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When I entered the burning building, I only had two things on my mind: To get those children out before the building collapsed and if Ponyboy and I both would make it out alive.
”Hey, Ponyboy.”
He turned around to find me standing right behind him, watching him take a deep breathe before coughing. The smoke from the fire was building up rapidly, and it didn’t seem like it was going down any soon. Both of our eyes started to water not too long after, the inhalation of all of the gas just made it worse every breath we took. “Is that guy coming?”
I heard Ponyboy shout, his eyes were closed by then, but it was only for a moment as he opened them right back up to immediately look for the kids.
I shook my head in response, although the church was burning, I couldn’t help myself from seeing the sight of that man struggling to also get into the burning building by the window. “The window stopped him”
“Too scared?” Ponyboy asked, he put his a hand over his nose.
“Naw..” I gave Ponyboy a smirk as I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Too fat”
I could see Ponyboy stop himself from laughing as we heard the crackling of the fire getting louder as we wasted time. Ponyboy shouted out another question as we kept searching.
”Where’s the kids?” His shouting wasn’t making my hearing any better, it was starting to hurt just to breath in more smoke and whatever was in the air.
“In the back, I guess.” I hollered back to Ponyboy in hopes we could still hear each other as we began to desperately look into the back of the church as time was running thin. We were both scared out of our minds, we didn’t even know why we ran into the church anyways. They were just some random kids we didn’t even know a single shit about and we saved them regardless.
We pushed our way and managed to open the back door to the back room to see a whole bundle of kids, maybe four or five of them. They were all squeezed into a single corner and screaming their little heads off. I guess the screaming really got to me as I yelled back “Shut up! We’re goin’ to get you out!”.
The kid immediately shut up after I told it to quit it and I looked over my shoulder to see the door was entirely covered with flames. I frantically ran over to open a nearby window and grabbed the nearest kid as I threw them out to safety. I hadn't even noticed Ponyboy staring at me when he saw me toughin up, must'v been too busy with trying not to die while getting the kids out the building.
Ponyboy was able to take a look at my face, it likely looked terrible but I still grinned at him like the entire situation didn’t bother me. But it did, it bothered me a whole bunch. I started to laugh a little as Ponyboy panicked and picked up and kid, copying my previous stunts. I barely saw it, but one of the kids Ponyboy picked up bit him, almost glad I was able to witness it as I grabbed another kid.
Ponyboy was looking out the window and saw Dally standing right outside the burning church, I could barely hear what he had said, but it was something along the lines of “For Pete’s sake, get outa there! That roof’s gonna cave in any minute. forget those blasted kids!” Ponyboy was still in the back grabbing another kid as I threw the last one I managed to get out, turning my head back to where Ponyboy was as my full attention was onto him.
I snatched the kid from him and threw the little shit out, not caring to see if the kid was okay or not. We were both coughing so hard like it was the first time we ever smoked it was almost something I could laugh about. Pieces of the old roof of the church were beginning to fall down, it was only by mere chance that we didn’t get hit by then.
Ponyboy was coughing harder than I was, reasonable being that he was the first one in, he couldn’t stand up straight without coughing at least a few times, which alarmed me to an extent. We were able to get the rest of the kids out on time, now all we had to do was get out ourselves or the both of us would die.
However, as the roof was collapsing even more, Ponyboy shoved me out of the church, yelling “Get out!”. He had pushed me out in a hurry, having me fall onto the not so pleasant ground before me. The timber and flames were louder than ever, I suddenly heard Ponyboy scream as I tried to get up from the floor.
I wanted to turn back for him, I tried to, but I was instantly pushed back down by Dally hitting me on the back. Whatever shit he held a grudge against me was, it must’ve been some dumb shit I did to him back then that I didn’t remember as he hit me as hard as he could, I went down and hit the ground again, muttering a curse as that was the last thing I said before an alarming darkness was all I could “see”.
-
Well, I didn’t exactly pass out for long as I was still slightly awake, feeling my body be tossed around as I couldn’t even think for a single moment where the damn I was. It felt like my brain ached and there was an annoying amount of high-pitched screaming before I had realized it was a siren. Shit, I thought, the fuzz probably got to Dally. I swallowed hard as I felt something of a cold and wet rag touch my forehead. “I think he’s coming around.”
I forcefully shut open my eyes in a panic, it was pitch black dark and the only “light” I saw was the familiar red and blue outside the assuming vehicle. It was then I realized I might’ve been going to jail, dying to know if I was right or not, I asked whoever was rubbing that damn towel on my forehead like it was making it any better.
“Where..?” My voice was hoarse and it honestly scared me half to death knowing how raspy it sounded. I wasn’t able to manage anything else out of me as it was too tiring. My throat itched like crazy and even I wasn’t so sure if I was okay or not. The stranger that was sitting beside me seemed a bit familiar too, seeing a slight silhouette of them.
It was then I saw who he was exactly as I realized it was somebody I saw not too long ago. “Take it easy, kid. You’re in an ambulance.” Yeah right, like that would make all of my worries go away. I demanded answers as it seemed Mr.Obvious knew everything.
“Where’s Ponyboy?!” I tried to scream but it came out more vulnerable than anticipated. “And Dally! Where is he?”
“They’re both in a different ambulance right behind us. Just calm down. You’ll be fine. You just passed out.”
“I didn’t either.” I didn’t know why I said that, but it felt right in the moment. “Dally hit me, hard. How come?”
The man didn’t skip a beat with his response, giving it to me straight. “That’s because your entire back was completely covered in flames, that’s why.”
I was still confused, my brain made it feel like it was still burning from the inside. “Really? Golly, I didn’ feel a single thing. It don’t hurt.” I continued to stare at the ceiling of the vehicle as I was starting to feel more tired with how time went.
“We were able to put it out before it got to you and hurt you. The jacket saved you from burning, maybe save your life. You just keeled over from smoke inhalation and a little shock—of course the slap on the back didn’t help too much.”
It was then it finally hit me who I was speaking to, Jerry or something was his name, yeah, the one who wasn’t able to get through the window. I was pretty sure Ponyboy knew who he was too, a school teacher he said to me a few times before. I was still mixed up on what was happening, asking again.
”Are you taking us to the police station?” I coughed right after I had asked my question. “The police station?” Jerry was surprised that I had even asked like I had three heads or something. “What would we want to take you to the police station for? We’re taking all three of you to the hospital!”
”Oh.” I let myself concentrate on my breathing before I asked another question like a damn fool. “Are Ponyboy and Dally al’right?”
“Which one’s which?” Jerry had me explain. “Ponyboy has blonde hair. Dally’s the mean looking one.” He studied his wedding ring, he was maybe thinking about his wife. I wished he had said something already. I then realized both of them were blond and my answer didn’t help at all, correcting myself when I noticed.
“I mean, Ponyboy was the one wearing the dark jacket, Dally's the one with the white-ish blond hair." I managed out, breathing just felt like it was getting harder to do such a simple task, exhaling through my mouth as I inhaled carefully.
”We think the tow headed kid is going to be all right. He burned one arm pretty badly, though, trying to drag the other kid out the window. Ponyboy, well, I don't know about him. A piece of timber caught him across the back—he might have a broken back, and he was burned pretty severely. He passed out before he even got out the window. They're giving him plasma now." Jerry must've seen how shocked I looked as he quickly changed the subject.
"I swear, you three are the bravest kids I've seen in a long while. First you and the blonde kid climbing in that window, and then the tough one going back in to save him. Mrs.O'Braint and I think yoj were sent straight from heaven. Or are you just professional heroes or something?"
I almost laughed at the bit where he had said "Sent from heaven", had he even seen Dally? I quickly myself up before a giggle slipped out and corrected the man. “Naw, we’re greasers.” I admitted, I was too shaken up to appreciate the fact that he was trying to be nice.
“You’re what?”
“Greases. Y’know, like hoods, JD’s. I’m wanted for murder and Dally has a criminal record with the fuzz a mile long.”
Jerry was still confused, asking me again like he had no clue of what I was talking about. “Are you kidding me?”
“I’m not. Just take me to town and you’ll find out quick.”
“We’re still going to take you to the hospital anyways. The address card in your billfold said where lived. Your name is Ponyboy too?”
I almost laughed again, but I held it in for multiple reasons. “Nope, that’s my buddy’s address card. It’s on his birth certificate too. Don’t bug him about it…Are..” My throat suddenly became dry and desperate for moister but at the same time it just felt like I was swallowing a rock.
”Are the kids okay?”
“Just fine. Frightened to death, but fine There were a few small explosions right after you all got out. Sounded exactly just like gunfire.”
Gunfire? Oh right. Well there went Dally’s gun. And the book. Were we sent from heaven? I laughed weakly, the guy talked to me the rest of the way to the hospital, probably to keep me awake.
-
I was slumped over in the waiting room, waiting for Dally and Ponyboy. I was told I had a few burns but nothing major and a giant bruise on my back, which didn’t take too long to figure out where that one came from, but the nurses and docs told me I’d be just fine either way. I had watched them bring in Dally and Ponyboy in their stretchers, Dally came in first and Ponyboy came in second.
Dally’s eyes were closed but it didn’t stop him from muttering curses and mentioned to me he would quote “beat the tar out of me if I did it again”, but I knew he wouldn’t do it anyways if I did do it again. He was still yelling out swears when they took him in, I was grateful to know he was still fired up despite being wounded.
Ponyboy, however, was unconscious. His skin was sickly pale, his usual lightly tanned skin was now a sand like color and he had multiple severe burns all over. I would’ve have had cried at the sight of him if there weren’t so much people around. I still felt my eyes tear up as they pricked.
The Jerry guy stayed with me throughout the entire time, he was thanking me for getting the kids out. He didn’t really mind us being hoods n’ all, he took it really well to be more honest. I admitted the whole story to him, from how Ponyboy and I ran away to how the church caught fire. He was, suspiciously nice about it when I told him that I had accidentally killed a sóc in self-defense, telling me that since we saved those kids we would get out of trouble with the whole court trial thing.
Everything felt like it was going too fast, it felt like just yesterday that Pony and I were smoking on the steps as the cold wind breezed by us. I pulled a cancer stick out and was lighting it up as I smoked to calm myself down. Jerry came back from a phone call not too long after, staring at me for some odd reason.
“You shouldn’t be smoking.” Jerry sat back down and continued to give me a looks of some kind. “How come?” I asked, exhaling carefully. I looked around as there didn’t seem to be a “No Smoking” sign anywhere and settled back down. “How come?” I questioned Jerry again, I took another puff and relaxed a bit more.
“Why, uh..” Jerry tripped over his own words, like he wasn’t expecting to get this far into the conversation. “You’re..you’re too young..” It was my turn to be confused even more. “I am?”
I never really thought about how I was “too young to smoke”, everybody started smoking at a young age, hell, even the girls smoked! Besides Darry, Ponyboy has yet to tell me the day Darry will try smoking. Steve started at eleven, Ponyboy started at around ten or so, Soda only ever smokes when he wants to look cool or to calm down, and I started at nine.
Nobody thought it was weird when Ponyboy and I started smoking, we just accepted it and never told one another to stop.
Jerry sighed before he had a small grin on his face. “There’s some people here to see you three, claim to be the blond’s brothers or something. I got up from the chair and saw the door open, watching Soda and Darry come through. They both immediately spotted me and came in for a hug, which I was not ready for, to say the least.
I would’ve cried again at the site of Darry crying. Soda put me back down and got a look at me, wincing a little as he messed up my hair and ruffled it up. “Oh, Johnny-Cake, your hair..” He was a mixture of laughing and crying at the same time.
“Jesus Christ, Johnny, you and Pony scared me to death! Please be careful I could not stand it if anything happened to you two.” Darry was already wiping the tears off of his face.
-
“In here!” I heard Darry yell from the kitchen, Soda was still asleep and I was sitting on the couch. “Don’t slam the door!” It seemed Darry had to remind them about what happened a few times before, of course it didn’t stop them from slamming the door anyways, golly, the door likely didn't close all the way either.
Two-Bit and Steve ran into the kitchen and there was a lot of noise going on before it all stopped and a sigh came from Darry as Two-Bit was laughing. “Now look what you did. Can’t you two wait till I set the eggs before you go shovin’ me all over the country?” I heard bits and pieces of what Darry had said as he scolded the two males.
Just hearing the word of food made myself get reminded of how long I hadn’t eaten, the last thing I ate was a banana split, if I remembered correctly. Now that I was really thinkin’, what was the last thing Pony ate? I shifted my position on the couch to be more comfortable. I then remembered that Ponyboy was still in the hospital, so was Dally. I didn’t feel too hungry anymore after that thought.
”Dang, Johnny!” Two-Bit’s voice rang out, watching him enter the living room as he caught a glimpse of my hair. “Y’r hair is all ragged and dirty!” He ruffled it up as I also saw Steve enter the room as well.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s whatever, don’t need to rub it in.” I responded bitterly, I didn’t even know why I was mad, I just was. Two-Bit winked at Steve before he turned back to look at me, grinning.
“Why, he had to get a haircut in the paper. They’d never believe a greaser could be a hero. How’d you like bein’ a hero, big shot?”
“..what?.”
“A hero, Y’know.” Two-Bit showed me the morning paper and let me read it, continuing to talk for a moment. “Like a big shot, even.” I stared at the newspaper, on the front page of the second section was the headline: JUVENILE DELINQUENTS TURN HEROES. I hardly hard Two-Bit say some snarky remark, I was reading the paper itself. The entire thing was covered with stories all about us, the fight, the murder, the church burning down, the Socs and how they were drunk, every little detail was on there. Ponyboy's picture was there as well with Darry and Soda. The article was about Pony and I risking our lives and the whole saving the kids thing.
"Do you think.." I swallowed. "Do you think they're gonna put Pony and Soda in a boy's home or something?" Steve was combing his hair like he didn't have a care in the world. "Somethin' like that." I looked back at the paper before I set it down.
Soda came running in, nothing but a towel around his waist. "Where's that blue shirt I washed yesterday?" He looked around for Darry but met up face to face with Steve.
"Hate to tell you, buddy." Steve was leaning on the door frame, looking at Soda up and down. "But you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something." Steve pointed at Soda's chest as his finger barely grazed it.
"Oh yeah.." Soda trailed off like his brain shut off. "Where're those wheat jeans, too?" Sodapop called out to Darry.
"They're in my closet, I ironed 'em. Hurry up, you're gonna be late."
"I'm hurryin', I'm hurryin'."
Soda hand gestured to Steve as they both entered a different room and the door was closed. There was a ton of racket beyond that closed door. If Ponyboy were here, he'd think there would've been a pillow fight, I thought to myself.
"You know what? Once we stomp the Socies for good, me n' Stevie here are gonna throw a big party and everybody'll get stoned. Then we'll go chase the Socs clear to Mexico!" Sodapop randomly said, pulling on a shirt as he was handed a piece of chocolate cake.
“Where you gonna get the dough, little man?” Darry was passing out a few more slices as he found a chocolate cake in the icebox.
“I’ll think of somethin’.” Sodapop’s voice was muffled as he talked with his mouth full. Darry also handed me a slice, he probably knew I hadn’t ate yet. “We’d better get on to work, Pepsi-Cola.” I hadn’t heard Darry call Soda that in awhile, the last time I heard him call him “Pepsi-Cola” was when their parents had passed away.
“Oh, I’d hate to leave you here by yourself, Johnny.” Darry gave me a look of guilt although it was not much of a big deal to me. “I’ve been alone before, Darry, it’s okay. You can’t afford a day off just to take of me.” I tried to reassure Darry that it would be okay, but his look on me didn’t change a single bit.
“Yeah..But you just got back and I really ought to stay…” I watched Two-Bit step into the situation he wasn’t even in to begin with, using me as his personal arm rest. “I’ll baby-sit him.” Two-Bit said as I shot him a look. “I haven’t got anything better to do.”
Steve also decided to join in once he saw Two-Bit. “Why don’t y’get a job?” Steve simply smiled. “Ever consider working for a living?” Two-Bit laughed like it didn’t bother him none. “Work? And ruin my rep? I wouldn’t be baby-sittin the kid here if I knew of some good day-nursery open on Saturdays.”
I was close to pulling his chair and jumping on him, but the least I got to it was the coldest glare I could manage. Darry pulled on his jacket and started heading for the front door, Soda and Steve followed. “You guys can go see Ponyboy and Dally if you have time, and Johnny, lay off of smoking for at least a day or two, you still don’t look too good especially right after getting out of the hospital.
Two-Bit and I waved the three goodbye as they all left.
-
We ran through the lobby and the sea of crammed people as we entered the evevator. My mind was racing, my teeth ached, my knees were shaking, my bones felt like they were melting, but Dally seemed completely fine, but he wasn’t. I heard multiple people shouting at us, it might’ve been how fucked up we had looked, but Dally pulled me along with his hand on my wrist.
When we finally arrived to Ponyboy’s room, a doctor had stopped us before we even touched the handle. “I’m sorry, boys, but he’s dying.” The doctor shook his head as if the look in Dally’s eyes weren’t pleading enough.
“Wo gotta see him.” Dally quickly reached into his back pocket and flicked out Two-Bit’s switchblade. His voice was quivering and was soaked with desperation. “We’re gonna see him and if you give me any static you’ll end on your own operatin’ table.” I hadn’t noticed how hard Dally was breathing, but I sure noticed it now with how hard he was taking in air.
The doctor however didn’t seem too fazed about it, staring at the blade that was near his body. “You can see him, but it’s because you’re his friends, not because of that knife.” The doctor watched Dally stare back at him, slowly putting the knife back into his pocket. He left shortly after to mind his own business as we both entered the room together.
It was deathly quiet, the most quietest room I’ve ever been in. We were still recovering room all of the running we did back there, man, if Ponyboy was running over with us, he’d already be here waiting for us to catch up. It was still awfully quiet. I looked at Ponyboy, his chest wasn’t moving too much. But it had already convinced me that we were too late.
If we had just been running more faster than we already were, maybe he would’ve still been alive right now.
“Pony?” I muttered out, Dally was wiping the sweat off of his upper lip. Ponyboy’s eyelids barely opened, his gaze shifting from Dally to me. “Hey..” He managed out, his voice was hoarse and crackly.
“We-we won.” Dally panted, he took a moment to breath again. “We beat the Socs, Ponyboy. We stomped them—chased the outta our territory..” Dally tried to smile but he had to take another moment to try breathing out of his mouth again.
I watched Ponyboy’s lips tremble before he spoke, like it hurt him to even speak. “That’s not good..fightings.useless…” Ponyboy’s skin looked awfully white. Dally licked his lips nervously. “They’re still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero an all.” Dally was speaking too fast and too calmly.
“Yeah, they’re calling you a hero and heroizin’ all the greasers. We’re proud of you, Pony.” Ponyboy shakily took a breath.
“Johnny-Cake.”
I almost didn’t hear him, coming closer towards the stretcher Ponyboy was laid on. It was unpredictable what he was going to say next.
“Yeah?..”
“Nothing….gold can stay, Johnny, it..it.can’t…stay..” The pillow looked like it had sunken a little, like more or less pressure had been applied to it. I waited for Ponyboy to say something else, the silence in the room was deafening.
“Ponyboy?” I heard Dally call out to Pony. But I knew it was already way too long to ask. Ponyboy was dead, and that was final. But Dally didn’t want to face it, calling out to Ponyboy once more in denial. “Hey..Ponyboy. You gotta get up man…You gotta..everybodies waiting for you at home…Darry n’ Soda..they’re..they’re waiting..”
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I cried. I quietly sobbed my eyes out. I didn’t noticed I was even crying until I felt the cold tears run down my cheek.
You read and see about how people look peacefully asleep when they’re long gone. But they were awfully wrong. Ponyboy’s eyes had sunken in, his skin was paler than I used to be, he wasn’t moving, and the burn marks all over his body with tubes running all over didn’t make it look any better.
Dally swelled hard and reached over to push Johnny’s hair back. “Never could keep that hair back…that’s what you get for tryin’ to help people, you little punk, that’s..that’s what you get..” I could hear Dally’s voice become choked, it turns out he has a breaking point after all.
“Damnit, Ponyboy..What am I going to tell them?..” Dally was crying, I could tell from his sudden need to air again. He slammed one his fists against the wall before he quickly left the room, and down the hall. I’m sure he didn’t mean to leave me in the hospital room, it was because he didn’t want me to see him crying, or at least I wanted to think that. For all I know Dally could’ve left because I was crying, or because it was in a panic, or Dally just got sick of how weak I looked and left all of a sudden.
I wiped the tears off of my face, stumbling out of the room as I shortly left the hospital as well.
Ponyboy wasn’t dead. He wasn’t. That wasn’t Ponyboy’s body back in the hospital. He was at home, waiting for when I would arrive at his doorstep before he’d get tired and go out to come look for me. He’d be smoking with me on the curb by the lot and we’d lay down and watch the sun set. Ponyboy isn’t dead.
He isn’t dead.
He isn’t dead.
Ponyboy is not dead.
I could cry again just thinking about Ponyboy. I couldn’t handle this, I might as well just kill myself or something. I didn’t know where I was going anymore, just walking down the sidewalk with my hands in my pockets. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at the sky, I already knew the sun setting would just remind me of Ponyboy again.
I was thankful that I didn’t get jumped considering I was the one to kill that damn soc. Maybe. Maybe if I hadn’t aimed so directly at his chest, I wouldn’t have brought Ponyboy into this mess.
Stop thinking about him.
You’ll cry again.
Upon entering the Curtis’s house, I watched as the gang looked right at me. Steve was stretched out on the sofa, his shirt unbuttoned and he was wrapped up with bandages on his side. Soda’s lip was cut and he had a bruise on his cheek. Darry had a black eye and a bandaid on his forehead. A side of Two-Bits face was bandaged up, I was informed later on that he had multiple stitches on his cheek and his knuckles.
“Hey, Johnny-Cake, what’s the matter?”
I instantly froze up as soon as Soda asked, looking at the floor as I responded shakily. “Ponyboy..he..he’s gone.” But he wasn’t dead, I said to myself. He’s not gone. “He..he told me.nothing gold could stay..and.and he passed away..” There was a deafening silence again. Sodapop shakily inhaled and his eyes were already watering, Two-Bit’s eyes were closed, Steve was looking away from me, Darry left the room shortly after I informed the gang.
“Dally’s gone. He ran out. He’s going to kill himself if we don’t find him. I knew he couldn’t take it.” Steve looked back up at me and so did Soda and Two-Bit.
Oh golly, How could I take it? I wondered. Dally is way more tougher than I am. Why can I take it better then Dally could? Then I remembered. Ponyboy just reminded him of me when I was younger. Of how he promised to keep him and I safe. And he failed.
“So he finally broke.” Two-Bit spoke everyone’s feelings. “So even Dally has a breaking point.” Sodapop spoke up after awhile. “But he still has you, so why is he going to kill himself?” And then I suddenly realized.
“Dally thinks I’m going to kill myself. So he’s going to do it first so he wouldn’t experience the grief of two deaths at once.” I blurted it out, I didn’t necessarily mean to say it out loud like that, but it was the truth.
Dally was going to kill himself because of me.
The rest of what was left of the gang stared at me like I was crazy, but I wasn’t. Nobody knew what to say in the moment before we all heard the telephone ring throughout the house. I assumed Darry had answered it as I heard him talking.
The phone was shortly hung up and Darry came back into the living room.
“He’s at the lot. He’s going to kill himself.”
-
We all left the house the moment we were told where Dally was. It was just our luck that it had started raining. We were running out of breath, but we kept going, running as we reached the vacant lot to see Dally running right towards us. I suddenly heard the wail of the fuzz's siren grow louder as multiple police cars pulled up close to the lot.
Doors slammed open and slammed closed, about ten or twelve of them, I couldn't remember in the moment. Dally ran under a street lamp and reached into his pocket. He was still carrying the heater. I remembered his voice along the lines of: "I been carryin' a heater. It aint loaded, but it sure does held a bluff".
It only seemed like yesterday when Dally had told Ponyboy and I that, but yesterday was long gone. Weeks and perhaps years ago. An entire lifetime ago.
As Dally raised the gun, we all yelled. I heard multiple of the gang scream out "NO!" but the one that broke me was what Darry had shouted out. "He's just a kid!". I still couldn't believe that Dally was still seventeen back then with how much he got into trouble.
I could still hear the gunshots ring in my ears as the rain poured. Dally was a goner before he even hit the ground. I was sure everybody was crying, sobbing even. I was too. Dally crumpled onto the ground as he shakily exhaled, and before we knew it, he was dead as well.
I couldn’t handle Ponyboy’s death within a day, not to mention Dally too. Not them both. I knew Dally wanted to be dead. Because Dally always wanted to be dead. And he always got what he wanted. Ponyboy and I were the only reason why he kept himself alive.
Maybe.
Maybe if my parents hadn’t had the misfortune of having me, Dally would still be alive, I thought. No. He would’ve been dead a long time ago if I hadn’t existed. Dally didn’t die a hero, he died violent and young and desperate and honestly, he hadn’t thought his plan through.
If I didn’t have other people so close to me I would’ve killed myself too. I would’ve ran straight to where Dally had dropped the gun and get myself killed. But I can’t. Because although it feels like nobody cares to see if I was alive or not, it wasn’t true. I just lost somebody who did care, but cared too much to see me die.
We all got to where Dally had passed away, his body spewing out blood with his cold skin on the pavement. I was still crying, Steve was still crying, Soda was still crying, Darry was still crying, and Dally was dead.
“Oh Dally..Dallas, you were such a fool!” I kept crying although I didn’t want to, I felt like I had already cried long enough. “I wouldn’t have killed myself either way, you didn’t have to go and die on me.” I wanted to hug Dally, or hug his arm or just hold his hand. But I didn’t. Because being covered in blood for no reason afterwards would not be worth it.
I still didn’t know what Ponyboy meant when he told me his final words until it hit me. “Nothing Gold can Stay.” Was the words that were in that poem Ponyboy mentioned to him once. And to think he was speaking nonsense.
It only made me cry even more.
-
“Ponyboy left you his copy of Gone with the Wind. Told the nurse he wanted you to have it.”
I stared at the paperback lying in my hands, I didn’t want to finish it. I’ll never be able to get past the part we left off.
I still opened it, I wanted to retrace the memories of when we read the book together. A note fell out of the book upon opening it up.
As I picked it up, it was folded and fell old, on was it a small signature that said “Ponyboy Curtis”