Chapter Text
2011
The first time he had surprised her with anything on Valentine's Day, it was a complete and utter surprise. Nat wasn't even thinking about him in the week leading up to the fourteenth. She was too focused on her growing feelings for Bradley that she didn't notice how Jake Seresin would linger in the background as if he was waiting for a moment to slip into her sight. He had been Brad's roommate ever since they started school, and she doesn't know if he was genuinely intimidated or taken back by her strong presence in class or Brad's life, but they hadn't had more than a few conversations since they'd started the semester.
So, it didn't make sense why she'd stand up to leave her fourth-period Stats class after a hellish morning of dealing with a lovesick and worrisome Bradley who wanted Taylor Jenson to be his Valentine instead of her--to Jake Seresin, her best friend's roommate, blocking her leave with a bunch of flowers peeking from the opening of a pink shopping bag with his focus entirely on her confused expression as they lock eyes.
He's blocking her. On purpose.
Her eyes widen and her cheeks warm almost instantly once she realizes they're the only two left in the room.
What is even happening today?
She had only known Bradley Bradshaw for almost two months when she recognized the small flutter of warmth in her stomach every time he’d walk into the room as something along the lines of a crush. Nat had just turned twenty-two in their first semester of flight school and she was sure she never felt this way before about someone this quickly.
She had been so focused on her academics in high school and college, only managing to agree to go to an occasional house party when her friend Sophie begged her enough times to make her feel bad about missing out on a teenage experience everyone should have. After a while, Sophie stopped trying to get her to go out on a Friday night and it gave her more motivation to dig her nose into plane manuals and aviation textbooks.
Nat had three boyfriends in the last six years, and none lasted long enough to make Valentine's Day meaningful for her. So, excuse her, for liking a guy who wants to spend time with her and always smiles when she walks into a room. Who always saves her a seat in class and manages to always hand her a water bottle when they dismiss from flight stimulation classes.
She doesn’t need a lot. She doesn’t need the fancy dinners (it’s practically impossible with their class schedules and diet) or big teddy bears (like the ones her sister Elena used to clutter their shared bedroom with growing up). She doesn't want those things, and would much rather accept quality time and cheap chocolate if she could share it between her and a partner.
Nat just wants to feel seen. She wants to feel appreciated, liked, crushed on, and eventually loved. She just wants her feelings and affection to be reciprocated, plain and simple.
The night before Valentine's Day, she finds herself looking up at her white bedroom ceiling in the apartment she shares with her friend Callie, one of the only other female students that she’s grown quite close to in these last two months-thinking heavily about Bradley Bradshaw. It's late, the alarm clock on her nightstand reading 11:32pm in bright red numbers. She can't stop thinking about him, and right now as she drifts in and out of exhaustion from the day, she finds comfort in a soft moment where she realizes how close they've become.
Bradley is someone she could say knows her better than anyone in their class. She's sure she would never trust someone as she trusts him, not in this job where trust is key to survival. They could be great pilots if they stuck together.
He's someone who could easily be her best friend.
Nat can’t sleep, wondering if he’s thinking about giving her anything tomorrow. Surely, friends give each other gifts on holidays? He hasn’t mentioned a girlfriend, so she’s more than ninety percent sure he isn’t interested in anyone.
If someone were to ask why she fell for him, she would say that she likes the way he cares about other people, even if he never seems to talk about his parents or his family. He doesn't have older sisters or brothers or younger siblings that should be annoying him in every phone call he gets while at school like she does but it's what makes him stand out. He tries to look out for people and make sure everyone is okay. Nat could ask more about why he doesn't let people do the same for him but she doesn't want to shake his confidence so early into the semester.
If they continue trusting each other and get closer, Nat is sure that he'd tell her about his past someday.
She also likes how he always invites her into conversation with the other guys during class, and how he always participates after her turn so the teacher knows people were listening and caring about her response.
Nat thinks about what it would be like to hold his hand in the dimly lit hallways in the C Building because nobody has bothered to fix them since the last graduating class broke some overhead lights during a game of indoor catch. What would it be like to brush his brown curls back from his forehead or kiss his cheek? Kiss him?
She smiles to herself. Nat likes him a lot. She’s not kidding anybody because Callie has already tried to interrogate her about her obvious feelings and Bradley must know by now if the only person who almost knows her as well as he does is her roommate who asks her 'when are you going to tell him?" every time they get home after classes.
As she turns and twists to try and get adjusted on her pillow, she tries to bury her thoughts in the fact that there had to be a reason why Bradley asked for her favorite chocolate and flowers a few days prior.
There had to be a reason why he waited until most of the class had filed out of the room before asking her. He wanted privacy. It could only mean one thing.
And she hoped she was right.
-
She was wrong.
He gave her a single Twix bar and a single red rose. When he hands them to her with a whisper of 'happy Valentine's day' to keep the gesture hushed and quick, he doesn't stare at her long enough to see her reaction of a smile at his gifts. She even thinks she blushes. He straightens back up and faces the front of the room, a sure sign that she recognizes when he's nervous about something. She frowns, trying to find the cause of his worry.
His notebook is already on his desk and the class was barely half full. Could he be avoiding someone?
Slipping her Twix bar into her bag and setting the rose delicately on the floor next to her feet, Nat feels frozen as she finds and stares at it. The cause of his worry. She forces a smile as she eyes the bigger bunch of pink flowers on his desk that left her wondering when he had the time to even buy them if the nearest shop had to be near the bodega ten minutes away from campus. Bradley loves to sleep in, it's the reason why he leaves his uniform unzippered on his desk chair so he could slip into it as fast as possible while sleeping as much as he could.
There's a card attached to the tie of the bouquet, and Nat feels her stomach sink when she reads the name on the tag.
The name on the card: is Taylor.
The third and last female aviator in the class besides her and Callie.
Taylor who they'll both be seeing in physics next period.
She was wrong.
Had he not told her anything about his feelings for Taylor because he was this nervous about his crush on her?
It was clear now that Bradley didn't like her. He liked Taylor, who now thinking about it, she'd occasionally catch him staring at her while taking notes. He liked someone else while she had been pining for him which now left her feeling stupid.
Sometimes, it's easy for Nat to shut down and tune out the world into silence. At twelve, it's what made her sleep at night when her parents were fighting with her older sister. At eighteen, it's what made her studying habits and attention span to watch documentaries so effective. At twenty-two, the urge to pretend like Brad wasn’t even next to her was stronger than ever. Nat keeps her head down for most of the first period and trains her ears on the teacher's voice so she could take notes without having to look up at the board.
If she looked up, she'd be tempted to look at Bradley, and she hated how much she wanted to find him staring back at her. She wanted him to be curious about her silence and nudge her elbow in concern. She wanted him to ask her to be his Valentine instead of Taylor because she was the one that truly liked him.
She was wrong. Bradley only thinks of her as a friend, that was it.
It had to be a fact written somewhere by now. Natasha Trace would never have a Valentine's Day to remember. Natasha Trace would never find someone to look at her and think: It's always been you. It always will be you.
Maybe it was time she starts believing it to rid herself of the hope of finding someone who reciprocates her feelings.
He still hasn't moved to give her space to get up from her seat, and if she wasn't so surprised by his silence or his gift, Nat would've shoved him aside by now. But, they're just staring at each other and she doesn't know what to say.
What is this? Why are you pretending I exist now?
Jake was mysterious, almost as hidden as Bradley, she thought. The only difference was that he was more confident in class and more willing to sit in the front row and answer questions without even raising his hand. He's the type to make friends with everybody in the room and perhaps it was the fact that she always stood by Bradley that makes her off-limits to him and ruined their opportunity for friendship, but the way he's just taking the time to admire her in front of him is making her want to squirm as if he hadn't seen her before. She could practically say they hadn't even been alone together before right now.
The silence is only comfortable for another second before Jake gently places the bag on her desk with a clear of his throat: "I know what Bradshaw is doing for Taylor and Javy was annoying me with how much he panicked with getting something for Callie, and I just—“ He's stating these like facts, and when it registers that she would've been the odd girl out if he hadn't gotten her something, Nat feels something in her chest constrict. "I didn’t want to leave you on the outs."
"Did you feel bad for me?" She wants to feel bad that her immediate response was snarky, but it was her coping mechanism. "Is that what this is? A pity gift?"
"No-"
"Did Bradley make you do this cause he felt sorry?"
"No." Jake's voice turns stern as if he didn't want to hear Brad's name in the first place. Nat even cringed at saying his name because it was wrong to talk about him when Jake was the one that gave her something. Shaking his head, he sighs. "Is it a crime to be nice to you? I thought you'd at least say thank you by now."
His banter holds no bite, but she still averts her eyes as if the words stung. Sue her for being a little vulnerable right now.
She reaches out to touch the handle of the bag to pull it down into her view, grabbing the flowers out to admire first. He bought her something so she wouldn't feel left out. The realization makes her smile as she looks up at him as she softens, “You got me a gift for Valentine's Day?"
Jake tries to hide his own smile with a duck of his head, but she's already been staring for a few seconds so it was useless.
"It's not much," He began, trying to downplay his gesture. "I didn't want you to feel alone."
They may have not spoken often, but she'd want to be friends with him now that he's done such a nice thing for her. He crosses his arms and she tries not to look at the way his uniform scrunched around his biceps, wanting to get him to talk to her instead. She always thought he was cute now that she got a good look at him.
His blonde hair was always gelled back, dimples in his cheeks noticeable even with a hint of a smile--she knows he wears expensive cologne because the minty and forest scent is the only one she could still smell by the end of the day, and she would always appreciate a guy that smells nice. She likes how his eyes crinkle when he smiles, they show his joy and emotion. She knows he keeps his side of the apartment clean from the afternoons she'd spend studying with Bradley, and it translates into how he holds himself in front of her. He stands tall, student uniform sleeves cuffed to his elbow, with a presence that makes her own back straighten when she knows he's looking at her.
He's looking now, and she can't look away either. She doesn't know if it's because they were the only two in the room or the fact that she was so close to convincing herself that she would never find another guy like Bradley who she could get to choose her when Jake Seresin surprises her like this, but Nat doesn't want him to look away. She wants this moment to last an hour.
"It's not right to have a girl left out on a day like today." He admits, gesturing for her to look into the bag further. While she tries to get past the tissue paper on top, his voice lowers: "You deserve something to make you smile, Natasha."
She actually thinks she can't stop smiling once his gifts are revealed.
A new set of black pens with her favorite medium 0.7 writing tips. (She uses her laptop occasionally, but she loves handwritten notes the most. He must've picked up on that)
A handful of small Twix bars: there were at least five. (Nat could picture him throwing them into the bag, and she laughs. She swore she heard him huff in amusement as well, and something in her warmed at that sound)
When she finds herself pulling out a short stack of beige envelopes and white notecards that were neatly placed at the bottom, she's speechless for a moment.
The feeling of being forgotten releases and explodes into a sort of freedom that allows her to believe the opposite of what she felt earlier. Someone had thought of her today, and the someone was Jake. He was the man standing in front of her with a beaming and bright smile that seems to stretch across his face, it was a genuine reaction of making someone happy she realized, and Nat can't find words to say that could tell him how much she appreciates him right now.
"They're for letters back home," He tells her finally, "I figured I'd get you something more useful and lasting than chocolate."
She starts placing everything back into the bag, trying to make it neat like before.
As much as she'll remember this, Nat didn't want to ruin anything before she was able to get back home and make sure it would stay undamaged.
"You didn't have to do this, Jake." She tried to reason, although deep down, she knew he had a kind heart if he did something like this for a girl he barely spoke to. She looks him in the eyes when she says "I appreciate it a lot, thank you." because she truly meant it.
He smiles in acknowledgment, and there's pride in his gaze when he maintains the stare that she pictures must be his face when he answers a question in class when everyone else is hesitant to raise their hands. She recognizes it from her own expressions.
Their moment comes to a close when the hallways start filling with noise and varieties of voices. Nat hates to burst their bubble but she has to gather her things before having to rush to the upper floors for a mechanics class once the bell rang: she grabs her bag to sling on her shoulder and reaches for the bunch of red meadow flowers (they were her favorite color and flower, how did he even know?) to hold close to her chest.
(She had tucked Bradley’s rose into her bag once first period ended, so it was a little awkward as it poked out from the edge as it grazed against her uniform but she’d gladly take the discomfort so she could hold Jake’s flowers instead.)
'Hey, Natasha?"
Jake moves out of the way, stepping aside so she could get up.
She stands and suddenly, they're toe to toe and she's forced to look up a few inches to face him. They’re close now, closer than they’ve ever been and Nat could smell his strong cologne perfectly.
"Yeah?"
Nat grabs the handles of the gift bag, holding it with her other hand. He seems to follow her hands as she holds his gifts close to her.
"If you ever need a friend around, just know I'm here, okay?" Jake assures, and Nat nods because the words get stuck in her throat.
What she feels in replace of a thank you is that feeling. The feeling of warmth that she would always associate with Bradley and Callie. She feels it start to blossom and spread inside of her, something telling her that he could be trusted. That he could be a fixture in her life just like them.
She finally finds her words once he turns his back to exit the classroom to leave her alone and in a sort of daze at the last ten minutes between them.
"I'm here too, Jake." Nat replied, "If you want a friend."
She didn't know it then. How important he would become to her or how close they'd become as time would pass. How she'd come to a point in her life where she trusts Jake slightly more than Bradley.
She'd only admit it until much later in her life but Natasha felt their connection right from the start. She was a fool for denying it as long as she did, for denying it even at all.