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Twilight knows what he has to do for the mission. Though there are and will be inevitable bumps in the road, he would get it done like he always has for every mission.
It’s why he keeps his distance, why he never crosses that line.
Being internally detached from the family he put together is a part of it. Smiling, yet never with his eyes. Acting nicely, but not quite warmly. Speaking softly, yet not quite as sincere. Ensuring that both wife and daughter are happy, yet never going further. He did what was needed for their safety and the mission’s. All to ensure that he gains the trust that he needs to fulfill his mission and to secure peace between both nations.
It was better in the long run for everyone. For peace, it was worth it. Everyone would be safe and living their daily lives without the threat of war looming over them, and children wouldn’t have to cry because of it.
It’s Twilight’s dream for that to happen. It’s what he uses to remind himself sometimes of why the Forger family exists, and why he must always, always stay vigilant.
One slip up and everything could come crashing down. It’s why he still curses himself for how he acted during the Eden interview. It was one of, if not the only time he’s ever lost control like that.
It makes him a bit angry. A spy of his caliber, losing control like that? It wasn’t right. No matter how pissed off he was he should have kept his cool.
(Though he’d admit that Swan is still a fool.)
Twilight, the best spy WISE that Westalis has to offer, must never, ever, lose his footing.
It’s what he is required to do as a spy. It’s what he needs to do as a spy. For the sake of peace and for his own dream of a world where children do not have to cry, he has a clear goal in mind.
It’s all of these details which make being selfish an option which should never, ever be considered or even thought of. Being selfish is one thing that could ruin everything.
So he buries those undesired desires of his deep down, where only whispers of it can be heard. It isn’t hard for Twilight to ignore them. After all, he’s done it for well over ten years.
When he learns of the bus hijacking however, the whispers grow ever so slightly. He ignores how his nerves felt in those hours, trying to pay no mind to it. Twilight couldn’t let his guard down. Not even for a second.
Twilight has to make sure his fake daughter is safe for the sake of the mission. It’s why he rushes over so quickly, and why he forces himself to stay on the sidelines until he absolutely needs to take action, lest he blow his cover. He was only worried for the mission is all. That’s all that it is and should be.
It meant nothing when he felt something twist in his chest, thinking of what Anya must have felt while she was on that bus. The situation was under control, and there was no need to worry further.
He’s thankful that Yor was there to pick Anya up, and to comfort her as well. As long as they were happy, he was happy. It meant that Operation Strix could continue running and eventually end in a hopeful success.
Twilight ignores how heavy his body feels when he turns his back to them. He chalks it up to being exhausted due to being around so many SSS officers.
When he’s back at the Forger household as Loid Forger finally, he puts on the act of worried father.
It comes more naturally than he expects when he holds his daughter in his arms, holding her close. Strangely, he’s reminded of when his mother came running toward him, holding him tightly after the first bomb hit his hometown.
For a moment, just for a moment before he looks the other way, he wonders if this feeling is what his mother felt.