardy – then you can go rot in hell. "
The video froze on Sebastian's smile and Kurt took a deep shuddering breath to calm himself before he reached into the box for the final item. The mirror. He clasped it tightly in his hands as he studied the intricate pattern decorating the edges, the back and the handle of the mirror. Tied tightly around the handle was another gift tag. Kurt flipped it over and ran his fingers over the handwriting that was becoming so familiar.
Look at yourself, you are beautiful, he loves you now, be everything you can be and he will love you more every day. Kurt placed the mirror gently back into the box, tears tumbling down his cheeks. He pushed his laptop closed before burying his face in his mother's throw and finally freeing the sobs clogging his throat.
Blaine had only been out around an hour– traffic hadn’t been too bad– so when he arrived back at the house he shared with his husband ( that word still made his heart stutter all over itself) to the faint sounds of sobs from their bedroom, the bottom fell out of his stomach so fast he felt frozen to the spot. Panic forced its way to the forefront like a tsunami.
Burt was his first thought. Finn … he shuddered as the empty feeling eased slightly. He bolted for the stairs and hurried up them. Kurt needed him.
“Kurt!” he cried as he barrelled into their bedroom, ignoring the mess around them and gathering his husband close for a moment. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Kurt shook his head and laughed slightly. The sound caused something to release in Blaine’s chest and he held Kurt tight for a moment before pulling back to look at him. “No one died?”
Kurt shook his head and reached for a tissue to wipe his face and blow his nose.
“I’m fine.” He offered a small smile and then leaned over to give Blaine a kiss.
“Uh-uh, nope, not buying it.”
Kurt laughed again, his voice a little breathy and wet from the tears, and crawled forward to sit in Blaine’s lap. “What about now?”
“I just came home to find you sobbing like the world has ended, but now you seem happy about it, Kurt. Of course I’m not going to ignore it.”
“It’s just… you’ll think I’m stupid.”
“Kurt, I have watched you fall on your ass ice skating…”
Kurt rolled his eyes and sighed. “It’s just… I always kinda wish I’d been able to meet Sebastian, even just once. I worry that he would think I’m not good enough for you.”
Blaine frowned. “Kurt…”
“It’s not a constant thing,” Kurt shrugged. “Just every now and then, and not even majorly. It’s just a thing…”
“Right. So…?” Blaine looked confused and Kurt sighed.
“Well, okay…” Kurt took a breath and ran a hand through Blaine’s curls, smiling when Blaine leaned gently into the touch, like he always did. “I was cleaning out the closet, and there was this box tucked down the back of the drawers you have in there, so I pulled it out.” He reached over and handed the box to Blaine, lid closed so he could see the message on the top.
“What-” Blaine looked up, his eyes wet, but a small smile on his face. “He left me a message and it’s beautiful and sweet and he loved you so much Blaine…” Kurt paused and reached under the throw to pull out the CD. “He said to give you this. He said it was the last present he bought you, and he thought it would be something I could pass on on his behalf.”
Blaine took the Roxy Music CD and stared at it, a finger running down the cover tenderly before he looked at Kurt with a soft smile. “Thank you.”
Kurt reached out and ran his fingers down Blaine’s cheek, thumbing away the single tear that had tracked its way down. He cleared his throat softly and held up the bowtie, noticing the moment Blaine’s eyes registered what it was.
“Kurt...”
“He said you wore this the day you got married…he said he knew you’d get rid of everything and he wanted to save this, so that we could maybe keep the love you and he shared alive. ”
Blaine closed his eyes and Kurt saw his bottom lip tremble.
“Okay, my love?”
Blaine nodded and breathed deep.
“I had an idea…” Kurt continued “But it’s completely up to you.”
“What?” Blaine’s voice was quiet.
“Well, if you’re up for it, I can unpick this and turn it into a teddy bear, it won’t be huge because it’s only a bowtie, but I have some similar fabric at work that I can pad it out with, and then when we have a baby, we can give it to them…” He saw Blaine crumble slightly. “Your and Sebastian's love is important, Blaine. It doesn’t deserve to be forgotten until we dust off the photos.”
Blaine nodded. “I like that idea. Did he leave you a letter or something?”
“A video” Kurt smiled gently. “You can watch it if you want.”
Blaine contemplated for a moment before he shook his head resolutely. “No, it’s between you and him, but… maybe one day?”
Kurt smiled. “Whenever you want.”
Blaine glanced over at the box and spotted the mirror. Confused, he reached for it and felt his bottom lip tremble. “Was this in the box too?”
Kurt nodded. “Yeah, he said to look at myself, that…”
“You’re beautiful.”
Kurt nodded. “His Grandmother gave him that mirror. She said the same thing. Look at you Sebastian, you’re beautiful, don’t ever forget that.”
Kurt laughed, his own tears once more tumbling. “I think he was giving it to me.”
“That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.” Blaine shook his head fondly. “None of this does… A part of me is always going to love him…”
“I know,” Kurt nodded “But it doesn’t make the love you have for me any less real or valid. I know how much you love me, Blaine, and as long as you know how much I love you…all of you, even the parts I never knew, then…” Kurt shrugged.
Blaine nodded. “Can we snuggle for a minute? I need to feel my very real, very much adored and loved husband in my arms for a bit.”
“Always.” Kurt shifted so he was against the bed and allowed Blaine to wrap himself around him, head on his chest, as he sniffled softly.
“I love you so much, Kurt,” Blaine breathed quietly. “I’m really glad it was you I bumped into in that park.”
Kurt smiled and dropped a kiss onto Blaine’s hair. “Me too.”
They sat in silence for some time and Kurt felt Blaine relax into him and heard his breathing even out as he drifted off to sleep. Kurt closed his eyes and settled back into the bed, allowing sleep to pull him down as well. He’d have the best life with Blaine, he’d make sure of it.