Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

With Sieun now at university and Sooho continuing to work his jobs, their schedules matched up a little better resulting in them spending almost every free moment they had together. Despite this Sooho had taken to stopping at Sieun’s house after deliveries too to make sure that the younger was eating since he had the tendency to forget whilst studying.

Sieun was grateful for the company and support but couldn’t help the guilt pooling in stomach every time he imagined Sooho being exhausted the next day. Sieun had offered to let Sooho stay overnight on multiple occasions but the elder had always politely declined, claiming that Sieun wouldn’t want to spend every moment with Sooho.

Sieun didn’t tell him that he secretly wished that he would stay over. He resigned to believing that it was just because he was lonely now that he had moved into an apartment fully-funded by his parents but a small part of him knew that this wasn’t the case.

He had been alone most of his life anyway since his parents were divorced and his dad was never at home anyway. Loneliness had become familiar to him. Yet he had no explanation as to why he wanted to spend all of his free time with Sooho even if that simply meant living under the same roof as him.

So yes, loneliness was definitely the reason.

It was on one of the nights when they were sitting at the dinner table that Sieun decided to ask about something he had been thinking about.

“Sooho hyung?” Sieun asked, the elder humming a reply around his spoonful of rice “What’s your type?”

The elder choked on the food, immediately sending him into a coughing fit. Sieun was immediately sent into a state of panic but Sooho seemed to have it under control, striking his fist into his chest a couple of times and downing his glass of water until he regained the ability to breath properly.

“What?” He responded, the shock evident on his face.

Sieun wondered if he had crossed a line with his question. Sooho had talked to Sieun about his love life on multiple occasions so he thought it would be fine for him to ask such a question. Seeing the elder’s facial expression he became hesitant.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, hyung. Just forget that I said anything.”

“No no it’s alright Sieun-ah” Sooho’s hand shot out to grab onto Sieun’s in a way that was meant to be comforting but made Sieun’s gut twist with something indescribable. “I was just caught off guard that’s all. It’s just…a bit out of character for you to ask something like that.”

Sieun’s mouth formed an ‘o’ shape, the doubt previously plaguing his mind dissipating. “Why do you ask?”

“Well I’ve never been interested in dating and I always thought it was just because I prioritise school over my social life, but I’ve started to question whether it’s just because I haven’t met my type or something. I thought asking about your type might help me figure out what mine might be, you know?”

“Oh. Okay well…” Sooho looked deep in thought, retracting the hand that was previously gripping Sieun’s and placing it on his chin. “Guy or girl?”

Sieun was taken aback but he tried his best to school his impression into the indifference he usually had. He had never thought that perhaps Sooho liked both given that the only exes he had talked about were girls. Maybe he was interested in both too?

“Do you have a different type for each?”

“Nah not really. I just like someone who makes me laugh and enjoy the time I spend with them. Someone I can be myself around. I don’t really care about anything else other than how they make me feel.”

“Do you have someone you like at the moment?” Sooho hesitated, glancing at Sieun before mumbling something incoherent. “What did you say hyung?”

“Yeah I do.”

Sieun’s heart dropped for a reason he could not figure out, yet he powered on. He convinced himself that he was just interested in Sooho’s interests, not jealous that Sooho might have someone he likes more than Sieun. He wasn’t jealous, right?

“What are they like?”

“They’re very smart, and they make me smile without even trying, they’re just very entertaining to me. They’re shorter than me but they could probably defend themselves against anything. I would still protect them at all costs though. They feel like someone worth dying for.”

Sieun hummed, mind wandering to Youngyi. She fit the criteria: smart, entertaining, short, feisty. She was everything Sooho described. It made his stomach turn.

“They must mean a lot to you if you’re willing to die for them.” Sieun hoped that whatever he felt wasn’t coming across in his words.

“Yes. Yes they do.”

Sooho’s gaze softened then and Sieun had no explanation for the way it made his heartbeat pick up speed. They stared wordlessly at each other for a while, only breaking away when Sooho’s phone began to ring. He scrambled around for his phone, glancing at the caller ID before excusing himself from the table and walking into another room.

Sieun could hear the muffled conversation through the walls but he couldn’t make out what was being said nor who was on the other end of the call. He wondered if it could be Youngyi. He knew that they didn’t live together anymore but if she was the special person Sooho described he wouldn’t question Sooho’s need for privacy.

“Sorry,” Sooho said as he walked back to the dining table, jolting Sieun out of his thoughts “that was my grandma. She wants me to come home now so I should probably get going.” Sieun nodded, silently disappointed that Sooho was leaving so soon.

He stood up from the table to walk Sooho to the door, glancing around to make sure the elder remembered to grab all of his belongings. As they reached the door Sooho turned around one last time.

“Sieun-ah…” he mumbled hesitantly “Don’t think too hard about this ‘type’ thing okay? Most of the time it’s bullshit. We just like who we like without any real explanation. Feelings occur and we’re hopeless to control them.”

He smiled his signature grin as he ruffled Sieun’s hair before walking down the hallway towards the elevator.

Sieun stood dumbly in the entrance to his apartment, reflecting on Sooho’s words. Feelings occur and we’re hopeless to control them. The words stumped him. How would he know if what he was feeling was romantic or normal? Maybe the indescribable feelings he felt whenever Sooho was near translated to something. Something akin to adoration or even…

Oh shit.

He was in love with his best friend Ahn Sooho.

Chapter Text

He was in love with his best friend Yoon Sieun.

He had come to terms with it long ago, back when they became a trio and he realised that he found Sieun a lot more appealing than Beomseok. From then on he needed Sieun in his life, partially because he made his life that little bit brighter but because he could see how much Sieun was struggling. Having unavailable parents putting a pressure to succeed on you, not to mention a fucked up school life and people constantly coming for your throat, surely was not good for the mind. 

Then his constant efforts to keep Sieun in his life led to the very life he was trying so hard to protect slowly slipping from his fingers. 

He couldn’t begin to imagine how much Sieun struggled without his constant presence during his hospitalisation. From what Sieun had told him he had moved schools and graduated before Sooho even woke up. He could tell that Sieun was trying to act like Sooho’s coma hadn’t affected him in slightest, but he had never been good at lying. Besides, Sooho’s grandma had told him that the other boy visited him everyday. He wasn't as oblivious as Sieun thought he was.

But he never pushed Sieun to talk more about that period, instead resigning to spending every bit of free time he had with Sieun to make up for the time they had lost.

“What’s your type?” Those three words had thrown Sooho completely off-kilter. Had he not made it obvious enough? He had loved Sieun for quite some time now, surely he had picked up on some of his hints and flirting attempts?

So instead of lying to the other he just…slightly hid the truth.

He described what he liked about Sieun, how he made him feel, how much he meant to him, all without telling him that it was about the very man that he was talking to. 

And though he knew that he’d given Sieun an answer he probably didn’t want to hear, he could see the cogs of his brain turning trying to decode Sooho’s words. He had made it clear enough, hadn’t he?

“They must mean a lot to you if you’re willing to die for them.” Sooho swore he could hear a slight shake in his voice. Did…did Sieun really not know? Or was he choosing to ignore Sooho’s hints?

Sooho thought through many responses: Yes you do; I’m talking about you; I love you.

But instead he settled upon “Yes they do.” 

You always have Sieun.

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Several weeks had passed since Sieun’s realisation and he was still yet to do anything about it. Call him a coward, but he could think of at least 3 reasons why he should never confess to Sooho.

First reason: Despite having (almost) solid proof that Sooho didn’t exclusively like women, Sieun wasn’t entirely sure that Sooho would like him back. Besides, Sieun was 99% sure that Sooho liked Youngyi since she fit the criteria of Sooho’s current crush to a tee.

Second reason: Sieun needed to focus on university. If Sooho liked him back, Sieun would lose precious studying time, potentially jeopardising his university life and thus leaving him unemployed for the rest of his life.

Third (and most important) reason: Sieun considered Sooho as his best friend. They were practically joined at the hip, and Sieun couldn’t risk disrupting this bond just because of some stupid emotions. He finally had a constant presence in his life, he wasn’t letting it go.

However the older boy was making it extremely hard for Sieun to not fall more and more in love with him each day. Sooho cooked or bought dinner for him every night to make sure he ate, pulled him into his side and let him rest his head on his shoulder when he was sleepy, ruffled his hair and showered him with praise whenever he received high marks. It was all too much for Sieun. 

Why did Sooho treat him so well when he could be saving the princess treatment for Youngyi or his grandma? 

That one question had been plaguing his mind for weeks on end, remaining a constant presence whenever he was with Sooho. Whenever he felt that the nagging question was becoming too much to bear, he always convinced himself that if he asked, Sooho would leave.

Sieun really didn’t want him to leave.

“Sieun!” a familiar voice called out from the hallway, snapping Sieun out his assignment-induced trance. “Grandma made seolleongtang for us, hurry up before it goes cold!” He clicked his pen, placed it down in between the pages of his textbook and pushed his chair back. 

“One of these days we need to pay back your grandma,” Sieun stated, stretching his arms and rolling his shoulders as he walked out into the dining room. “She makes us food all the time, how does she manage?” 

“Sieun…” Sooho replied, voice stern but with an underlying teasing tone to it that Sieun barely picked up on. He placed the plates and utensils that he was holding onto the table and turned to the shorter boy with his arms crossed. “Tell me, when would we find the time to cook her food, hm? You’re busy studying, I’m busy with work. Between the two of us we barely manage to find time to cook food for ourselves , when would we find time to cook a third meal?”

Sieun chuckled to himself. Sooho was quite intelligent but sometimes his brain moved so fast that he missed the obvious answer standing right in front of him. 

“We’d just make a bigger batch Sooho. Not that hard. Easy peasy.” He plonked himself down onto a chair, and looked up at the taller with a triumphant smirk on his face.

Sooho stood staring at him for a beat too long before scoffing and turning away. He had been doing this a lot recently, this odd staring game with Sieun that ultimately ended in the taller’s defeat. 

“How smart is our little Sieun, hm?” Sooho chuckled, leaning into Sieun’s personal space to ruffle his hair. Sieun felt his heartbeat pick up and hoped that the older didn’t notice the way his breath faltered. From the nonchalant way he backed away and sat down, Sieun assumed he hadn’t noticed. That or he was extremely good at acting.  

“She knows we don’t have the time, Sieun, that’s why she does it. She likes seeing us well-fed, especially you. She already knows how stubborn you can be with your studying.”

Sieun didn’t even have an opportunity to argue back because the next thing Sooho said sent him into a blubbering mess…

“Besides, she has to care about you because her grandson does.”

What did that mean? Sooho cared about him? Surely he meant as a friend. He liked Yongyi. It was Youngyi who had his heart. Youngyi was the o-

“Earth to Sieun!” Sooho’s hand waving in his face startled him back to reality, the older looking at him with a mix of concern and curiosity. “Where did you go? You just blanked out for a second.”

“Oh I was just thinking about how nice she is. It’s nice that she spares some of her time to take care of us.”

Sooho looked him up and down before relenting and reaching for his bowl of seolleongtang. “If you say so.”

Why did Sooho treat him so well when he could be saving the princess treatment for Youngyi or his grandma?

The question that had been sitting in the back of his mind finally resurfaced. Would now be a good time to ask, or would it ruin what they already had?

Before his brain had time to process his decision, his mouth was already running, the words spilling from his lips. 

“Speaking of…” Sieun began, causing Sooho to stop mid-spoon. “Why do you spend so much of your time with me?”

“What do you mean Sieun? I just told you that I ca-”

“We spend all of our free time together, surely you’re sick of it?”

Sooho's hand dropped away from his mouth and towards the bowl. “Are you sick of me, Sieun?” Sieun could hear the hurt in his voice but he tried to ignore it. Maybe if he pushed a little harder, Sooho wouldn’t feel the need to use all of his time on him.

“Surely you’d rather spend time with your grandma or Youngyi?” He played with the food in front of him, refusing to look up and make eye contact.

“Youngyi? What does she have to do with this? She doesn’t live with us anymore. What are you on abo-”

“I’m not dumb Sooho. I know that you like her.”

At that the elder put the spoon completely back into his bowl, mouth agape. “What do you mean?”

“She fits every single quality you listed that you like about your crush. She’s short, stubborn, smart, entertaining…”

“Sieun I-”

At this point Sieun sped up, voice taking on a slightly frantic tone and hands waving. 

“You don’t need to spend your time on me when you could be spending it on the person you actually li-”

“So do you, you idiot!” Sooho’s sudden outburst made Sieun flinch, doe eyes widening and staring at the older boy in shock.

Huh? Did Sooho…? No he couldn’t. What was so good about him that Sooho would choose him over Youngyi? It didn’t make sense. He was joking.

“Oh my god do I really have to spell it out for you?” Sooho mumbled, running his hands down his face in exasperation. “I thought you were smarter than this Sieun.”

Sieun carefully watched Sooho as he stood up from his chair and moved around the table so that he was now standing in front of Sieun. He slowly reached down, pulling the shorter’s hands into his. 

Oh shit, he was actually serious.

“Sieun. I like you , not Youngyi. I’ve liked you since that day you brought me seolleongtang whilst I was in the hospital. I had never seen you smile before and, as cheesy as it sounds, I realised then and there that my sole purpose in life was going to be to make you smile again.”

“Sooho…”

“You like me too, don’t you Sieun? That’s why you asked me what my type was, right?” The younger boy nodded, grip tightening on Sooho’s hands. He could feel a familiar prickling in his eyes and he squeezed even tighter, attempting to force the tears away before they fell. But as he felt something trickle down his cheeks he knew he was too late.

“Ah shit, I’ve made you cry” Sooho cursed, releasing one of Sieun’s hands so that he could brush away the other’s tears. “Never knew you were such a crybaby.”

“Shut up,” Sieun mumbled before leaning forward so that his head hit the taller’s stomach. He reached up to wrap his arms around his waist and felt Sooho’s hands move to the back of his head, softly stroking his hair. 

“You know Sieun, you’re not very good at acting.”

Sieun pulled his head back, enough to look at Sooho with his eyebrow raised.

“What do you mean?”

“After that day, you started acting strange. You gave into my affection a bit more, sometimes seeking it before I even offered it to you. You became a bit less stubborn too. I figured that you’d realised that you had feelings for me after I left.”

Sieun hummed in response, moving back to his original position. Sooho giggled, and Sieun felt the vibrations in his head and heard the sweet melody in his ears. He really did love Sooho.

Sooho’s stomach grumbled, ruining the mood.

“Sorry. Can you let go so that we can eat?” Sieun released his arms, pouting as the elder moved back to his seat to finally begin eating the seolleongtang.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Sieun? After you realised?”

“Why didn’t you tell me ?! You just told me that you’ve liked me for ages and you never made a move.”

“I did! You’re just a bit dense sometimes. Even Youngyi and grandma could tell that I liked you before I even told them about my crush.” Sieun immediately shut his mouth, resigning to scooping his soup instead of trying to win an argument he knew that he couldn’t.

After their dinner, the two lay down on Sieun’s bed, the former wrapped in Sooho’s embrace, head tucked under his chin and legs tangled between his.

“So…do you want to officially be my boyfriend or…?” Sooho whispered, breaking the comfortable silence they were in.

Sieun nodded against his chest, knowing that Sooho could feel the movement and would take that as his response.

“But I’d like to take it slow,” he responded “This is my first relationship after all.” 

“Whatever you need.” 

Sieun leant back to get a proper look at Sooho’s face, revelling in the warmth he felt. He quickly surged forward, pressing a peck against the elder’s lips and withdrawing to see his reaction.

It definitely caught Sooho off-guard, leaving him blinking down at the other. But his eyes quickly softened, searching for any sign telling him to stop, but there was none.

With newfound confidence, he slowly leant forwards and pressed his lips against the shorter’s in a longer kiss, one hand moving to cup his cheek.

He then withdrew enough to see Sieun but close enough that the former could feel his breath fan against his face.

“I love you, Sieun” he whispered.

“I love you too, Sooho.”