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As soon as the text came, Arlecchino didn’t hesitate to pack her stuff and leave in a hurry for Columbina’s place. She brought the essentials for an emergency sleepover: an extra portion of cuddles under the warm sheets, some chocolates to delight her tummy and tons of kisses to delight her heart.
Ah, night-time: the perfect moment for emotions to break out, when the day is gone and those feelings can’t be avoided anymore, but are to be faced in all their roughness; they will rise at this hour, chew that last bit of clear mindedness and finally swallow you up.
When laying in bed, Arlecchino folds Columbina in her arms; the sobs are muffled by the cloth against her mouth. Arlecchino knows all she can do right now is only cuddle her, to calm her down; her petite body trembles with every new tear, it seems her small hands aren’t going to give up the grip around Arlecchino any soon.
The latter is slowly breathing in and out, with her eyes closed to the saddest background. Surely she isn’t going to give up either on her – or on her rationality. It’s important to keep cool at the moment to comfort her beloved the best she can, so she just gulps down every hint of rage glimpsing inside. Because she knows how far overthinking can go, how horrible it can make you feel and her sweetheart deserves nothing of this.
“Better?” Columbina is asked after a while and nods at the question, snuggling closer to her lover. Arlecchino kisses her head, holding her tight as to protect her: the whimpers quiet down thanks to the soothing hug. Ugh, if only she could actually shut down these thoughts as soon as they pop up, plug those ears so they won’t listen to that stream of thorny words, or just share the burden with her, carry the heavy load of worries together.
Not a new situation: it’s known that Columbina, although quite silent, observes a lot, thinks a lot, feels a lot – and eventually ends up bottling up her emotions which result in sudden outbursts. Well, they’ve been working on it for some time now: Columbina has learnt to trust Arlecchino, opening up right when a problem arises, or whenever a little something is troubling her, staying on her mind for too long and staining her usual positive thinking. Actually, Arlecchino loves listening to her rambling with that cute pout, but when the topic is… Columbina herself, it hurts.
It hurts to hear that in her mind she’s unworthy of attention, undeserving of any bit of love and happiness. Of course, Arlecchino knows that right now it isn’t her, who’s talking – and she respects that Columbina lets this mindless flow of words with her, with no fear of being judged.
“It’s that… nobody ever looks for me, tells me I’m pretty. Nobody wants to get to know me, be my friend… do I really look so intimidating? Am I so boring? Why am I always alone at the end of the day…”
Ranting is allowed in silence. Cuddles are the only reply for now as harsh raw thoughts come to the surface one by one strangled by the sobs, confused by new warm tears, in the end her thin voice just gives up and cries it all out.
Arlecchino has to swallow the urge to cry with her. It hits even harder when you know how much Columbina has always struggled with all of these little things, despite her being the most precious and optimistic person ever. That’s why it’s so important for Arlecchino to be with her, to show how much she's loved, to appreciate all of her qualities, to make her feel special as she deserves – and all the more so through these dark moments, when she needs to be reminded to switch that forgotten light again and bring back that radiant smile, which is so treasured by her lover.
It takes some time to relax, and Arlecchino has done her best to help the process. Before speaking, she comforts her with more kisses on the forehead: “My baby,” the fingers are combing her hair, they move it behind her ear, “What happened last time was horrible – but it was only one of the possible outcomes. Why wouldn’t things go differently now?” she speaks keeping her voice tone low, it sounds soft and caring to Columbina. Not to mention her healing touch, “People around you love you, Bina. They love your presence, hearing your opinion, they care about you and you matter to them. And with ‘people’ I don’t mean Arle only.” Columbina squints her eyes, more tears stream on her cheeks; the other is quick to place a kiss between her eyebrows. Arlecchino only hopes her words are helping her ground again, that they will manage to get through her broken heart.
“You have so much to give, you’re beautiful inside and out, anyone would love to be your friend. There is nothing you should be afraid or ashamed of. Understand?” the smaller woman nods lightly as those sentences are being firmly affirmed in her head: she wants to believe them and not to doubt them. Arlecchino rubs her back, insisting with small kisses on her head to calm down Columbina’s insistent sobbing. “And you’re my little dove~” to which the latter nods again. It makes Arlecchino chuckle.
Columbina feels relieved. It’s so good to let it all out, being able to empty your heart and having your voice be heard, without your feelings being denied and without being embarrassed about them. Truth is, Arlecchino’s presence alone is comforting enough already – the kind words she never fails to deliver might be a surplus. Because she knows how she truly cares for her, is willing to listen, to accept her even like this, and most importantly to take her back to reality.
“Yes? You’re my little dove?” she asks again, smiling for that cute response, while wiping away the tears. Then one of her hands gently lifts her chin so she can look at her in the eyes.
“Mm…”
“Now, aren’t doves a symbol of freedom? Then it’s time to break free from this cage of ugly thoughts”
The metaphor manages to win a smile from Columbina – and to put her heart at ease. That awaited smile shyly makes its way on her lips; sweet gazes finally intertwine and melt in the embrace.
Maybe love really can be so powerful to silence our insecurities.