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It had not gone well. Aizawa knew his class and himself well enough to say that to himself, and he almost had enough courage to speak it out loud. None of the kids had died, which he selfishly thought was the most important part. But there were injuries, and not just to bodies. He knew their confidence was shaken now, and he was reminded once again that these were still children, even though they were superpowered.
But there was one child that he was worried about more than the others right now, a certain one with green curly hair. He stepped into the hospital room where said child was sitting on the bed. His legs were bandaged knee to ankle. There were bandages taped to his cheek and neck.
“Problem Child,” he called softly. “I'm here.”
“Daddy,” it was a tiny whisper, but it said all the things that Aizawa needed to here. Arms were lifted in a 'take me' gesture. Aizawa crossed the room and lifted him up, letting that face bury into his neck.
“Everyone else is either discharged or is asleep for the night. I'm sorry I couldn't come to you right away.” it had killed him to know that he couldn't rush to Izuku's side. But there were other students, and he couldn't display too much favoritism, or uncomfortable questions were likely to be asked. Izuku just huffed a breath against his skin.
“Papa is waiting for us at home, are you ready?”
They often did that when Izuku was little, asked him questions to appear like he had a choice when he really didn't. He didn't try and get out of Aizawa's arms, though, and was content to be carried down and out the back of the hospital. The hospital had agreed to let those who could do disappear that way, to avoid the media and too many pictures.
Even the more gregarious of his students were shell shocked. There would have to come conversations, explanations. There would be a lot of kids sitting up, a lot of therapy sessions to recommend. But for tonight, for now, all he needed to worry about was the baby in his arms. His capture weapon webbed around him, keeping him tight against his chest.
“Don't sleep yet.” he warned. “Papa wants to make sure you eat something and check you over himself. You know how fussy he gets when you're hurt.” he tried to keep his tone as light and teasing as he could. Izuku just scrubbed at his eyes and said
nothing.
He was silent as they climbed into a cab. Aizawa wondered if the cabbie wondered if anything was wrong. But then, as long as fares were paid and no one left bodily fluids in the backseat, why should it matter?
He paid and carried the baby upstairs. He was still in borrowed hospital pajamas, and they were probably itchy and uncomfortable. Shouta knew that he didn't like the way they didn't smell like his laundry detergent or the fabric softener that Hizashi used just for the baby's clothes. Before he could even reach for his keys, the door swung open.
“Oh, Bunny!” Hizashi sighed. “I was worried sick.”
“Papa,” Izuku lifted his head and tried to shift himself towards his Papa. His request was granted immediately, and he was swung into the arms of the blond, the capture weapon falling away. He was wrapped in Hizashi's arms, cuddled close as the blond pressed kisses all over his head.
“What hurts, Zuzu?”
“Everything!” the baby said, perhaps a little dramatically. Then again, he was tired, he'd been poked and prodded at the hospital, and devastating things had happened during that battle.
“Poor baby, Papa will fix it.” he hummed, carrying the kid towards the room that had been designated as his. Shouta drifted behind, reading over the discharge instructions and looking in the little paper bag with pain medicine and antibiotics for the puncture wounds.
Izuku was sat on the bed and the icky hospital pajamas were removed. His All Might onesie was slid onto him and zipped up. Izuku had a small smile on his face and he let his fingers feel against the fabric. Hizashi picked him up again.
“Did he eat anything?”
“No,” Shouta confirmed. “But I don't know if he can handle solids right now. The pain medicine says he needs something in his belly.”
“Bottle it is,” the blond grinned at the baby, giving him a little tickle. Zuzu just gave a tiny smile and squirmed a little.
“Here, come to Daddy while Papa gets things set up.” Shouta took the baby again and curled with him on the couch.
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“I tried so hard.” he whispered.
“Oh, Bunny, we know you did. No one is faulting you.” he stroked his hair back, let his fingers run again the bandages on his face.
“But if I had been faster or tried harder, that woman would have lived.” rescuing the woman should have been easy. Just a simple civilian. But the villain was new to the scene, and in Shouta's opinion, he had panicked. She had been killed, and the whole class had watched the light going out in her eyes as she whimpered.
“You don't know that.” Shouta shook his head. “You can't think too much about it. You'll drive yourself crazy, Izuku. And we did capture the villain. Think of all the people we saved by having someone like that off the street.”
“But I didn't save her. And she's dead now, and she can never, never come back!” he was trapped, clearly, between his baby headspace where he could sink and let all of this go, and his big headspace where he'd have to process all of this and understand the ramifications.
“You are never going to be able to save the whole world, Bunny.”
“But I should!” he protested. Shouta just sighed. He knew that All Might had discussed this with him before. Still, for someone a heart like Izuku's, this was a difficult. He had hoped to shield him for just a little bit longer.
“Shhh,” he said instead when Izuku began to cry, those hiccuping sobs that let him know that his baby headspace had won the battle for now. He was crying now because he was tired and hungry and his body hurt, he was crying now because everything was just too much.
“Bunny, Bunny, look,” Papa sing-songed as he came in. He handed over the bottle, which the baby latched onto happily, snuffling as his hunger was satiated. Hizashi also produced a blanket, nice and warm from the dryer to wrap around him.
“See? Papa said he'd make it all better.” he sat next to the pair, his hand cupping one of Izuku's feet. The baby's eyes had that dreamy look that let them know he had fully slipped. It was better this way, just for tonight. They could deal with the big stuff after they'd all had some rest and the adults had gotten to snuggle the baby to assure that he was okay.
When the bottle was finished, he was handed over, somewhat reluctantly, to Hizashi, who held him against his shoulder, rubbing his back. Izuku never had gas after a bottle, but it was still a reason to give him a big cuddle.
The baby took his pain medicine with no argument, although he refused to let Hizashi go for it. Hizashi praised him through swallow the medicine down. They knew it would make him drowsy and turned on the television. They were careful to avoid any news stations, not wanting to see the horrific replay of everything that had gone.
The baby channel played a soft cartoon. Izuku's eyes hazily followed along. It wasn't long until his eyelids were pulling downwards. He yawned and snuggled into Hizashi. The blond took that as his cue to rise and begin walking towards the bedroom. There was no way they were having him sleep alone, not tonight.
Shouta got himself changed and into bed, holding out his arms to take the baby. Zuzu fit so comfortably on his chest. His hand went to his bottom to begin the butt pats he knew the baby appreciated even in sleep.
A pacifier was slipped into his slack mouth. Hizashi climbed into bed, his own hair in a braid. He looked at his husband and their baby for a moment.
“I know it sounds terrible, but I'm so happy he didn't die.”
“You and me both.” Shouta admitted. “He's going to hate himself.”
“We'll deal with it as it comes.” Hizashi comforted him. He curled close to the duo.
***
“No! No! No!” Izuku was screaming, and as Shouta snapped awake, he realized the baby was still sleeping. He blinked sleepily and groped around the bed for the pacifier, slipping it into his open mouth.
“It's okay, Bunny. I'm here, I'm right here. Nothing is happening. You're safe.” he said, rocking them back and forth on the bed. The baby continued to thrash in his arms with enough vigor that Shouta was afraid he was going to hurt himself.
“Whoa! That's quite a dance. Must be a hellacious tune he's jamming out to.” Hizashi was awake. Shouta scooted over and laid Zuzu down, hoping that would calm him. But the pacifier had slipped out of his mouth.
“I can save her, I can, I CAN!” his eyes snapped open, wide and wet. He looked at the adults around him.
“It was just a dream, Bunny.” Hizashi soothed. “There's no one here that you need to worry about rescuing.”
“Because I didn't do it well enough then.” he snapped. The two adults stared at him as he covered his face in his hands.
“I don't deserve comforting or being taken care of right now.”
“Why do you think that, baby?” Hizashi looked concerned.
“Because I failed. The person that needs to be taken care of is dead!” he was sliding off the bed. “I'm sleeping alone for the rest of the night. There's no point in keeping you two up for the rest of the night.”
“You don't have to do that. We want you here if this is where you need to be.” Shouta said quietly.
“I appreciate that.” Izuku didn't stop, padding away with a firmness that was strange to see in someone wearing an All Might onesie.
“We cannot let him sleep alone.” Hizashi was throwing back the blanket, reaching for the pacifier that Shouta still cupped in his hand.
“No, that's not how this works.” he stopped his husband. “We have to respect his choices about his headspace.”
“But he needs us!”
“And he's going to have to come to that conclusion on his own. We can't force him, and we can't even step in unless he's hurting himself or someone else. I understand it's hard, 'Zashi, trust me. I hate seeing him like this, too. But there are some things that
he's going to have to work out on his own.”
The blond just let out a long sigh and flopped back onto the bed.
***
Izuku was gone in the morning. Shouta wasn't surprised, just a little hurt. He knew that he couldn't focus on it just then, he had to worry about the whole class. After some coffee, he made his way to homeroom. Those that could be present were there. The bandages weren't the only proof of their experience, the horrified looks and hollow smiles reflected it as well.
“First things first.” Aizawa sat in his chair. “I want you all to know that I am honored to be your teacher. You fought hard, and you fought well.”
“But we didn't save her.” Izuku looked at him.
“No, we didn't. But being a hero, you will never be able to save everyone. And if you only focus on that, you will never be able to see what you can do. Heroes exist because we are trying to chase away all the darkness in the world.” he paused.
“The thing you have never been told is that we cannot possibly chase away all the darkness. But for the people we do save, we are everything.” he looked at his quiet class.
“Where do we go wrong? How can we do better next time?” it was clear Izuku wasn't going to let this rest.
“Nothing. None of you did anything wrong. The plan was wonderful, and you all executed it flawlessly. The problem is that we cannot predict the way that villains will move. We can't read minds, and even when we can, things change on a dime. Even quirks have limits, that's the way of humanity.” the whole class seemed to deflate. He wondered if he had taken a load off their shoulders, or heaped more on. He hoped it was the former.
“I know it sounds bleak. This is something that you must reconcile within yourself in order to continue being a hero. If you decide that this is too much for you, please understand that there is no one here who will look down on you.”
No one spoke. Izuku just looked pissed. His cheeks were red, and his hands were clenched into fists. He was determined to make sure that this never happened again. He would sacrifice his whole self if he had to. Didn't he understand, thought Aizawa. Didn't he understand that if he sacrificed himself, he'd be sacrificing all of the other lives he could have saved?
“I think that's enough for today. You all need rest and quiet. Call your parents, write letters. Let someone know that you've survived. Class dismissed.”
Everyone poured out. Everyone except for the green haired boy.
“You have to be wrong.” he obviously meant it to sound accusing, but instead it sounded desperate. “You have to be wrong, I'll save everyone.”
“But will you save yourself?”
“That shouldn't matter! Heroes don't worry about themselves!”
“Yes, they do.” Shouta corrected. “Every single day.” the boy was shaking his head. His whole body was shaking.
“You don't have to do this, Zuzu.”
“I am going to be a hero!” he insisted.
“I know that, and that's not what I was trying to say. You don't have to deal with this all on your own, or even right now. You're tired and you're still hurting. Why don't we deal with this a little bit at a time?” he coaxed.
“Because I have to fix it, and I can't do that if I'm a baby.”
“You don't have to fix it, and you can't fix it. That's what I need you to understand, Bunny.” the boy made a whiny, fussy noise. He was just this side of a tantrum, and Aizawa wasn't sure he blamed him. He was tired, he was hungry, he was hurting, he was cranky, he was confused. It was all overwhelming even for adults.
“But I have to try.” his voice wavered. He was trying desperately to hold onto the big part of his brain, even though it was hurting him a little bit. There was never any growth without pain, Aizawa reminded himself.
“And you will,” he said gently. “But not today, Problem Child. Why don't we go to the office?”
“No,” he crossed his arms and shook his head.
“Well, I won't make you.” he reached into his desk for some papers to grade. Izuku stood and watched, seemingly confused. Probably he had expected more of a fight. Aizawa just seemed to be ignoring him, although he kept peeking at him through his bangs. The boy was standing there, fiddling with his shirt. One of his hands headed towards his mouth, his finger hooking in his lip.
“Did Papa put the soft blanket on the futon?”
“He did,” he said casually, stopping himself from telling the boy to get his fingers out of his mouth. Izuku hummed and then looked up. Ah, there it was, there was the look he wanted. Bunny was going to give in, and it wasn't going to take a big fight. He had been dreading the thought of a big fight with a baby who was already at a 9 on the This Is Too Much scale. He didn't know if he even had it in him to try and help a tantrum right now. Aizawa put his red pencil down to look at the baby.
“Wanna come for a cuddle?” his voice soothing and deep. He knew the boy didn't take any pain medicine this morning and would likely be knocked out by a dose. Hizashi still had some lessons to teach today, but they could lay on the futon with the lullaby playlist and the baby would fall asleep.
“Please, Daddy?” he whimpered.
“Don't cry, baby.” he rose and walked towards the boy. “I will take care of everything. You're so tired, aren't you?” he cooed. Izuku nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He was content to follow his daddy, who was walking Izuku out of the room, the short walk to the office. He closed the door behind them, grateful that the lights were already turned down. The atmosphere instantly seemed to make the baby relax.
Izuku let him take off his shoes and jacket before laying him down on the futon. It only took a moment before he had brought up the lullaby playlist, playing softly for them. He reached into the bag he had stashed earlier, grateful that he'd made a bottle. It was too bad it couldn't be warm, but maybe they'd consider getting something for the office.
Izuku let himself be supported by Shouta's arm, drank the bottle without complaint. He swallowed the dose of pain meds and was asleep even quicker than the man would have guessed. He must have been exhausted. But the soft blanket was wrapped around the two of them, and he brushed a kiss to the boy's forehead.
“I'm sorry I couldn't save you from this lesson, Bunny.” he whispered. “But we'll help you deal with it.”