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"What's this?"
"It's breakfast, see? Come on, let me in."
There was a time Cloud might have protested, but at some point, Zack had moved past listening to things like that and straight to saying let me in when he was already halfway through the door, intent on taking over the entire room with the aura he exuded in droves, even if it was hard to put a finger on what exactly that aura was. Heart and soul seemed too obvious, and though Cloud would be the first person to agree Zack had both in to the point of excess, he still felt like maybe there was something else, something just below that surface, something he couldn't quite put his finger on-
"Food's better if you eat it with you mouth, not just your eyes!" The helpful smile than accompanied the words didn't quite help the furrow of worry that settled between Zack's brows, but he pat the space beside him hopefully despite it. "Come on, just a bite?"
"I'm fine," Cloud lied.
"And I'm Sephiroth. Come on, don't rain on my parade!" Zack was doing the thing with his face, curse him. Big eyes and a slight pout, all but becoming the puppy he already was in spirit. Cloud felt his will buckle, even though his throat was tight, his stomach rolling. "Just... Sit down with me?" Zack added hopefully, after an uncomfortable silence, and that, at least, Cloud could manage.
He slumped down with a soft huff, looking over the plate before him with his lips pursed thin.
"Know it isn't much." Zack nudged his arm lightly. "Just some toast and eggs, but still-"
"Can't. Egg." He forced out the words in as normal a voice as he could, turning his gaze away from the food. "Makes me sick. Motion sick."
"Oh. Uh." Zack looked down at the plate, puffing out his cheeks for a moment. "The toast won't do much-"
"It's scratchy. Hurts my throat."
The excuses tumbled too fast from his tongue, childish at best and pathetic at worst. They were rehearsed, at this point; a gut reaction he didn't know if he could bite back even if he tried. Lies were easier than truths, and even if that thought in itself sat uncomfortably on his shoulders, the fears were worse, the fears of someone finding out and words being spread, the fear of being told he wasn't even good enough to be here as a guard anymore- Cloud bit the inside of his cheek and stilled his tapping fingers, shaking his head at his own thoughts.
He was fine. He was fine, and he almost believed that.
Zack picked at the food on his own lap, slow and disinterested, the smile Cloud had grown used to all but absent from his face. All was quiet but for the scrape of the fork and the deafening silence where chatter should've been, until Zack's head whipped up, his fork prodding Cloud's sleeve instead.
"Tomorrow I'll bring something different," he announced, defiantly. "What do you want? What do you like? Ill get you it, I'll go all the way to Banora if I have to!" That smile was back, creeping and determined. "I'll find you anything, just say the word!"
"I- I don't-"
Cloud stuttered to silence, and the next time Zack poked him, it was affectionate somehow. Only Zack Fair could stab you with a fork and make it a sweet gesture, Cloud was sure.
"We've got medicals coming up," Zack offered, voice softer. He didn't finish the thought, the implication enough. They check weight, Cloud. They check diet. They're going to know. They're going to find out. Cloud pulled away, hunching in on himself and swatting the thoughts away. He could fix this! He could, he had to, and he didn't need anyone knowing, anyone's pity. He didn't want Zack just sticking around because he thought Cloud needed a mother hen sitting on his damn head!
"I'm fine," he snapped, harsher than he intended. "I'm dealing with it."
"If you're fine, why is there something to deal with?"
Cloud rubbed his eyes, refusing to look at Zack, knowing the expression waiting for him. He wasn't doing this. Not now, not ever.
"Look... I'll put it on the table, but the rest is up to you." Zack sighed, standing and shifting from foot to foot before he stepped around Cloud. "I guess you want me to go, so..."
"Please."
Zack lingered in the doorway far too long, and Cloud tried not to dwell on how empty the room felt after he left.
The nausea came quickly. He emptied the plate into the trash.
.:.
The knocking the next morning was unexpected and inevitable all at once, and Cloud almost didn't both answering.
Almost, because he was weak, and Zack's whine through the door was too strong a pull to ignore. He pressed his head to the wall long enough to gather his wits, then opened the door with a sigh, frowning at Zack's sunny smile and the plates in his hands.
"...Zack-"
"I brought different food today," Zack promised, quickly. "Look, it's poultry. Everyone loves poultry."
The excuse burned on the tip of Cloud's tongue, but before it could be let loose Zack was past him, setting the plates down and gesturing hopefully at them. "...At least a bite? Please?"
It wasn't that simple, but Cloud didn't know how to explain that. Didn't know how to tell him about the way his gut was tying itself in knots, the way his head swam with the effort of keeping it all down. He didn't understand why Zack would come back after yesterday's miserable morning, even as a part of him whispered of course you know. He's Zack. What else was he going to do?
Give up, he answered bitterly, internally, but when he shot a glance at Zack's apprehensive, lop-sided smile, he wondered if Zack even knew what giving up meant.
Other people, he'd accuse of doing this for other reasons, for selfish reasons, to mock him or to put him in their debt. He didn't know if Zack could be selfish, which meant he was probably just doing this because... he wanted to. Because, maybe, he even cared-
No. Why would Zack care about someone who had nothing in common with him but being a boy from the back-end of nowhere?
"This is stupid," he mumbled to himself, though he shut the door and shuffled over all the same. Zack's smile was piercing bright, the relief on his face palpable and painful. Shit, he really was worried, wasn't he, in some sincere way that made Cloud's chest contract in new ways, far removed from the sickness.
One bite.
Could he even manage that?
It was probably far too sentimental of him to think Zack's presence would make it easier. Sure, it'd make him feel more like he had to do it, but the moment Zack was gone his stomach would betray him and he'd be worse off than if he'd never tried. There was no reason to do this! He should just send Zack away again, and...
And...
He sighed, and picked up his fork.
The thoughts on how stupid this was continued as he slowly tore off a chunk of meat, staring at Zack as he pointedly raised it to his lips. Zack nodded encouragingly, clapping his hands together with childish glee, beaming while Cloud wet his lips and urged his hand to move, his jaw to bite-
He was so close. He could do this, get Zack off his back, go back to before! He could do this.
He... He couldn't do this.
The fork fell and he covered his mouth, shaking his head, feeling the burn of bile in his throat. Cloud screwed his eyes shut tight, ducking his head to hide his expression as he retched dryly into his palm. His eyes stung as he shook, the tremors subsiding slowly in fits and starts, and as the last one ended and he felt a hand touch his shoulder he jumped, head whipping up so fast his neck stung.
"Hey." Zack crouched beside him, squeezing his shoulder in a quick, comforting burst. "You did great, okay? Real great."
"I couldn't do it," Cloud muttered back, and Zack shook his head.
"You tried, though, right? That's more than yesterday. A little step is still a step!" He nudged him when Cloud didn't answer, and Cloud managed a dismissive shrug, Zack's smile growing sad. "You'll get there. You eat lunch still, right?"
"Only because they make me. I'm sick a lot-" He caught himself, and wondered why the words had been so easy, how his guard had fallen so fast. That wasn't meant to happen! He'd spent so long working on his façade, but then the moment Zack was around- But it didn't happen with the others. Why him?
Kunsel liked to talk about Zack being special, having something different about him, that aura that Cloud knew and still couldn't name. Maybe he wasn't crazy after all.
"It's something." Zack sighed, but it didn't feel judging, or upset. "Promise you'll keep going?"
"...Yeah."
"Then we'll try again tomorrow. We'll get there, I know it."
It shouldn't be that easy to believe him, not after all the times Cloud had tried and failed. It shouldn't feel this way, looking at him and really thinking maybe he could mean everything he said, and maybe that was enough that it was worth believing in him, too.
"I guess I can't stop you," was all Cloud chose to say, and Zack laughed, light and easy.
"Nope. People tell me I'm persistent like that."
The bile was still burning in his throat, his hands still shaking, but somehow, it was easy to smile. He didn't dwell on what that might mean, forced himself not to, because that was one more thing he didn't need weighing on him, one more thing he'd find a way to mess up if he let himself admit to it.
"I'd noticed," he murmured instead, and Zack grinned and squeezed his shoulder again. When his fingers slipped away, Cloud's shoulder felt chill, and that was harder to ignore than the rest, even as small a thing as it was. "So... tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," Zack promised. Cloud's cheeks were warm when he looked away, the nausea dimmed beneath a flutter and an honest smile.
.:.
The first time Cloud managed to swallow down a few mouthfuls, struggling to hold them down but trying, trying, to hold it in, Zack smiled like the sun and made him blush by telling him how far he'd come. Fruits were easiest, they found, so the plates became bowls, filled with chunks and slices of every fruit Zack could find, all neatly chopped and presented by the same hands that were sticky with juice when they ruffled Cloud's hair despite his complaints.
He minded far less than he should.
It was easier to struggle through eating the bowl when Zack was sitting with him, encouraging and such a light presence, and when he sat afterwards with his head down and one hand over his mouth to cover his heavy breaths and the small, pained groans that came with struggling against his body's reaction, he didn't comment at Zack's hand creeping into his, squeezing gently. Zack's thumb rubbed his skin and Cloud squeezed his hand, bracing through the worst tremors, bracing through his mind telling him this wouldn't last, he couldn't do this, he wouldn't make it.
Some days, he didn't, and Zack rubbed his back and soothed him through everything coming back, always telling him it was okay, he was doing so well, he'd been trying so hard and a few slips didn't matter, they'd still do this, together.
The touches continued, creeping and common, spreading through their time together until they bled outside those morning hours, and Cloud noticed Zack touching his arm in a hall, nudging him in a meeting, fussing over his hair on break and cupping his face in his hands at the end of a long day of fighting and worry and not knowing where Zack was, and if anything had happened-
"I'm okay," Zack told him, and Cloud shoved his chest, told him never to do that again.
The next morning he carried breakfast in bruised and bandaged arms, and Cloud was furious, because he should be resting, getting better, he didn't have to do this, he needed to put himself first! Zack didn't argue, but set the bowl on the table and sat, patiently, beside him, until with a mutter Cloud pressed against his arm, put his head to Zack's shoulder, and struggled determinedly through each bite just so Zack's effort wasn't wasted, not when he was in pain.
Zack pressed his mouth to Cloud's hair, and Cloud pretended not to notice, glad the colour in his cheeks was hidden from sight.
"You're getting closer," Zack said proudly, when the tremors faded sooner than before.
"I guess we are," Cloud answered, and wasn't sure what his own words meant.
.:.
"You're late!"
Zack blinked at him, still looking dazed from the door being wrenched open halfway through his first knock. He patted his pockets and pulled out his phone, checking it and stifling a small giggle.
"...It's been five minutes."
"I- Still late!" Cloud coloured deeply, huffing and fussing him inside. "I was waiting."
"You wait for me?"
"I never said that!"
"Excuse me, you just did."
Zack's smile was terrible, and Cloud plucked the bowl from him, putting it down and folding his arms. "You come every day, of course I wait for you."
"And that's the only reason you wait?"
It was Cloud's turn to blink, rapidly, before he looked away and rolled his eyes as visibly as he could.
"What do you think? I thought it was obvious- isn't it? Isn't that what all of it was..." He faded into silence, shifting in place. "You're being a brat."
"Hey, I just asked a question, and now I'm waiting on an answer." Zack rocked back on his heels, but his grin hadn't faded, sly and pleased. "So?" He added, dragging the syllable out until Cloud picked up an apple, and took a large, pointed bite. He could do that now, without fearing it coming straight back, he could eat when he needed to, because some dumb idiot had wasted his mornings setting up a routine that had become like breathing, it felt so needed for Cloud to start his day. "Anything you wanna say? Anything I need to know?"
"I can put it on the table," Cloud told him at last, wiping his mouth and barely shuddering. "But the rest is up to you."
There was a pause, a moment of worry, of if that was the wrong thing to say, too vague, too fast, too much or too little, and that bite of bile was back, not from the act of eating but of something that felt so much worse-
Zack stepped forward, and leaned in enough to peck the juice off his lips, a move that might've been smooth if they weren't both red in the face.
The tightness unwound, and Cloud could breathe, his body singing with a sweetness it hadn't held for the longest time.
"I can manage that," Zack mumbled, and Cloud was huffing out a laugh, Zack was laughing with him, and the room was full of something Cloud didn't need to name to know that it was wonderful, and perfect, and true.
.:.