Archive of Our Own ^beta

A fighter‘s inner quarrel. This internal battle always seems to ensue at the most inconvenient times. When their rib cages knock at the stubborn walls, begging to feel an embrace- an embrace that would let all troubles melt away. Even when a soldier is preparing a spearhead to impale the layers of another being, it strives for human contact. Hearts yearning for the love they once had before a battlefield filled it with bullets.

But within this internal conflict comes forgiveness. Forgiveness in oneself, in others, in allies, in another being. Even if it seems to be lost in a bottomless pit of other refuged emotions.
Forgiveness within enemies, however, comes in more ways than one can even perceive; it can come sweet, it can come begrudgingly, it can come over time, or sometimes it never comes at all, or in some cases, even wordless.

In more ways than one, forgiveness surrounds us. And for Sapnap, it happened over, and over, and over, and over again.

—
Sapnap watched the sunrise dip beneath the hills that surrounded his kingdom of serenity. The clouds create shapes only the most intricate minds can depict to one another. He watched them float by, only imagining the excitement they must feel to be able to watch the land they hover over slowly pass by as they cascade over another scroll of history.

He twirled the handle of a dagger between his calloused fingers. Every groove, every engraving, every piece of tape wrapped to increase the grip which the sleek titanium had taken away. He watched the knife dance along his fingers.

“The deal.” Nothing above a whisper in the wind, only meant for his ears to catch along to.
The deal,
The seal of a promise; and for that, the death of a brother.

He felt the God constantly hovering, ready to fulfill his side of the deal, waiting.

He watched the stars start to reveal themselves one by one; counting by the bunches before moving to the next. He felt his eyes drift off to nothing in particular, but his mind wandered; far. He knew that he was on the way, the shackles that once held him bore no restraint any longer. He knew the day was near. Yet here he sat on a roof, legs dangling above hundreds of feet, watching the stars come to life.

“I can hear your heels clicking the walls.” Sapnap looked down to see George rubbing his eyes. It was rare he ever woke up; he felt a smile grow on his face. His blanket was crinkled and mossy, but he refused to let it go. His pants were cuffed at different lengths, his hair going in every direction, and the one thing Sapnap never ceased to notice was his eye bags. They never seemed to go away, no matter how much he slept.

“Sorry, I’m…just-“ He was cut off.

“Thinking. Overthinking. I know how you are.” George huffed before heading back inside the building. Sapnap assumed he was alone but within seconds, the door behind him opened. He twirled his head, and there was George, plopping himself right next to him.
“You’ve been like this for days now.”

“Shut up,” Sapnap chuckled. “how would you know? You’re always asleep. You don’t know shit.”

“I just have a sense of everything, even when I am asleep.” Sapnap opened his mouth-
“Yes even when you’re ‘doing my mom.’” George said begrudgingly as he held up air quotes. Sapnap laughed.

“I guess I have been lately- overthinking, I mean. Not the mom part.”
“Why is that?” Silence between the two. “Not that I care but it’s good to talk things out.” He clarified, to which Sapnap side-eyed him, taking his eyes off the stars for a single moment before returning back to them.
“I have this…deal if you will, but I know if I go through with it, it’ll cost my life. But I know that it’ll save so many others.” He sighed, his eyes closing, but his head still up high. “I’m not sure if I'm ready to die, George. But when I compare it to how many people will be saved…” A huffed laugh left his chest. A cover-up of stress. “I’m hopeless.”

“Well sounds like a simple decision to me.” Sapnap snapped his head towards the raventte.
“Leave with Karl. He’s gone for days, for ages even, and doesn’t give a clue to where he’s at. Escape reality with him.” Sapnap punched him.
“That was the shittiest advice you’ve ever given me.”
“You don’t know until you try.” George shrugged.
A moment of quiet before he yawned. The sound of popping bones filled the silence.
“I can hear the crickets choir coming to an end, so I'm going to head back to sleep,” He was getting up before he put a hand on Sapnap’s shoulder. “and please, don’t forget it’s okay to step back once in a while. Because honestly? I don’t think I can handle my best friend leaving for good without a goodbye..again.” He patted his shoulder with a close-eyed smile, before heading out the door he came.

Sapnap huffed. Rather than turning his eyes towards the stars, he faced his feet that dangled. His combat boots tied, his pants tucked, and his armor within seconds of reach; he knew the day was coming. He just wasn’t sure if he was prepared for it.

He had lost track of time- of how long he had been out there. His internal clock no longer felt the need to tick, he had become a shell of what he used to be. He only realized the night had changed when the sun started to graze the land, causing a domino effect of nature to slowly awaken. He watched the birds fly, ready to migrate for the winter season, while the bugs feasted upon the crumbs underneath tables. He watched this chain before finally hopping down.

His feet hit the ground with a thud. He didn’t want to, but he knew he should sleep; he started to feel the effects of insomnia start to wash over him slowly. The fatigue, slowness, and sometimes even nausea. He didn’t want to sleep but he needed it. He headed over to his abode, and there he slept.

It wasn’t long before a night of darkness quickly swirled into a movie; one he was a part of.

-
He was with George in Kinoko, and they were walking through the kingdom. For nothing in particular.

He felt a pit in his stomach, everything was..off. The sky was silenced, not a single bird or gust of wind broke the universe’s melody. Every bug seemed to burrow itself deep within the ground, as not one was in sight. And of course, George- his blanket. It was always on his shoulders, it actually would never leave him, but it was nowhere to be found. He walked for a few more seconds before stopping completely.

“What are you waiting for?” George asked as if they had been close to coming upon something that would pique his interest. “Come on, you said you wanted to talk about why you’ve been so on edge lately. I’ve got a nap to catch up to eventually.”

Sapnap was hesitant. Maybe it was his mind trying to relieve himself of his own stress, but why George of all people? Why not his fiancé- which he would spin the world the opposite way for? Or possibly Puffy; a motherly figure? Even Quackity would’ve worked- someone he fought tooth and nail for.

He glanced around his surroundings once more and decided to finally answer with something.

“Where are we?” He asked quietly.
“Home. Where else would we be, idiot?” It was home, he wasn’t incorrect, but something about it just wasn’t.
“Yeah…George?”
“Yes?”
“How do you know everything- even when I’ve been so off lately? You're always asleep, I thought.”
“I just..have a sense of everything, I guess.” Sapnap waited. A few moments passed and still, silence. “So. Are we going to get going?”
That wasn’t him, well he was- but he wasn’t. George would’ve ‘sensed’ the oncoming joke about sex with his mom- they’ve been friends long enough for George to predict his humor.

“You’re…not George.” Sapnap took a step back while staring at him. He saw George put his face into his hand and sigh.
“Humans get smarter every day, I swear.” The voice came out significantly deeper and distorted.
Sapnaps eyes widened as he saw ‘George’s’ back morph and rip open to reveal pearl white feathers, with a green cloak to cover the entity that held the wings.
As its posture straightened, 2 golden halos arose to form an X above its head.

“XD.”
“Sapnap.”
The God was turned away from him, but he already felt nausea grow in his stomach.

“You’re running out of time.”
“What do you mean? The deal will happen whenever it happens- I can’t control when he appears!” He tried explaining to the God.
“You misunderstand. He’s coming.”
“What? He’s- hold on! On his way? I get he escaped- but he just escaped!” Sapnap felt his face grow into shock, but also worry. The anxiety he once had quickly grew ten times the size.

“Good luck.” The God had suddenly turned towards him; the rush of wind that followed pushed him off his feet. He should’ve felt the impact of himself on the ground but he kept falling. He began to yell for help of any sort, but he knew no one was going to come. He braced for a harsh landing, but it never came.

—

He woke up covered in sweat. His blankets were disheveled, and pillows by then were long gone. He looked around, wiping his head.

He was on his way?

He didn’t know how to feel.
What was once his family, his best friend, his brother, now…an enemy. The thought made his eyes gather water; his heart pulled strings he didn’t even believe to exist.

He stared at the walls that surrounded him. The dull gray color gave enunciation to every item he hastily taped on the wall at different points in time. But he only stared at one thing, in particular.

‘New land!! (with no pillagers -Dream. And a mountain for sight watching :] -gogy)
-dream team, 20XX’
A photograph of George, himself, and Dream. The smiles plastered on their faces only now echoes of what used to be. What was a monumental moment, at the time, was now just a memory.
He couldn’t help but stare at the picture. Its edges frayed from the pressure of falling sand; the once bright colors faded slowly to a dark blue.

He ripped his eyes away from the wall, pushing his blankets off. His mind couldn’t help but become a flurry of thoughts- as if someone had slammed open every cabinet drawer of paperwork and dumped it out. Every other thought began with ‘What if-‘ or ‘If I had-‘ or on the special occasion ‘What could’ve-‘.

But like himself and many others, he had never noticed the signs that Dream portrayed.
But the signs of what?
He never noticed his presence being gone all the time.
He was always gone, how could I have known?
He had never noticed the downward spiral he was going through.
But how could I, if he was so closed off?
The simple pieces to a jigsaw puzzle he was never able to quite match together. And before he knew it, Dream was gone. Well- his Dream was gone.

Sapnap finished that thought along with the final knot to his shoelaces before abruptly standing up and leaving. He walked absentmindedly; his mind too busy to acknowledge where his feet lead.

The world around him seemed to slow. The clouds traversed at a much calmer pace, mother nature finally seeming to take a rest. He indulged the world around him as a way to walk off every emotion that disturbed his internal peace. The walking was only a second thought as his fingers held onto a blade.

A dagger that he danced along his calloused hands.

He found it beautiful. It was an item that could do nothing but harm people. But with enough manipulation, and what was now muscle memory, it could simply become a work of art. Nimble movements that wouldn't dare to even graze upon human flesh. A dancer on a stage of their own. Strong, precise, but elegant.

He saw himself as the knife from time to time. Something that has inflicted so much harm to others, and has the potential to cause more, but with enough trust that it won’t hurt you, it won’t. He saw himself as a piece of art that was always deemed to fail; but if an artist took the time to learn the details, he could be something amazing.

He let the knife take his mind away into a different place- one where he didn’t let the anxiety settle and pool. His feet were taking him elsewhere, but no attention was paid. Just him, the dagger, and the clouds.

__

As the knife became a dull dancer, he listened as the sounds of life around him thrive. The birds sang, the bugs hummed a tune as they settled in, and then a crunch. The crunch of dry, dry grass, had an overlapping layer of suppression to it. Kinonko was always humid, though.

He looked beneath his foot; there he saw a mix of grass and sand. He felt his head tilt in confusion. He looked up instantly, and there he saw the formation of a trail leading to a body of water. His eyes scanned the area, to which he found a ship docked and ready to leave; most likely ready to steal a scroll worth more than one could ever imagine.
He saw a sign hanging on the side of the ship. He squinted his eyes, the font becoming clearer.

Captain Puffy’s Ship.

Sapnaps eyes widened, and his throat felt quenched. He felt the urge to twist on his heel and leave but something held him down to that very spot. He watched as a lady with thick white hair, ram horns, and of course a corsair outfit, paced the proximity. She was carrying crates in and out of her ship; most likely stolen or imported goods.

His shoulders felt stiff as he watched her work. She was constantly turning on her heels, reaching for one crate after another… and another, and another, and another.
At one point she twisted all too quickly sending, what seemed to be a jewel, flying in his direction. Sapnap saw her huff and put down the crate, reluctantly dragging her feet to fetch the item she had sent into the air. She picked it up, examined it, and shrugged as she put it in her pocket. She wiped her hands off as her eyes began to drift back up; the sight was enough to make her freeze.

Eye contact was made between the two, but no words were exchanged. It had been so long; both sides had forgotten the little details of one another’s faces.

“Sapnap?”
“Hi.” Was all he could muster. But that answer seemed like enough for Puffy.
She smiled and ran to him; engulfing him in a hug.
“It’s been so long! I haven’t seen you since you were well- younger!” She released him, but he could tell she was analyzing all his new scars, his scruffy facial hair, and most likely the bags under his eyes. He saw a glimmer of something behind her eyes; a melancholic flare. But he didn’t say anything.

“It’s been a while, Mama Puffy.” He chuckled at the old nickname he decided to bring back up. She, too, cracked a smile.

He remembered the days when he was just a child running through the wild meadow. He remembered the vivid green the grass always created as Winter became Spring; how the clouds chased him as he ran through an empty field. And of course, he remembered how his blonde friend always followed along. How his green eyes would intensively track every move Sapnap would make so he could, inevitably, be tackled. The giggles that the two emitted would echo through the mountains, always looping back to them.
It was bittersweet to think about. His mouth always went sour when he remembered his friend- his friend before he was corrupted by the pressure of the world to withhold power over others.

“How have Bad and Skeppy been, hon?” Puffy asked; she always used to take care of Sapnap for them when they got busy, so her curiosity didn’t intrigue him, necessarily.
“Doing their own things. I try to keep in touch, but life happens; you know how it is.” Sapnap replied as he placed his hands into his pockets.
“Yeah, well, what can you do? Your parents were always busy— but I loved taking care of you alongside my lil’ demons. You were the spark we always enjoyed having around.” She smiled warmly.
Sapnap missed that.
That warmth and love.

“Well I'm not quite done yet, and I see you clearly have nothing to do since you walked all the way over here- mind helping me out?” He pondered her offer, before smiling, himself.
“You still bake, Puffy?” She snickered at him before releasing a little sigh.
“Yes, still have the cookie jar, and yes, I’ll repay you through cookies.”
“Yes!” Sapnap punched the air as he rushed to the boxes. He didn’t know where anything was supposed to go, so he began to stack and move whatever came into sight. His stomach growled, ready for her baking.

Puffy watched him from the spot where they had just had their rendezvous. She felt the nostalgia pick at her skin; she couldn’t help but smile.
So many of her puzzle pieces were missing, but for Sapnap to bring back one filled her with some contentment.

Yet emptiness knocked at her ribs.
She still felt empty.
He wasn’t her kid. Of course, she loved and cherished him, but why wasn’t her own son there?
Dream.

She thought about all the times she stared into his emerald hues, trying to decipher what his little brain was thinking about. Even the times when she had to chase him around the kitchen counter to get back a utensil that was much too dangerous for his grabby hands. Or the times he got into arguments with other little ones, causing their parents to cry about how he threw his little fist at their spawn.
She still remembered the day she had given Dream his mask. His anxiety had always been eating away at his poor nerves, so she bought him a silly mask to help him be comfortable within his own skin.

18 years of laughter, love, tears, and arguments.
3 years to follow of keeping in touch, having occasional picnics, dining together with the rest of their family, phone calls full of ‘I miss you’s and ‘i’ll see you soon’s.
And then one day, he was gone.

He took a puzzle piece she could never replace. No matter how much she manipulated other pieces- attempting to fill the void, they never satisfied that gap.

As much as she loved Sapnap, he would never replace that empty space. But she never pressured him to; as he was his own puzzle piece. He was one of the factors that inspirited Puffy to keep going; even if Foolish and Dream stopped making the effort to be sons a long time ago. One more so than the other.

She snapped out of her daze and finally walked over to Sapnap, helping him carry the rest of the boxes onto her ship, and emptying the ones made for a permanent land settlement.

“Took you long enough!” She slapped his arm in response. “Hey!”
“Shut your trap, pop it.”
“We are NOT bringing that back! I hate those things- all they do is leave the floors full of little rocks and leftover-“ Puffy would tune him out as he went on his own tangent of how he hated pop-it’s with every bone in his body.

But she didn’t mind the company.
-

The sun was long gone; beneath the mountains, they settled, and in return, the moon illuminated the night. The boxes were done in no time. The trade of cookies for his labor.

He sat on the counter of her kitchen as she swept away the dust. Her land home wasn’t far from her ship, though it was significantly smaller. It had been like how he always remembered it. Small, but homey and warm.
He shoveled the cookies into his mouth, one after another, devoured and enjoyed. Puffy huffed an airy laugh when she glanced at him.

“You planning to go back home?” She asked while looking down, getting ready to pick up the pile of dust she had collected.
“Uhm- I don't know, actually.” He hesitantly answered.
“You’re always welcome to stay, kiddo.”
“I know but-“
“But what?” She cut him off. Sapnap finally looked up from his cookies to her. He saw her hand on her hip, the broom supporting the other portion of her weight. “Since when have you turned down an offer so quickly?” Her eyebrow raised.
“Puffy, I don’t know. I should probably go-“ His leg started to bounce and his finger began to tap. He didn’t know why he was so nervous.

“Is something going on at home-?”
“No, Ma I swear-“
“Then why are you so reluctant?”
“Maybe it’s the sugar rush, haha!” He gave a fake laugh.
“Now you’re lying to me?”
“No-!” He slapped his palm on his face.

How was he supposed to indirectly tell her that he was destined to kill her son, and inevitably die with him? Knowing it’ll break her heart to lose what are practically two sons? How is he supposed to explain that he knows all of this because he, himself, made that deal?

He shook his head silently.

“Sapnap.”
“Y-yes?” He stuttered, like an idiot.
“Tell me what’s going on, kid.” Her stance was now more relaxed, her muscles having less tension sewn into every tendon.
“I’m scared.” He admitted.
“Of?”
“The future. What’s to come.” He watched as her hand dropped from her hip and joined her other hand on the broom, beginning to idly broom once more. She shook her head slowly and gave a sympathetic smile.
“You remind me of your father-“
“Now is not the time, Puffy. Cmon.”
“Just listen,” She said, asking for his attention. “He used to be like you. Stuck in the future. Why? For many reasons, but his biggest hurdle was the fact he simply didn’t know what was to come. Well- he couldn’t know. The unknown always kept him up at night. He would spend nights at his desk- or on the couch. Imagine walking into your living room to see a 9’6” demon. Scared me shitless sometimes. But he wasted so much of his early adulthood because he was worried, scared, every emotion under the sun you could think of.” Her face had a melancholic smile, the past hurts sometimes. “But I told him something that I think could help you out. Ready for it?”
“I mean, I guess I am.” He replied reluctantly.

“If you’re too busy looking at the future, you’ll miss the opportunities that are right in front of you, in the present.”
“Puffy what the hell-“
“Sapnap you’re so blind to what’s going on now because you’re so focused on what’s to come. Don’t let fate write your book, let you write your book.”
Puffy gave one last smile before patting him on the back. “I’m gonna head to bed, but ponder. I expect to see you in the morning for the usual pancakes and chocolate chips.” She smiled before heading off to meet with her bed.

He sat in her kitchen alone. It wasn’t that he wanted to be stuck waiting for the future, he was forced to. The creeping anxiety that would nag at him if he didn’t appease to its liking. The thought that he would die- without saying goodbye to George or Karl. The hurt they’d endure thinking he simply abandoned them without a word.
It gave him the chills.

But at the same time, she wasn’t wrong. He'd been looking at what could come so much that he’s missed what’s been offered. He's missed the chances to hang out with George, the lucky days he would be awake. He’s missed the opportunity to hang out with Tubbo for the sake of old times. Or even the worst, in his opinion, when he denied walking with Karl to watch the sunrise. His favorite thing was the sunrise; the smile Karl mustered up never could hide the flames of hurt behind his eyes. He cringes thinking about it.

He didn’t want to miss anything, all because he was coming closer. He didn’t want to die with a pool of regret that was already filling.

He looked around the kitchen, noticing how much duller the house was when everyone and the stars went to bed.

He slowly got up, the wood creaking as the weight shifted. He wandered down the darkened hallway, looking at every door until he made his way to the very end.

A door with paper on it.
“Caution!! Dreams room!!!
(and sapnap!! >:D )”

The handwriting was sloppy, and doodles covered the entire page. From swords and flames to dragons and music notes.

He smiled at the paper before walking in.
The room was nearly the same- other than the toys all put away. But the bed hugged the same corner, and the brightly colored wall decorations complimented the over-the-time-dulled furniture.

A sense of comfort washed over him.
He sat on the bed and began to take off his armor.
Would little him be happy if he knew he had to end his best friend, eventually? Would little him even be proud?

He set his armor on the small nightstand before laying on top of the covers, staring at the ceiling. His mind couldn’t turn off, the chemicals being much too excited for such late hours of the night. He could feel his smile form before closing his eyes.
It would take him a few hours to finally sleep, but he didn’t dare skip a single memory that decided to show through.
-
It was the first time within a while that he woke up feeling at least somewhat refreshed.

He stretched his muscles slowly as he looked around; to reorient himself. He could smell the familiar scent of freshly baked pancakes, alongside the scent of burning chocolate. The sound of humming took no time to register within his head, as it was an old tune Puffy sang for the boys as she tucked them in when they were younger. Always successful to lull them to sleep, might Sapnap add.

The bed creaked as he shifted his weight to the edge of the bed. The difference in temperature between his soles and the hardwood floor caused shivers. He looked at the sunbeams that filed through the cracked open blinds; it always gave him a sense of nostalgia.

He finally got up, and walked down the hall, reaching the kitchen. There Puffy was, humming and frying pancakes. He sat at the counter and simply watched the butter from underneath the pancakes sizzle and spit; before his eyes caught sight of a pile of cooling pancakes across from him. Begging to be eaten.
His hand flew across the counter; victory in his eyes. The vision of chowing down was already in his mind. Suddenly, that vision came crashing down as a loud slap was emitted. He felt the pain sting the top of his hand, hurriedly pulling his arm back.
There stood Puffy, spatula in hand.

“You couldn't have asked?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then you're not getting any, not before you ask at least.” Sapnap sat agape.
“You can't put a plate of temptation in front of me and simply say ‘no’! That's like shoving candy in a kid's face and telling them to wait until you come back!”
“I can, and I will,” Puffy smirked.
“And why is that, huh? This sounds totalitarian if you ask me. Make me not question your power, there's only one person in charge without the choice of any other, AND you're taking my rights away? What have you become?”
“Sounds like a mom, if you ask me.” She had a sly smile as she laid out two plates, piling the sweet delights on top of one another.
“Yeah, yeah, now can I please have my plate?”
“Only because you asked so nicely.” She said in a sarcastic tone, sliding over the plate.

He wasted no time shoving the delicacies in his mouth. He didn't bother using utensils, he knew Puffy wouldn't care. He paused for a moment to give his stomach a quick break. When he looked up from his plate he saw Puffys hand covering her face, as she shook her head in disapproval, but he could see the smile peaking through.

At that moment he realized how much her hands had aged. Her hands were tough looking but significantly filled with more scars and wrinkles. He felt his eyebrows furrow.
Had that much time passed?

He snapped out of it as Puffy broke herself out of her hand prison.
“Enjoying those?” Sapnap almost barked a laugh. He knew he looked like a mess; chocolate was probably all over him, and his hair was still a mess from the night.

“Take a guess.” He said as he continued his feast fest, scarfing down every last pancake available. He saw Puffy from the corner of his eye shake her head with a smile, as she ate her own food(at a more humane pace.)

Breakfast had finished quicker than it came, and Sapnap decided it was time to head back home.

“You're leaving already, Sap?” He could tell her mood had dimmed at the news of his departure.
“Gotta. Happy wife, happy life amirite?” He attempted to crack a smile from her, but he could tell she wasn't in the mood.

“Well, if you've got to go, I won't stop ya’,” She gave a tiny smile at him, “but can I have one promise before you leave?” He debated whether or not to listen to this promise; some part of him almost said no. This underlying feeling of inevitable failure quietly whispered, but he ignored it.

“Of course, Ma.” She smiled at the parental nickname.
“Visit me more often, will ya? I like to see how my kids are doing from time to time.” She smiled fondly at him. He couldn't help but feel like he would never be able to accomplish that promise.
“Only if it means you make more pancakes.”
“Deal.” Her aura immediately became light and cheery. She wrapped him in a snug hug, to which he wrapped his arms around her back.

“I'll see you soon, Duckling.” Her words somewhat drowned out, as she spoke into the cloth of his clothing.
“Of course, Ma.”
She released him from her little prison, both waving goodbyes. Sapnap didn't know if he could truly fulfill the promise he had made, but in his mind: as long as she was happily living in a reality with false hope, that's all that mattered.

His walk back was slow but peaceful. He watched as the clouds followed him, and as the birds followed the sun. It amazed him, really. He was constantly watching time fly, yet never really noticed the clock’s tick.
-

Kinoko came into view, just over the horizon. It was long past midday, the sun had begun to set. This sense of emptiness had washed over him. He felt so..alone. He couldn’t really decipher why this feeling came to be. George was sleeping somewhere, Karl was out..somewhere, and Dream was on his way- so how could he have possibly been lonely?

Lying to yourself could only take you so far. He couldn’t sugarcoat it, really. It was a prominent fact. Kinoko had so much space, yet so few people to fill it. He could only fantasize about what it could have been.
-

He lay in his bed for hours that night. He simply stared into the darkness; as if it would grant him a wish if he looked hard enough. But none were granted.

He sat in silence and simply listened to the sounds of the night.
It had begun to rain; he could hear the patter against the softwood roof.
The scurrying of animals, looking for shelter to hide or simply ready to hunt.
The howl of the wind, as it was desperate for someone to reply back.
And the dull clunks of footsteps.

His breathing hitched and came to a halt. He listened to the footsteps stop at his door, they simply waited. The anxiety in his gut racked and piled; his mind began to think of defensive moves in such a vulnerable position.

His breathing quickened as the unease poured thick, pooling within his ribs.
The door handle creaked; weathered metal ground against itself. A momentary pause before a tune of dull knocks echoed off his walls. His eyes didn’t move from the door. He watched the handle intently- before it finally cracked open.

There he saw a very soft- almost easy to miss- purple glow being emitted. As the door opened more he could see the baggy, multi-colored sweatshirt’s silhouette, and the loose-fitting sweats to top the outfit.

It was Karl. He felt every muscle unwind and relax, the hoarded anxiety gone.

He heard the door’s hinges creak as the old wood was pushed open more. The little light the moon supplied leisurely seeped in. He saw the silhouette come to a slow stop; most likely pondering his next decision. His free hand reached his face, and a moment of silence followed until a quiet, but audible ‘Psssst’ was heard.

“Hey,” Karl whispered. “you up?” Sapnap felt a little smile form.

“Cuddles.” Was the only word that left Sapnaps mouth.
He heard giggles, and the patter of feet against his wood floors; before feeling a warm body crash on his own, effectively squashing him.

He felt all the air escape his lungs; the air coming out as light laughter. He threw both his arms around Karl, to which the brunette chortled, snuggling his head into the crook of Sapnaps neck. Sapnap could feel Karl’s smile bloom as he curled into him, attempting to snag all the body heat Sapnap gave off.
He could feel they were both melting.

“I’ve missed you,” Sapnap said as he held the brunette close.
“I’m sorry- I’ve been busy lately with a whole lot of-“
“No, no- It’s okay. We all get busy. I just wanted you to know that I missed you.” Sapnap pressed a kiss to Karl’s forehead, short and sweet. He nestled into the brunette's soft hair, taking in the familiarized cologne that he missed so much. That sickening sweet scent paired with a twinge of professionality; he couldn’t get over how well it fit him, at times. And how the skin on his hands felt like silk blessed by God himself. Especially how his brunette hair fell in front of his eyes, covering the alluring dark mauve color he had grown used to.

He stared at Karl before realizing he only remembered the little details because they were in front of him. Never reminisced about the things he adored- they simply left his mind.

But those tiny details weren’t the only thing that he had almost forgotten about. It registered how alienated Karl’s touch felt; how much he had ceased to remember what it felt like to be held by him.

He flipped Karl from on top of him, to the side. Making himself the big spoon of the two. Karl had giggled at the motion. His hair covered his eyes from the sudden change. Sapnaps arms wrapped around his torso, making their home there. Karl could feel Sapnaps face buried into the back of his neck; every breath of air taken tickled him. His giggling couldn’t seem to seize.
His snickering stopped when he felt the ravenette’s arms tighten, and the slightest tremble began to emit.

“Pandas?” Karl asked, but all he got was a sniffle in return. He didn’t know whether or not to turn around.
“Pandas, my love, what’s wrong?” He intertwined his fingers together with his fiancé; feeling two rings.

“I'm sorry.” Sapnaps words came out hushed and broken. He sparked a string of sympathy; Karl couldn’t stand to be facing away.
He turned in his lover's arms, now coming face to face with Sapnap.

His hair was unkempt, making his tiny horns noticeable. The wildfire that was always behind his eyes was now only a flame. The rivers of tears illuminated under the light, and his lips couldn’t help but quiver.

He brought his hands up to the ravenette’s face, placing them on both cheeks. His thumbs swiped away at any tears that happened to meet them on the adventure down. Sapnap put his hands on top of the others, as he pushed his face into Karl’s palm. He felt himself fall apart at the seams.

God, Sapnap missed him. Everything about him. His cologne, his beauty, his virtue, his patience, his touch, his affection— yet it was constantly absent. He never had the time to appreciate it all.

“I’m sorry I’m never there to say ‘I love you, I’m sorry I’m never there to give you cuddles after you have a nightmare, I’m sorry you have to have the patience of the world to keep up with me- fuck- are you even happy? I can do better I promise-“ Sapnap cut himself off with a silent sob. It was like he had no time, or the clock somehow had fewer hours. He was missing Karl, even on the days when Karl would be home.
“If you want to leave I get it, but please let me have another shot; I don’t want to fail you too.” His words became incoherent mumbles of self wallow, his thoughts simply spurs of words.

Karl shushed the panicked loud thinking. He couldn’t bear it as the reality was he was very happy and content— he wouldn’t trade the world for what he had.

“Look at me.” But Sapnap couldn’t muster up the courage to look. He was afraid he’d see failure.
“Sap. Please.” And finally, he glanced up.
He wasn’t met with a look of disappointment or even a dissatisfied glare. All he saw was a warm smile and gentle eyes.

“Even if we don’t spend the most time together like we used to, I still, and will always, love you. I promise.” His thumbs drew circles on his fiancé's cheeks, but he felt the anchor on Sapnap’s ankle. He knew Sapnap didn’t believe his words. “Listen, my firebug,” Karl spoke softly, as he began to describe his love.

“I love your wild side when you encourage me to go into the Nether for some mushrooms just so I can make ourselves stew,” He kissed Sapnaps fingertips.
“I love the spark inside you, it encourages me to keep going because I know you’ll be right behind me when I need you,” He pecked a kiss on his cheek.
“I love how smart you are, even if you come off as some dumb knob who barely knows how to cook, you teach me new things every day,” He kissed his forehead.
“I love everything about you. Don’t be sorry. We always have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and the one after, and the one later. I would trade my soul if it meant I got to spend the rest of every minute by you; next to me. Even for the simple things like cuddling late at night.”
Karl pressed his lips into Sapnaps; tasting the salty tears that got stuck in the cracks. But he wouldn’t have changed it for any universe.

Karl pulled away, placing his head adjacent to Sapnaps; looking at the arsonist's auburn eyes. “Please don’t be sorry,” Karl whispered.

But Sapnap couldn’t look up, his eyes fixated on the gold on his fingers. The two gold bands. The two people he promised his life to. Yet there, in his bed, only laid one.
The gold reflected the colors that were splattered on Karl’s sweatshirt. He let out a slow breath and looked back at Karl.

“I would run around the world for you. And never stop until I find you,” He gave a small smile. “Thank you.”

The night was full of little giggles emitting from the room. It was as if the universe stopped spinning just to sit and watch the couple be lost in their own world. As if the sun had slept in just so the stars could watch for a little longer. Never leaving one another’s arms, their eyelids eventually became heavier, and their words more slurred. Falling asleep with entangled limbs that didn’t want to let go. If it could, the moon would have smiled at such a sight.

-

Sapnap woke up to slivers of sun peering through the cracks of the windows. His eyes peeked open to see Karl facing away from him; back against his torso. They always managed to do that. Reposition themselves into little-spoon big-spoon. It was second nature at that point, but Sapnap wouldn’t have traded it for the world. But good things have to come to an end eventually,

He shimmied his way out of Karl's grip around his arms, and eventually out of the warm blankets. He put on his clothing and armor slowly not to wake him from whatever dreamland engulfed his little mind.

He put on his last garments and tactically placed his on-the-go weapons. He glanced at the sleeping figure, softly grinning at the calm sight. He looked at his desk, seeing a small pad of paper and a pen; he took it upon himself to leave a little note.

‘My Love,

I’m not really sure where I'm going at the moment but I’ll be back later; promise.
If you need me, chances are I somehow ended up at Puffy’s or our garden down far South.
Have a good morning, I have extra mushrooms growing in the front if you need some for stew <3.

Love,
Pandas :))’

Feeling satisfied with his handwriting, he left the quiet dwelling, walking out to a slightly cloudy sky but the sun refused to stay hidden.

He knew where he was walking this time around. It wasn’t going to be a random exploration that took him back into a world of nostalgia. He was willingly walking into something he had lost.

His eyes couldn’t leave his hand. His left hand. His left hand on his ring finger held not one, but two gold bands.

It always amazed him how the round metal band was the item that sealed such a big promise. A metal that could be so easily scratched and worn away by the simplest tasks. An item so easy to lose and misplace. A price that is too high to rightfully give back to an owner. It never made sense in his head.

But, it saddened him, too.
To realize that a gold band lasted longer than his own ‘promise of a lifetime.’

He was making his way to Quackity. He didn’t know what he was going to say, or even where to begin. But he knew he wanted closure, an answer, the satisfaction of “It wasn’t your fault.”

Well, he knew it wasn’t his. But he couldn’t help but feel Karl’s memory was the inevitable doom to his own relationship with Quackity.
Was it going to stop him? No. He would rather leave sobbing than die at the hands of Dream having his last thoughts be “Will Quackity even bother to be at my funeral? To pick up Karl off his knees when he falls? Or to prevent George from falling into a bottomless pit, right then and there?”

He knew it could’ve caused more tension. But what can you do when the hourglass is rushing you, rather than you rushing it?
You make the best of what’s available, and mend what’s wrong.
In this case, it was the failure of a ’forever’ promise. The failure to love. The failure of trust and communication. The time he wanted to take to mend what was broken was less than he would've imagined, but he knew it was time.
-

He stared at the ground until he was met with desert sand beneath his feet. He looked up, seeing the bright red and blue sign:
‘LAS NEVADAS.’

The dimming sun allowed for every speckle of light to be known. He couldn’t help but stare at the towers that loomed over him. How they seemed to hover next to the stars, even the lights blinking as such.

He felt the anxiety start to circulate within his bones, causing a slight chatter in his teeth.

He began to walk down the paved concrete road, looking at every light he took notice of. The buildings had details only architectural geniuses would have come up with. He slowed down as the sound of running water made its way to his ears. Turning his head away from the alluring compositions, he found himself in front of a water fountain, and just behind that, the building he knew Quackity resided in.

Sapnaps hand made its way to the back of his neck. The apprehension finally settled in and made a home within his brain. How could he not be nervous?

“Hello!” Sapnap jumped back at the sudden voice. Such an upbeat tone the voice held.

“H-hi?” He finally registered the appearance of the man. He had a body sculpted like a Roman statue, and his skin was tinted with the shimmers and shines of every metal available to God's green earth. Teeth of a shark, much fitting to his head cover which resembled the deep sea terror. And his eyes were like emeralds. The ones that villagers sought. “And you are?” The man asked.

“Sapnap. I’m Sapnap.”
“Oh, I've heard about you! Wel,l I’m Foolish. What brings you here?”
Sapnap didn’t answer right away- not because he didn’t know why he was there, but because it clicked how ridiculous it would all sound.
‘Oh yeah, I'm here because my best friend is literally about to kill me because I made a deal with a God and I want to say goodbye to my ex-fiancé!’

“Uhm, do you know where Quackity is?” Sapnap asked, his voice came out quieter than he wanted it to; he cleared his throat. “Any clue?”
“Wow, you weren't here to see me? Damn, dude.” He dramatically put his hand to his head, swishing his hips outwards as he leaned back. Sapnap stood stunned for a moment, not exactly knowing how to respond. His face morphed into confusion as Foolish held his pose.
All of the sudden the god-like human cracked up, breaking his pose.
“I'm just fucking with you! Follow me, he's down this way!” Foolish immediately started walking off to the place that held Quackity, so he followed.

It wasn't a long walk, but Foolish’s babbling made it feel much longer— and only to reach a destination that was less than a quarter mile away from them. He observed that the road’s paint was fresh, a single crack yet to arise. He also noticed how empty it all felt. He would have expected some sort of livelihood, but there was none to be found- besides the random clumps of green goo here and there.

“Aaaaaaaaand we’re here!” Foolish announced. In front of them stood a large white building, pillar after pillar, each decorated with its intricate set of engravings. Had Sapnap taken the time to analyze each pillar, he would have realized it was the story of Job. Torture and misfortune test the power of one's loyalty.
“I assume you can navigate this tiny area on your own, I gotta attend some other business! See ya!” Sapnap watched him walk into the darkness, some sort of beat adding a rhythm to his steps. And Foolish was gone.

Sapnap turned around, facing the creme building. The phrase ‘It's now or never’ looped through his head.
He took a breath and walked in.

--

“No- Slime listen you've got to-- oh my god.” He slammed his palm on his forehead. He felt the frustration escape as light laughter as he watched his goo-like friend fail at a paper copier. He lifted his head, watching Slime stress the machine out as he pressed multiple buttons at once.
“Okay, okay! Don't click too many buttons, you're going to overload it.”

“But Quackity from Las Nevadas, things only listen if they're told things more than once. That is what I observed from humans, such as you, Quackity from Las Nevadas!”

“Uh-Yeah! Totally!” Quackity ushered Slime away from the machine; Slime was still trying to click all the buttons his hands could get ahold of. “Go to bed, Slime. We got a long day of plastering posters everywhere.” Slime gave him a wide smile.
“Okay! Goodnight Quackity from Las Nevadas!”
“Goodnight, Charlie.”

Slimesicle gave an over-enthusiastic wave goodbye, walking off to his room. Quackity sighed as he turned back to the paper copier. Each button had a gooey residue left, and a few even jammed. The machine's little screen illuminated a ‘LOADING…’ still trying to register all the requests that were asked at once.

He began to click away, rebooting the system, trying again, and again. This time, trying to shove in a new pile of blank paper. As he faced away he heard the slightest shift of wood from behind it.

He at first brushed it off, the wood often creaked when the building settled at night. He continued trying to decipher the copier before he heard the tune of solid knocks.
The tune of Foreigners God.
“What the fuck-” He turned around, the hair that was once tickling his jawline falling behind him.

He felt all the paper in his hands falls, scattering on the floor. His knuckles colored white as his fingernails dug into his palms. His mouth parted, but nothing escaped.

“Hi.” That is all Sapnap could say.

But that boiled something within Quackity: Vexation, dismay, resentment, jealousy, yearning- yet he couldn't help but want to smile. And yell.

“A hello? After everything? A fucking hello?”
“Look I know-”
“Sapnap don’t waste my fucking time, just tell me why you’re here.”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“You just wanted to talk? That's all? Really?” Sapnap couldn't muster up anything besides a single nod of his head. Quackity laughed.
“Go home, Sapnap.”
“No please you don't understand we need to talk-”
“If we needed to talk you would've come a long time ago, buddy!” Quackity started to shove Sapnap back through the door he came from.
“Please-!”
“Absolutely fucking not!”
“I'm not going to pull any shit on you, I promise!” Sapnap tried beckoning, but Quackity just kept pushing, trying to budge his strong stance from the doorway.
“Last time you ‘promised’ me something you fucking abandoned me, and didn't even bother to look at the country I made for you, Karl, and myself! Fuck off!” Sapnap felt Quackity’s advances struggle to even nudge him. Sapnap grabbed his hands.
“I'm not leaving until you listen to what I have to say!”
“Look, I don't give a shit about what you have to say! All you do is fucking lie to me!”
“When have I ever lied to you?!”

“Every time you fucking said ‘I love you, I promise, my sweet baby,’ or ‘I’ll never leave you,’ or, fuck, even: ‘I’ll come back!’ You couldn't even keep your fucking word!”
Quackity ripped his hands from Sapnaps grip, before throwing a fist straight into the man’s chest. He felt his knuckles crack from the sudden usage, but he couldn't care.
“I fucking trusted you after all the shit with Schlatt!” And another.
“Yet you followed his footsteps!” And another. He flung punches straight into the other man's chest. Barreling them as hard as he could even though the tears had begun to blur the target. He felt his punches lose momentum as his body seethed with anger, self-control slowly coming through. Sapnap would notice a few tears fall. He watched as Quackitys body trembled.

Back in the day, he would have never been the cause of such a distressed state. Yet there Sapnap stood, being the root of a meltdown that should have been released from Quackity’s ribs ages ago.

“I-I never meant-”
“Of course, you didn't fucking mean to. But you fucking did! Do you think I meant for my invitation to be forgotten? By my other fucking fiances’ at that?” His palms rubbed away the stray tears that settled beneath his eyes.
“I still love you. I never forgot about you. I didn't even know you invited us- I would have brought everyone and their mother if I had known! And Karl-”
“Do not bring up his name!”
“But you have to understand that-”
“That he was too afraid to tell me he fell out of love? Or, or!, that he was jealous? Or that he fucking hated me from the beginning? Or that he just needed an escape from his own bad decisions?”
“You're not understanding!”
“I don't need to! You saw the way he called me a murderer! He framed me and acted as if he had never agreed! He said we never had a history together! Our love meant nothing to him!”

At that moment, Sapnap lost all sense of self-restraint.

“Quackity he can't remember!” The room had finally been met with silence. He could see Quackity’s body had stopped all forms of motion.
“He can't remember anything. I've tried so hard to get through this shit with him, but it's so, so hard. Shit- I feel like sometimes he can't even remember what the rings on his finger are for!” Sapnap covered his eyes with his hand as a weak chuckle left his mouth.
“His memory is so shitty he barely remembers that George is a citizen of Kinoko. Quackity he's forgetting everything.” Sapnap didn't want to cry. But the topic of Karl’s memory always brought tears to his eyes. Not because of the apathy, but because he knew, inevitably, he would be forgotten next.
“Every time I see him I see his eyes stare- I can tell it’s not because he's ‘in love,’ or it's because it’s a ‘unique love language-’ it’s because he can't recognize me the same! And ever since you left, it's as if this memory loss has- like- consolidated! You being gone gives no reinforcement to the effort to bring him back. I just want our Karl back- the one that could sit there and count every loose feather that has fallen from your wings or count every callus on my hand.”
He felt his emotions bubble and boil over. The stress and heartbreak was finally catching up to him. He was watching his fiance slip between the cracks of his fingers like a child trying to hold sand, and the worst part of it all is that he simply had to watch.

“I-I didn't know,” Quackity muttered.
“Of course, you didn’t. You were busy wallowing. But you wanna know something?” Sapnap straightened his posture; he stared at the other man with weak flames flickering behind his eyes. Flickers of grief-filled sympathy, with a dabble of seething jealousy.
“What?”
“I feel bad. Terrible, even. But at least you didn't have to watch him forget you over time. You left and had it done and over with. But me, on the other hand? I have to witness him slowly fail to remember who I am. I can feel his hands no longer recognize my own when I come up from behind to hug him! I have to watch him pick out my clothes from his closet as he doesn't know whose it is anymore! I am watching the love of my life slip, and I can't do shit about it! You are so lucky. So, so, lucky.” His strong front crumbled.

Quackity watched as his former fiance fall apart in front of him. He chewed on his lip as his fingertips fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He felt stupid, dumb, blind, selfish, and so many other things.
He wrapped his arms around Sapnap, feeling the way the fire delinquent quivered under him. He felt the man bury his head into his shoulder.

The two would melt at the seams, together; a domino effect of emotions being spilled into one another. Anything they had hidden from the universe was whispered into one another's ears, as the planets above their heads leaned in to listen. The muttered apologies and confessions had been gifted back to their innocence.
Everything they poured into one another was concealed under layers of trust and empathy. Not a whisper was to be said outside of themselves; they knew it would stay for their ears, and their ears only.

The noise would slowly leave, and silence would settle. They welcomed the tranquility that embraced the two. Their foreheads connected, as they leaned into each other. Sapnap had accidentally brought the two down; so they sat on the floor right near the window.
The peace of the environment welcomed the nearly inaudible sounds of nature outside. Sapnap tuned into the buzz of the fireflies and the hums of the owls. A song he could listen to every day and never complain about.

He picked his head up, but Quackity stared at the floor beneath them. Particularly, his hands which lay motionless in between the both of them. Sapnap could tell something was waiting anxiously to come out, so he sat. Waiting for it to eventually be let through.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he whispered.
“It’s really okay, Al-” He was cut off.
“No- I’m-,” He sighed, his fingers beginning to fiddle with the gold bands on his finger. “I’m sorry for being so damn oblivious. For not noticing what you and Karl were going through- and for not…not being there. I gave up so easily. I wanted to contact you again so many times over, but I never did. I was scared. And I'm sorry. I’m sorry for being a little bitch and never reaching out.” He huffed before turning his head to a wall that held nothing but a little picture of what was once El Rapids. It was apparent that such an apology had been eating away at him; an apology that was awaiting him even before the visit commenced.

“It’s okay. Thank you for apologizing.” Sapnap slightly smiled at the other.
“Do you forgive me?” Quackity asked, like a little kid that had just been reprimanded.
And that was a tricky question. Sapnap didn’t want to forgive him right away. He wanted forgiveness to be achieved; he wanted to be shown that change would happen. But he knew there was no time. His clock was ticking, and he knew that.
“I..yeah. I forgive you.” It’s unfortunate to be living in a reality of false comfort.

“Thank you, Sapnap. Really- it…means a lot to me.” Quackity up at Sapnap, but noticed he wasn’t looking back. He followed the man's gaze; it led to the window. It was almost the length of the wall, but skinnier. It captured the beauty of the world that settled beyond the glass. Quackity watched as Sapnap analyzed what was outside.

“Sometimes,” Sapnap began. “I like to watch the clouds pass by. I always wonder who they'll run into…if anyone. Do you think they feel lonely sometimes? Just floating across a vast ocean that seemingly has no end?- until one day they're doomed to dissipate and join the body of water they lie over? It seems so sad…yet we always perceive them as joyous. What’s so joyous about a journey that comes to such a sad ending?” Quackity stared in bewilderment. Never in his life would he have imagined Sapnap to be so melancholy.
He saw how the fire inside him no longer burned as bright. The man he once knew would have never sat down and watched the stars slowly fade when he could have been outside causing a ruckus to the Earth's natural beauty. He saw the weight of the world on his shoulders, sitting patiently to be lifted.

It took him a moment, but Quackity realized something. Sapnap saw himself as the clouds that passed over vast oceans.

“You plan on staying? It’s dark, who knows what shit lies out there.” Quackity tried changing the topic.
“I was gonna go home, but it seems like I can’t- gets dark quick this time around.” He considered his options at hand. “Do you possibly have an extra room? If not, I’ll probably crash at someone nearby.” He didn’t know anyone nearby, but he didn’t want to guilt Quackity into letting him stay.

“We have a hotel, actually.” He offered, but Quackity couldn’t really tell if Sapnap wanted to be alone. He felt as though Sapnap would need the opposite after such an exhausting night. “Are you sure you want to be alone tonight? I can stay with you, really.”

Sapnap thought about it. The internal quarrel he would have in his head never let him sleep. Did it help that he was always alone when nights like those never let him get rest? No. But the comfort of knowing no one else is suffering because of your own mental battle is what let him sleep at night.

“I think I’ll be okay.” Quackity gave him a sympathetic look. He knew those eyes were going to be thrown at him, he just didn’t expect his body to react by wanting to crumble up and rot away. Quackity kept insisting to fight his own battles alongside him, not knowing the reason why Sapnap kept pushing him away.

“Can you at least stay in a room near me? I-,” he huffed a little laugh. He was ashamed but always covered it through his airy giggles. ”I don’t think I can let you be alone. I’m worried for you, is all.”

“I don’t care what room I’m put in- I’m just ready to fucking sleep, man.” Sapnap said as he stretched his muscles, getting up. He glanced at the window before turning his back to the room. Quackity passed him, leading the way to whatever place in Nevadas that was awaiting his night of restlessness.

—
Quackity opened the heavy doors that were plastered with new metals. The silver and titanium reflected anything and everything. Everything had been pristine- but the interior of the room had been so much better.
The lining of the walls was decorated with engravings of gold and stone, Sapnap had never seen such a thing. The wallpaper was red, with the occasional black accent color coming in the shapes of playing cards and poker chips. The room was the most formal welcome he had in a while.

“Well, here it is! It’s a lot, I know- but this room is right next to mine. This wall,” he pointed “is where our rooms connect. Wait! Let me show you!” Quackity sprinted out of the room, and Sapnap was left alone. Moments passed before he heard a knock, and rest assured, from the wall Quackity said was connected. He knocked back for shits and giggles, expecting something back. Nothing came. He waited and did it again. Nothing. He took a step back, confused. He tilted his head at the wall.

“BOO!” Quackity yelled. Sapnap twirled around, and before fully registering who it was, punched him. His knuckles collided with his cheek, causing sickening pops from within his fingers.
“Oh, shit- I am so sorry!”
“No no- you’re okay! That’s my fault.” Quackity was hunched over rubbing his face before he craned back up. “You’ve got a fucking punch on you, man!”
“Well- yeah! I've been fighting my whole life!” Sapnap felt so bad, but couldn’t help but laugh.
“Don’t laugh you fucker!”
“I can’t help it! You totally just asked for that to happen!” Sapnap felt tears in his eyes as his stomach began to cramp. He couldn’t stop laughing at the man that stood before him, hunched over whining about a punch that he begged fate to give to him.
“You know what- I'm going to my room! Goodnight, and fuck you!” Quackity left with a dramatic exit.
Sapnap covered his eyes as he still continued to howl. He collapsed on the bed behind him, accidentally hitting his head on the way down.
“Motherfucker,” Sapnap muttered as he rubbed his head. His fit of laughter that once filled the room came to a sudden halt.
“HAHA! Karma you bitch!!” He heard Quackity’s muffled voice come from the room over-- subsequently after Quackity’s uncontrolled laughter. He didn’t realize that the beds were beside each other, simply separated by a wall; he smirked at the thought. He began to start tapping the wall, inconsistently, repeatedly, and annoyingly.
“Oh my god, shut the fuck up!” He heard the muffled voice once and again. He giggled at the shenanigans.

He decided to get up and start to strip himself of his armor and his day clothes. He inspected the metal that sat in his hands.
The luminous purple glow emitted due to the words of an unspoken language engraved within. It was a beautiful color and paired with the deep smoke color of the netherite, it was a pleasure to the eyes.

But he noticed how the metal was starting to lose its waxy reflective layer, and how the fluorescent glow began to dim. His overuse of the armor being on even when it wasn’t necessary had begun to take a toll on the durability.
He sighed, putting it down in a drawer and finally clicking off the lights before settling into bed.

He stared at the ceiling. The room was chilled; the individual set AC cranked below 65 to battle off his natural body heat. The once bright red wallpaper is somber and dreary; the lack of light draining it of all its beauty. And of course the gold accents. They no longer glimmered. They blended into the darkness, reflecting nothing back.

He always ended up in this situation. In a somber room, dark and cold left alone with his thoughts. His thoughts are loud, and usually, it’s just all his anxiety talking. He fails to notice, but at times he begins to pick at his calloused hands, causing them to be tougher. He hated being in that state. And although he knew it was going to happen tonight, he had hoped that maybe luck would strike differently.

“Shut up.” A voice called.
‘What the fuck?’ Sapnap muttered to himself.
“I can hear your damn thoughts from here. Go to bed.” Sapnap sat up, confused. He stared at the wall that connected the two rooms. Silence.
“How did you-“
“You were tapping the wall with your foot, how the fuck am I supposed to get sleep like that?” The wires finally connected in Sapnaps brain before he let out a small ‘oh.’

There he was. Alone in a room sitting up in his bed. He didn’t know what to do, exactly. He would appreciate the wall designs from afar, but the darkness of the room prevented him from doing so. So he sat there. In silence.

Only a minute passed before he sighed. He stared at his hands, his eyes finally beginning to adjust. He flicked his wrist for a bit and within mere seconds, he sparked a tiny flame from his fingertip. He watched the flame burn and thrash. He loved watching fire, it always fascinated him. The way it helped and saved so many people, but so many people feared it. It kept his heart warm when others couldn’t. He smiled to himself.

“Pandas!”
‘Oh my god.’ Sapnap muttered to himself as he abruptly put out the flame.
“Is that smoke I smell?!”
“Yes- It’s fine! It’s from me, and I'm not lighting anything on fire.” He grumbled to himself, throwing his body against the mattress. His eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. He even went as far as to pretend he was watching sheep hop over the fence. Yet he couldn’t rest.

He pressed his palms into his eyes; colors and shapes performing the dances of the night.

He had managed to become aware of every. Single. Thing. The way he felt as though the blankets were too tight against his body, how the cotton of his shirt now felt rough and scratchy, how his hair was tickling his neck, or how the air from his nose had the slightest temperature difference compared to his cupid’s bow. He let out a groan.

“Sapnap, please for the love of god-“

“I’m trying! I really am, dickhead!”

“Talk if you can’t sleep, it’s better than your non-rhythmic tapping.” Quackity offered, but Sapnap had no plan to take it up. The cold ex-soldier knew how to deal with emotions; he simply just didn’t understand how to turn his mind off when it began to argue. “Reluctant, I see. Fine, I’ll share something, to break the ice I guess you could say,” there was a tiny pause, Sapnap assumed it was so he could think of something. “When you and Karl never replied to my invite…George too, I couldn’t stop thinking about the day I would get a letter back with a purple or orange or even a blue wax seal. I waited. I checked my mail, I checked my missed phone calls, even- shit. Even our old meeting spot. And nothing.”

Sapnap stared at the wall. He felt this pit of guilt. He never would have left his, now ex, fiancé sit for months just pondering.
“Quackity, I'm so sorry- had I known I would have answered-“
“There’s no need to apologize now. What matters is you’re here now, and you mended what you could. At that, you even attempted to mend for Karl. Nunca hubiera tenido las pelotas para eso,” He heard a small ‘heh’ from the other side. “To this day, sometimes I wait for a letter. With a color seal that maybe I’ll recognize. I know it’ll never happen, but I can’t help but hope… te extraño mucho.” The last part was inaudible.
Sapnap had visions running through his head, the image of Quackity waiting at his doorstep all day waiting for news just days after he sent the invite out. It hurt to even think about how his hope was slowly crushed over time due to silence from Kinoko’s side.
“Your turn, hombre.”

Sapnap twiddled his thumbs, thinking.
“I killed a bug on the way here.” He said nonchalantly.
“That bad, huh?” The comment was silent but audible. He could tell Quackity had finally started to come down from his energy high.

“I’m just...I don’t know. I’m being rushed.”
“Rushed?”
“Rushed.”
“¿Cómo?” Sapnap laughed a little, Quackity had always fallen back to his native language when he got tired.
“I did something stupid…and now I’m paying for it I guess you could say. Was it really stupid? No, but I regret it already. That’s why I’m here, actually. I don’t want to go on a uhm,” He didn’t want to scare Quackity with the word death. “big adventure without saying goodbyes, y’know?”
“But you'll come back at one point, right mi amor?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“Okay, good. Man. I’m exhausted.” Sapnap chuckled at the voice that had significantly quieted down over time.
“Go to bed then.”
“Yeah...¡buenas noches pandas!”
“Goodnight, Quackity.”

And with that, the two men slept next to each other, with a wall in between. As he closed his eyes he heard a faint ‘te amo.’ Sapnap formed a tiny smile, before closing his eyes; his thoughts finally ceasing.

—
The golden accents reflected every speck of light that managed to fit through the tiniest crevices.

His eyes fluttered open upon the echoes of footsteps outside of his door; people bustling around, working. He sat up, throwing the feather-filled blankets off of him. He hadn't realized the night before, but the color scheme of deep reds, charcoal black, and the accents of gold emphasized Quackity fairly well. If Sapnap could encapsulate Quackity in a color scheme, it would have been exactly that. Although he would’ve added tints of blue; that was just his opinion.

He began to put his clothes on, tying up the many layers of shoelaces. And of course, the armor that he carried around everywhere. He could see the engravings within the armor start to wear at the usage, it worried him but put it to the back of his mind. He harnessed the sheathed blade around his waist for easy access, and finally, he was ready to leave.

He opened the door to a hallway full of people carrying things from files to poker chips and cards, to even random things such as doors. He stood at the doorway before finally finding a gap within the people, popping in.
He followed the mainstream of people, even though many had frayed to go about their own paths. Eventually, he was led to the entrance. He took one last glance at the sightly establishment before walking down the path he took when he had arrived at Las Nevadas.

His eyes didn’t focus on anything in particular, but he tuned in to how all the sounds of the working people around him seemed to slowly fade away.

“Hey!” Called a voice. He stopped for a second, glancing over his shoulder for a split moment. He saw the entrepreneur running towards him; he sighed internally but turned to face Quackity.

When Quackity stopped in front of him, he was out of breath; the running had obviously taken a slight toll on him.

“You didn’t,” He panted, “think to say goodbye?”
“I didn’t know where you were and uhm,” Sapnap looked over his shoulder to see how the workers were walking everywhere and anywhere, all at once. “I didn’t want to disrupt the flow of things, honestly.”
“You’re being stupid,” Quackity stated before abruptly bringing Sapnap into a hug. It had felt so right, yet every whisper of the universe insisted that it would never happen. “Come back soon, alright?”
Sapnap couldn’t help but let a smile appear on his face. “I’ll try.”

Every hidden star was crossed.

—

He made it back to Kinoko kingdom at sunrise. The dew drops had settled on the stems of plants, their roots soaking in the minerals for all they're worth. Sapnap stared at the grass blades, how the brown intermixed with the green, yet the green still managed to outshine all the rest. Everything was quiet this time around, the birds and bugs yet to awaken; along with any residents.

“George?” He yelled- the off chance George had been awake. All he heard back was the echo of his own voice.

The echo sent Sapnap to walk into his room. He scoured for a book and quill and quickly started writing everything that had happened within the last few days. His exchange with George, visit with Puffy, collision with Quackity, and especially the night with Karl. He began to write to every individual; every sentence outpouring immense amounts of love and appreciation. The ink poured from the quill, occasionally the droplets of his own tears smudging the fresh ink. He couldn’t help but cry a little. The reminiscence of all his past relations, and how they would no longer continue from where he left them off.

The quill stopped. The flow of ink ended with an abrupt splatter as he pushed the point down into the paper. He thought about one person specifically.

He flipped the blank pages to the very end of the book and began writing. Whatever words came to mind, he put them down.

Sapnap would sit there writing for an hour about the people he loved. He wrote down everything and anything until he finally glanced up from his concentrated gaze. An envelope lay on his floor. He hummed to himself before reaching for the precisely folded edges.

‘It’s been a while.

You know where to find me, don’t you? The place we used to lay to watch the clouds form and go. Have you forgotten? Just as you have forgotten about our goals?

Come face to face with me.’

It was time.

Putting on the luminous armor, he wasn’t exactly sure if he was prepared. He filled his adventurer bag with golden apples, potions, and anything he could think of that could be of any use. He stared at the contents within. He knew the bag would have been a liability at one point, and that all the items inside would be obsolete for his fight. It was for the comfort aspect. He sighed before picking the bag up from the chair and throwing it on his back.

Before leaving, he glanced at the photos taped on his wall- memories of the old times. A sad smile peeked through. And then he left; the door closing behind him.

Kinoko seemed more beautiful than when he arrived. The mushroom tops flaunted their beautiful garnet reds to the world, while the stems sat humbly underneath the shade. The architecture of each individual home seemed to stand out more than before. Even the bridges that stood between lakes to connect two lands of the same world seemed to come to life. How civilians of the kingdom walked wherever they pleased, and shop whatever fit their needs. The population at Kinoko was always small. But yet, it always felt so alive. Nature fills in the void of humans.

The kingdom was something out of this world. And for some reason, on that day, it just seemed to glow a little more.
-

The trek up the mountain was not an easy one. The trails were uneven and jagged, but it was nothing Sapnap hadn’t faced before.

As he reached the top, he felt himself huff a sigh of relief before walking over to the edge of the cliff. There was at least a 50-foot drop, but that wasn’t the topic going through his head. It was the sight that lay beneath him.

The forest showed a plethora of different colors of greens. Each tree embraced its own individual shape, causing the shade that hid from the light to create images only a fearful mind could make out.

Between the gaps of forestry popped through the dulled colors of flowers, while animals scurried along trying to find their homes. What was below, was as beautiful as what was above. Clouds hovered in small groups, traveling with one another to lands that not even the human eye had seen. Occasionally blocking the sun of its full strength, protecting what lay on Earth's ground.

He had remembered why George, Dream, and himself had visited that spot so often. It was a place to get away from the stresses of war and disarray. The good days.

“Sapnap.” A hoarse voice behind him called. Sapnap snapped around, only to see the face he had been dreading.

He was wearing the luminous purple armor as well; underneath was a thick black turtleneck, paired with harem pants that tucked into his combat boots. His belt was decorated in battle gear- pearls, potions, golden apples; anything that would guarantee a win. Sapnap stopped analyzing his body and finally met the void black-painted smile.

His mask was covered in layers of grime, and undistinguished fluids that stained it rust-orange in certain spots. It was cracked, much like his body to a degree. What little skin showed was cracked and scarred.

Sapnap had to remind himself that he was no longer the Dream he once knew, the person in front of him was a psycho that pulled the strings of anyone he desired. Someone with power that only a god should’ve been able to carry.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Dream stared off passed Sapnap; at the sky. Sapnap began to reach for the handle of his ax before Dream’s gaze suddenly shifted to his hand. “You want me dead so soon? We just got here. Really, it’d be unfortunate if we had to die before we got to gaze at the sky; don’t you think?”

“You’re stalling, and you know that. You’ve been stalking my kingdom, my people, my friends, my family- everything for much too long. You’ve become a monster, Dream.” Dream scoffed at the monologue.

“A monster terrorizes people for fun, but me? I do it for the power.” His smirk had grown. Sapnap grabbed the handle of his ax, swinging the weapon through the air. A collision of metal erupted into the air as Dream’s sword pushed back at Sapnap’s force.

“Aww, jealous that I have the power you could only wish for?” A yell erupted from Sapnap, as he yanked his ax back going in for another swing.
Sparks flew as the sharp metal engraved its power into Dream’s armor. He forced the weapon back, hovering it in a shielding position in front of him.

“I will NEVER be jealous of a monster like you!” Sapnap yelled.
The blade of the sword met with the wooden handle of the ax, a strong force driving it down. Sapnap’s weapon was out of its defensive position within moments.
Dream would release the hilt with one of his hands, allowing him to make the first skin-to-skin contact. Sapnap’s head was thrown backward, but his rebuttal came not too long after. A kick to the gut would send Dream’s steps stuttering as he fell rearward, but he kept the sword in hand.

“For someone that has worked by my side for years, it seems like you were really fond of helping a so-called ‘murderer.’” Sapnap would barrel at Dream, with his ax in the air once more. Dream laughed manically, as he tracked every movement. Every slash Sapnap attempted to throw at him was blocked and redirected.

“I worked with you because I trusted you!” A slash through the air. “I worked with you because I thought we had something to help the future!” Another swing, this time colliding with Dream’s weapon. “I loved you!” One last slash before Dream kicked him back.

“Your first mistake was trusting me.” That seemed to flick a switch within Sapnap, the thought that all his years' worth of effort was for nothing. A yell erupted from his chest as he charged at Dream. Ax in hand, for gaining momentum as he ran.

Getting the ax over his shoulder, he let gravity take the job. The sharpened blade came down, the force enough to crack through a skull.

Dream’s movements were fast enough to spare him, but not enough to completely avoid contact. The little knick of his mask was enough for a crack to begin forming in the clay. Little pieces began to fall.
Dream's head was turned down as his hands were held out, catching the chipped paint and pieces.

And finally, gravity brought the rest of the mask down.

His face exposed, his sword dropped to allow his prior quick maneuver, his stance vulnerable- Sapnap had the chance, but he delayed.
“Aren’t you here to kill me? Just fucking do it!” But Sapnap chuckled, and he dropped his ax down at his feet.

“Let's have an equal fight, at least.” The arsonist cracked all his knuckles, every joint feeling a wave of relief.
“If that’s what you want.” Dream straightened his stance, rolling his neck around before bringing his fists in front of his face, caging his ribs away from harm.

They began to circle around one another, like a hawk looking down at its next victim. Their eyes watching every movement of the other. The atmosphere was thick, ready to pop.
Snap.
The sound of a twig breaking under pressure.

Sapnap launched himself at Dream, throwing punches relentlessly. Dream held his fists in a defensive stance, ducking his head behind his arms as they also protected his upper body.

“Fucking- fight!” Yelled the pyromaniac.

Left hook, right hook, uppercut, lower cut, side punch- a process that was useless against the fortification.

Sapnap stopped flinging attacks for a moment.
“You haven’t seen me even try yet, Sap.”
That window was all Dream needed.

Dream kicked Sapnap back, causing the space between them to widen- only for him to quickly close it once more.
Dream grabbed Sapnap’s shoulders quickly shoving the upper half of the arsonist's body into his knee- effectively causing Sapnap’s breath to run short.
Sapnap felt himself gasping for air at that very moment, but Dream wasn’t done.

An uppercut met Sapnap’s face, forcing him to straighten out once more. Before his eyes could focus, the impact of Dream's elbow on his cheek caused him to fall backward.

“You asked for a fight- didn’t you?” He walked over to the man laying on the ground, looking down at him. He smiled sinisterly as he shoved his foot onto Sapnap’s chest.
“You’re all bark,” He formed a sarcastic pout. “no bark.” For a second there was silence.

“Fuck…you.” Sapnap whispered.
“Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you from all the way up here!” A laugh erupted.
“Fuck..you!” Sapnap hit the back of Dream’s leg, causing a dead-legged fall.
“Shit-!” Dream’s upper body bowed at the sudden fall. Sapnap instinctively grabbed ahold of Dream’s head and hit it as hard as he could against his own. He felt his horns impale the blonde's skin as it came into contact.
“Fuck!”

He slung Dream as hard as he could to the side, hearing his body hit the ground with a harsh thud. He took that opportunity to get up. His steps stumbled, but after gaining his balance he realized he was facing the skyline. He noticed Dream trying to get up, he scoffed. He booted him in the back, knocking the man down once more.
“Not so strong now, huh?”

“You never..shut up.” Dream grunted as his knuckles were met with the dirt, trying to
lift himself up. “I always, always, thought that maybe you’d grow out of it-“

“Out of what?”

“Your fucking talking phase.” A half huff and laugh left Dream’s chest. “If you just,” He took a breath, finally gaining stability, “shut up once in a while and fought...maybe you’d win more often.” Shaky, but standing with his head faced towards the ground.

“You taught me that I should just talk when I wasn’t sure if I could win.” The memory was engraved in his head. Sapnap had always walked into fights he wasn’t sure he could win. But everytime, he’d talk. Maybe the confidence scared them off, or maybe they would get annoyed and walk away. It worked from time to time, so he stuck with it.

Dream pulled his head up, looking at Sapnap. There were two lines of red running down the blonde’s face. Precisely where his forehead met with the horns. Dream pulled his fists out in front of him.
“Fight me.”

“But-“

“You’re not talking your way out of this one, Sap.” Dream charged this time, causing Sapnap to make a shield with his arms. His punches were sloppy, but they hit with meaning, purpose, and strength. He hit everywhere his armor didn’t cover. He covered his face, watching the quick movements.

For a split moment, he saw a window and ducked. As he ducked he punched right for the gut, finally causing a clearance between the two. But Dream didn’t wait, he went back for more- but in a much more offensive maneuver. Dream tackled Sapnap.
The ravenette yelled as he felt gravity pull his body towards the ground mercilessly.
Shocked and defenseless, Dream just kept hitting. His face took every strike. He felt cuts begin to open and bleed.

“Get— off me!!” Sapnap shouted as he grabbed ahold of Dream’s bloody fists before rolling the two over. Sapnap hovered over Dream. He held the other man’s fists to the dirt. The blood and sweat dripped off his face, spilling onto the Earth below him, as well as Dream.

“What are you going to do Sapnap? You’re holding my hands down, you have no weapon, you have nobody to help you. You’re gonna exhaust yourself, and at the end of the day, I’ll win! You’re at a dead end!” Sapnap felt his palms start to blaze. The all-too-natural feeling of fire at his fingertips began to burn and smoke. His anger was the fuel to his heart that burned like a bonfire.
He saw Dream’s chest start to fluctuate up and down, in a panicked manner. His eyes even began darting everywhere.

“You’re- you’re burning me! You-you- FUCK- you son of a bitch! You’re just as bad as me! Using power against someone helpless- WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?”

“The difference is I hold empathy for all the friendships you’ve burned and the people you’ve hurt. The difference is that I have a heart and a family I refuse to abandon! We are nothing alike!”

He let go of Dream’s hands, grabbing ahold of Dream’s head instead. He slammed it towards the ground, before shoving his knuckles onto the man’s face. He felt tissue begin to blister and break at the harsh contacts, and the bones underneath struggled to maintain in one piece.

“You fucked everything up for us!!” Sapnap yelled.
“We had a plan and you went too fucking far with it!” He hit the conniver.

“George loved you- Bad loved you- fucking, even Tubbo! I LOVED YOU!” Another punch.

“You had to go ruin it! For everyone!!” His knuckles began to hurt, but he felt Dream struggle less and less. His punches slowed and eventually came to a stop. Dream had a black eye, and one too many cuts to count. The blood ran down his face more than before, and his nose no longer held a straight shape. Even through the pain, Dream stared at him.

Sapnap stared back. He felt the tears collect in his eyes, and he slowly began to sob.
“We had so, so, so much! And you wanted more?! More!? What more could you have wanted?!” Sapnap pushed himself off of Dream, only to collapse next to him.

“I..wanted more for us. I just wanted George, you, me, and Bad, to be happy. I thought…I was making the right choices for that path. But as soon as Tommy came in.” Dream’s voice began to crack. “It was gone. That image of our lives was ruined.” Sapnap could barely hear Dream’s silent cries. “I loved you guys. I was afraid of losing it. Losing everything. You. George. The house. Our land. I panicked.” His cries got louder. “I know I fucked up! But I was too far to say sorry! You were already gone- George was asleep all the time- Bad and Skeppy had the egg- Callahan isn't even here anymore! I was scared- so scared.”

Sapnap couldn’t reply. He didn’t know how to. He sat up and looked down at the sobbing man. He looked at the face that was there with him since day one. Trying to find land, trying to get wealth, and building a town that would eventually become their home.

He tugged the arms of Dream, his body raised as his arms were pulled. They stared at one another before Sapnap brought him into a hug.
“You were never alone,” Sapnap whispered. He felt Dream’s body shake and tremble, his breaths uneven as he sobbed. Sapnap felt his own tears fall, only to be absorbed in the bloodied cloth that covered Dream’s scarred body. “I would’ve helped you- been there for you at the very least. I would’ve done anything to bring you back home.” Sapnap felt Dream’s arm hold him tightly as he sobbed.

“You were always a brother to me, Sap.” The wind rustled the trees that surrounded them. Dream’s crying would subside as he began to whisper apologies over and over again.

Sapnap saw the sword lying next to him, long forgotten by Dream. He knew what had to be done.

He reached for it slowly, before his fingers finally got ahold of the hilt. He hugged Dream as tight as he could, clenching his eyes.

When no one was there for Sapnap, Dream was. He would hold Sapnap at night as he cried when they were little. The little whispers saying “it was just a nightmare!” and moments after they would both be under the covers, giggling at the stories their imaginations created. Or the times as young kids when they ran through the field- and every time Dream saw a firefly he’d yell for Sapnap. They would meet Karl at the field, and all together they would search for the critters. Or as teens, when they’d cover each other's backs when they were caught sneaking out. Puffy never believed their white lies, but she would let them carry on with their lives. Or when they were off to find land, stumbling upon a mushroom biome in their pre-adolescence years. They would chase the cows but eventually run into a little boy their age. George. George would forever stick around the two. Or how they would come to try and make a country together. The country bumped into legal troubles all the time; so they met with Quackity. A lifelong friendship that would benefit both business and personal life. Or, of course, the destruction of both of themselves. When they would divert paths from one another, not realizing their paths would meet again- but no longer as brothers. But as enemies.

He pushed the sword through Dream’s abdomen. Sapnaps body would falter as tears rushed out of his eyes. He held Dream tightly and sobbed into his shoulder.

“Shhhh…” Dream would state as he rubbed Sapnap’s back. “Watch the sunset, Nick.” Dream said as his breaths slowed. His head was a dead weight on Sapnap’s shoulder, as he gazed at the sunset. Sapnap couldn’t see through the tears, but he vaguely saw the beautiful colors the sky painted for him. Dream lifted his head, and looked at Sapnap. He simply gave a proud, tired smile. His eyes were half-lidded, but with his remaining energy, he took his hand and rubbed Sapnap’s head, like a proud brother. He put his head back down.

Sapnap waited for minutes, indulging in the silence as he felt Dream’s breathing slow. His chest rose less and less.
And alas, Dream slumped.

Sapnap pulled Dream’s body off, laying him down in the grass. He died with a light smile. Sapnap felt tears roll down his face.
“I love you.” He buried his face into Dream’s chest as he broke down.

There was a faint gush of wind that emitted from behind; he knew what was to come.

“You did good, Sapnap. But it’s time to rest.” XD said.
Sapnap only nodded, tears still journeying down his face. He lay next to what was his once best friend. He grabbed Dream's hand, holding it tightly. He closed his eyes, yet droplets still managed to escape.

It takes more than an apology. More than a conversation.

It takes one to accept. One to realize.

It takes two to forgive. Two to love.

His breathing stopped within seconds.
The universe gifted his soul to the stars where he could forever watch the clouds traverse.